D&D Vending Machine XXVI: Traderous Rascals

[Gnomish Wanderer]

You get a space suit!

I insert a lock of rainbow hair.

[PurityIcekiller]

You get a key with a symbol of a cloud shooting a rainbow-coloured lightning bolt on it.

I insert Bullet Hell.

[Diego Havoc]

You get Fluffy Cloud Heaven.

I insert every movie by M. Night Shyamalan. Ah, why not? I'll also insert Shyamalan himself.

[Odentin]

You get me, crawling away in fear.

Damnit, I was COMFORTABLE in there!


I insert a napalm air strike.

[Zaydos]

You receive screams of pain and suffering

I insert protection for the gnomes from the napalm.

[Amidus Drexel]

You get a surfboard, and a copy of Wagner's Ride of the Valkyries.

I insert the french language.

[Gnomish Wanderer]

You receive romanticized ramblings.

I insert a passive aggressive threat.

[Watcher]

You receive pure aggression. Minnesota already overloaded its capacity for passive aggressiveness.

I insert a Magnusson Device.

[newBlazingAngel]

You receive the plans for an elaborate trap involving a magnet and a group of metal golems.

I insert the stat sheet for Spiderman, in the form of the unrevised edition of the Star Wars roleplaying game.

[Zaydos]

You receive Spider-Jedi who wields his light-web with unrivaled skill.

I insert my creativity, however much of that there is.

[newBlazingAngel]

The vending machine apparently believes your creativity is worth a total $9.34

I insert a dollar and hit the 'healing potion' button.

[Amidus Drexel]

You get a fifth of vodka.

I insert Zaydos's $9.34.

[Gnomish Wanderer]

You get a (tiny) gold nugget worth exactly that.

I insert a serires of challenges designed to find the one true hero.

[The Succubus]

The machine spits out a receipt for the assassination of the one true hero.

I insert a correctly-avatarised Gnomish Wanderer.

[newBlazingAngel]

You receive a crayon scribbling of a beholder.

I insert the single containing the song 'never split the party.'

[Amidus Drexel]

BWAHAHAHAHA!!! The gnomes have a good laugh, but they never distribute it. You receive some of this laughter in a bottle.

I insert a 32kb flash drive.

[MonkeyBusiness]

You download the blueprints for what appears to be a winged, self-loading dishwasher. With torpedoes and fm radio.

I insert a chocolate cake and a note of thanks to the gnomes for all the cool stuff.

V @ Gnomish Wanderer: Yay! Everyone is invited to my cake party!

[Gnomish Wanderer]

The gnomes respond in kind. However the cake you receive is easily three stories tall, and their note thanking you weighs a couple hundred pounds.

I insert the shell casings of an undead peanut dragon

[newBlazingAngel]

You receive the bar peanuts every PC populated tavern has.

I insert the legendary hug wolf.

[Amidus Drexel]

You receive Carcharoth. Good luck.

I insert three pounds of swiss, four ounces of gouda, fifteen grams of muenster, and twenty cubic cubits of cheddar. (yeah, that's a lot of cheddar).

[Odentin]

You get a shopping list comprised entirely of fine wines.

I insert a bottle of anejo tequila.

[Gnomish Wanderer]

You get a bottle of anti-alcohol. Potent stuff.

I insert a moral quandary.

[Kneenibble]

You receive heartache and elegant lines in your face.


I insert tears shed over a dead pet.

[Amidus Drexel]

The gnomes reincarnated your pet and gave it back to you. It is now a chimera.

I insert existentialism.

[Sorator]

You get one of those cute little greeting cards that plays a sound when yuo open it - this one plays the sound of one hand clapping.

I insert a card that has recorded on it the sound of a cow bellyflopping into a pool from a great height. (No joke - found one of these in Target.)

[Odentin]

You get a liquefied cow.

I insert a 2 pound cheeseburger.

[Gnomish Wanderer]

You get a twenty pound french fry.

I insert sparkling wit.

[GuesssWho]

You get an evening spent with Oscar Wilde.

I insert frozen fire.

[Razanir]

You receive flaming ice

I jump in

[Odentin]

You manage to make it to the half-built vacation home I was working on in there. If you could maybe get a little work done, I'd appreciate it.

I insert 9d10