D&D Vending Machine XXVI: Traderous Rascals

[Cuthalion]

You get a history book by Nix Nihila.

I insert a mink.

[Woodzyowl]

You get a green dress. But not a real green dress, that's cruel.

I insert a million dollars.

[Gnomish Wanderer]

You get a small box of chocolates labeled 'My Love' with a price tag that reads [--$1,000,000]

I insert telekinetic bubblegum.

[Odentin]

You get telepathic JELLO.

I insert a fiberglass surfboard.

[Cuthalion]

You get a lookingglass paddleboard.

I insert a grain of sand.

[Balmas]

You get a priceless black pearl.

I insert a lump of coal.

[Woodzyowl]

You get the number 1 spot on the naughty list.

I insert an SATA cable.

@V: Oh, the horror!

[Odentin]

You get a motherboard with only IDEE connections.

I put in my wife's 2005 alienware computer.

[Grim ranger]

You get full Curling set.

I insert Jason Bourne.

[Cuthalion]

You get Jason born.

I insert a 13-foot origami pterodactyl.

[Erik Vale]

You get a horde of screaming girls.

I insert said horde.

[Odentin]

You get Zerg Rushed.

I insert a Protoss Zealot.

[Gnomish Wanderer]

You get a Korean fanboi.

I insert all the SMBG's.

[Cuthalion]

You get them back again. The gnomes think they're a bit too crazy.

[PurityIcekiller]

You get a little note reading "We're not just giving out free stuff, you know".

I insert a sand-witch.

[Amidus Drexel]

You get a prestige class out of an obscure internet source that no one has heard of.@Purity - I don't know, they give out free notes...

I insert craigslist.

[Odentin]

You get 4chan.

I insert /b/

[Zaydos]

You receive /b/ and a note saying: Do NOT want. Also lit dynamite, lots of lit dynamite.

I insert a crate full of holophoners marked "for the children."

@v: All this time and the gnomes were holding out on me with their best WMD

[newBlazingAngel]

You get a hologram device. Unfortunately it can only project the images of George Lucas'es unfortunate swimsuit calendar.

I insert ALL DA DICE!

[Erik Vale]

You get all DA PENS AND PAPER

I insert a Heroes character.

[Ninja PieKing]

You get the Disney Hercules TV show.

I insert a rogue who can use sleight of hands to steal organs.

[Amidus Drexel]

You receive several angry pianists.

I insert the Black Keys. on a piano, or the band.

@v Hey, I use those!

[Balmas]

You get a black keyhole right next to you. Your keys are forever gone, sucked out of your pockets.

I insert your pockets.

[Gnomish Wanderer]

You get a treasure map!

I insert The Gold Monkey Skull of Timbuktu.

[Zaydos]

You receive the first piece of the 100-piece glaive, the other 99 pieces are scattered across 99 different planes and primes.

I insert a boombox.

[Ninja PieKing]

You get a white guy trying to rap.

I insert the disembodied brain of Albert Einstein.

[Erik Vale]

You get the disembrained body of Albert Einstein.

I insert the disembrained body of Albert Einstein.

[Gnomish Wanderer]

You get some strange scientific formula beyond human understanding.

I insert a strange scientific formula beyond human understanding but perfectly within Gnomish understanding.

[Dark Elf Bard]

You get binary mess

I insert a wig.

[Crisis21]

You get Morgan Freeman.

I insert a wormhole.