D&D 3e/3.5e/d20The forum for conversations specifically related to the rules and procedures of Dungeons & Dragons 3rd Edition, 3.5 Edition, or any fantasy game using the d20 system or a variant thereof (commercially published or not).
You're looking at it the wrong way... you need to get a Goliath and give them the feat tree that ends up with him having Fling Ally and Fling Enemy, then he says that he's a master of Telekin... Telekin... movin stuffs!
He's even awesome enough to use cleric spells
Inflict light wounds - don't use power attack
Inflict moderate wounds - power attack a little
Inflict serious wounds - full power attack
Inflict critical wounds - critical hit version of above
Death knell - coups de gras
Bless water - say you blessed the water, then throw it really hard at undead, can even be used to prove a target is undead.
Remove fear - be scarier than whatever is scaring your comrades.
Shield of faith - a large shield with kord's or gruumsh's holy symbol
Shield other - step in the way of attacks targeting comrades, heck you have a better version, the normal one only transfers half.
Contagion - don't shower, touch enemy with unwashed unmentionable.
Meld into stone - dig a hole.
Stone shape - with a hammer.
Discern lies - insist enemies are lying, if they are proven honest, they were lying about something else.
Freedom of movement - who's going to stop you?
Divine power - always active.
Sending - paper airplane
Imbue with spell ability - give a comrade your weapon, and instructions on the right way to scream.
Command - intimidate
Blade barrier - duration=concentration
Animate dead - marionette puppets anyone.
Harm - your main ability
Regenerate - tape the arm back on, when that doesn't heal back up, castigate them for not cleaning it often.
Endure elements - the hard way.
Jump - jump
Animal messenger - tie a note to a squirrel, throw the squirrel
Barkskin - tie bits of bark all over yourself, you already have dr.
Charm person - intimidate them into being nice to you.
Suggestion - see above
Dominate person - see above
Glitterdust - throw a hand full of glitter at your foes.
Minor image - crudely drawn cardboard cut out.
Passwall - your shoulder and a good running start.
Dimensional anchor - unconsious things rarely teleport.
Dismissal - intimidate them into going home.
Hold person - as command
Statue - stike a pose
Temporal stasis - sap+place to hide the body
Tenser's transformation - rare moment of lucidity.
I thought he was a gestalt Author Avatar//Gary Stu.
Originally Posted by GungHo, on Battletech
The Atlas is also goofy but it has that whole "Stay Puft Marshmallow Man" menacing smile thing going for it. The guy who drew that one up was obviously taken to the Nutcracker when he was a child... and he was screaming in terror the entire time.
Originally Posted by Enterti, Cogidubnus
Glyphstone, out of all the playground I think you scare me the most...
Unseen servant: force the other party members to carry your gear.
Light: light a torch.
Continual flame: buy an everburning torch.
Alarm: set up lots of dried twigs around camp.
Flame arrow: put rags on an arrowhead and dip it in oil, then put it in flame.
Pyrokinetics: for the choking fog, put some water on the fire.
Daze: hit on the head with a club.
Confusion: as daze.
Summon Familiar class feature - A Barbarian wizard may choose a familiar to accompany him locating a suitable familiar and using an intimidate check to get it to follow you (or by buying one from a pet store or just putting a rope around its neck and dragging it along with you). Some familiar provide a bonus to certain skills.
Cat - Can often be found stuck up trees. If a small child thanks you for getting Mr. Scruffles down from a tree, inform her that he will now be acomanying you in a magical journey to fight evil. Cats can provide a bonus to climb checks by tying a rope around one and flinging it toward something where it can use its claws to provide a suitable anchor.
Dire Wolf - Can be aquired by finding a pack of wolves and bonking them very hard on the head, if any survive then force them to become your familiar.
Imp - Can be aquired by finding an imp and bonking it lightly on the head until it agrees to become your familiar.
Horse - Can be aquired by buying a horse (or aquiring through other means). Providea a bonus to land speed while riding it.
Necrotic Familiar - If a familiar dies then it can be turned into a Necrotic Familiar through a several hour long process that includes removing its insides and replacing it with stuffing (and/or rocks or bombs). While Necrotic Familiars lack some of the uses of living familiars, they can be used for other things... like rugs or bludgeoning instruments.
Improved Familiar - A Barbarian Wizard can tell its familiars to improve themselves. Alternatly if that doesn't work out he can get a better familiar. Getting a better one doesn't necessitate leaving the old one behind (though familiars unwilling to improve themselves may be converted into Necrotic Familiars).
Magic Item Familiar - A barbarian wizard can declare a magical (or nonmagical) item to be his familiar. Examples of Magic Item Familars include:
Smashy the War Axe
"This big pile of gold that wants to follow me"
The color purple
This healing potion that provides a bonus to healing (may or may not be a keg of ale).
A portable battering ram to aid in lockpicking.
Ambassidor Pineapple (found around 30 seconds into the video) A powerful thrown alchemical item that provides a bonus to diplomacy checks.
Frankly, a Wizard can suck even more than a Fighter could ever dream of sucking. A Fighter can stab himself to death, but only a Wizard could Plane Shift to some horrible far realm to be tortured for an eternity of insanity.
Summon Monster 1: Pick on one of the creatures attacking you and throw it at another.
Floating disc: Disc plus str check
Color spary: paint in can + ranged touch attack.
Reduce Person: messy.
Enlarge person: Also messy.
I'm surprised how A) easy this is and B) how entertaining.
Fireball: Get a spell component pouch, remove bat guno and sulpher to make gunpowder. Repeat until you have enough to make as big of an explosion as you want!
Also, don't forget all the roleplay possibilities:
"Hey Korg, help us pack up the camp."
"Korg busy preparing spells!" (Sits there looking at pictures of naked women)
"Well Korg, looks like we'll need you to dispell the curse on that sewer zomb..."
"Korg out of spells! Korg need to rest now." (sits down and takes a nap).
"Um... Okay..." The team sits around for a bit then fixes the problem while Korg sleeps.
""Korg, we need you to fix this prob..."
"Korg not have spell prepared for that!"
"But you just dealt with the same problem ten minutes ago."
"Hello?! Korg Wizard! Korgs magic very specific and absurdly context sensitive. Korg prepare only one of those spells this morning and can only do it once today. Korg can't do that same thing anymore."
The party comes across a damsel in a cage.
Rogue: Don't worry, I'll save you... Ack!
Kord: Korg use scroll to save you! *looks at a piece of paper for two seconds before pulling out a crowbar and breaking the cage open*
Rogue: But you said you couldn't do that!
Korg: Korg have magic scrolls to cast spells in emergency! Do not question Korgs magical prowes!
Rogue: Well can you help us deal with this...
Korg: Korg need to spend eight hours scribing new scroll to replace one Korg used to save damsel. Also need several hundred gold for ridiculously expensive ink used in magic scrolls!
Rogue: Well, I managed to disarm all the traps keeping us away from the treasure (that Kords magic couldn't acomplish disarm for various reasons)
Korg: Do not berate Kords magic!
Rogue: Alright! Well anyway, time to divvy up the loot.
Korg: Korg say stop! *shoves the rogue out of the way* Hmm... Yes... *Korg looks at all the stuff, occasionally chanting magic word and tossing dust on things*.
Paladin (who is a fighter with a horse and healing kit): What is it, oh great wizard?
Korg: Korg see some of these items are curse. Korg keep them in special bag so they not harm Korgs friends (dumps a bunch of jewels and weapons in a bag). Korg also see these magic items here are very expensive, way more expensive than this gold. Puts all the gold in one pile and an old pair of mice-infested boots in another part. Korg think rogue friend could use boots of Mice-like sneaking more than this potentially cursed gold.
And then feel free to spend a lot of time "crafting" stuff for the team.
Potions - Just buy a lot of bottles of ale for your party members, if they get tired of that then make potions in cookie form (or beef jerky if you'd rather go that way).
Scrolls - Just scribble some stuff on pieces of paper.... be sure to spend eight hours and alot of money on doing that. You're totally not spending your scroll money on booze, whores, and gambling.
Wands - Sticks of dynamite... I mean... clubs or something.
Staffs - Bigger clubs for performing very specific spells.
Rings - Korg likes to wear jewelry cuz it makes him more magical. ANYONE WHO MAKES FUN OR KORG GETS SMASHED WITH MAGIC!!!
Wonderous Items - Korg has lots of wonderous items that are all magiced so that you can't tell they are magical.
Magic Arms and Armor - Korg can make magic weapons and stuff, usually +1 weapons. If you don't see yourself hitting more often with them that means you're dumb and weak.