2000 things I'm not allowed to do in an RPG

[GaiusCaligula]

521. When told to create a character, I am to remember that there are other books for classes than Tome of Battle. When told to choose a deity, I will not flip through the Cthulhu Mythos or anything similar.

522. I will not attempt to bring down the Spire in any D&D game, even if I have worked out the calculations and plans down to the last tenth of a percent.

523. When told I can play any race, I will not reach immediately for anything Lovecraftian or any manual with deity rules.

524. Descriptions of obese male characters' outfits will not start and/or end with the phrase "You are familiar with the women in the magazine Heavy Metal?" or the phrase "Stiletto heels, nothing else."

525. The Doctor from Doctor Who is not a Son of Aether, nor am I allowed to create a version of him as such.

526. And if I do so and the GM kills him, he dies, he does not "regenerate".

527. The Orbital Strike is not authorized for use on my fellow operatives, even if I "think they're all suspicious".

528. The above will always stand, even in Mage.

529. There is no such thing as a "Literate Zen Buddhist barbarian."

530. GURPS comes with a 40-point disadvantage limit for a reason and you will NOT go over this.

531. I will understand that I am not to shout "WRYYYYYYYYYYYY!" every time I feed or embrace in Vampire.

532. While the .44 Magnum may "Blow the head clean off a guy", it is not an acceptable weapon to use while hunting vampires.

533. The Gun Bunny is no longer allowed to read the possibly explosive runes.

534. There is no "Vow of Violence"

535. There is no "Vow of Material Wealth"

536. "Riverdance" is not a martial art.

537. "Bullet to the Face" can be, but only in Feng Shui.



Not all gold, but hopefully some good ones.

[Mr. Moon]

538: My characters must not all be offensively homosexual pansy-men who can shoot rainbows.
<<
True story.

[mangosta71]

539: I am not on a boat.
540: Nor am I the boss.
541: I will not, under any circumstances, "cut a hole in a box".
542: I am no longer allowed to use psionics. At all.

[Trobby]

543) No longer allowed to make obvious jokes when the DM's PC pokes the elf with a wand.
544) ABSOLUTELY not allowed to make jokes about this, even ones that are implied.
545) No longer allowed to even discuss rule 543. This rule is the only exception.

[mangosta71]

546) Hydrophobia is not an appropriate flaw for an aquatic elf.
547) Nobody is impressed by my "sea cucumber familiar". Especially not if I cast Magic Mouth on it.
548) I will not cast Grease on dance floors.
549) I will not play a caster.
550) Nymphomania is not an acceptable flaw. We will never discuss this again.
551) The priestess of Pelor will not, under any circumstances, agree to raise an army of nubile undead to "service" the soldiers on the eve of battle. Nobody cares how big a morale bonus they would get.
552) I will not throw diamond dust at vampires.
553) My D&D character does not know "Another One Bites the Dust". It is especially inappropriate when a PC falls in combat.

[Case]

554) No, I am not allowed to play a woman named Lola, who was a show girl, with feathers in her hair and a dress cut down to there.

[Cealocanth]

555) I am not allowed to play an Umber Hulk gifted by Pelor with +10 intelligence and strength. (with psychic powers)

[GaiusCaligula]

556. You cannot use Intimidate to convince people they cannot see you. It does not work as a hide check.
557. "Prunes, Celerity, Bend Over, Repeat" is not a battle strategy in WOD
558. I am not a "tall handsome man in a dusty black coat with a red right hand"
559. In fact, if Nick Cave and the Bad Seeds sang it, it is no longer part of my character description.
560. Nor am I allowed to use Electric Six lyrics as lines of dialogue.
561. I will not play male characters until I can make one that isn't a)creepy, b)working against the party, or c) homicidal.
562. My caster will not use anything from the Book of Blue Magick/Nymphology
563. No, we do not care if you can justify practical application for it.

[RE:Insanity]

564: I am no longer allowed to play CG or NG folk heroes.
565: I can not play as a favored soul of gruumsh who just happens to be a gnome.

[Trobby]

566) There is a bonus cap of 50 on any skill that I can have.
567) Jumping on my enemies until I receive a 1-up is not an effective way to revive a party member.
568) It is not funny to do it the second time.

[The_Final_Stand]

569) Interrupting transformation sequences to see what happens is verboten.

[Cealocanth]

(570) It is virtually impossible to roll 18s for stats all across the board.

[Trobby]

571) It is literally impossible to roll 20s for stats all across the board.

[Internet Flea]

572) The complete destruction of the kingdom does not count as "acceptable losses".
573) The Party does not count as "acceptable losses". Even if someone will survive. Especially if it's me.
574) Not allowed to implement a plan that involves "acceptable losses".
575) Or "collateral damage".

[kolbaldoracle]

576) i am not allowed to make an untrained craft(totally amazing rock song)check

[Emperor Ing]

577) I will not Wish to become Pun-Pun

[fizzybobnewt]

Originally Posted by Dust

94) There is no creature known as the Fantastipotamus, nor am I allowed to create one for the explicit purpose of using it as a projectile weapon.

95) 'When in doubt, ask a hobo,' is not a generally-accepted method of information gathering.

96) Plutonium is not considered to be one of the core elements.

97) 'I'm meta-gaming,' is not a valid explanation for my actions.

there is now a Fantastipotamus. Search for it on Spore. I tried to put a picture of it, but the thing wants a URL. Apparently it can't come from my actual computer.

[Prince Zahn]

578: As a DM, I will not open my pokedex every time i need an encounter.
579:as a DM, I will not use a rogue NPC as an exuse to play poker.
580: my old yu-gi-oh cards may NOT be used as a cheap MM, in fact, all Cards are forbidden from being in the room during a session.
581:Anyone who says "I believe in the heart of the cards" is banned for the rest of the CAMPAIGN, regardless of the reason.
582:I will not shout bad words in an obscure D&D language that no one else in the session understands to another character, even if it IS at a character who shoved a Pearl of speech down my character's throat.

[PallElendro]

583. Should I fire a Burning Hands, I will not scream I'ma firin' mah lasor!
584. Lawyers can't be a counterattack to any trademarked D&D monsters.
585. Kenny will not be used as a meat shield.
586. I won't use Summon Instrument to create a piano atop my foes.
587. Prestidigitation will not a way to levitate a level 30 1 pound rat before running away.
588. I cannot use the Player's Handbook as a spellbook, every daily spell available whenever.
589. Sleep body lotion is not a Sleep Poison applied to the exterior body.
590. I can't entertain the crowd with Arcana checks.

[Trobby]

591: Not allowed to quote Earthbound every time a Mole-like enemy arrives. Especially in Weremole campaigns.

[HypoSoc]

592: My characters have never heard of TVTropes, so they cannot quote it as proof for not splitting up and the like.
593: My characters have never heard of "Ye Old Book of TVTropes" so they cannot quote it as proof for not splitting up and the like.
594: Quoting TV tropes OOC is banned for the rest of my DM's campaigns.
595: I cannot bring my laptop to a session just to show the DM is unoriginal in his plot hooks are unoriginal via TVTropes.

[Gamblerjoe]

596) if i kill an opponant with deathblow the same round they failed against the clerics hold person, the game will be paused, and i will be given a stern warning about that kind of behavior in the future.

597) i cannot make a Warforged Druid/Paladin of Hextor.

598) i cannot FTS a major NPC and sell him to his arch enemy.

599) i cannot yell "snicker-snack" at the top of my lungs when i cut someones head off with a vorpal blade.

600) i cannot have a druid cohort whos animal companion is an awakened bear-holding-a-shark with its own leadership cohort; a paladin with a special mount that is a 12 headed Ancient Lernaean-Cryo-Pyro-Hydra, each head having a 120ft "cone of mind flayers" breath weapon.

601) i cannot trick someone into sticking their arm into a ring gate, then quickly throw the other gate into a portable hole.

602) "Adolecent girl with superpowers" is not an archetype no matter what Joss Whedon sais.

603) i cannot play a clown themed character with an addiction to pixie dust.

604) i cannot play a were-house.

605) i cannot keep the eversoaking sponge, and throw it into every body of water i ever come across.

606) i cannot automatically assume a beholder is an enemy, even if its in the dungeon of a known enemy where every encounter has been hostile, and my character knows all beholders are evil and completely insane.

[Prince Zahn]

607: Regardless of my race, template or whatever I was polymorphed into, I may not "Regurgitate" a Cure Moderate Wounds potion just because "It heals better the 2nd time!"
608:When I'm in charge of setting up camp, I will not cast Leomunds Tiny Hut, simply because I need something to burn, and I will not use the excuse "whaat? I wanna sleep outdoors." for this reason.
608b:the same goes to any shelter with good-aligned people.
609:I will not break the fourth wall with LOLCATS quotes. even if it is hilarious.
610: I will not use put my ranks of perform (drum set) to good use while the rest of the town is asleep, even if I DO have an audition tomorrow.
611: when interrogating a captive/prisoner or the like, I may NOT use the "Good-Cop-Bad-Cop" routine to gather information due to the huge advantage it gives "Game-mechanics-wise."
612:I may not get my party heavily drunk(or the like), followed by casting mass suggestion to tell them to give me their magic Items.
613: I may not buy a scroll of a powerful spell of which I do not have in my spell book, in order to write it in my spell book, shortly followed by making more of the same spell scroll to sell for profit, and I will not repeat this process to my hearts(and bag of holding's) content.
(a couple of Exalted rules next)
614: In an Eberron-exalted setting, I may not use my high diplomacy skill to convince the party artificer to take "Vow of Poverty", just so I can take his magic items.
615:I may not take "Vow of Non-Violence" in the same level I take "Vow of Peace" the night before the final battle with the BBEG.
EDIT: 616: I may not charge 45 ft directly towards a chaos beast, and initiate a hug attack, such an attempt will be vetoed.

[PallElendro]

617. MagicNet is not a suitable form for a futuristic Internet.
618. Just because my ranger can trance 2 hours less than sleep 6 hours doesn't mean I can always run off twice to look for nutrients.
619. If I save the nation, I don't have to agree to wearing a free tabard with the crest of that nation.*
620. If I knew any better, I wouldn't use Flare to throw a Magic Missile off course.
621. A paladin won't be used like that PALADIN series on newgrounds (which happened to give my old computer a virus)
622. I'm not allowed to let the rogue in my party be the leader. They might levy me for Gold.†
623. When I am called upon by Moradin to be his forger via Demigod epic destiny, I cannot make a new armor called Mjolnir.
624. Vampires never drink Blood Lite, Bloodweiser, or Diet Blood.
625. If I have to look at a crystal ball to see events come, I cannot heat up popcorn.
626. RuneScape cannot be referenced, ever.§
---
* I rescued Fallcrest from certain doom from a released spirit, and agreed to a tabard.
† For some reason, even when I'm the rogue, I'm always picked to be the leader. I think it's my ranks in Profession (tactician), or a Craft (plan) (or an Intelligence check, depending on which edition I'm playing)
§ Play RuneScape! Best MMORPG, for free! Advanced features cost $5.95/month with subscription to exclusive features, unless you were a previous member (like me), in which case you "grandfather" it, and save 95¢ a month. Only problem is the size, I asked for a 450% size increase, and 16% increase in monsters.

[Watcher]

627. I cannot Gate Closak in.

[Fay Graydon]

628. My character cannot use the reverse armor rule if male.
628b. The above rule does not apply if character in question equips a belt of genderchange

[lord pringle]

629. I may not make 7 back up characters
629B. I may not make them all siblings.
629C. they may not be lust, gluttony, greed, wrath, sloth, envy and pride.
629D. nor may they be Red orange yellow green blue indigo violet.
629DA. especially if they are themed after the lantern corps.

[Emperor Ing]

630: The Space Marine Commandments are not a substitute for the Paladin Code.
631: The Paladin Code is not a substitute for the Space Marine Commandments

[Cealocanth]

632: I am not allowed to force the party to play pregenerated power rangers.

[Jivundus]

633: I am not allowed to play a halfling thief with a cockney accent
634: I am not allowed to play an evil mage with a Russian accent
635: I am not allowed to use an accent...ever
636: I am not allowed to play an evil gnome
637: I am not allowed to research a spell that allows me to divide by 0
637b: Not even if it's a wild surge
638: I am not allowed to engineer a situation where wild magic causes supernovas or other cataclysmic events
639: After several breakings of Rule 638, I am no longer allowed to use wild magic
640: I am not allowed to jump through windows, no matter how awesome it would look in bullet time
641: I am not allowed to start a barfight and blame it on someone else
641b: Not even on a natural 20
642: I am not allowed to use Knowledge (The Barrens) to make Chuck Norris jokes
643: No matter the setting, we do not need additional pylons