D&D Vending Machine XXVI: Traderous Rascals

[PurityIcekiller]

Welcome back to the Vending Machine! The last thread is here, and the rules are down there.

Originally Posted by Crisis21

You see, in some dark forgotten corner, a vending machine. This magical vending machine is inhabited by the Vending Machine Gnomes (no, no one quite knows just how they manage to either fit or live in there).
The machine has a magical coin slot through which any item, of any size, of any degree of tangibility, may be inserted as payment. The vending slot works the same way, capable of dispensing an equal arrangement of items.
The Vending Machine Gnomes are willing to trade certain items for others, and can be quite fickle in what they dispense. If you insert a Lightning Bolt, you might get a live carp to the face.

I insert my keyboard.

[Gnomish Wanderer]

You get a keytar! It looks like it's Crisis's.

I insert a clue for analysis!

[Righteous Doggy]

You recieve a soda, it doesn't look like much, but its a vital part of solving the case!

I insert the moon. You know, that big round thing we worship in the sky.

[Crisis21]

You get two moons! Phobos and Deimos!


I insert the moons of Jupiter.

[Kneenibble]

You receive the the Blue Moons of Mongo and their rebel scourge, Flesh Gordon.


I insert the squeezings from a pimple.

[Erik Vale]

You recieve a projectile vomit. All over your clothes, as all the gnomes heave at once in disgust.

I insert your clothes. Leaving you naked after removing your vommited on clothes. Perhaps you will get some clean ones, instead of nudie photos.

[Righteous Doggy]

Nope! Instead you get a washing machine. It new your efforts!

I insert a saint nymph druid.

[Crisis21]

You get a nice young lady who is sucking on a bus.


I insert the rings of Saturn.

[Elemental]

You get the planet Saturn.
Right on top of you.

I insert a lethal mixture of volatile sunstances contained within a delicate crystal vial.

[Xerinous]

You receive a gram of pure Cesium in what appears to be a small, water-soluble capsule. This all, unfortunately, comes out of the machine in a full bottle of water.

I insert some Rubidium in sealed container, the rest of which is filled with Neon.

[Cuthalion]

You get a water bottle filled with you don't exactly know what.

I insert a puppy.

[Righteous Doggy]

*I pop out* How'd I get here? I was eating breakfast and it just threw me out...

I insert a crystal used to power cool magitech thingies!

[Balmas]

You receive an awesome magitech gun, plated with titanium and glowing red with arcane might. You also receive the user's manual, a note that says: point away from face.

I insert the magitech gun halfway and pull the trigger.

[Gnomish Wanderer]

You get tons of gallons of water rushing out of an anti-riot hose!

I insert the FoxSignal.

[Mixt]

You receive a bunch of hungry seamonsters, they want you to feed them, now. Or else they will feed on YOU instead.


I insert The Sun.

[Righteous Doggy]

You recieve a solar powered car!... which sun did you put in?

I insert a flashlight.

[Kneenibble]

You receive a fleshlight.

Umm, if you don't already know what that is, don't Google it.



I insert a twisty tree-like formation of native silver.

[Elemental]

You get an invitation from the Gnomish Society of Natural History to attend the opening of their new exhibit!
Such a glamorous event, lucky you!

I insert Kneenibble's RSVP.

[Cuthalion]

You get your RSVP!

I insert a dime to see if I can get a brochure for this event.

@V "Trollface"? Not a good idea, buddy.

[Mixt]

{scrubbed}

[Righteous Doggy]

You get a large mob of a trolls (FUU~ Face)

I insert a video of Mixt himself(getting in trouble, of course)!

[Erik Vale]

You get a compilation tape of not so righteous doggies.....

I insert the internet.

[Cuthalion]

You get the ethernet.

I insert a grappling hook.

[Trufflehound]

You get the complete grappling rules, now even more complicated due to the addition of hooks.

I insert the fear of fear itself.

[Elemental]

You get the fear of the fear of the fear itself, phobophobophobia.

I insert Trufflehound, so that he can receive proper psychiatric care.

[Righteous Doggy]

Unsure of where he went, you did receive a nurse!

I insert a mighty hoard of gold and gems and artifacts!

[Cuthalion]

You don't get anything back, but do hear cries of glee from the Vending Machine Gnomes. Apparently they're too busy counting their new wealth to give anything back.

I insert flypaper.

[Balmas]

You get stuck.

I insert an online order for a new mouse!

[Sorator]

You get a small, squeaky animal with whiskers and a tail. It seems to have a laser pointer taped to its belly.

I insert my internet connection.

[Righteous Doggy]

Nothing comes out, it appears to have lagged... wait no, heres a printout of your email!

I insert a censorbar. I stoled it from someplace... Forgot where, but its going in!