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Some rules I intend to make a certain male player of mine agree to:
2981.) You are not allowed to play a gnome sorceress with huge boobies.
2981b) Especially if said boobies become instrumental in her spellcasting.
2982) You know what? You're not allowed to play anything with the phrase "huge boobies" attached to their description.
2982b) Variants thereof - including but not limited to "massive mammaries", "knock-out knockers", "bulging sails" and "tits resembling over-inflated basketballs" - are also forbidden.
Some rules I intend to make a certain male player of mine agree to:
2981.) You are not allowed to play a gnome sorceress with huge boobies.
2981b) Especially if said boobies become instrumental in her spellcasting.
2982) You know what? You're not allowed to play anything with the phrase "huge boobies" attached to their description.
2982b) Variants thereof - including but not limited to "massive mammaries", "knock-out knockers", "bulging sails" and "tits resembling over-inflated basketballs" - are also forbidden.
What if said player takes the Trait "Rich Parents"
That way said player could in fact start the game owning
*cue the sunglasses*
Huge... Tracts of Land
__________________
~~Courage is not the lack of fear~~
Quote:
Originally Posted by gooddragon1
If the party wizard can't survive a supersonic dragon made of iron at epic levels it's his own fault really.
2983: I may no longer enter into RAW debates on the forums and then bring them to my RL group, taking devil's advocate just to kill time and play the bait and switch on my dm so he'll accept the ruling I really want pushed through.
2984. Let it snow, Let it Snow, Let it Snow! is not a spell, furthermore, it does not make it snow, not even if I'm in fact the druid.
2985. No, not even if I chant it in latin.
2986. Or any other language the DM doesn't know.
2987. Each time I say something in a language different from English I must have a translation ready for the DM.
2988. Elven wine is not in fact vinegar mixed with water, regardless of what my dwarven cooking teacher said.
2989. Water Walk does not allow me to walk over elven wine, even though its technically water in its alcohol content.
2990. If a succubus kidnaps a party member, offering to tape the encounter is not the appropriate course of action.
2991. Nor is reassuring his/her girlfriend/boyfriend that it will be a sex-ed lesson at worst.
2992. The fact that I have INT 19 does not mean I can start thinking of infinitely small pieces of something and invent calculus.
2993. While Oil of Vitriol and Aqua Fortis are alchemical substances, mixing them carefully on a freezing bathtub is not alchemy.
2994. My character cannot be named Alfred, nor is he to invent modern chemistry based on the discovery of trinitrotoluene by performing alchemy.
2995. A tesla coil is not something I can make with my Dungeoneering check, despite the word neering being in it and it involving an Engine.
2996. I cannot call a black clump of doughy materials Rogue 2.0 because it can open doors and blow up traps.
2997. I must mention it being black powder to the DM before we reach the dungeon.
2998. Charcoal, fertilizer and sulfur are of limits to any character I make... ever.
2999. My character can no longer have ranks in craft and diplomacy, running a business is not what my level 12 character should be doing when the world is near its end and he has the McGuffin of world saving atop of Ominous Mount.
3000. Hegelian philosophy should not be presented to celestial creatures, we don't want Baator to refill.
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If you feel the need to abbreviate or capitalize my user name, please do so with "Pink-Haired August",
araveugnitsuga is an anagram and therefore any intent on applying proper grammar or abbreviating it are for nil.
What if said player takes the Trait "Rich Parents"
That way said player could in fact start the game owning
*cue the sunglasses*
Huge... Tracts of Land
3001. I may not justify any character decisions with references to Monty Python.
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Rule of Cool Contributor and Goon
3002: My cleric's deity cannot be the Dungeon Master.
3003: Under no circumstances may I name my thief "Robin McSteel".
3004: Batman is not a character class.
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When in doubt, use cute little dragons.
3005: If the DM calls for a spot check and I roll a 20, but don't see anything, that means that the DM is trolling me. What it does not mean is "Oh gads something invisible fire missiles."
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Allons-y!
"Everything I see is total, unblemished reality...Except for the flying carrots. Those are probably fake." ~Trixie
3007: Mattocks and lockpicks are not interchangeable.
3008: My character cannot have an accent that even I can't understand.
3009: I cannot avoid the Magic Missile spell with bad puns about "miss-iles".
__________________
When in doubt, use cute little dragons.
3008: No one in the party is now allowed to have anything resembling, even in name only, an "Atrocity Knife." Forks, spoons, and sporks are not acceptable either.
__________________
~~Courage is not the lack of fear~~
Quote:
Originally Posted by gooddragon1
If the party wizard can't survive a supersonic dragon made of iron at epic levels it's his own fault really.
3009. I am not allowed to use my Luck domain daily reroll on my hit points for leveling up.
3010a. My holy symbol may not be a fifth of vodka.
3010b. No, not even if I am a dwarf.
3011a. My dwarf cleric may not adventure schlozzled, inebriated, tipsy or any other word that means drunk.
3011b. I also may not pronounce my spells as if my cleric were any of the above. Lay Sliving!
3012. The NPC's are not just "potential enemies", and I may not target them with flame strikes, especially the commoners.
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NG Human Conjurer 4, Session Count: 10
LE Human Cleric 6/Master of Shrouds 6, Session Count: 2
My full title is as follows: Amidus "AmiDrex", His Drexcellency "Speedasaurus Drex" Drexel.
Feel free to truncate or otherwise shorten this as you see fit. (Haphazardly dropping letters from my username appears to be popular)
3013. I am no longer allowed to taunt the DM in character.
3013a. If I do so I get what's coming for/to me.
3014. Luring guards into darkened areas in hopes of getting them eaten by a grue, will instead get me eaten by a grue.
3014a. Even if I have grue repellant on me.
Last edited by Wookieetank : 07-11-2012 at 08:02 PM.
3015. may not reference the bible.
3015a. especially not by naming my cleric Jesus.
3015b. doubly so if I take leadership and gain a cohort named Judas.
3015c. if I do so it will end with my character being crucified.
3015d. If I do the above I won't bribe the paladin with booze to resurrect me .
3015e. If all that comes to pass I will not then reveal that my cleric was plotting the destruction of the evil empire we are in for irony.
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Last edited by Ninja PieKing : 07-12-2012 at 04:54 PM.
3016: No, I do not have a herd of sheep handily tucked in my backpack. Any attempts to convince the dragon otherwise will result in him eating me along with the backpack.
3017: No matter how well I roll, I cannot bluff the DM.
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Allons-y!
"Everything I see is total, unblemished reality...Except for the flying carrots. Those are probably fake." ~Trixie
3018: Descriptions of baked goods do not give me roll-playing experience.
3019: Characters who have been raised from the dead do not get an extra share of the treasure.
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When in doubt, use cute little dragons.
3022: When another player complains that I am min/maxing, I am not allowed to respond with "Your character is actually built way better than mine, you can start overshadowing me any time you decide to stop playing like a 6 month old monkey with ADD and start putting some thought into your actions for a change."
3022a: Even if it is true.
3022b: Even if I have proven this point multiple times over the past few years.
3022c: Saying "L2P N00b!!!" isn't any better.
3023: Uttering the line "like that is enough to kill me" causes the damage source to grow and multiply until it IS enough to kill me.
3024: My character is not allowed to heroically and epically sacrifice himself to save the villain from the rest of the party.
3024a: Even if said "villain" is much more of a good guy than anyone else on the party and my character knows it.
3025: My character's (actual, not faked, and permanent) death cannot be a part of any of my long-term plans.
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Been there, fought that, died horribly.
Something fun and flavorful to get your DM throwing books at you: Katana Chucker
3026 May not destroy an entire plane to kill a kolbold.
3026a even punpun.
3026b mostly because that won't work
3027 my minions may not out number the followers of all three major gods combined
3028 may not sell my nemesis into slavery for a copper peace
3028a especially not a sex slave
3028b repeatedly, every time we meet.
3029 when the chaotic evil cleric of the god of destruction takes her under his wing I shall not continue trying to sell her
3030 may not instead strip her naked and use her as a distraction to get sneak attack.
3031: I may not wield an alchemical silver warhammer, especially if my character's name is Maxwell.
3032: I do not have weapon proficiency with dirty limericks.
3033: Dwarves do not have inability to notice being on fire as a racial trait.
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When in doubt, use cute little dragons.
3031: I may not wield an alchemical silver warhammer, especially if my character's name is Maxwell.
3031b: Nor may he be a demonologist.
3034: My wizard with a cat familiar may not be named Schrodinger.
3034b: Nor may the cat be named Cheshire--or named after anywhere else in the UK.
3035: Drunkfighting is silly. Tiredfighting is just sad.
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Cthulhu fhtagn R'lyeh!
If you understood the above, click here.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Nerd-o-rama
There were other programs that were deleted, but they either go quietly or spend the rest of their existence sitting around babbling about causality. Smith's different. He gets deleted and he's like "Hell no, I'm staying. And I'll steal your kernel privileges and spam copies of myself onto every last thing on the hard disk. How d'you like that?"
rule 3040: I am not allowed to craft nuclear weapons in a medieval setting
rule 3041: Not even if I have a way to learn how from the future
rule 3042: I am not allowed to use wish/gate to create a nuclear weapon
rule 3043: I am not allowed to create a spell with a 7 second duration that creates non-magical items.
rule 3044: if I do so, I may not create anything that explodes, could do damage, or could be useful
3045: Just because rule 34 exists doesn't mean the dungeon master follows it.
3046: That doesn't mean I should follow rule 35.
3047: Should my halfing bard with 17 charisma take a job delivering pizzas, I will be killed by a succubi who enjoys pizza.
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Spoiler
No I did not make my own banner, it was created by a very talented person who I've lost contact with.
3048: Bards cannot wear armour designed for mounts.
3049: If the party cleric is a werewolf or other canine, I may not order them to "heal".
3050: Any character name that might result in Abbott-and-Costello-style confusion will be rejected.
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When in doubt, use cute little dragons.
3048: Bards cannot wear armour designed for mounts.
XD I had a bard in my party who did that.
3051. I may not cast tasha's hideous laughter on an NPC to make them appreciate my puns.
__________________
NG Human Conjurer 4, Session Count: 10
LE Human Cleric 6/Master of Shrouds 6, Session Count: 2
My full title is as follows: Amidus "AmiDrex", His Drexcellency "Speedasaurus Drex" Drexel.
Feel free to truncate or otherwise shorten this as you see fit. (Haphazardly dropping letters from my username appears to be popular)
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Re: 2000 things I'm not allowed to do in an RPG
