Personal Woes and Advice 2

[rogueboy]

Just feel a need to add something to this...

Originally Posted by MonkeyBusiness

Whatever it is that brings even a slight smile or flush of hope to your being ... find a way, even a small way, to pursue that.

Do this no matter what your mental state is. Improvement is always worth pursuing.

[Cobra_Ikari]

...I'm really frustrated with having to deal with awful people and hate having to feel scared because of it and I really need a hug because I don't know what to do anymore. =\

[Ialdabaoth]

Originally Posted by MonkeyBusiness

Ialdaboth, I do not know you or your experience at all. I do know that almost everyone can do *something* to try to improve one's lot. Maybe the attempt will be small, and maybe not always successful: but to continue to try to improve is the indicator of effort.

A person dealing with a tragedy, disability or illness, or a series of challenges, might have to focus for a time on very basic things, such as personal hygiene, nutrition, and other basic self-care. Over time, one tries to add more responsibility to the list, like going to work or school. The point is not where you are on the list, but doing the tasks consistantly and well (not perfectly, just consistantly and well), so that you can add to your list.

If you do not feel you are a reliable judge of what you can do, it is good to go to a trusted friend or doctor for insight. But remember that the words, "I think you can do more," are not the same as "I think you are lazy."

Also, when one has been "stuck" in depression for a while, it is like one's batteries have died. That's not laziness. That's just needing a jump start. The best jump start I know of is an exciting change. That might be hard for you to imagine at this time, but do try to imagine what one might be.

For me, it was returning to school. Whatever it is that brings even a slight smile or flush of hope to your being ... find a way, even a small way, to pursue that.

-Monkey

Well, for me, the last "exciting change" was returning to school. Four years later, I'm not even halfway there, and am failing out... I was just too burnt out to make it.

Before that, the "exciting change" was getting a job that I felt actually mattered. It lasted nine months; I couldn't handle the politics and the backstabbing within the department.

At this point, I've reached a level where I really do feel like anything I do will blow up in my face, and then be mocked and used as an example of how I wasn't even trying or deliberately sabotaged it for pity. And I'm really, really tired of hearing that.

[Crow]

Originally Posted by Ialdabaoth

Well, for me, the last "exciting change" was returning to school. Four years later, I'm not even halfway there, and am failing out... I was just too burnt out to make it.

Before that, the "exciting change" was getting a job that I felt actually mattered. It lasted nine months; I couldn't handle the politics and the backstabbing within the department.

At this point, I've reached a level where I really do feel like anything I do will blow up in my face, and then be mocked and used as an example of how I wasn't even trying or deliberately sabotaged it for pity. And I'm really, really tired of hearing that.

Screw it, join the Coast Guard.

No idea why that popped into my head. But it felt like the right thing to say for some reason.

[blackfox]

Originally Posted by Cobra_Ikari

...I'm really frustrated with having to deal with awful people and hate having to feel scared because of it and I really need a hug because I don't know what to do anymore. =\

*hugs* I'm online most of today.

[pffh]

Well I just found out that around this time next year all my friends will be moving to various different countries or to the other side of the country for a few years or permanently to work and to study. So I'll be completely alone so yeah....

[MonkeyBusiness]

Ialdaboth, I can certainly understand how attempts that start out hopeful, then sour, can be painful and discouraging: even more so when you seem to have your own personal hecklers.

Please keep in mind what I said at the beginning of my post: a change can be very small. You asked how to know if you are "lazy" or not, and my answer was that a willingness to continue to attempt forward momentum is what disproves laziness.

Cobra, *hughughug*
I'm sorry people are being scary and making your life hell. Would it help to talk about it?

Pfft, Awww, that is a sad thing when all your pals disperse like that. Has the diaspora started yet? Will there be time to get together before they depart? I hope you can at least have a send-off that will provide closure and a good memory.

Meanwhile, you have my sincere sympathy. Having several good friends leave all at once is a significant loss.

-Monkey
.

[The Succubus]

Originally Posted by pffh

Well I just found out that around this time next year all my friends will be moving to various different countries or to the other side of the country for a few years or permanently to work and to study. So I'll be completely alone so yeah....

I can empathise with that. My best friend of 25 years is moving out to China later this year and despite the occasions where I really want to kick him in the head, I'm going to miss him like crazy.

If you can, try to save up enough for at least a one off visit. It'll cheer both of you up immensely. One guaranteed way to make yourself feel loved and less lonely is to go to a Playground meet-up. Be warned though - they are highly addictive.

[Ialdabaoth]

Originally Posted by MonkeyBusiness

Please keep in mind what I said at the beginning of my post: a change can be very small. You asked how to know if you are "lazy" or not, and my answer was that a willingness to continue to attempt forward momentum is what disproves laziness.

Right now, my "forward momentum" is taken up trying to strike out on my own in the RPG/CCG market, but I have to admit I'm floundering there, too.

[TechnOkami]

Ahpffsh.... I feel as if my "woes" aren't worth talking about compared to a slice of the stuff I just read.

Well, I guess a good place to start on my personal problems would be linking you guys to this thread I made a while ago.

tl;dr version: lost in life, no direction whatsoever

That simple statement holds true to this day. I really don't know what I should be doing or focusing on. I'm currently a sophomore in college, and I've tried English, and to be frank it really didn't settle well with me, for whatever reason. I still like to write creatively, but in terms of obtaining an English degree for myself, I just don't see myself as an English Major. Writing for me has become more of a hobby if anything (I tend to participate in the many Roleplay games here on GitP, for example), but I don't think I could make a living as a writer.

I've found that my passion for Art still holds strong, incredibly strong, and I think I'll be focusing on that, or at least trying to. However, I've found that my extremely passive and chill personality inhibits motivation for me, and if anything I'm motivated to be relaxed/chill/lazy because I enjoy being so. I don't like being stressed. Despite how huge of a hindrance this tends to be for me, to be honest, I've come to terms with how I am. I honestly like being calm and chill, unstressed, lazy, ect., and it's not something which I intend to forcefully change. This is my personality as far as I'm concerned, and though it might be helping my personal issues, I don't really want it to change (as weird as that sounds).

Most of all, however, I think I'm scared. Even if I get an Art degree, will I be able to make money at it? Will it let me make a living for myself? I honestly don't know, but I fear most that my life will come crashing down around me if I pursue what I truly want to do, and I won't be able to get up afterwards. I know this sounds (defeatist?), but it's how I honestly feel at this moment with my life. Even though I see a direction of sorts that I can finally start stepping towards, I'm scared stiff that I "won't make it" sort to speak.

So... yeah.

Other than this sense of foreboding I'm feeling from feeling lost all the time, my PS3 broke. To be frank though, compared to the majority of the stuff I read through on this thread, my problems feel insignificant compared to other people's woes.

[Taffimai]

TechnOkami, I think that perhaps you might find fulfilment in some artistic craft where you're self-employed. I'm thinking of my teacher in art school, who made stained glass windows for a living. Making those is a job you can't rush, and he was the most chill person I've ever met.

[rogueboy]

Originally Posted by TechnOkami

Most of all, however, I think I'm scared. Even if I get an Art degree, will I be able to make money at it? Will it let me make a living for myself? I honestly don't know, but I fear most that my life will come crashing down around me if I pursue what I truly want to do, and I won't be able to get up afterwards. I know this sounds (defeatist?), but it's how I honestly feel at this moment with my life. Even though I see a direction of sorts that I can finally start stepping towards, I'm scared stiff that I "won't make it" sort to speak.

I don't know many people who got a degree in the general area of "Art", but I do know 1 person who graduated with me who got her degree in graphic design. She got a job fairly quickly in the LA area and is really enjoying herself. I also have a family friend who does stained glass work from her garage, and while I don't know how successful she is, I know that she enjoys what she does and they have a comfortable life (her husband works in construction, if I recall correctly).

Looking forward to what you want to do after you graduate is probably the best way to figure out what degree(s) will be helpful towards that end. If you can find someone who works in a field that is at least close to what you want to do, ask them about how they got there, what the pros and cons of what they're doing is, if they have any advice on getting somewhere similar, etc. A career services center at your university will likely be able to help you as well, although their direct knowledge of any given field is almost guaranteed to be lower than someone who's in that field. They might be able to get you in contact with someone, however.

[TechnOkami]

Originally Posted by Taffimai

TechnOkami, I think that perhaps you might find fulfilment in some artistic craft where you're self-employed. I'm thinking of my teacher in art school, who made stained glass windows for a living. Making those is a job you can't rush, and he was the most chill person I've ever met.

Originally Posted by rogueboy

I don't know many people who got a degree in the general area of "Art", but I do know 1 person who graduated with me who got her degree in graphic design. She got a job fairly quickly in the LA area and is really enjoying herself. I also have a family friend who does stained glass work from her garage, and while I don't know how successful she is, I know that she enjoys what she does and they have a comfortable life (her husband works in construction, if I recall correctly).

Looking forward to what you want to do after you graduate is probably the best way to figure out what degree(s) will be helpful towards that end. If you can find someone who works in a field that is at least close to what you want to do, ask them about how they got there, what the pros and cons of what they're doing is, if they have any advice on getting somewhere similar, etc. A career services center at your university will likely be able to help you as well, although their direct knowledge of any given field is almost guaranteed to be lower than someone who's in that field. They might be able to get you in contact with someone, however.

Thanks you guys. I'll take your advice to heart and, well, as cheesy as it sounds, "follow my dreams". I'll try to remember this if I get lost again.

[Crow]

My sister got a degree in Art. She is a waitress. The sad part about following your dreams is that for every guy that gets to live his dream, there are a dozen that end up waking up.

On the other hand, if you get any sort of engineering degree, there are a crapload of jobs out there right now that pay really well and have great advancement opportunity.

Good luck out there.

[TechnOkami]

Originally Posted by Crow

My sister got a degree in Art. She is a waitress. The sad part about following your dreams is that for every guy that gets to live his dream, there are a dozen that end up waking up.

On the other hand, if you get any sort of engineering degree, there are a crapload of jobs out there right now that pay really well and have great advancement opportunity.

Good luck out there.

Unfortunately I'm terrible @ anything revolving around the maths or sciences. Thanks though for the support.

[Lord Loss]

Just pitching a few ideas your way: Psychology, Social Work, Business, Urban Planning, Policework, Pharaceuticals, Nursing. All of these are degrees that have a steady amount of available jobs and don't, for the most part, require taking the science path beyond highschool.

[dehro]

or.. learn a trade and turn it into something artsy.. like welding..and then use welding to sculpt.. or some other combo.

[Crow]

Originally Posted by dehro

or.. learn a trade and turn it into something artsy.. like welding..and then use welding to sculpt.. or some other combo.

That's one of the cooler ideas I've seen for a long time.

[Blue Ghost]

After coming home and being happy again for a few weeks, I'm feeling depressed again. While I think it's temporary, it doesn't bode well for my ability to cope when I go back to college in two months.

I just feel like I'm not able to deal with all the evil and sorrow in the world. All my life I've been sheltered and led the perfect life, and never had to deal with any real external hardships. Sure, there's been depression, but that's something inside myself, and even that I haven't been able to overcome without the help of my family. This first year of college, I've been paralyzed with depression for nearly the entire year, despite having the support of so many good friends around me.

And it's not just college. In the last couple of years, I've tried reaching out to people in the Playground, trying to help people whose life circumstances are less fortunate than me. In doing so, the presence of evil has become real and personal to me, having seen friends entrapped in it with no way out in sight. I never know the right thing to say, and I often wonder what's the point of trying to help. Evil is always there, and what I can do can't really put much of a dent in it. I still have that passion to help others, but it's diminished now that I feel so useless. And now my idealism is so shaken that I can hardly try to tackle any problems in life without feeling overwhelmed by the magnitude of the evil out there, and questioning whether there's a point to trying to fight it. I still want to help people, but it's hard when the attempt to do so seems futile and brings me down.

And I know that my perfect circumstances won't last. In college and after, I'll have to start really struggling with life, going through real hardship, providing for myself both materially and emotionally rather than looking to my parents or people above me, as well as (if I'm to remain true to my calling) helping others in any way I can. I just feel emotionally unequipped, like I'm not cut out for life.

This feeling will pass quite soon, I know, as I'm at home, surrounded by friends and family. But I fear that if I don't get stronger, my next year of college may well be as miserable as my first, to say nothing of the rest of my life.

[Castaras]

Could someone kick me up the behind and tell me that I can do it? Kinda getting myself into a panic over the exam in September that I need to pass to be able to continue my degree.

[The Succubus]

@Blue: I think the problem is that you're mentally paralysing yourself by biting off more than you can chew. Even the most powerful of superheroes are unable to fix all the evil in the world, because unfortunately evil has a place in every person's heart - mine, yours, even the people we love and admire the most. Getting rid of it completely would be to lose a part of our humanity.

Instead, look at it another way. You try to be a good person, helping and caring for those around you. By making them happy and giving them a little boost to their day, it increases the chances of them doing something nice for someone else and giving that person a little boost and so on. Through the science of wave propogation, each of these little wave forms can end up hitting the same person and turn what was going to be a crap day into a good day for them.

In a nutshell, just do what you can for those around you and let the others out there do the same and all the little ripples of good deeds and good thoughts can go a hell of a long way.

Originally Posted by Castaras

Could someone kick me up the behind and tell me that I can do it? Kinda getting myself into a panic over the exam in September that I need to pass to be able to continue my degree.

*kicks up the behind* You can do it.

What is it specifically that's stressing you out hun? Is it concerns over a certain type of question they might ask in the exam or is it more of a general thing?

If it's the former, revise the bits you feel confident on - don't redirect all your energies on to one bit. I find that if I focus all my revision onto one subject, the other subjects vacate my brain and I still feel unsure about the bit I was looking at.

If it's the latter, set aside one evening each week dedicated yo relaxation. Proper stuff like a hot scented bath, an early evening nap, chill out music - all those sorts of things.

[dehro]

Originally Posted by Crow

That's one of the cooler ideas I've seen for a long time.

if nothing else, if the art bit doesn't put food on the table, you always have a trade to fall back on.

[Blue Ghost]

Thanks, Succubus. I'll try to keep my spirits up.

I'm thankful that I have a strong support network, to bring me up when things are looking down. I just fear for those people who don't have such a network. I have a friend on Skype, to whom I've been trying to minister, but I'm afraid I'm not strong enough to bear his burdens anymore. Is there anyone here who would be willing to Skype with said friend of mine? PM me for details?

[sktarq]

Originally Posted by Castaras

Could someone kick me up the behind and tell me that I can do it? Kinda getting myself into a panic over the exam in September that I need to pass to be able to continue my degree.

*Applies pad to combat boot then kicks up behind*

What's getting you about this test? If you don't feel prepped you have time to tune up. If its not that then is it some stress that the test is just a happy happy home for?

[Alarra]

wow, sktarq. I haven't seen you in aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaages. welcome back.

*kicks cassie too* cause all the cool kids are doing it.

[blackfox]

Originally Posted by sktarq

*snip*

WHOA IT'S YOU

ION, Cassie, git off the computer and go study

[Lord Loss]

@Cassie You go girl! You go girl! *Hires cheerleaders to root for you*

[MonkeyBusiness]

Castaras: Turn around. Yeah, it's nerve-wracking anticipating a big exam ... or anything, really. Sometimes the anxiety gets so bad it's hard to concentrate on studying, which is what one needs to do, of course: and so the snowball effect begins.

You probably already study every day. Do you give yourself a cut off time? I study and write the same way I go to work: a report in at the same time each day, work for the same number of hours, then quit when the time is up. I don't work late, nor do I skip out early, because the first leads to burnout and the second will get me fired.

Good luck!

Blue Ghost: If you are that worn out helping your friend, and your friend has made little or no progress, then it is likely that help is not what your friend is looking for. You are enabling that person. For your own sake as well as your friend's sake, it it time to stop.

I'm sure it is more complicated than that, and that your friend is a good person. However, the red flag of enablement is that the helper gets worn out.

You've been going through these depressions chronically. It is time that you did what you've advised others to do: get yourself some help. As you rightly observe, it will be much harder to cope with this in the middle of the semester, so now is the time to act. Please talk to yyour parents about this today.

[Blue Ghost]

@Monkey: You are absolutely right. I need to stop.

I do realize that I need help. But where do I get it? I've talked to my parents, and while they genuinely care about me, the only advice they can offer is to fill up my schedule and keep myself busy. While I'm sure that will distract me from my depression and lift my mood, it doesn't deal with the underlying problems, and won't lead me to be emotionally stable. Counseling hasn't helped in the past, and medication doesn't seem to have any effect. I've dealt with depression in the past, and then, I always seemed to come out of it stronger than before. But now, I'm really losing hope that I'll ever be better. What do I do?

[The Succubus]

If counselling isn't helping, it might be worth trying to see a psychiatrist. They have a wider range of options and ideas available to them than a standard counsellor. Monkey is right though (as always) - caring is like donating blood. Helping someone out can me them feel better but you have to look after yourself as well, otherwise you'll end up getting weaker and feeling bad about not being strong enough to help others.

@Monkey: It's good to see you back here again. Are you starting to get better? *hug*