Homebrew DesignRoll up your sleeves and get working: there's lots of homebrewin' to be done! Post your custom creation for critiques or review those of your peers.
If I had to state any sort of critique, I guess it would be a suggestion to widen the amount of creatures that could possibly take the class, because as of now it's pretty much an NPC-Only PrC.
Krimm entering the contest is definitely a gauntlet thrown. Bring your A-game this time people, and glad to see you come back for a round of the contest Krimm. Good showing, I like it.
If I had to state any sort of critique, I guess it would be a suggestion to widen the amount of creatures that could possibly take the class, because as of now it's pretty much an NPC-Only PrC.
I had considered that, actually. Allow some mortal lawbringers to get a taste of cosmic law and it's enforcement. I'll think on that and possibly alter this evening.
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Originally Posted by ErrantX
Krimm entering the contest is definitely a gauntlet thrown. Bring your A-game this time people, and glad to see you come back for a round of the contest Krimm. Good showing, I like it.
-X
You flatter me, but thanks.
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My Deviantart, Please enjoy it. Invincible Maiden Avatar by GryffonDurime.
Sirpercival, I looked at the Clockwork Cenobite, and I found the Great Gear of Nirvana ability so hilarious that I felt compelled to draw it (poorly).
That. Is. Amazing. Do you mind if I include it with the class?
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More seriously, now. I fear the class does not reward taking more than a 2-level Monk dip : it is enough to reach the prerequisites by level 5, you can take 1 level in Clockwork Cenobite, and it gives you heavy-armored evasion (and what heavy armor!), and a base speed higher than that of a normal heavy-armored front line fighter, in addition to the saves boost (two times) and the obvious advantage of not having to buy it.
Taking all five levels of Monk prior to taking this PrC doesn't seem to be worth it, as it is; and the fluff seems to indicate that the PrC is inclined towards Monks (and Warforged monks even more so, given the nice immunities they end up with).
Hm. I see your point... I wanted to allow entry via other paths, and simply encourage monk entry. However, I probably didn't do enough of the latter. Any suggestions?
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Also, I can't understand how Order Flight isn't supernatural. Does the monk grow mechanical wings, Da Vinci-style, or rotors or the like?
Well, what you seem to have completely ignored is that I accidentally put Ex when I meant Su. Come on, do your homework!
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I will totally use this for my next campaign, though.
Sweet!
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- The man in heavy armour has strange clockwork devices that seem to sprout from his skin. He hits you, and suddenly, a giant cogwheel appears and tries to knock you down. Reflex save.
Lololol.
__________________ (member in good standing of the troll-feeder's guild)
First impressions: This is a terrifying prestige class. Its features mostly seem to be based off of controlling a community through fear. They will become aware of the Paladin's law, and even if no one sees, they will be found out and killed with extreme prejudice. As in, exploding when the Paladin looks at them on their rounds.
That said, there are a few places where wording is unclear, and there are a few balance issues with the class, but it seems to be a great place to start. Let's get into the details...
Requirements
They seem fairly loose; you basically need to be a Lawful Evil Warlock of level 5 or higher. No burning feats or skill points, so it's fairly open. You might want to restate selling your soul to a Devil in the Requirements section.
Chassis
Not finished yet, but it's probably going to be better than the base Warlock, except for the 8/10 chassis. Why 4+int skill points, out of curiosity? Warlocks and Paladins both have 2+int, and I don't see why the Paladin is a highly skillful character.
Splintered Path & Righteous Presence
These are really great fluff abilities, and pretty much sell the class right off the bat. You might also want to clarify whether the "Level" in Righteous Presence is class level or character level. Otherwise, it might get confusing...
Fist of Proper Behavior
This ability is a bit... off. The damage is solid, and scales okay as you level up, but replacing the damage seems odd and somehow abusable. Using Snap Kick, Flurry of Blows, or basically any method of gaining additional attacks at a penalty becomes much better. Adding on Hellfire Blast makes this damage extremely high. Still, it makes up for a lack of other combat features. It's an odd way to handle smite, and I'm not entirely sure whether it's a good thing or not.
Also, some clarity is needed on Unrighteous Behavior here: What if the person only seems to be breaking laws, but actually has a sanction that the Paladin doesn't know about making it legal? Or if they're just following orders from a higher power?
Touch of Mercy
Heal everyone to full out of combat. This is something that should probably be restricted to being used 1/person/encounter, or something to that effect, or have it not affect someone who's above 1/2 their HP total. Otherwise, you get the always at full HP effect for the entire party, which is generally agreed to be really powerful. Especially for a class without any abilities with limited uses per day.
Also, suddenly turning Fist attacks into Touch attacks seems like a bad idea, especially with any way to spam additional attacks; things like Eldritch Claw are balanced against Eldritch Glaive only by the fact that they require an actual attack roll to use, and turning them into touch attacks opens the way for a lot of abuse...
Zealot's Cause
This ability is rather powerful. Charisma to AC and Saves, but staggered out. Probably not too abusive, but still something to watch. There's also a bit of fluff disconnect: "minor scuffs in their armor"- Warlocks aren't proficient with many armors, and tend not to wear armor, given that they suffer Spell Failure chance from it. Maybe add Battle Caster and Medium Armor proficiency as required feats, to fit the image?
Chide Wayward Children
Okay, this is an ability that is just plain terrifying, especially when applied to people en mass. Some clarifications are needed, though:
-Does the Paladin know whether a given person is Awakened?
-Does the Will save permanently end the effect, or just for 24 hours?
-If the Will save ends the effect, does the sign marking the person disappear?
-If they become immune to Mind-Affecting spells during the duration, and then perform an Unrighteous deed, are they still marked?
-How does the Disobedience spell work with this?
Aura of Conviction
The Paladin hovers over people while they work, and gets quality results. I would like to point out that you don't have a range listed, so I don't know if they can AoO someone from 60 ft away, or if they have to be within 5ft to get someone to work better. It could also wind up provoking AoOs if there are any laws prohibiting melee combat where the Paladin is. Every swing from an opponent provokes an AoO, that deals a rather high amount of base damage due to the Fist ability. Even if there aren't laws, if they become Aware, and the Paladin orders them not to attack or interfere with the Paladin in any way, they take the AoOs as described above.
Majesty of the Law
I'm a little wary of the ability that causes attitudes to start at friendly for Awakened beings; otherwise, Chide the Wayward Children and the Gaze attack basically turn into Charm Monster effects. Maybe include a line about attitudes not changing mid-combat, just to clarify?
Also, an aura preventing any creature from starting as Hostile to the Paladin may be a bit too powerful. The last two paragraphs need some clarifying: Are they gained at 4th level or 7th level?
Finally, how does this affect PCs? The rules on Diplomacy say that they can't be used on PCs, and this has a similar type of effect. The Paladin would basically become a Mary Sue to the PCs: Their character likes the beautiful Paladin, to the point where they cannot actually attack it unless provoked.
The range of the Gaze is also unlisted.
Book of the Law
Seems to come in a bit late in the class. It's standard stuff for an Inquisition-type character.
Repair Broken Cogs
Is there any way to reverse the condition? This question probably should also go under the Chide the Wayward Children ability, in case the will save isn't enough, but this is something big that demands an answer. (On a side note, how does the Will save work if they're immune to mind-affecting then, but not when they first are hit with the ability?) It's a powerful, and nightmare fuel-based ability, and causes problems when it makes something like a Bard or Barbarian become Lawful.
True Condemnation
Flavorful, but NERF NOW PLEASE. The 7th level Gaze attack now causes instant death, each Fist attack and (Quickened) Eldritch Glaive swing now carries a Death effect rider. Forcing someone to make 9 (with Quickened Eldritch Glaive+other full attack+Gaze) or more Fortitude saves against a higher-than-normal DC (Due to Charisma SAD and the fact that it starts as DC 16+Cha mod at level 11, and then increases at a faster rate than spells do) in the same round is a far too powerful. Monsters also don't tend to have immunity to Death effects, so...
Excise Tumors from Society
Boost an ally and add a rider effect. Decent effect, overall, but I would take out the True Condemnation effect, as adding yet another SoD the normal routine is a bit much.
Long Arm of the Law
If any of the laws include "Cannot attack another person without a sanction," this ability is busted. And given the sway that a Paladin would likely have in a lawmaking department, that's a likely thing to happen. An AoO for each attack made against them, without expending uses? Possibly more, depending on other minutia? If Spellcasting is against the law, then mages are screwed over, as they won't ever be able to use Verbal components. If it's restricted to reasonable levels when melee combat and spellcasting are allowed in the city, or other conditions based on the meaning of righteous when applied to people other than the Paladin (ordered by their superiors to take down the Paladin, for example, which may or may not work), then it's not too bad an ability.
Laws are Life
Cool and flavorful; could possibly be moved to lower levels, but still a good placeholder.
Laws are Truth
Enter a given area and die from True Condemnation. While allowing immunity to mind-affecting isn't too big a deal with the Chide the Wayward Child ability, disallowing immunity to death effects when you're tossing around ridiculous numbers of them each round (let's see: Gaze, full attack, potentially Quickened Glaive, moving into aura, AoOs from breaking laws in the Aura... did I miss anything? Oh, yes, adding the Death effect to an ally's attack as well) makes it too powerful, again.
Perfect Harmony
This is nightmare fuel. Pure, high-octane, nightmare fuel. If you buy an object the Paladin was around when it was made? You begin to conform to their morals, and are forced to obey. Entire towns would be forced to conform and obey the Paladin after a short length of time. Each of their outgoing products, which are going to be high quality, will cause others to fall under the aura, potentially causing guilds to convert to Paladin control. Members of the guild then become hubs for sending out products that will begin to cause everyone to conform. If someone in an organization breaks a rule, they get hit with what is potentially a death effect. This is very much a story-warping power, and while it certainly fits... it may be definitely is too powerful. It grants the power to take over the world the Paladin, and that might be too strong. You may also want to clarify whether or not the effects persist after the Paladin dies...
Final Thoughts: Well. The Paladin has a few powers that are a bit too strong; high-damage AoOs against anyone who is Aware and doesn't follow their commands within their Aura whenever they disobey, throwing out high-DC death effects like nobody's business, warping the campaign even without their capstone, and so on. It's very flavorful and made of nightmare fuel, though, and I found it a (mostly) well executed and interesting concept.
__________________ Xykon avatar by Elagune. Innistrad, coming soon to a D&D 3.5 game near you!
That. Is. Amazing. Do you mind if I include it with the class?
Why, thank you! I would be honored.
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Originally Posted by sirpercival
Hm. I see your point... I wanted to allow entry via other paths, and simply encourage monk entry. However, I probably didn't do enough of the latter. Any suggestions?
I would throw in some abilities that would be improved by Slow Fall, Ki Strike and Purity of Body. For instance, allowing the enchantment of the Mechanus Skin as a weapon only for characters with Ki Strike (Magic), or giving them perfect maneuverability with Ordered Flight if they already have Slow Fall...
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Originally Posted by sirpercival
Well, what you seem to have completely ignored is that I accidentally put Ex when I meant Su. Come on, do your homework!
I would throw in some abilities that would be improved by Slow Fall, Ki Strike and Purity of Body. For instance, allowing the enchantment of the Mechanus Skin as a weapon only for characters with Ki Strike (Magic), or giving them perfect maneuverability with Ordered Flight if they already have Slow Fall...
How can I have missed this? My apologies.
I like these ideas and have appropriated them. Thank you!
__________________ (member in good standing of the troll-feeder's guild)
Finally got my Geometrist done (though the name is still a working title.) Take a gander at these poor little Psions who just want the world to be a little more orderly, and will accomplish such with lasers if they must.
Okay, fellow Playgrounders, I need you to make a decision for me. I have two PrC ideas, one based on a theoretical physicist (yay abstraction and dimensionality!) and one based on a museum curator (preserve ALL the things!). Which one should I do for the contest?
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Better to DM in Baator than play in Celestia
You can just call me Dice; that's how I roll.
Sig of Holding
Spoiler
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Originally Posted by abadguy
Darn you PoDL for making me care about a bunch of NPC Commoners!
Okay, fellow Playgrounders, I need you to make a decision for me. I have two PrC ideas, one based on a theoretical physicist (yay abstraction and dimensionality!) and one based on a museum curator (preserve ALL the things!). Which one should I do for the contest?
I will aid you...if you guess what my abilities do!
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Originally Posted by Chilingsworth
Wow! Not only was that awesome, I think I actually kinda understand Archeron now. If all the "intermediate" outer planes got that kind of treatment, I doubt there would be anywhere near as many critics of their utility.
I would go with theoretical physicist. It's probably going to be easier to design, and I always like seeing someone applying dimensional shenanigans to D&D. On the other hand, it might overlap with Hyooz's Geometrist this contest, which could be bad for you both.
__________________ Xykon avatar by Elagune. Innistrad, coming soon to a D&D 3.5 game near you!
kinda not feeling my shepherd of order, kinda too serious and meh, so i'm working on a turkey riding knight of justice instead. Dire turkeys may be involved.
kinda not feeling my shepherd of order, kinda too serious and meh, so i'm working on a turkey riding knight of justice instead. Dire turkeys may be involved.
chocobo knight would be neat for a FF themed game, also had an idea to do a pet based prc where the pet was an upgradable mechanical turkey that could spit fire, launch exploding rockets, use disintegrating eye lasers and what not. probably would be better as a full 20 level class tho.
I'm less and less enamored of my capstone. At first the idea of the Geometrist making himself into some kind of lich-lite in an effort to bring his own mind and body into line amused me, but it feels kind of out of nowhere.
I'm considering replacing it with something like this:
Spoiler
Point of Order (Ps): Creatures coming within 10' of the Geometrist must make a Will save (DC TBD) or the Geometrist may manifest his Shunt PLA on them as a free action. Flavor and real wording incoming.
Problem is, as fun as that ability is, it doesn't really feel "capstone"-y.
Ask, and ye shall receive! This is pretty much stream of consciousness.
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{opening fluff}
Already said I love this.
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WHAT IS RIGHTEOUS BEHAVIOR?
This class is based upon the premise of "righteous" and "unrighteous" behavior, terms that are not relevant rules-wise outside of this class.
Might be better to say "not well-defined" rather than "relevant" -- some of it can be relevant in relation to the original paladin's code. Or rather just say that you're defining them for the purposes of this class, with no bearing on other mechanical effects.
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However, for the purposes of this prestige class, "righteous" behavior is defined as behaving in accordance to the laws of the most relevant governing group, with the exception of any laws that prevent brutality on the part of the lawkeepers. Likewise, "unrighteous" behavior is defined as behavior that is intentionally contrary to the relevant laws. A Paladin is merciful, and will let you get away with minor infractions; after all, too harsh a hand will ruin the beautiful machinery of society.
I'm not convinced that intention should make a difference. Ignorance is no excuse, right? Also, "the most relevant governing group" may not be well-defined in any given situation. From the rest of the fluff, it seems like maybe this should be more along the lines of "the laws which are convenient to the Paladin's mission & purpose". Laws conflict all over the place, even when laid down by the same governing body; a character will have to choose which laws to be enforcing at any given time, and being LE (even though they think they're in the right) will probably pick the convenient ones.
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For example, a Paladin enters a small village, tasked by his superiors with burning out heretics. As dragging a man kicking and screaming to the town square to be burned before his family and friends as a warning is against the laws of the hamlet, the Paladin would be indulging in unrighteous behavior. However, due to the fact that he is under orders by his supervisors, and specific orders by a direct superior trump general laws, his acts are entirely righteous.
Maybe put in explicitly that orders from superiors always take precedence over the given laws. Also it's probably cleaner to include the "it's okay for violence" thing above to go along with that… something like "orders take precedence, & violence is okay" since they're both exceptions to the normal rule.
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An interesting note is that murder and violence in the name of society are righteous behavior, even if the society has laws against violence and murder; this is not to say that pacifism and calm discourse are unrighteous, but Paladins certainly have no issue with personally dealing with lawbreakers.
Additionally, if two opposing groups both have relevant claims towards a given situation (such as if an Orc tribe are defending themselves from a town militia seeking to oust them from their homes), the Paladin simply chooses one set of laws, and holds the other set of laws as unrighteous.
Ah, this is what I was talking about above.
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Don't we all sleep well, knowing we have such virtuous defenders?
Lol.
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ENTRY REQUIREMENTS Alignment: Must be Lawful Class Features: Eldritch Blast 3d6
There's no way to satisfy this and not start out as evil, I think… or rather, you would have to achieve 5th level in warlock and then change your alignment to lawful, which might be easier said than done.
Also, the warlock part of this doesn't necessarily make sense thematically. Why would someone like this (who seems rather militant, tbh) take 5 levels of warlock? I understand the class features are synergistic, but I'm not sure the prereq is justified.
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Special: Must have slain an innocent to "prevent them from knowing suffering later." Must have done so with no remorse, and no regret. There must be sacrifices for the greater good, after all.
This doesn't necessarily seem to fit -- I would think that a better justification would be "to prevent them from breaking the law". Or is this a 0th Law thing? That makes some sense...
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Class Skills
The Class Name's class skills (and the key ability for each skill) are.... Skills Points at Each Level: 4 + int
Don't forget this!
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{chassis}
Don't forget saves… probably good fort & will, I would think. Full BAB and d10 HD is nice for a melee class, of course. 8/10 invocation progression is also good, my favorite balance point.
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Weapon Proficiencies: A Paladin gains proficiency in all martial weapons.
I understand why this is here, though I'm still a little confused why thematically this is a warlock prc. I might have expected to see this as a prereq, a la abjurant champion.
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Invocations: At each level in this PrC except 1st and 6th, a Paladin increases their caster level and learns new invocations as if they had gained a level in whatever invocation-using class they already have levels in; this does not progress other class features, such as Eldritch Blast or a breath weapon.
Hmm… normally this does progress Eldritch Blast, doesn't it? You require the CF but don't progress it? And you progress invocations but don't require them?
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Splintered Path (Ex): A Paladin has thought about good and evil, and has come to the conclusion that he is good, like a wind taking the chaff away from the grains of wheat.
Very nice!
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A Paladin's alignment on the Moral axis automatically changes to Evil upon taking their first level of this class; they consider themselves above normal morality, and see nothing wrong with a little brutality to prove a point.
In addition, they gain immunity to any effect, short of the direct intervention of a deity, that would alter their alignment. Instead, as long as they pursue righteous behavior, they consider themselves to be Good for the purposes of prerequisites; for all the rules they subject others to, they are the harshest on themselves. After all, others can be fixed with attentive care, and perhaps some... surgery, while the self can only be repaired through harsh work.
So a LE character taking, for example, exalted feats? Awesome. Instead of saying "consider themselves to be Good for the purposes of prerequisites", maybe should say "are considered to be etc.". While alignments are in-game constructs, prerequisites aren't.
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Righteous Presence (Su): A Paladin is a paragon of Righteousness. Notice that the word "Goodness" was not spoken. They are not good. They are right.
I'm not sure how well this works as written. You're kinda dancing between game and metagame… the other flavor pieces seem to be inner-monologue-type stuff, while this is more of an aside to the reader. I'd pick one method and stick to it.
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A Paladin has a Aura of equal strength to that of a Cleric of their level; this is always treated as if it were an Aura of Good as long as they do not act in an unrighteous manner, and as an Aura of their alignment otherwise. Paladins are always fastidious in their observance of laws, as they are key to their... self image.
"They" is ambiguous. "…as laws are key…"
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Fist of Proper Behavior (Sp): Sometimes, you need to punish the unrighteous in a direct manner, in the hope that, when they are dead, their sins will be wiped clean.
"Sometimes, one needs to…" reads a little more stentorian.
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Whenever a Paladin makes a melee attack against a creature that they know to be engaged in Unrighteous behavior, they may choose to forgo the normal damage that they would deal with their attack to instead deal damage equal to their Smite damage plus their caster level.
If they choose to do this, they receive their Charisma bonus to attack rolls, they may apply any of their eldritch essences or class features that modify their eldritch blast to the attack, and the attack is treated as if it were a Smite Evil attempt.
A Paladin may treat the dice from this class feature as if they were eldritch blast dice for the purpose of prerequisites, stacking with any eldritch blast dice they already have.
This class feature counts as Smite Evil for the purpose of prerequisites.
So literally replacing normal damage? Can the replacement damage be boosted with things like Power Attack? Also, it's not clear whether the EB damage stacks when smiting, or if it's only the opposite (smite damage stacking when EBing).
My suggestion, to make it much simpler, is just to have the "smite" damage be EB increases, and then have a smite be a melee attack which deals EB damage (+whatever). It's clean, and easy to adjudicate, and you can already add essences to EBs. The increased damage, as well, will most likely not be overpowered.
If you don't like that, make sure you at least indicate which caster level is being applied.
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Touch of Mercy (Sp): Isn't it true that, after weeding out the dissidents, those that are left over need a little repair from the flailing of the ones removed? A Paladin sees this and understands.
This is a little awkward. Flailing? Maybe: "A Paladin recognizes that those who remain when the dissidents have been weeded out may need some care and attention." Or something.
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A Paladin of at least 2nd level may, as a Standard action, touch a creature to heal them for an amount of HP equal to the damage from their Fist of Proper Behavior class feature; in addition, they may remove any condition that they could inflict through the use of one of their eldritch essences.
How about just saying they heal damage equal to their smite damage (however it's calculated)?
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Alternatively, they can simply use Fist of Proper Behavior as a touch attack now; sometimes, the fallible need reminding.
In addition, not alternatively, unless you intend them to choose which one when they gain the class feature and not be able to do the other.
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This class feature is treated as if it were Lay on Hands for prerequisites and the purposes of any feat or effect that alters or adds an effect to the damage healed by Lay on Hands.
Feats only? What if there are items, spells, soulmelds, etc. which would alter LoH?
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Zealot's Cause (Su): Some call Paladins mindless zealots. Paladins prefer to think of themselves as people who can do what needs to be done.
A Paladin of at least 2nd level whose Aura of Righteousness is not displaying their true alignment receives their Charisma bonus to AC, as their actions in accordance to the law brings their bearing closer to the universal ideal; minor scuffs in their armor are buffed out when they wear them, mud seems to be lightly repelled, and the metal takes on a bright, hopeful sheen.
This is a little indirect to determine. Why not say "as long as they are engaged in righteous behavior"?
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A Paladin of at least 5th level who is benefiting from a bonus to AC from this ability also gains their Charisma bonus to all saves, as their flawless obsessions shield them from harm.
"Flawless obsessions" is awesome. Sounds like a great band/song name :D
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A Paladin of at least 8th level that is benefiting from the bonus to AC from this class feature is immune to all sources of penalties, ability damage, and ability burn to their Charisma score and Charisma-based skill checks; a Paladin is always a strong, righteous figure, beautiful to behold.
Maybe instead "is immune to Charisma penalties, damage, burn, and/or drain, as well as penalties to Charisma-based skill checks" would be cleaner.
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Chide Wayward Children (Su): One can hardly expect a person to cleave to laws that they don't know, can they? However, once taught, ignorance is no excuse.
Hm. OK, I had thought that "ignorance is no excuse" should be more central to the class. As in, shouldn't people learn the laws in the places they live? Otherwise how can they live righteously? I had thought the onus would be more heavily on the subjects. But it may be irrelevant anyway.
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A Paladin of at least 3rd level may modify any of their spell-like abilities so that, in addition to the normal effects of the spell-like ability, they may also force the creature to roll a Will save against a DC of 10+Class Level+the Paladin's Charisma modifier, or have them become Aware.
An Aware creature is treated as if they were wearing a Phylactery of Faithfulness at all moments for the remainder of their lives; they are allowed a Will save each day at dawn to remove this effect.
This, of course, removes any excuse of ignorance on the part of those so blessed. In addition, any Aware creature that performs Unrighteous behavior is marked in a way unique to the Paladin that placed this effect on them; perhaps their eyes seem to not have pupils, or their hair turns a vibrant, bright green.
Finally, once a creature has become Aware, their record is washed clean; they are no longer treated as if they were Unrighteous, until they perform an Unrighteous act.
This is a Mind-Affecting ability.
Alright, first of all the wording of this begs the question: what kind of action does the modification require? A better wording is probably: "Any time a Paladin of at least 3rd level successfully affects a creature with one of his invocations, as part of the same action he may also force the affected creature to roll a Will save (DC 10 + class level + Cha modifier) or become Aware. This is a mind-affecting effect." I love the phylactery of faithfulness idea, though it has a couple problems -- it requires the creature to concentrate on what they're about to do (though I guess the Paladin doesn't care about that, really), and it doesn't have any bearing on laws unless the target is lawful. It only matters about their alignment and deity. Perhaps you should say "it works like PoF except that the creature is aware of any act which conflicts with a Lawful alignment, no matter what the subject's true alignment" or something. Also, is the marking visible to others?
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Aura of Conviction (Su): A Paladin cannot be the only one who stands up for a righteous lifestyle! Indeed, that would be most unfortunate…
Lol.
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A Paladin of at least 3rd level constantly produces an aura that grants a morale bonus equal to their Charisma modifier to all Charisma based skill checks and to all Craft, Knowledge, and Profession skill checks, as long as those checks are performed as part of the pursuit of Righteous behavior.
However, if a creature performs Unrighteous behavior within the radius of the Aura, the Paladin may make an attack of opportunity against them, which deals damage as with a Fist of Proper Behavior attack, regardless of whether or not the Paladin threatens that creature. Every creature within the aura is aware that they will be struck if they so much as walk a hair off the proper path.
How large is the aura? Also, I think it reads better as: "A Paladin of at least 3rd level emits an aura of radius X feet, which grants to all allies within the area a morale bonus on all Craft, Knowledge, Profession, and Charisma-based skill checks equal to the Paladin's Charisma modifier. This bonus only applies when making checks as part of the pursuit of Righteous behavior.
However, if a creature within the radius of the aura, whom the Paladin threatens, performs Unrighteous behavior, the creature provokes an attack of opportunity from the Paladin. He may only use this attack of opportunity to perform a smite attack. etc."
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Majesty of the Law (Su): A Paladin cannot look like some bedraggled vagrant; they are the face of the law, and the law is beauty.
A Paladin of at least 4th level shares all benefits of their Zealot's Cause class feature with any creature that they are currently riding, the beast's pelt and accoutrements cleaning themselves, becoming bright and beautiful.
A Paladin of at least 7th level has become the beautiful face of the law; they gain a gaze attack that forces creatures to make a Will save against their Chide the Wayward Children class feature.
In addition, the attitude of any Aware creature towards the Paladin or any other creature that makes or regulates laws start at Friendly, and improve by 1 step otherwise.
Finally, any Aware creature treats any direct order by the Paladin as if it were a relevant law for the purpose of whether or not they are performing Righteous or Unrighteous behavior. A Paladin needs to take a Standard action to issue an order in combat, as they must place the full weight of their authority behind the words.
These effects seem somewhat dissimilar to be handed out as the same ability. They don't scale intuitively, and in particular the 7th-level ability should be part of Chide, not this. However, if you want to keep them grouped, I would word it like this: "Beginning at 4th level, any creature that the Paladin rides may gain the benefit of the Paladin's Zealot's Cause ability. The beasts… etc. At 7th level, the Paladin can use his Chide the Wayward Children ability as a gaze attack with a range of X feet; this gaze attack only has an active effect, not a passive one." The last two abilities, what level do they come at?
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Book of the Law (Su): A Paladin cannot enforce the law if they aren't aware of it, can they?
A Paladin of at least 4th level automatically becomes Aware, if they weren't already. In addition, they may use Detect Evil at will as a Spell-Like ability; however, in their obsession for the observation of law, they see any creature that has performed Unrighteous behavior as Evil.
I would just call it Detect Unrighteous, and say it works like Detect Evil. Also, does it detect creatures which have been Unrighteous at any point in their lives, or is there a time limit?
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How the Paladin responds to this is entirely based off of their personalities; some simply try to redeem the wayward children, while others see them as worthy of nothing more than death.
I'm not sure this is necessary, simply due to being kind of obvious. It's a fun sentence, though, so maybe you should leave it in.
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Repair Broken Cogs (Su): It's a pity how some creatures simply go astray; a Paladin knows that, in their utter wisdom, sometimes creatures need to be... fixed.
A Paladin of at least 5th level may, as part of a ritual that takes 24 hours, Fix a willing Aware creature. Once they have done so, that creature no longer receives Will Save to end their Awareness.
"receives a Will save". Hm, permanent awareness? Cool.
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Additionally, that creature treats any charm or compulsion effect that attempts to make them perform Unrighteous behavior as if it were a suicidal order, and they must perform a Will save against the DC of the Paladin's Chide the Wayward Child class feature to even perform any Unrighteous action.
Finally, that creature's alignment shifts one step towards Lawful.
I would rewrite this thusly: "A creature which has been affected by this ability must make a Will save (DC X) or have its alignment shifted one step closer to Lawful. In addition, the affected creature abhors unrighteous behavior, and treats any charm or compulsion effect that attempts to make them perform Unrighteous behavior as if it were a suicidal order." Or something like that.
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True Condemnation (Su): Sometimes, it isn't enough to simply chastise a creature; examples must be made, after all.
dun dun DUUUUUUUUN!
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A Paladin of at least 6th level, whenever they would be able to apply their Chide the Wayward Child class feature, may instead choose to simply Condemn them.
This causes the creature to make a Fortitude save against the same DC as their Chide the Wayward Child class feature; upon failing this save, they die from their lawbreaking ways, as they simply burst out of their skin in patterns of blood which serve to tell anyone who can read the precise patterns precisely which laws that the lawbreaker broke.
This is a Death effect.
The "them" in the first sentence is ambiguous, change it to "the target" or "the subject". After the semicolon, should maybe read "on a failed save, the target creature bursts out of its skin, dying instantly due to its lawbreaking ways (this is a Death effect). The blood patterns serve to tell anyone who can read them precisely which laws the lawbreaker broke." And then include some rules there for being able to rad the blood patterns.
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Excise Tumors from Society (Su): A Paladin cannot work alone; this is a fundamental fact. Everyone must pitch in to aid in their crusade!
A Paladin of at least 6th level may use Aid Another as an Immediate action; in addition, the next attack made by a creature that the Paladin performs an Aid Another for is augmented by either Chide the Wayward Child or True Condemnation, whichever would be more relevant.
Can they Aid Another more than once per round using this ability? Clarify either way.
Also, if the second ability only triggers on an Aid Another -> attack, it should read like this: "in addition, whenever the Paladin successfully uses Aid Another to increase an ally's attack roll, if that attack roll is successful, the attacked creature is also affected by either the Paladin's Chide the Wayward Child ability or his True Condemnation ability, chosen by the Paladin when making the Aid Another attempt."
If it triggers on any Aid Another (skill checks, etc.) then it should read like this: "in addition, whenever the Paladin successfully uses Aid Another on an ally, the next time that ally makes an attack against a creature, the attacked creature is also affected by either the Paladin's Chide the Wayward Child ability or his True Condemnation ability (assuming the attack is successful), chosen by the Paladin when making the Aid Another attempt."
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Long Arm of the Law (Su): It is simply amazing how many think that they can escape the reach of the law. It is a fool's gambit. The law is everywhere.
Love this. "Fool's gambit" is such an evocative phrase… :D
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A Paladin of at least 7th level that makes an attack of opportunity due to Aura of Conviction does not use up an attack of opportunity from their allotment that round; it would be ridiculous if punishment was curbed by something so pitiful.
"Whenever a foe provokes an attack of opportunity from a Paladin of at least 7th level due to the Paladin's Aura of Conviction ability, that attack does not use up one of the Paladin's attacks of opportunity for the round; it would be ridiculous…"
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In addition, the Paladin may forgo performing an attack of opportunity to instead Silenced, as per the spell, for 1 round per caster level of the Paladin, as their traitorous words simply stop at their lips, thus preventing their heresy from spreading.
"In addition, the Paladin may choose to forgo the attack of opportunity granted by Aura of Conviction, in which case the offending creature is silenced, as per the spell with a caster level equal to the Paladin's caster level for invocations. Their traitorous words simply stop at their lips, thus preventing their heresy from spreading."
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Laws are Life (Su): It is true that laws are far more important in this world than such pitiful requirements such as food and sleep. The Paladin, in their mercy, extends such benefits to all that choose to see the true path.
A Paladin of at least 8th level does not need to eat, sleep, or drink; the benefits of this do not apply on any day in which they perform an unrighteous act. This benefit (and restriction) also extends to any creature Fixed by the Paladin, or that is Aware and within the Paladin's Aura of Conviction.
Lol. Nice.
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Laws are Truth (Su): Why do creatures choose to break laws? It must be madness; therefor it is.
"therefore"
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A Paladin of 9th level's ability to guide the wayward improves.
The Paladin may apply Chide the Wayward Child to their Aura, affecting any non-Awakened creature that tries to enter. They must make this save once every 24 hours that they spend inside the aura.
"The Paladin may choose to have his Chide the Wayward Child ability affect any non-Awakened creature who enters within range of his aura. Such a creature only receives a save once every 24 hours spent within the Paladin's aura." Also, which aura? Conviction, or Righteous Presence?
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In addition, the Paladin's Chide the Wayward Child and True Condemnation class features now ignore any immunity to Mind-Affecting and Death effects that a creature may have; not even the dead escape the law.
Sweet. I will say that normally when brewing, whenever I make an ability pierce immunities, I generally give an ex-immune creature a +4 or +5 bonus on the save. Up to you, though.
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Perfect Harmony Forever (Su): In a Paladin's ideal world, the trains run on time, and they themselves are unneeded.
Trains are anachronistic, though I like the image.
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Any creature that fails 2 consecutive saves against a Paladin's Chide the Wayward Child class feature automatically becomes Fixed, as per the Paladin's Repair Broken Cogs class feature. They need to succeed on 2 consecutive saves to lose their Awareness.
"Any creature affected by the Paladin's Chide the Wayward Child ability must make 2 consecutive saves to end the effect instead of 1. Conversely, if an affected creature fails two consecutive saves, the creature becomes Fixed (as per the Paladin's Repair Broken Cogs class feature)."
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In addition, any organization where at least half of it's members are Aware is treated as if all of it's members were within the Paladin's Aura of Conviction; any creature that joins the organization is treated as if they just entered the Paladin's Aura.
Need to define what counts as an organization. Also: "Any creature that belongs to an organization where at least half of the members became Aware due to the same Paladin gains the benefit of that Paladin's Aura of Conviction ability. Whenever a creature joins such an organization, it is treated as if it just entered within range of the Paladin's Aura." Need to specify that the awareness came from the same Paladin, otherwise which Aura do they get the benefit from?
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Finally, a creature's Awareness is practically contagious; any creature that comes in contact with an item created through a Craft check augmented by the Paladin's Aura of Conviction, or that gains money through a Profession check augmented by the Paladin's Aura, must make a Will save against the Paladin's Chide the Wayward Child class feature. They are only forced to make this save once per day per object.
Weird… have the Paladin's artificer cohort sell items at a discount, and make the whole world Aware. :D Anyway, "Finally, a Paladin learns that Awareness of the law must be contagious, or creatures slip slowly into Unrighteousness. Whenever a creature makes an item with a Craft check augmented by the Paladin's Aura of Conviction, or gains money from a Profession check augmented by the Aura, that creature is affected by the Paladins' Chide the Wayward Child class feature; additionally, any creature which comes in contact with an item made with a Craft check augmented by the Aura is similarly affected. A creature affected in this way need only make a save once per day per object."
Also, you need to define what "comes in contact" means -- skin contact? In possession?
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PLAYING A PALADIN
You are a scythe through a field of the law-breaking. It is rather pathetic, the level of resistance that they give. Combat: A Paladin at first fights like any Warlock, augmenting their attacks with Chide the Wayward Child. After all, striking a law-keeper is against the law, most of the time. Later, they may simply strike down a creature that disobeys the law, or even a direct order... Advancement: A Paladin may follow any path after they finish their pursuit of the law; there is no real amount of restriction towards how they will advance after they reach their apotheosis. Resources: A Paladin will be supported by whatever organization that they are a part of; they will especially be aided by the Devils that took their pact, as are they not the most righteous of creatures? They break no laws, and the Paladin is indebted to them.
PALADINS IN THE WORLD I can't say nothing bad about him; that's against the law.
Paladins are seen as terrors by criminals, blessed guardians by law-abiding citizens that have never met one, terrors by law-abiding citizens who have met them, and as wonderful friends by those who have been... repaired by a Paladin. Daily Life: A Paladin will follow the schedule for their organization for all of their lives, until the organization either falls or they draw their final breaths. Notables: Make up some cool information about notable figures in the history of your class. It's best to give a little information from one of the good alignment and evil alignment (unless it's a good or evil only class). Organizations: A Paladin is part of any organization that will take them; there are even orders made purely of Paladins, which make their own laws…
I really like all of this -- in fact, I want more! Can you flesh it out a little more?
Overall: great class :D I'm still not sure where the Warlock connection comes in… I feel like there's something I'm missing. Either way, there are only a couple abilities which synergize with warlock stuff. Maybe build more interconnectivity into the class features?
Holy crap, this PEACH is long. Um… don't feel the need to respond to everything I said, just the things you want more discussion on.
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Re: GitP PrC Contest Chat Thread IV
