Of course, any feedback you guys can give me will go towards making the manga better. Characters, abilities, backgrounds, plotlines... whatever it is that you want to talk about, go ahead and hit me with it. Awesome ideas may be jacked.
It's a little to early for most of that. There needs to be some solid grounding of the abilities and their costs (the supposed Author codex would have what for a cost? Everything you write being real?) before people can actually start suggesting abilities.
As for plot, it's clear that Ben's going to become a page, you dropped really big hints ("our world", both his parents and his uncle were pages and he knows nothing? Seriously?), and I feel compelled to chew you out for using such a cliche. Honestly I'd had the Uncle Awaken in response to Ben. After all the conditions aren't very well understood and are hugely different between people. Given his friendship with a jock and an... normal schoolgirl, there's going to be some confrontation when Eve Smith (also that's an obvious pseudonym that it can't be. A last name like Cooper or any of the "-son"s would be a better option).
__________________
Thanks to Ninja Chocobo for the avatar.
I am not perfect, nor do I pretend to be, if you find an error in something I've said, show me.
It's a little to early for most of that. There needs to be some solid grounding of the abilities and their costs (the supposed Author codex would have what for a cost? Everything you write being real?) before people can actually start suggesting abilities.
Maybe he the Author has to "pay" something real to create a page (mix FMA with Inkheart - or maybe just Inkheart ). And yeah, it's too early for that. Can't resist speculating...
__________________
I'm not an English native speaker. If you find any mistake, please PM me.
It's a little to early for most of that. There needs to be some solid grounding of the abilities and their costs (the supposed Author codex would have what for a cost? Everything you write being real?) before people can actually start suggesting abilities.
As for plot, it's clear that Ben's going to become a page, you dropped really big hints ("our world", both his parents and his uncle were pages and he knows nothing? Seriously?), and I feel compelled to chew you out for using such a cliche. Honestly I'd had the Uncle Awaken in response to Ben. After all the conditions aren't very well understood and are hugely different between people. Given his friendship with a jock and an... normal schoolgirl, there's going to be some confrontation when Eve Smith (also that's an obvious pseudonym that it can't be. A last name like Cooper or any of the "-son"s would be a better option).
I don't want to give away too much but you're assuming a couple things. I'm not going to take abilities unless I really feel like they would work in the storyline - there's no guarantee that I will use that Codex.
Also, Ben's uncle has not been explicitly stated to be a Page yet. Pages aren't the only ones who know about their world.
Just curious. Are the normals going to be completely oblivious, or are they actually going to be a bit suspicious of the wierd stuff happening around Benny?
I don't want to give away too much but you're assuming a couple things. I'm not going to take abilities unless I really feel like they would work in the storyline - there's no guarantee that I will use that Codex.
We have three or four example codices and no knowledge of how much powers very between pages of the same codex (though this chapter was a big hint for the All-Seeing pages currently revealed with that the rogue draws power from fire), it would be hard to try to make more without more information, my point about the "Alpha" Codex was an example of that lack of knowledge.
Quote:
Also, Ben's uncle has not been explicitly stated to be a Page yet. Pages aren't the only ones who know about their world.
True, hinting dialogue isn't confirmation, but it's still suggestive.
And yeah it's a lot of assumption, but I tend to follow genre conventions when making predictions. This looks like it fits more into the Shonen categories than some of the others I could think of, but we're only 2 chapters in so I will refrain for the moment in making predictions beyond the blisteringly obvious. Ben's going to be a Page (unless Ben's uncle is something that is not a Page but can fight them on even ground, which would be a great little twist). There's likely going to be some romantic development between Ben and Eve (after all they did just go on their first date). Ben will end up fighting more Pages after beating this dude (Richard I think his name was). So on and so forth.
That I can predict this doesn't make this story predictable, it's just that I'm also writing a story which opens similar to your first chapter (though the genders are reversed and the story is meant to hit different genres, so it flows different).
Also you might want to think up some different outfits for Ben and Eve. They've been shown to wear the same thing three days in a row.
__________________
Thanks to Ninja Chocobo for the avatar.
I am not perfect, nor do I pretend to be, if you find an error in something I've said, show me.
Also you might want to think up some different outfits for Ben and Eve. They've been shown to wear the same thing three days in a row.
Thank you Mr. Zeful, now I don't have to look weird saying that I was dissapointed to see that Eve woke up in the same outfit. Ben strikes me as someone who would wear his outfit whenever he gets the chance (like I do), but Eve seems a lot more likely to have new outfits regularly. If it's an issue of reducing workload I'm fine, but I would like to see some alternate designs. Costume designing is fun anyway!
Otherwise I quite liked this chapter, though the ending is giving me Gantz flashbacks.
I ship you/Anyone./Infernal Gardevoir from outside the playground, by Recaiden//ExtendedSig
Spoiler
Quote:
Originally Posted by Thanqol
It's not normal, of course, and what's actually happening in Comet Kicker's brain is that she's using regular murder as therapy for worse murder. There's a breakdown in the works and all it needs is one good, hard kick.
It's a manga. Characters never change clothes in a manga. You'll get used to it .
Actually that's Anime that sufferes from Limited Wardrobe rather than manga. The Ranma 1/2 Manga has most characters in at least 8 different outfits (which is a reasonable number). Mahou Sensei Negima has characters who vary outfits unless forced to. Kurohime, which is far more obscure, does tend to have a limited wardrobe, simply because everyone's moving from town to town. And the title character still ends up going through four very different outfits.
__________________
Thanks to Ninja Chocobo for the avatar.
I am not perfect, nor do I pretend to be, if you find an error in something I've said, show me.
Actually that's Anime that sufferes from Limited Wardrobe rather than manga. The Ranma 1/2 Manga has most characters in at least 8 different outfits (which is a reasonable number). Mahou Sensei Negima has characters who vary outfits unless forced to. Kurohime, which is far more obscure, does tend to have a limited wardrobe, simply because everyone's moving from town to town. And the title character still ends up going through four very different outfits.
hahaha, okay, you caught me. I don't read much manga, but I do watch a lot of anime. Interesting to know. Why are animators so much lazier than manga artists?
edit: anyway, my original point was that it didn't really bother me all that much. plenty of comics do the same thing.
Last edited by chionophile : 04-19-2010 at 03:11 PM.
I ship you/Anyone./Infernal Gardevoir from outside the playground, by Recaiden//ExtendedSig
Spoiler
Quote:
Originally Posted by Thanqol
It's not normal, of course, and what's actually happening in Comet Kicker's brain is that she's using regular murder as therapy for worse murder. There's a breakdown in the works and all it needs is one good, hard kick.
Animators have to draw roughly 25 pictures for 1 second of animation. It's not so much laziness as it's they have to cut corners somewhere unless they have lax time constraints or a big budget (for more animators)
I don't mind that much either, I just want to see what else Elagune can come up with.
__________________
Thanks to Ninja Chocobo for the avatar.
I am not perfect, nor do I pretend to be, if you find an error in something I've said, show me.
Oh, I just change outfits when I get tired of them. Anthony's first jacket wasn't working for me, so I switched that around. And yeah, Ben's collar is starting to annoy me, so that might be changing soon too. And Eve's shirt is different! It's, uh, short-sleeved.
Nice catch Zersk. I love putting in little easter eggs in my comics.
Oh, I just change outfits when I get tired of them. Anthony's first jacket wasn't working for me, so I switched that around. And yeah, Ben's collar is starting to annoy me, so that might be changing soon too. And Eve's shirt is different! It's, uh, short-sleeved.
I noticed that after looking through again, Eve wears some kind of big sweater the first two days, but after being woken up is shown in a large t-shirt.
Though sleeping with the collar on must be painful.
__________________
Thanks to Ninja Chocobo for the avatar.
I am not perfect, nor do I pretend to be, if you find an error in something I've said, show me.
Well, the collar's a pretty integral part of her design. I was actually more annoyed when I realized I had her sleep with her hair still up - missed a good chance to draw her with her hair down.
Anyway, yeah. I think I've got myself a schedule now. A chapter a week, on Sunday. It'll be just like Shounen Jump, except I've still got a long way to go.
Well, the collar's a pretty integral part of her design. I was actually more annoyed when I realized I had her sleep with her hair still up - missed a good chance to draw her with her hair down.
Anyway, yeah. I think I've got myself a schedule now. A chapter a week, on Sunday. It'll be just like Shounen Jump, except I've still got a long way to go.
Well, the collar's a pretty integral part of her design. I was actually more annoyed when I realized I had her sleep with her hair still up - missed a good chance to draw her with her hair down.
True but it's not exactly a huge sin.
As for the collar, it's one of those things that tend to bug me about certain character design. It's stupid to sleep in. If Eve moves at all in her sleep she's going to have a mark on her throat where she on her stomach. It's the same with characters with long hair sleeping on it. It's not comfortable (or in one memorable instance, potentially lethal) to sleep on.
__________________
Thanks to Ninja Chocobo for the avatar.
I am not perfect, nor do I pretend to be, if you find an error in something I've said, show me.
I ship you/Anyone./Infernal Gardevoir from outside the playground, by Recaiden//ExtendedSig
Spoiler
Quote:
Originally Posted by Thanqol
It's not normal, of course, and what's actually happening in Comet Kicker's brain is that she's using regular murder as therapy for worse murder. There's a breakdown in the works and all it needs is one good, hard kick.
Same here, I've slept with my long hair plenty of times (although sometimes I do make it sleep on the couch ), and collars have never been that uncomfortable for me, personally.
about that website, could anyone host a manga webcomic on there? do you need to pay for it? i know a guy who's looking for a website for his own manga.
Hey, looks like he's updated. Much faster than before.
As for hosting manga on their site, you should probably ask on the forums. It's kind of inactive right now, but the GMs are always there, so you'll probably get your questions answered really quickly. One of the guys saw my work and invited me, which is how Bibliography got started up.
RSS Feeds: 
Re: Bibliography
). And yeah, it's too early for that. Can't resist speculating...
by Recaiden//
