D&D Vending Machine XXVI: Traderous Rascals

[Cuthalion]

You get a baby red dragon

I insert the rest of the bowl of noodle soup.

[Erik Vale]

You get the bowl back, with a note saying "Please Sir, Can I Have Some More?"

I insert a bomb.

[Odentin]

You get back a defused bomb and a list of notes on how to improve your design.

I climb into the insert slot.

[Zaydos]

You get pulled down the rabbit hole. Good luck with the land of Crisis's plushies (they've not been fed in a while and hunger for human flesh) and the continent of flabort's doomsday weapons.

I pursue Odentin because someone gave me an excuse to enter the machine once more.

[Crisis21]

You get sent to bonus world [111], which happens to be the same place he got sent.

Don't worry, I fed my plushies before you arrived.


I insert more plushies.

[Gnomish Wanderer]

You get some blood-stained stuffing o.0

I insert a perfect 1:4 scale replica of Crisis's keytar

[Grim ranger]

You get three randomly picked musical instruments.

I insert a fancy mask

[Diego Havoc]

You get a DVD box set of M.A.S.K.

I insert Jean-Claude Van Damme.

[Zaydos]

You receive a thank you note from a dragon.

I go on an adventure within the land of Crisis's plushies and flabort's doomsday weapons with Jean-Claude Van Damme looking for Odentin.

[Dark Elf Bard]

You get nothing, as you didn't insert anything.

I insert the Giant In The Playground Forums.

[Amidus Drexel]

Wait, isn't getting nothing something technically getting something? I suppose it depends on how you quantify "nothing". I prefer the subjective, quasi-tangible form of nothing that can be given as something.

You receive the bottled frustration of the server, which implodes as you touch it.

I insert a picture of Al Pacino smiling.

[Balmas]

You get a machine gun with "My Leetle Friend" engraved on the side.

I insert the Joker's scars.

[Zaydos]

You receive half of Two Face's face.

I bottle my nothing and dive into the heart of the machine itself to deal with the gnomes for Odentin's release.

[Ninja PieKing]

You get sneezed out (the machine has peanut allergies)
I insert Peanut (the puppet)

[Amidus Drexel]

You get jalapenos. ON A STEEEK!

I insert said steeek.

[MonkeyBusiness]

You get a bigger stick and an admonishment to lower your voice.

I insert Teddy Roosevelt.

.

[Crisis21]

You get a war medal that reads "Certified Badass".

I insert the severed head of Andrew Jackson.

[Cuthalion]

You get the unsevered head of Michael Jackson. Aww man, now you have to bury him again.

[Gnomish Wanderer]

You get a bar of highly unstable explosives that go off because you've been loitering without putting anything into the machine for too long.

I insert a mask of pure alabaster, carved lovingly and painstakingly painted with fine detail.

[Zaydos]

You receive a bust carved from obsidian, the most minute care taken to ensure that it is perfectly lifelike in shape and size.

I insert every world on the table at once.

[Balmas]

You get severed from yourself, warped through all of them, and severely lost.

I insert an Aperture Science Quantum Portal Device.

[MonkeyBusiness]

Nice going. The vending machine turns inside out. Now we are all on the inside and the gnomes are on the outside.

The gnomes insert two quarters, a euro, a dubloon, and a an old Chuck E Cheese token.

[The Succubus]

Um, what are we supposed to spit out? It's all dark in here and I can't see a thing.

After eventually finding my way out, I forcibily seize the gnomes and stuff them back into the machine where they belong.

[Amidus Drexel]

They get Zaydos. (It was getting crowded, with the gnomes AND a dragon)

I insert two potions of fireball. I don't care how I got them. A wizard did it.

[Diego Havoc]

You get a bottle of hot sauce. Extra, extra, extra strong. Seriously, it's pretty much bottled lava.

I insert the head of Vecna.

[Gnomish Wanderer]

You get the Toenail clippings of Vecna! ... They're not particularly impressive.

I insert a steaming plate of delicious Waffle Fries.

[Zaydos]

You get me, eating said waffle fries... I mean really what did you expect at the moment?

I insert Pluto.

[Ninja PieKing]

You get an angry woopie cushion

I insert my self

[Xerinous]

You get treated to a tour of the inside of the machine. And then locked in the gift shop until you buy something.

I insert a Pokéball.

[Amidus Drexel]

You get a Lv0 M. Good luck.

I insert three cellophane wrappers.