Things I May No Longer Do While Playing III: I May Not Iron Heart Surge Rule Zero

[Flame of Anor]

Here's the third volume of the Playground's compendium of zany and game-breaking things not to do! In the noble tradition of the Mr. Welch list, of course. Many thanks to RandomLunatic for suggesting the new title, and to all the other suggesters (whose proposals were all good).

[Any] Things I may no longer do while playing.
Things I May No Longer Do While Playing II: Stop Making The DM Cry


Note: if you're going to use numbers, please keep the numbering in order. This means:
1) don't add sub-rules to previous numbers--people will think that number is the current one
2) look to make sure that the last post isn't a sub-rule to a previous number

I suggest using asterisks, though, as the first thread did.

[Doorhandle]

I will respect your wishes even though having a counter is fun.

Also, LOLFIRST!

*My Seeker cannot impersonate Odin, Thor, Atremis, or any other mythological figure with a ranged weapon.
*Ahab is right out.
*No, my Seeker does not play quiddich, and he has never heard of a golden snitch.
* If my character can jump into orbit, I will not be surprised when the G.M forces me to take fire, lightning, and necrotic damage.
* If I survive this, I may not complain if I take the same damage again while falling back to earth, or while flying into space.
*may not sing “In the belly of the whale” if my character has been swallowed whole.
* It is bad form to bring any substance with a PH above 8 whenever this happens.
* Cannot elect to crawl out the smelly end, and I deserve everything I get if I try.

[Esprit15]

Some PTTA ones that have been sitting around in my mind.

*I may not rewrite my motto from "The world is my oyster" to "The world is my burn barrel."

*Confuse Ray does not hit other planets.

*I am not Death, and I am not the Destroyer of Worlds. Not even if my team would fit the theme.

*Psychics don't work that way.

*Someone's heart is not a legal target for telekinesis.

*Blood plasma, even if mostly water, is not water and is not controllable as such.

*My name may not be Newton Jule Tesla. The DM knows where things will go if I am allowed this. Especially if I would have had a massive INT score.

*Phasing my hand into someone's body, then stopping while my hand is over any vital organ will result in the loss of said hand.
a. No, I may not do this until I just have a stump and then switch to the other arm.
b. Not even if I keep making the death saves for dismemberment.
c. Replacing the stump with a mechanical arm is just poor taste. Expect malfunctions.

[Flame of Anor]

* I may not use the Daern's Instant Fortress as a command-activated grenade/mine to fling enemies across the board.

[Winds]

Originally Posted by Flame of Anor

* I may not use the Daern's Instant Fortress as a command-activated grenade/mine to fling enemies across the board.

That's brilliant, actually.

*If I know the town is defending against an attack and teleport somewhere else rather than help defend, I will miss at least one encounter.
*If I get too specific regarding how thoroughly I want to coup the bad guy's corpse, no amount of insisting my class is trained to react to danger will allow me to act in the initiative placing I would otherwise.

[Ksheep]

* May not use any items out of the Warcraft RPG books if we're playing normal D&D.
* May not play a Warcraft Gnome or Goblin.
* May NOT play an artificer as though he were a Tinker from the Warcraft RGP.

[jindra34]

Getting numbering right (I hope, and as of ksheep, 22 in this thread + 2126 prior).

2149) I'm am not allowed to use any kinetic weapon that fire projectiles larger than hand grenades.

[Vknight]

*My players can no longer play bards
*I can no longer play a summoner with access to mage armor or shield
*I may Iron Heart Surge domination even if I can't
*I may not Iron Heart Surge saving throws
*Chainsaws may be on the equipment list but not a weapon for zombie killing
*The dual nun-chuck is not a weapon
*Either is the dual cane
*The dual knife is right out

[blackjack217]

2157) I may not Iron heart surge Gravity.
2158) Even if I could it does not end the effect of gravity throughout the prime.
2159) You know what? It worked, now you get to go on a quest to fix it before your idiocy destroys everything.

[Vixsor Lumin]

Originally Posted by Vknight

*My players can no longer play bards
*I can no longer play a summoner with access to mage armor or shield
*I may Iron Heart Surge domination even if I can't
*I may not Iron Heart Surge saving throws
*Chainsaws may be on the equipment list but not a weapon for zombie killing
*The dual nun-chuck is not a weapon
*Either is the dual cane
*The dual knife is right out

*dual sword chucks will get me thrown a free table. To the face yo

[Antonok]

Originally Posted by Vixsor Lumin

*dual sword chucks will get me thrown a free table. To the face yo

*Cannot yell Gnome-dokun if I throw the party gnome.

*Halfling-dokun isn't acceptable either.

*Neither is Goliath-dokun.
^Specially when I'm playing a halfling.

[Waspinator]

Originally Posted by blackjack217

2157) I may not Iron heart surge Gravity.
2158) Even if I could it does not end the effect of gravity throughout the prime.
2159) You know what? It worked, now you get to go on a quest to fix it before your idiocy destroys everything.

Congrats, you broke the world:
http://www.rpgnow.com/product_info.p...ducts_id=50019

[Necroticplague]

*Open-heart surgery is not aided by the Knock spell.

[Metahuman1]

2165: My Barbarian may not yell "KIAOKEN!!!" when he enters his Rage.

2166: He may also not yell/scream with out using actual words as part of entering it.

2167: And the Frenzied Berserker absolutely may not yell/scream with out using actual words and when Frenzy is active have blond hair and blue eyes. More so if his hair and eyes were black prior too.

[Civil War Man]

* The verbal component for Control Weather is not an impromptu a capella rendition of The Scorpions' Rock You Like a Hurricane
* My characters are no longer allowed to apply the Silent Spell metamagic feat to the following abilities: Command, Suggestion, Speak with Dead, Power Words, or any spell that deals sonic damage.
* My Divine Metamagic (Persistent) cleric is no longer allowed to take the Planning Domain.

[Doorhandle]

My characters are no longer allowed to apply the Silent Spell metamagic feat to the following abilities: Command, Suggestion, Speak with Dead, Power Words...

*If I attempt this anyway, it will result in the spell being lit up with bright neon lights.

Anyway, here's some from a one-off session.

*The huge crevasse that just opened in the street is not the buttcrack of hell.
*Even if it smells of brimstone and the elemental chaos.
*My first response to the situation is not to call the fire brigade.
* If my character breaks rule one, and the GM’s paladin of kord uses a storm-hammer with the dragonborn mark of lightning, that does not make us Odin and Thor.
*If I am using an attack which is a push, it is expected to push the enemy AWAY from myself.
*The D.M shall be informed that if failing a reflex save results in you falling for 7d6 damage, and then taking 5 ongoing fire damage, at lv 8, it is still going to be considered a save-or-die.
* The warlock is not to show up for the session after all the fighting is done and a character has died.
*If you can climb down the shaft, or switch places with someone to teleport down there, it is considered polite to just climb down.
*Not to question how said lightning paladin can cast endure elements against fire.
*Fire mephitis cannot be destroyed with judicious application of a fire extinguisher.
*Not to ask why dust mephitis are intangible while smoke mephitis are not.
* The smoke mephitis do not own or use cigars, pipes, or cigarettes.
*Salt mephitis are not salty old sea dogs.
*The warlock is not to teleport everywhere just to confuse us.
* My seeker doesn’t resist fortitude attacks on account of sheer manliness.
*Even if it was vs lava.
* Helpful hint: Disabling the mephit-summoning traps is done with a skill check, not by hitting them real hard.
* If this results in 2 concurrent natural ones to disarm it, it is all my fault.
* Stopping these portals does not result in despondent mephitis knocking on the other side of the portal and asking if anyone’s there.
*Nor does it result in the disconnection noise.
*Even if he didn’t make his save against blindness for 7+ turns, the paladin is not called Blindy McSightless.
*Not to run out of ideas and just bounce around the walls blindly on the seventh turn of this.
*Killing whatever blinded you is not how you cure blindness, no matter what the warlock says. He’s not a real doctor!
*If the paladin opens his eyes again and finds that everyone is dying, this doesn’t mean he has a gaze attack.
*The warlock dose not curse enemies by swearing furiously.
* While awesome, flipping off the enemy doesn’t do this either.

[boomwolf]

*may not use vorpal swords to auto-kill the universe.

[Pie Guy]

Originally Posted by boomwolf

*may not use vorpal swords to auto-kill the universe.

Of course you can't do this, the universe doesn't have a specific head in melee range.

[Waspinator]

If someone asks if you're a god, you may NOT say yes.

[Ksheep]

*Vampires are allowed to hit water elementals, even if it would make the elemental cross.

[Qwertystop]

Originally Posted by Pie Guy

Of course you can't do this, the universe doesn't have a specific head in melee range.

Technically, the head doesn't need to be in melee range. You can slice a dragon in the tail with a Vorpal dagger and have a 1/20 chance to decapitate.

[Vknight]

*If some one asks if your a god you say yes!
*If some one asks if your a demonic entity from beyond there mortal realms you should ask them why?

[Doorhandle]

Originally Posted by Ksheep

*Vampires are allowed to hit water elementals, even if it would make the elemental cross.

*Cross-bows are not holy symbols, and you cannot kill vampires with them unless they shoot stakes.
* While it WOULD do a lot of damage, launching a Minotaur from a ballista wouldn't work unless it also carried another kind of stake.
* Filling a portable hole with water will not work for this purpose.
*...you are no longer punny.
*Using control undead on the vampire lord will not let me control all his spawn, and this goes treble for wights.
* If this vampire sparkles in sunlight, that doesn’t make him actually some sort of leech man.
*It is clever, but in poor form, to booby-trap your blood by consuming huge amounts of garlic, holy water and communion wine.
* Fire damage in excess of 260 HP will not evaporate the vampire's mist form
*The cleric's bodily fluids will not harm the vampire without 100gp of materials, thank you.

[RandomLunatic]

* - Casting Glitterdust on a vampire and waiting for it to be crushed to death by a mound of squeeing fangirls is not an effective battle strategy.

[Vknight]

*If some one asks if your a god you say yes!
*If some one asks if your a demonic entity from beyond there mortal realms you should ask them why?

[NikitaDarkstar]

* My bard may not out damage the barbarian.
* Especially not by smacking things with his guitar.
* No matter the charisma score the dire bear will not calm down and walk off because I said "nice bear..." in a really friendly tone.
*While awesome I do need to stop using summon weapon+whirling blade as an answer to everything, especially while also maintaining a Bardic Music, it upsets the wizard.
* "Thunderstruck" is not an acceptable song for Inspire Courage. (Everyone knows it needs to be "We will Rock you.")
* No matter how good the Diplomacy roll was my bard can not talk the Lady of Pain into giving him Sigil.
* Being 1/4 nymph does not make you irresistible to women of any species.
* If it does, expect it to include species who's attention you absolutely do not want.

[ryu]

* May not be into that sort of thing. Seriously ew.

[Flame of Anor]

Originally Posted by Civil War Man

* My Divine Metamagic (Persistent) cleric is no longer allowed to take the Planning Domain.

Sorry, that doesn't work--time stop has an Instantaneous duration (since durations are measured in the real-time world).

Originally Posted by Qwertystop

Technically, the head doesn't need to be in melee range. You can slice a dragon in the tail with a Vorpal dagger and have a 1/20 chance to decapitate.

But the universe does not have a discernable anatomy.

[Rankar]

*I may not use a Wish spell to turn everyone of evil alignment into a puppy.
*I may not use a Wish spell to turn everyone of good alignment into a puppy.
*I may not use a Wish spell. Period. Ever. Stop looking at it.
*I may not usher in a new age of reason by proving that a wizard can divide by zero.
*I may not outperform the bard with the wizard just because I had the skill points to spend on Perform [rhythmic gymnastics].
*I may not make a Vow of Poverty Druid with the Saint template.
*I may not make out with a gibbering mouther. Ew.
*I may not teach the paladin communism and the concept of the greater good.
*It is not within my rights to overthrow the established monarchy using the communist paladin.
*I am not allowed to play a wizard with Flaw [No 4th wall]
*I am not allowed to play a wizard.
*I am not allowed to play a spellcaster.
*I am not allowed to play anything but a rogue and fighter.
*I am no longer allowed to play a rogue.
*I may now play a warrior.

[Socratov]

*no, vampires and glitterdust do not go together. that's it: vampires are now houseruled to be immune to glitterdust.
*shifters are no werewolves, and they don't imprint...
*no any combination of shifter, werewolf and/or annointed knight. No oils for you...
*No, you don't have proficiency(squealing fangirl), no, a spealing fangirl is not a throwable object