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9) Having big secrets like "I am actually an evil wizard who was just pretending to be a good paladin" SPECIALLY not if this is a secret from the GM as well
10) No matter how welsh my characters name is, I am not allowed to buy sheep to form a "harem"
13) I am not allowed to play oriental men over 6 feet tall.
14) I am not allowed to name my character after any mortal kombat characters
15) I cannot cast Ragnarok
16) I cannot throw party members who are smaller than me at the enemy
17) I am not allowed to explain the commoner railgun in any detail to anyone at the table at any time
18) I am not allowed to play a cyber ninja
19) I am not allowed to play a duskblade that has access to true strike AND arcane strike
20) I am not allowed to make my own problems so I can solve them over the course of many sessions
21) I cannot use staggering strike unless I have the page for it open
22) If even one player at the table cannot say my character's name with a straight face, I am not allowed to use that name.
23) I am not allowed to name my Greek-themed hero Testicles.
24) My casters are not allowed to assign custom names to their spells just so they can shout them out manga/anime style with every casting.
25) Next time I shout out "TENTACLE RAPE!!" when I cast Black Tentacles my alignment will instantly shift to Chaotic Evil and I will be smited by my LG God.
26) Same goes for using the line "OPEN WIDE AND SUCK ON MY ROD!!" when I use a metamagic rod.
27) I will stop instigating racial hatred between dwarves and elves in a setting where they happen to get along just fine.
28) I am not allowed a Necklace of Fireballs, ever, for any reason. In fact they no longer exist in the setting.
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Been there, fought that, died horribly.
Something fun and flavorful to get your DM throwing books at you: Katana Chucker
35) I am not allowed to declare my character to be the son of a candlemaker and get a free Candle of Invocation.
36) I am not allowed to give my character any name that has more special characters than letters.
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Give me any character, and I will give you a freeform conversion.
10) No matter how welsh my characters name is, I am not allowed to buy sheep to form a "harem"
Just throwing this out there to combat the orientalism. A harem is not a place for wanton sexuality. A good way to think of it is as arabic or turkish for the european concept of a home. It is the private place a family goes. It comes from the roots hrm which are part of words meaning things like sacred, private, holy, etc.
Even for the Sultan, it was not a place for him to go bang a dozen chicks. Or sheep, in this case.
37) It doesn't matter if the rules allow it, outrunning F1 racecars is wrong.
38) I am no longer allowed to have my characters wear glasses of any size, shape or color.
39) My backstory must make sense for the character level, and is not allowed to include the words "level drain". Furthermore, I can't just have amnesia and forget all the cool stuff I learned when I leveled up.
40) If my character's name involves any of the following words: "Badass, Laser, Awesome, Fish, Killer, or Slaughter", I will be forced to rename him.
Just throwing this out there to combat the orientalism. A harem is not a place for wanton sexuality. A good way to think of it is as arabic or turkish for the european concept of a home. It is the private place a family goes. It comes from the roots hrm which are part of words meaning things like sacred, private, holy, etc.
Even for the Sultan, it was not a place for him to go bang a dozen chicks. Or sheep, in this case.
I'm sure he meant that his character is going to settle down to be a sheep farmer. You and your dirty mind brought up "banging the sheep". Eew. You ought to be ashamed of yourself.
41) I'm not allowed to summon up spirits to posses fellow party members.
42) I'm not allowed to hire hackers to upload pedo pictures to club owners computer systems.
43) I'm not allowed to play a dwarf.
44) I'm not allowed to play evil, ever.
45) I'm not allowed to set things on fire.
46) I'm not allowed to play a sexcrazed nymphomaniac lesbian fey. Elf is fine.
47) I'm not allowed to carry an elephant rifle on the streets.
48) I'm not allowed to be overpowered, even if the dm was the one who helped me optimize my character.
49) I'm not allowed to pick Kane (from c&c) as a deity.
50) I'm not allowed to set party members on fire.
51) I'm not allowed to loot good stuff such as operation tables, beer kegs or store merchandise.
52) I'm not allowed to halt the dungeon crawl to put my skill points in mining to use on ore deposits.
53) I'm not allowed to chose the flaw phobia: elephants.
54) I'm not allowed to play a scorpion-centaur.
57- I am not allowed to fake torture NPCs cause ya know, that'd be taking roleplaying an evil PC too far. Its not like we're playing a game of gratuitous violence.
16) I cannot throw party members who are smaller than me at the enemy
19) I am not allowed to play a duskblade that has access to true strike AND arcane strike
20) I am not allowed to make my own problems so I can solve them over the course of many sessions
20 IS the plot of more than one campaign I currently have going. Not intentionally, but still...
16 is a common tactic in our evil campaign. Bugbear Fighter throwing the halfling Barbarian.
I play 19. it's worth it.
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Artanis
Somebody that pisses off a Warlock is going to go down fast. But with a Warlock, death will be a mercy because the Warlock is a secondary controller, and en route to killing you he'll first cripple you, then blind you, then set you on fire, then steal your girlfriend.
"There is no overkill, there is only 'open fire' and 'I need to reload.'" - Howard Tayler
63) If another player is playing a child, I will not play a pedophile just to create "dramatic tension", even if the player of the child is only doing so to abuse obscure stat boost/aging rules and deserves it.
64) Nothing about my character can make the DM and/or anyone else at the table physically uncomfortable.
65) Nothing about my character can be a reference to an obscure in-joke that makes me and/or anyone else at the table chuckle every time it comes up.
66) I am not allowed to use Mindrape on other party members, even if the target is chaotic stupid and the rest of the party is in full support.
67) I am not allowed to use Mindrape ever, for any reason. In fact the spell no longer exists.
68) I am not allowed to create a pure CW Samurai character to kill the party wizard AND cleric, at the same time, just becasue I got bored and wanted to show them how unoptimized they are.
69) I am not allowed to create a barbarian if there is already a fighter in the party.
70) I am not allowed to instigate fights between party members just to see who will win.
71) I am not allowed to instigate a fight between the halfling and another player's mount just to make a Belkar reference.
72) My centaur character is not allowed to have a human parent and a horse parent.
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Been there, fought that, died horribly.
Something fun and flavorful to get your DM throwing books at you: Katana Chucker
73)I am no longer allowed to put ranks in Diplomacy so that I can turn the campaign's BBEG into my cohort.
74)I am no longer allowed to put ranks in Handle Animal or use wild empathy checks so I can tame every Tarresque I find.
75)After next session, I will no longer be allowed to put ranks in Perform(See #73).
76)I am no longer allowed to utter the word 'dinosaur' during character creation, *especially* in Eberron campaigns.
77)I am not allowed to buy scrolls of PAO, even if I can afford them.
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Avatar by Assassin89
I started my first campaign around a campfire, having pancakes. They were blueberry.
My homebrew(updated 6/17):
80) I'm not allowed to sell dungeon furniture. Looting goldcoins is fine, taking the adamantite door is not.
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Two rules get you through life:
1. If it's stuck and it's not supposed to be, WD-40 it.
2. If it's not stuck and it's supposed to be, duct tape it
Last edited by Bouregard : 02-17-2010 at 04:26 PM.
81) I am not allowed to bluff the party wizard with high diplomacy into believing something so he can, in turn, use that high diplomacy skill to make the NPC with high insight believe him all because he actually believes in the lie I told him originally.
82) I may not bluff the monster into believing it's dead, not even on a 20. Even if the final result is a 31 a level 1.
83) I am no longer allowed to make characters with short term memory loss.
84) Regardless of how funny it is my gnome is not allowed to ride a german shephard as a mount.
85) My gnome also cannot wear all green and speak with an irish accent.
86) When I'm presented with the main plot hook of the game I am not allowed to answer "No thanks, I think I'd rather just stay home and play out my day to day life."
87) I am no longer allowed to barter with dragons.
88) I'm not allowed to use Alien 3 as an arguement that fire + ice should force a fortitude save or cause instant death.
(well, we can't all be skippy, so this'll have to make due)
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2000 things I'm not allowed to do in an RPG
