D&D Vending Machine XXVI: Traderous Rascals

[The Succubus]

Our crack team of Gnomish experts get right on your case. Anxious minutes pass by as the x-ray is examined in minutest detail, careful measurements taken and comparisons to previous examples made. A diagnosis appears in the "Out" tray:

Spoiler

Yup, that's definitely an x-ray alright.

I insert a flask of extremely strong coffee.

[Archonic Energy]

the flask returns but is filled with a strange yellow liquid... it smells somehow... familiar...

I insert Smellie Hippie's dagger filled corpse.

[Elemental]

The Gnomes wrap his body in linen shrouds and perform ancient rituals to awaken the power of ancient and long-forgotten deities.
smellie_hippie rises from death, ten thousand times more powerful than he had been in life.



I insert all fifty state quarters.

[Odentin]

You get a Puerto Rico state quarter.

I insert Puerto Rico.

[Amidus Drexel]

You receive 51 cloth stars of unequal size.

I insert my internet connection.

[Drynwyn]

You get a Mysterious Internet Device.
I insert this thread.

[Xerinous]

You get a paradox.

I insert a plot hole.

[Diego Havoc]

The vending machine is bigger inside than out, and the plot hole acts like a portable hole. You get sucked into the Astral Plane.

I insert a Kraken.

[Odentin]

You get the biggest, most flavorful calamari ever.

I insert a TARDIS.

[MonkeyBusiness]

You get a second-hand self-cleaning bathroom. Evidently the gnomes bought it off ebay.

I insert the roots of a mountain.

.

[GuesssWho]

You get the beards of women.

I insert Fenris, unchained.

[Elemental]

You get delicately seasoned wolf steaks.


I insert ice cream.

[Odentin]

You get a milk glacier.

I insert Batman.

[Balmas]

You get your butt kicked mercilessly.

I insert a royal butt-whuppin'.

[GuesssWho]

You get a wolf-bitten gnome and a limping Fenrir from my last post.

I insert a fish with bad breath.

[The Succubus]

You get halibut-osis and clip round the ear for making such an awful pun.

I insert my reluctance to leave my warm comfy bed and go to work.

[Archonic Energy]

you get a clip around the ear from mother gnome.

i insert my woven steel wallet.

[Hipho]

You get a three mile long steel thread.


I insert a teenage Minotaur.

[Jester of Doom]

The Vending Machine begins leaking testosterone.

I insert Asmodeus.

[Amidus Drexel]

You receive Demogorgon.

I insert 40d6.

[Odentin]

You take (40d6)[145] damage.

I insert a first aid kit.

[GuesssWho]

You get a Dagger of Healing.

I insert a Rope of Untying.

[Drynwyn]

You get 40 feet of troll intestine.
I insert 2 cows.

[Amidus Drexel]

You receive a T-bone steak and a glass of milk. Enjoy!

I insert two raven bones and a small piece of string.

[Odentin]

You get Edgar Allen Poe.

I insert the attack cat.

[MonkeyBusiness]

You receive the ceiling cat.

I insert the sound of a prelude for lute played upon the guitar.

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[Kneenibble]

You receive a glass of sublime wine; which, after drinking, makes all the awful gear-ground woe of the world seem as a handful of dust in a sweet breeze, and tears and giggles well up as two forks of one spring from the same deep unseen source.


I insert the bass b-flat string untied from my great-grandmother's piano.

[CapedLuigiYoshi]

You receive a pile of sheet music, with that very note repeating every quarter-beat for the entire length.

I insert a hair ribbon.

[Elemental]

You receive a series of technical blueprints detailing how best to solve a problem using bits and pieces of stuff and making something out of them.


I insert obscure references likely to be mistaken for something else.

[MonkeyBusiness]

You receive your very own copy of Ex Librisby Anne Fadiman, which includes a delightful essay on footnotes.

I carefully insert a pot of tea, with scones, butter, jam, and a copy of The Hobbit. I dunno, it seems like a nice way to have breakfast.


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@v: Hmm ... my marriage, in a nutshell.

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