Heroes of the Fall OOC 2

[Erik Vale]

@Raz
I think your the only one who has, however I have yet to build up on the shamanistic rituals of the Bestial beings.
I did however talk about the spirits of sand and air when I was hunting the Puppeteer, not that it build on that much.

[Demidos]

I did mention the Great Hunt, which are the attendant spirits of Aramar. They protect the wilderness (mostly the forests) from despoilers. They however come in part from the souls of the reincarnated spirits of the forest.

[Kasanip]

Originally Posted by Raz_Fox

Hey, guys. So, we've cleared up the bronze thing, which - I suppose - was mostly caused by me having plans and not telling anyone else, simply weaving it into the mythology and expecting people to notice. Which I do, a lot.

But here's another thing. And I don't mean to confuse newcomers, but, well: spirits. How are we dealing with them? I've been trying to portray the rocklands and the deserts of the south as a place where spirits exist in an animistic sense; the river that flows from the Olm has a spirit, and a malignant spirit lurks within the labyrinthine mazes of glass where mortals harvest shards, thirsting for worship and tribute. Spirits exist in the mortal realm, can be persuaded with or slain, and are connected to nature itself, while still remembering the glories of the White City.

Aaaand I think I'm the only one who's done something like that, other than Kasanip and hi-mi-tsu (who seems to have vanished!). Am I wrong? Who else has been using spirits? Should we have more people dealing with rogue nature-spirits and having to develop charms against them? How will that relate to Twilight, if that ends up being a thing?

I want to knooooow. Mostly because a world that makes sense and isn't a patchwork quilt is something I love. Which reminds me, a question for everyone else: is there something you've been assuming in your posts that you wish other people would pay attention to? Is there a theme or an aspect of reality that you would like other people to play with? Let us know, please!

Like was said of Raz_Fox, to have used in the ways of Dragon King and Princesses of Madako lake. Also the Lightning Wolf, being the Spirit of Lightning, and maybe also it can be said [foxes] and [Renard the fox chief] are these kinds of characters too.

I want to ask a question.

Besides Fayruz and Sonata, have any characters used [Create a type - or school, or path, or technique - of Magic] ? I know Fayruz has [Healing] and Sonata created [Ar Maen]. But I don't think any other magic has been created. In case of the situation that it was missed by me. [Healing] is in The Olm, and [Ar Maen] is in Ecchr.

[The Succubus]

I think Roselia created "School of Magic - Illusion".

[BladeofObliviom]

Originally Posted by Kasanip

Like was said of Raz_Fox, to have used in the ways of Dragon King and Princesses of Madako lake. Also the Lightning Wolf, being the Spirit of Lightning, and maybe also it can be said [foxes] and [Renard the fox chief] are these kinds of characters too.

I want to ask a question.

Besides Fayruz and Sonata, have any characters used [Create a type - or school, or path, or technique - of Magic] ? I know Fayruz has [Healing] and Sonata created [Ar Maen]. But I don't think any other magic has been created. In case of the situation that it was missed by me. [Healing] is in The Olm, and [Ar Maen] is in Ecchr.

Roselia created [Illusion], but hasn't taught it to anyone yet.

EDIT: Derp, beaten to the punch.

[Vesth]

Here's my character sheet:

Name: Vorax Dessan
Titles: The Great Hunger, Tyrant of Greed
Domain: Gluttony
Abilities: Bloodlust, Melee Expertise (Gauntlets)
Themes: Desire for Satisfaction, Escape from Curse
Description:

Spoiler

King Mulligan was loved and favored by all, his kingdom, the city of Carne, prosperous under his rule. Sheltered by mountains all around, with a lake to the south for water and fish, a desert over the yonder for sand and rock, the citizens lived happily, with the blooming trades of glass-making, scupturing, fishing and farming lending to the image of a healthy, successful city. But when the King passed away, the mantle was passed down to his only heir, Vorax. Vorax was spoiled, as those born from royalty tend to be, and he cared little for the affairs of Carne, prefering to spend his time honing his skills as one of the culinary arts. Year after year, the economy declined, as Vorax drained more and more from the once grand granaries, holding massive banquets and contests, sending his hunters further and further afield for increasingly dangerous and exotic beasts to savor, and generally leaving the more important decisions of the Kingdom in neglect.

However, on one fateful day, he saw numerous things fall from the White City. Knowing not what to make of them, he mustered up a small contingent of guards, and headed out to the nearest sighting of one of the falling things.

And in the desert, he found a wounded Spirit of Haste.

He could immediately tell that the spirit was not long for the world; the wounds were many and large, and the sand was drenched in red.

And then, in his moment of folly, he committed a grave sin.

Ordering his guards to finish off the spirit, he had them bring back the corpse, and from there, cook it in rich spices and devour it. However, soon after he finished his meal, the Beasts of Chaos came for him, vengenance and fury driving their souls when they realised what had happened to Spirit.

Knocking aside any pitiful defence the Kingdom could muster, they dragged him out, kicking and screaming, all they way to the desert, where collectively, in all their fury, the Beasts in attendence passed their judgement.

He had consumed one of the spirits, and while they will not kill him and waste the power that had been absorbed, they transformed him, warping his body and mind to produce the punishment fit for one as he. For his greed, he shall remain insatiable, his body horrible and putrid to reflect his new stature. Skewed upon multiple spikes, he will be left alone and ravished, with pain tearing within him, enough to cause agony, but not enough to provide the sweet release of unconsiousness or death. A pool of water is placed is front of him, which shows the state of his Kingdom, where he will watch in abject horror as the Kingdom falls to misfortune after misfortune, before dying out altogether in one massive revolt that painted the streets with blood. And even after the pool dries in the hot desert sun, he will be forced to wait, until his salvation and his jailors come.

As he is freed from the spikes, his new followers treat him like a king; but it is no longer a one-sided relationship. Though he is king and god to them, they are savior and jailor to him. They treat him with respect and provide as much luxury as they could, even going so far as to craft him an artifact of power, but they control his actions and his will, drawing upon his power and his might for their own gains, in the name of Vorax, God of Gluttony.

The Church of Hunger

Spoiler

The Church is split into several ranks, from the Initiates to the Grand Priest. The hungrier Vorax is, the better the followers can draw on Vorax's powers for their purposes.

Initiates
The lowest rung, initiates are usually prisoners or kidnapped 'volunteers', and they undergo vigorous 'emotional conditioning', to accept Vorax and only Vorax as their god. They live in miserable conditions, and have no freedom.

Acolytes
When the 'emotional conditioning' is over, Initiates are pitted against each other. To be an acolyte, an initiate must consume another initiate. Their living conditions drastically improve, and they are taught the beliefs and basic rituals of the Church.

Rank 3 Priests
An acolyte must fast for two weeks and complete the Trail of Hunger, before he can be a Rank 3 Priest, after which they must drink a spoonful of Vorax's Divine Blood. Rank 3 Priests form the bulk of the 'Preachers', as they go around conquering and kidnapping to get more followers for the Church. They know more rituals and can cast magic that is fueled by Vorax's hunger.

Rank 2 Priests
To be a Rank 2 Priest, a Rank 3 Priest must fast for a month, and must consume a copy of all religious text of the Church within a three-day sitting. Rank 3 Priests lead Rank 2 Priests in battle, and are substantially stronger than ther counterparts.

Rank 1 Priests
There are only 3 Rank 1 Priests: The Priest of Faith, the Priest of Hunger and the Priest of Power. The Priest of Faith does the strategic thinking and where and how the Church gets more followers, the Priest of Hunger ensures that Vorax is only fed just enough to prevent him from dying of starvation, and the Priest of Power drains Vorax's blood to give to the Church, and researches on how to gain more power from Vorax. Each priest can have up to three apprentices.

The Grand Priest
Oversees the operation of the whole Church. Like Rank 1 Priests, the Grand Priest can have up to three apprentices.

Artifact: Gauntlets of Desire. Allows the wielder to consume more than the physical component of a person, such as one's dreams, an aspect of one's personality, or even a person's soul.


---

Glad to meet all of you

[Gengy]

Originally Posted by Raz_Fox

Am I wrong? Who else has been using spirits? Should we have more people dealing with rogue nature-spirits and having to develop charms against them? How will that relate to Twilight, if that ends up being a thing?

I want to knooooow. Mostly because a world that makes sense and isn't a patchwork quilt is something I love. Which reminds me, a question for everyone else: is there something you've been assuming in your posts that you wish other people would pay attention to? Is there a theme or an aspect of reality that you would like other people to play with? Let us know, please!

Jongo has not been using... spirits, per se. But I have been talking with water and wind. That's really more Wild Sorcery, though. Sort of a Shamanism that talks directly with the elements. In a way, I guess that's talking to the very spirit of those two elements. I haven't had cause to give them Spirit Form yet, really. However, I may start doing that soon -- Jongo's probably going to be working with Earth next, and much like Avatar: the Last Airbender, Earth is and can be quite contrary to Jongo's whole thing. The whole "I am Chaos and flighty and whimsical and... oh, you are just a rock. Well. How do you do?"

That said... There are a couple themes that I would like people to start paying attention to, and invite people to use at any time. If you want me to come be a part of your part of the Disk, you can now - with the creation of Jongoscion - start noticing people with startling green eyes, or unusual shining grey eyes. Talk to them. You'll find them curious, and unusual, and less afraid of you that most normal people might be. They are just as human as anyone else, with their own emotions and everything... but they are Jongoscion that have moved in and have been observing and learning. Notice one of them in your part of the Disk, and I'll be happy to take over and answer questions as that Jongoscion!

Except for the Olm. The Olm will have an old man. An odd man named Lors. He used to be a young boy. But he's grown in the 50 years that the time skip happens. Now he's just unusual, and people would probably notice him moving around town with an odd smile on his face. The rumors were that, as a boy, he talked with Lassar Cornking privately about something, and then... the fight against those battering against the gates was suddenly easier. Something was done to make it more manageable until the great Lightning Wolf returned with the Maidens of Dusk and Dawn.

...or at least, that's what I would have wanted to do, had me and Tech had the time, lol ((No, not blaming you Tech; I had half the responsibility as well. Should have been sending you PMs with ideas. We'll work more together later.))

Oh! One other thing. This is highly important to me. The Sea of Jongo. If you are in command of a sea-faring people, people who travel all over the disk on boats and ship, you would know that the Sea of Jongo is unusually calm. It doesn't rage. There are few storms. And Dolphins play in the waters with wild abandon. Sailors who mess with those Dolphins mysteriously fall in the waters and are never seen again -- to the point that all Dolphins are beginning to be seen as a good omen... but that they shouldn't be slain or bothered, or it's bad luck.


Those are some things I'd like to more people to be aware of, and I don't *think* I've been assuming anything else, but I'll re-read some stuff and let you know!


NEW PLAYERS - I'm sure Dark will ask you to do some of this at some point, but I've kinda hijacked his map to help keep us all aware of where everything is. So. Here are some things I'd really appreciate if you can answer for me, now that you are approved:

(1) What is the text color that you will be using to speak in?
Jongo spoke, "I always talk in Sienna."

(2) Roughly where on the Disk are you right now?

(3) Do you have a home town or city or village or other landmark that you want added to the map? If yes, will you be describing and building upon this area? The more descriptive you get -- the more Acts you spend, the more power in the area -- the more likely I will be to add more then just a name. I keep meaning to make the Olm and Markien a bit more, and haven't found time, lol.

(4) Have you heard of the Gods (PC) before, and if yes, what is your opinion on them? If no, why not?

[Vesth]

1) "Vorax must speak in bolded darkorchid, and we, the Priests, do as well, but without the bold, as so the doctrine goes. If you require us to distingush ourselves further from our beloved and terrifying god, please tell us."

2 and 3)"We are, and always have existed, in the desert. This was where our great god was born, after all. If our maps are to be correct, we would be very much south. We do move and wander around a lot, but our main church lies over the remains of Vorax's previous city, during his tenure as king.

Our Church still holds some of the groundwork structure of the ruined city; stone pillars jut out at irregular intevals, and the desert has expended into what used to be known as Carne. But though sands fill our streets, the lake and many of the previous minerals and materials that blessed Carne blesses us now.

Needless to say, the biggest standing structure in our city, now called Recarne, is the church itself, the grandest project that me and my fellow priests have embarked. The building is spotless, grand, and intimidating, with our holy symbol inscribed on the front of the building. Large as it is, it's even larger underground, mostly to hold our beloved god when he comes to visit Recarne. We would love to describe more, but time is short, and our conquest is at hand."

4)"We do not believe that our god has met with others like himself...he has dedicated all his time to us, and does not actively seek them out...not with all our recruiting going on."

-Isur, Grand Priest

[Tychris1]

Well, my character hasn't been interacting with spirits from the White City all too much, but he has been interacting with the spirits and souls of men, ala binding them onto their corpses and giving them a terrifying form to behold.

[Tectonic Robot]

Wow. Desert sure is a popular place, heh.

Llassar has a whole steppe-continent to himself, and seems like he will continue to have one for the new future. ^^

Famine, who was once mortal but came back because of her rage... would she count as a spirit?

[Raz_Fox]

Originally Posted by Kasanip

Like was said of Raz_Fox, to have used in the ways of Dragon King and Princesses of Madako lake. Also the Lightning Wolf, being the Spirit of Lightning, and maybe also it can be said [foxes] and [Renard the fox chief] are these kinds of characters too.

I'd say that the princesses beneath the lake and the great dragon king are fine examples of spirits, in a story told differently than the way I tell stories. Which is, I think, the way the game should be played in its perfected form. Alas, that we players all are mortal, and have such things as assumptions, creative voids, and sloth drawing our minds away from bright glory.

Besides Fayruz and Sonata, have any characters used [Create a type - or school, or path, or technique - of Magic] ? I know Fayruz has [Healing] and Sonata created [Ar Maen]. But I don't think any other magic has been created. In case of the situation that it was missed by me. [Healing] is in The Olm, and [Ar Maen] is in Ecchr.

...that was the thing I was going to mention about Sapham-ahn's proposed ascension quest! Gah, now I feel bad for not mentioning it earlier. Stupid college and its 'required readings' and 'due papers'.

Okay, Scow. Can I call you Scow, by and by? The thing that jumps out at me - other than the fact that I am a grumpy stickler-in-mud who croaks nastily at the idea of this one river delta having bronze-age technology when everyone else was in the stone age, given the slow pace the other major desert civilization has been advancing and the fact that I am a grumpypants - is your use of magic in the quest.

RAZPINIONS

Spoiler

The usage of sorcery as some kind of naturally-replenishing power source doesn't seem... well, right. To me, I hasten to point out, as I have opinions which are sometimes dumb. But that kind of power is closer to the power of the gods themselves, I think. (Leaving Fayruz out of the discussion, since she's a very low-power divinity.) Magic, mortal magic, should be - in my opinion - more along the lines of calling upon other things for power. Or knowing the secrets of making fire dance at your call. Or knowing the signs of the birds flying in the west.

The short version of everything below is basically: "Mortal magic should be limited, draw inspiration from mythology rather than modern fantasy, and center on ritual and a relationship with the world, rather than being used as a battery to do whatever one wills."

Looking at Sepham-aht's ascension, yeah, turning into a great beast is a thing I could see. Wrapping the pelt of a great lion of the south around her shoulders, and becoming a lion with great and terrible fangs - that sort of thing. But having her magic replenish her in the desert strikes the wrong note; the harp needs tuning, I think. (And if that argument is not sound to your ears, would it not bring her to a lower point if her rituals and her spells were useless, alone in the desert? The valley of death must be dark to make the road beyond brighter still.)

Summoning light from darkness? I won't argue that; I'm guilty enough of having light associated with divine magic. I'd suggest old-school divinations, though - auguries, reading the entrails of the prey of lions, watching the birds overhead and reading the future in their wings.

And then we get to the destruction of the cave, and I have problems. Like just shooting lightning. That doesn't seem quite right. This is a different genre than Dungeons and Dragons; it's more appropriate to call down lightning from the sky during the storm than it is to just create it out of nothing. And you might say that it would hurt Sepham-aht's pride to not be able to just do it herself, but, well - who else could do that? During the quest, she's measuring herself by mortals. A sorceress who can guide the lightning of the storm to strike her foes is impressive enough!

And I currently hold a monopoly on healing magic usable by mortals. It's a thing. There are healing arts known to mortals, but they're herbcraft, not the use of magical power to bind up wounds. (And, beside the point, it's pretty darn exhausting, especially if you're new to it. And involves singing.)

And cutting the gem. I... don't see how that works. Molding it beneath your hands is the kind of thing gods do; mortals make do with elbow grease and years of training.

All that said. I don't have a problem with beseeching the lion to stay with her, and trapping its soul in a gem. That actually feels right, even though 'soul in a gem' is cliche. Although the disintegration might be a bit over-the-top. (And I deserve to be smote for using over-the-top in the context of a god game. But I stay by it; it's too much.)

Oh, and saying "she used magic to swim longer," doesn't seem quite... it rankles. Tying back to the way I'm not sure I like the use of magic as a battery. As something you can just keep pulling on. I mean, I know I said I wouldn't talk about Fayruz, but with her, it's the opposite - magic pulls from her, even as she is its source. And for mortal magic to work in such a way? That doesn't seem right.

As a last piece of advice, I'd actually say to make the Titan's history vaguer. Don't say how his kingdom was destroyed, just loss and ruin and breaking. Don't speak of how great his kingdom was, just the memory of glory and power. After all, we don't know a lot about the Titans and their history; I'd leave it to Dark to have the ultimate truths about Tetsujiin's fall.

Of course, these are all my opinions. Feel free to explain where I got assumptions wrong, or where you do have a good explanation for why magic should be used in that way, or where you think I'm being unfair to the idea.

And I am very very sorry for not getting in-depth in the recruitment thread, I've just been swamped this week with stuff. Stuffity stuff. I was in no way trying to lure you in and then bushwack you with a lot of nitpickyness, it just sorta happened that way.

Also, if you want a superweapon that will give you an advantage over everyone in the south: chariots. Not used by anyone yet. Big advantage. In fact, I don't think the concept of cavalry being used in war has even occurred in the south.

EDIT: Oh, oh, and a thing that I used that you may or may not want to. Royal titles imply that the person they are applied to is more than human. A tribe doesn't have a king, they have a chieftain. But the god who makes the earth rich and fertile? The Greenking. The cruel magician who drives the hungry ghouls of the south to do his bidding? The Ghoulking. The goddess of the Olm? A Princess.

Perhaps the crowning arrogance of Sepham-ahn would be to name herself a Queen, and finally draw the ire of Jishandar, who 'knows his place' and merely names himself a High Chieftain, or the like.

Originally Posted by Demidos

I did mention the Great Hunt, which are the attendant spirits of Aramar. They protect the wilderness (mostly the forests) from despoilers. They however come in part from the souls of the reincarnated spirits of the forest.

When you say reincarnated spirits of the forest, do you mean the souls of animals, or do you mean actual spirits? There's a difference in a world where spirits actually exist as a classification of being.

Originally Posted by Vesth

2 and 3)"We are, and always have existed, in the desert. This was where our great god was born, after all. If our maps are to be correct, we would be very much south. We do move and wander around a lot, but our main church lies over the remains of Vorax's previous city, during his tenure as king.

Our Church still holds some of the groundwork structure of the ruined city; stone pillars jut out at irregular intevals, and the desert has expended into what used to be known as Carne. But though sands fill our streets, the lake and many of the previous minerals and materials that blessed Carne blesses us now.

Needless to say, the biggest standing structure in our city, now called Recarne, is the church itself, the grandest project that me and my fellow priests have embarked. The building is spotless, grand, and intimidating, with our holy symbol inscribed on the front of the building. Large as it is, it's even larger underground, mostly to hold our beloved god when he comes to visit Recarne. We would love to describe more, but time is short, and our conquest is at hand."

Query: the southern continent was at a stone-age technology level until the gods appeared and began teaching mankind. Where did this great stone-worked city with precious minerals and materials come from? (And before anyone gets snarky, I can explain the Olm. Mostly.) Especially given that you imply that they already have a spotless, stone-wrought church. How was that built, by who, and why?

Query: the southern desert is not a very fun place to live. Where did the church get converts, from the savage tribes? Where does their food supply come from, given that agriculture is a very new concept? Where did they get the idea of a church from, and how was a stone-worked city raised in the harsh south?

These questions aren't supposed to make you give up and grab new ideas, but you do need to find answers. Otherwise, we've got a patchwork world, with cities that couldn't possibly sustain themselves boasting improbable architecture.

EDIT: Okay, sorry, I'll admit I hadn't gone over your new backstory in-depth. It... hmmmm. My questions about the kingdom still stand, I believe. I don't think Dark hammered in enough that mortalkind was at a stone-age technological level before the gods came to spread their knowledge. Farming? Didn't exist before Llassar taught his people about it. It's still unknown in the south, until the timeskip allows Llassar to teach properly. And how could mortals craft an artifact of divine power for Vorax? The thing about artifacts is that they are creations of the gods, not mortals. And where did the new followers come from? They just seem to appear.

The big thing, though. The big thing. Why would beasts of chaos - who are treated as if they have one mind and work together to defend the sacredness of something that is alien to them - sweep into his kingdom and topple him from the throne? It doesn't follow.

My suggestion, which - I emphasize - is just a starting-point to consider: have his advisers, his war-captains, turn against him for doing something as blasphemous before heaven as devouring a spirit. Don't have them transform him, but let the transformation be a consequence of the blasphemous act, tearing through Vorax's body. (What does Vorax mean, in the language of his people? Was he named after a grandfather, or in honor of a terrestrial spirit?) And then have him claw his way back to the land he once ruled, now a barren heath, and let him cow the natives there into being his new church.

To round this out with a compliment: if you're setting Isur up as a major villain in the game, you have my kudos. Do be sure to flesh him out! The priest who controls the god and the faith is a fascinating character idea, and I hope you play it out well.

Originally Posted by Tectonic Robot

Famine, who was once mortal but came back because of her rage... would she count as a spirit?

I don't think so. You never really elaborated on how she came back, and I think it's better that way.

Originally Posted by Grimsage Matt

Grimdeep Trovaag
Titles; The Deepseeker, The delver in the Dark, The Elder Elemental.
Domain; Underground
Abillities; Fire mastery, Earth Mastery.
Themes; Shy, Courious, Loner.

Desciption;

Spoiler

Matt Grimdeep isn't a true god, but one of the disks oldest elementals. As Baz'Auran first touched the disk, not al remained quiet. Some of the rock and lava started to think, to wonder, to walk around. Torvaag of the Grimdeep, was born far, far underground, and has never known the light of the stars or sun, or anything of the world outside of the earth. But does he need to?

Over the countless eons, Matt walked and delved deep into the worlds flesh, bllood and bones. He has seen slowly growing caverns of cyrstal, and witnessed the raising of contienits. He has walked the deep "roads", a tunnel system well over a million miles in length. He has frolicked and swam in pools of molten rock, and fished from several large aquafirs.

But one day, he was filled with longing. Making his way to the heart of the world, he was filled with ameration, love and respect. And so, with his own hands, he removed his heart, and entrusted it to her. The darkness became his friend, and he held long discourses with it in the evergloom of the deep underground. Then, the earth shudderd. The gods had arrived. And he felt them stir.

He had discovered the tians a long time ago, but has left them be. He knew how to hide from them, and he was too small for them to really notice him. As the war was raging, he fled deeper and deeper, seeking a hiding place beneath the magma seas. They had freed the things from the prisons, and it was blind luck that he managed to escape their probings. But then, a magma current shifted, and he was blasted towards the surface! He would be discovered! He would either be enslaved by the cruel titans or the uncaring gods. After all, what do any of them care for his kind? All he wants is to learn, to live in peace in the depths of the world. But now, rushing towards the surface? He's boned.

Artifact; The Grimdeep Helm. A simple miners cap Torvaag found one day, he imubed it with some extra elemental energy. Now, instead of a flame the produces heatless, a smokeless and non-combusting flame provides eternal light for it. Realizing that that might not be enough, he imbued with with a tiny fraction of the stones endrance. Or, the abillity to endure low oxygen and poisionis gases found underground.. He does not use it himself, but instead uses it to help people who happen to be lost deep underground.

1) Torvaag Grimdeep, I think I always been talking in Slate gray.

2) I'm being shot out of a volcano. Not sure which one, but lets say a northern one?

3) I've lived underground. First time on the surface.

4) I was 'born' when the disk was first made. I've also spent all that time underground, so I've had no divine contact. However, I've been listening to what the earth has been saying. I plan ong "trying" to avoid everyone.

Heres me guy/ his stuff there.Also, the Artifact is not for him, but he loans it out to people who need to be underground/are lost. A everlasting light (Fire) that won't combust the gas, and the abillity to endure those (Earth).

Query: why is the god still referred to as Matt in your description?

Query: where will he be finding that simple miner's cap? From what culture would it be? Few, after all, have begun to truly dig into the mountains.

Jerkquery: would it be possible for you to run things through a spellcheck? "Aquafirs" is possibly the most hilarious typo I have seen all month, and the application's numerous typos really grate. This game is textual, which means that the only way you will be able to communicate is through text. Misspelling words is like trying to talk with an atrocious accent: both make you unintelligible.




Actually, guys, that one goes out to multiple people. You know who you are. Take the time to make sure everything is spelled correctly, your sentences are exactly the way they're supposed to be, your grammar is correct and your apostrophes are all in the right places. Otherwise... well, to be honest, I don't end up reading badly-written posts.

I'm sorry, I don't.




...why did I choose to start being communicative and open right when the newbies came.

I'm going to scare them off, wait and see if I don't.

[Grimsage Matt]

Grimdeep Trovaag
Titles; The Deepseeker, The delver in the Dark, The Elder Elemental.
Domain; Underground
Abilities; Fire mastery, Earth Mastery.
Themes; Shy, Curious, Loner.

Description;

Spoiler

Torvaag Grimdeep isn't a true god, but one of the disks oldest elementals. As Baz'Auran first touched the disk, not al remained quiet. Some of the rock and lava started to think, to wonder, to walk around. Torvaag of the Grimdeep, was born far, far underground, and has never known the light of the stars or sun, or anything of the world outside of the earth. But does he need to?

Over the countless eons, Torvaag walked and delved deep into the worlds flesh, bllood and bones. He has seen slowly growing caverns of crystal, and witnessed the raising of continents. He has walked the deep "roads", a tunnel system well over a million miles in length. He has frolicked and swam in pools of molten rock, and fished from several large aquifers.

But one day, he was filled with longing. Making his way to the heart of the world, he was filled with admiration, love and respect. And so, with his own hands, he removed his heart, and entrusted it to her. The darkness became his friend, and he held long discourses with it in the evergloom of the deep underground. Then, the earth shuddered. The gods had arrived. And he felt them stir.

He had discovered the titans a long time ago, but has left them be. He knew how to hide from them, and he was too small for them to really notice him. As the war was raging, he fled deeper and deeper, seeking a hiding place beneath the magma seas. They had freed the things from the prisons, and it was blind luck that he managed to escape their probing. But then, magma current shifted, and he was blasted towards the surface! He would be discovered! He would either be enslaved by the cruel titans or the uncaring gods. After all, what do any of them care for his kind? All he wants is to learn, to live in peace in the depths of the world. But now, rushing towards the surface? He's boned.

Artefact; The Grimdeep Stave. While normally Torvaag's first response to danger is to run away, but this stout staff of Basalt and Pumice shows that he can fight when needed. The staves powers are simple. They help him focus the fire's he creates, as well as let him create a fire without heat (Light). One of the abilities that is rumoured to be tied to the staff is to summon a boat of pumice.


What it does; Helps me control the size, shape and intensity of the fire I create. The light thing is one I might be able to do myself, and the pumice boat would be a blend of Earth and Fire mastery (Volcanic rock).

1) Torvaag Grimdeep, I think I always been talking in Slate gray.

2) I'm being shot out of a volcano. Not sure which one, but lets say a northern one?

3) I've lived underground. First time on the surface.

4) I was 'born' when the disk was first made. I've also spent all that time underground, so I've had no divine contact. However, I've been listening to what the earth has been saying. I plan on "trying" to avoid everyone.

Here is me guys/ his stuff there.

Edited to remove spelling errors and changed the artefact.

[Scow2]

Originally Posted by Raz_Fox

I'd say that the princesses beneath the lake and the great dragon king are fine examples of spirits, in a story told differently than the way I tell stories. Which is, I think, the way the game should be played in its perfected form. Alas, that we players all are mortal, and have such things as assumptions, creative voids, and sloth drawing our minds away from bright glory.



...that was the thing I was going to mention about Sapham-ahn's proposed ascension quest! Gah, now I feel bad for not mentioning it earlier. Stupid college and its 'required readings' and 'due papers'.

Okay, Scow. Can I call you Scow, by and by? The thing that jumps out at me - other than the fact that I am a grumpy stickler-in-mud who croaks nastily at the idea of this one river delta having bronze-age technology when everyone else was in the stone age, given the slow pace the other major desert civilization has been advancing and the fact that I am a grumpypants - is your use of magic in the quest.

RAZPINIONS

Spoiler

The usage of sorcery as some kind of naturally-replenishing power source doesn't seem... well, right. To me, I hasten to point out, as I have opinions which are sometimes dumb. But that kind of power is closer to the power of the gods themselves, I think. (Leaving Fayruz out of the discussion, since she's a very low-power divinity.) Magic, mortal magic, should be - in my opinion - more along the lines of calling upon other things for power. Or knowing the secrets of making fire dance at your call. Or knowing the signs of the birds flying in the west.

The short version of everything below is basically: "Mortal magic should be limited, draw inspiration from mythology rather than modern fantasy, and center on ritual and a relationship with the world, rather than being used as a battery to do whatever one wills."

Looking at Sepham-aht's ascension, yeah, turning into a great beast is a thing I could see. Wrapping the pelt of a great lion of the south around her shoulders, and becoming a lion with great and terrible fangs - that sort of thing. But having her magic replenish her in the desert strikes the wrong note; the harp needs tuning, I think. (And if that argument is not sound to your ears, would it not bring her to a lower point if her rituals and her spells were useless, alone in the desert? The valley of death must be dark to make the road beyond brighter still.)

Summoning light from darkness? I won't argue that; I'm guilty enough of having light associated with divine magic. I'd suggest old-school divinations, though - auguries, reading the entrails of the prey of lions, watching the birds overhead and reading the future in their wings.

And then we get to the destruction of the cave, and I have problems. Like just shooting lightning. That doesn't seem quite right. This is a different genre than Dungeons and Dragons; it's more appropriate to call down lightning from the sky during the storm than it is to just create it out of nothing. And you might say that it would hurt Sepham-aht's pride to not be able to just do it herself, but, well - who else could do that? During the quest, she's measuring herself by mortals. A sorceress who can guide the lightning of the storm to strike her foes is impressive enough!

And I currently hold a monopoly on healing magic usable by mortals. It's a thing. There are healing arts known to mortals, but they're herbcraft, not the use of magical power to bind up wounds. (And, beside the point, it's pretty darn exhausting, especially if you're new to it. And involves singing.)

And cutting the gem. I... don't see how that works. Molding it beneath your hands is the kind of thing gods do; mortals make do with elbow grease and years of training.

All that said. I don't have a problem with beseeching the lion to stay with her, and trapping its soul in a gem. That actually feels right, even though 'soul in a gem' is cliche. Although the disintegration might be a bit over-the-top. (And I deserve to be smote for using over-the-top in the context of a god game. But I stay by it; it's too much.)

Oh, and saying "she used magic to swim longer," doesn't seem quite... it rankles. Tying back to the way I'm not sure I like the use of magic as a battery. As something you can just keep pulling on. I mean, I know I said I wouldn't talk about Fayruz, but with her, it's the opposite - magic pulls from her, even as she is its source. And for mortal magic to work in such a way? That doesn't seem right.

As a last piece of advice, I'd actually say to make the Titan's history vaguer. Don't say how his kingdom was destroyed, just loss and ruin and breaking. Don't speak of how great his kingdom was, just the memory of glory and power. After all, we don't know a lot about the Titans and their history; I'd leave it to Dark to have the ultimate truths about Tetsujiin's fall.

Of course, these are all my opinions. Feel free to explain where I got assumptions wrong, or where you do have a good explanation for why magic should be used in that way, or where you think I'm being unfair to the idea.

And I am very very sorry for not getting in-depth in the recruitment thread, I've just been swamped this week with stuff. Stuffity stuff. I was in no way trying to lure you in and then bushwack you with a lot of nitpickyness, it just sorta happened that way.

Thanks for the advice on the magic. I'll re-work the nature of Sapham-ahn's power... but all I really had to go on when creating it was inspiration from D&D and Titan Quest (To the point that the "Terrible beast" she transformed into was going to be implied to have been a Displacer Beast). But, with the existence and proliferation of spirits, I have a better source for her power than a Do-Anything battery.

Also, if you want a superweapon that will give you an advantage over everyone in the south: chariots. Not used by anyone yet. Big advantage. In fact, I don't think the concept of cavalry being used in war has even occurred in the south.

EDIT: Oh, oh, and a thing that I used that you may or may not want to. Royal titles imply that the person they are applied to is more than human. A tribe doesn't have a king, they have a chieftain. But the god who makes the earth rich and fertile? The Greenking. The cruel magician who drives the hungry ghouls of the south to do his bidding? The Ghoulking. The goddess of the Olm? A Princess.

Perhaps the crowning arrogance of Sepham-ahn would be to name herself a Queen, and finally draw the ire of Jishandar, who 'knows his place' and merely names himself a High Chieftain, or the like.

Maybe not your part of the south. But there's a LOT of southern desert, with a lot of land and lot of people and lot of variables. Historically, the Egyptians got a head-start on pretty much every neighboring culture to the west too. There are HUGE distances involved here, and it's actually something that bothered me on the map. But even then - it's very possible for tech levels to vary within an area of this size.

The river delta is a godless place, with only the fevered dreams of a once-mighty Titan-ruled empire. They are also an ingenious people in a very fertile land that, until recently, was in an aggressive arms-race competing against each other, and the tribes each developed a unique technology, until Jishandar united the tribes and set his R&D department on synergizing the technologies. Result = Scary technological boom. Of course the guy responsible is going to crown himself King.

And now, I shall be less serious in defending a fellow newbie with these!

Obviously, the answer for the higher tech for Vhorax is Dwarves, who are not of this world or chaos. Instead, one of their interplanar digging expeditions looking for new worlds to colonize found the disk, built a few outposts, couldn't find any elves to harass, got disappointed, and left for home... maybe to reinforce or reclaim one of their other strongholds, such as Moria or Orzammar (How did you think all dwarves in every fantasy world ever end up being exactly the same? They ARE from the same source, and are merely capable of digging themselves into ANY world!)

[TheDarkDM]

Daelrog, you clever dog, are you doing my foreshadowing for me?

And good news! Ladorak is still around!

[Vesth]

Originally Posted by Raz_Fox

Query: the southern continent was at a stone-age technology level until the gods appeared and began teaching mankind. Where did this great stone-worked city with precious minerals and materials come from? (And before anyone gets snarky, I can explain the Olm. Mostly.) Especially given that you imply that they already have a spotless, stone-wrought church. How was that built, by who, and why?

Query: the southern desert is not a very fun place to live. Where did the church get converts, from the savage tribes? Where does their food supply come from, given that agriculture is a very new concept? Where did they get the idea of a church from, and how was a stone-worked city raised in the harsh south?

These questions aren't supposed to make you give up and grab new ideas, but you do need to find answers. Otherwise, we've got a patchwork world, with cities that couldn't possibly sustain themselves boasting improbable architecture.

EDIT: Okay, sorry, I'll admit I hadn't gone over your new backstory in-depth. It... hmmmm. My questions about the kingdom still stand, I believe. I don't think Dark hammered in enough that mortalkind was at a stone-age technological level before the gods came to spread their knowledge. Farming? Didn't exist before Llassar taught his people about it. It's still unknown in the south, until the timeskip allows Llassar to teach properly. And how could mortals craft an artifact of divine power for Vorax? The thing about artifacts is that they are creations of the gods, not mortals. And where did the new followers come from? They just seem to appear.

The big thing, though. The big thing. Why would beasts of chaos - who are treated as if they have one mind and work together to defend the sacredness of something that is alien to them - sweep into his kingdom and topple him from the throne? It doesn't follow.

My suggestion, which - I emphasize - is just a starting-point to consider: have his advisers, his war-captains, turn against him for doing something as blasphemous before heaven as devouring a spirit. Don't have them transform him, but let the transformation be a consequence of the blasphemous act, tearing through Vorax's body. (What does Vorax mean, in the language of his people? Was he named after a grandfather, or in honor of a terrestrial spirit?) And then have him claw his way back to the land he once ruled, now a barren heath, and let him cow the natives there into being his new church.

To round this out with a compliment: if you're setting Isur up as a major villain in the game, you have my kudos. Do be sure to flesh him out! The priest who controls the god and the faith is a fascinating character idea, and I hope you play it out well.

Hmm...Farming does not yet exist? Well, there's hunting and gathering, both of which are at an abundance given the nearby lake. I really only chose the south, because I can't find a desert anywhere else. Also, they really wander around a lot, and look really, really hard for anyone to enslave into their religion. Also, the previous residents that escaped the destruction of Carne could very well have founded their own cities.

As I mentioned, the Priests could draw power from Vorax himself (and abuse it, I might add). They crafted the artifact using Vorax's own power and 'gifted' it to him.

The thing regarding the beasts of choas...it was orginally spirits that wanted vengence, but Dark said that the spirits were dispelled, and told me to change to the beasts of chaos, so...

Also, Vorax is just Vorax. That's the name he was born with when he was mortal. John and Jane both doesn't have meaning, and they're both names.

And then have him claw his way back to the land he once ruled, now a barren heath, and let him cow the natives there into being his new church.

...uhh, the whole shtick I'm going with here is that his religion controls him. Not the other way round.

[TheDarkDM]

Originally Posted by Vesth

Hmm...Farming does not yet exist? Well, there's hunting and gathering, both of which are at an abundance given the nearby lake. I really only chose the south, because I can't find a desert anywhere else. Also, they really wander around a lot, and look really, really hard for anyone to enslave into their religion. Also, the previous residents that escaped the destruction of Carne could very well have founded their own cities.

As I mentioned, the Priests could draw power from Vorax himself (and abuse it, I might add). They crafted the artifact using Vorax's own power and 'gifted' it to him.

The thing regarding the beasts of choas...it was orginally spirits that wanted vengence, but Dark said that the spirits were dispelled, and told me to change to the beasts of chaos, so...

Also, Vorax is just Vorax. That's the name he was born with when he was mortal. John and Jane both doesn't have meaning, and they're both names.



...uhh, the whole shtick I'm going with here is that his religion controls him. Not the other way round.

You might think about removing the curse from the backstory, and just have the attackers leave Vorax abandoned in the desert to die from starvation, unaware of the change already going on within him. Then, you've incorporated both the gluttony and starvation into a single ascension experience. As for the Beasts, what Raz says has merit; however, tribes of lesser Beasts are a well established trend (orcs, centaurs, etc.), so one of those could easily serve as the retributive storm.

[The_Snark]

Originally Posted by Raz_Fox

But here's another thing. And I don't mean to confuse newcomers, but, well: spirits. How are we dealing with them? I've been trying to portray the rocklands and the deserts of the south as a place where spirits exist in an animistic sense; the river that flows from the Olm has a spirit, and a malignant spirit lurks within the labyrinthine mazes of glass where mortals harvest shards, thirsting for worship and tribute. Spirits exist in the mortal realm, can be persuaded with or slain, and are connected to nature itself, while still remembering the glories of the White City.

Aaaand I think I'm the only one who's done something like that, other than Kasanip and hi-mi-tsu (who seems to have vanished!). Am I wrong? Who else has been using spirits?

I haven't done anything of the sort... yet. I like the concept, I just neglected to place any mention of it in my ascension quest (and haven't done much since). The closest thing in Nieve's story was the cliff-gaunts, but I always thought of them as descended from outcasts and exiles (much like the ones Nieve fell in with): people who lived like beasts for so long that they forgot they weren't. I never did much them, though; they just sort of... haunted the cliffs. Provided the occasional eerie howl in the fog. That's about it. The rest of the quest is pretty focused on people.

I'm a little annoyed with myself for this, but on reflection I think I've settled on a way to explain it. Consider Brymhide Isle: rocky, desolate, perpetually shrouded in rain and fog. Civilization there never amounted to anything more than hunter-gatherers living in crude huts of grass and dirt, and Nieve's arrival shattered even that. It makes a sort of sense to me that the war goddess left her birthplace barren and broken... except it was like that before she came. Why would that be?

Perhaps the answer lies in the ancient barrows that dot Brymhide Isle.

[Gengy]

Originally Posted by Vesth

Hmm...Farming does not yet exist? Well, there's hunting and gathering, both of which are at an abundance given the nearby lake. I really only chose the south, because I can't find a desert anywhere else. Also, they really wander around a lot, and look really, really hard for anyone to enslave into their religion. Also, the previous residents that escaped the destruction of Carne could very well have founded their own cities.

Ok. This. Let me clarify for ALL new players.

The Disk is huge. If you didn't get that, then let me review... if Earth were laid flat in disk form, the Disk would be some 20x it's size... and then some. Now, a great deal of that is water. BUT. That's not my point.

My point is: Just because there is a great big Desert Land to the south does not mean that that is the ONLY desert. There are other deserts, though if we were looking at them from space, we wouldn't see them like we do with the South.

TL;DR If you start in an area that hasn't been described by a previous player... it's pretty much YOURS to come up with. The only person who could tell you NO is Dark. And if he disagrees with it, it's for a good reason.

Heck, one of the Islands near Salus (which are mostly larger than Texas) could very well be a Desert Island if someone wanted. Or, it could be made entirely of Green Slimes. Why you would want that, I don't know, but if you can explain it and Dark approves... it's true.

This game is, ultimately, about creativity.

Gengy has spoken.

[mystic1110]

Hello!

My god idea that Dark DM semi-approved - all I need is a quest. Any ideas?


Name: Saluko, The Hound of the Gods.
Domain: Loyalty.
Abilities: Divine Charm, Divine Athletics
Themes: Obedience, Memory, Ancestry
Description:

Spoiler

Saluko is appears as a Midnight Black sighthound, lean with strong legs and eyes, specialized in pursuing his prey, keeping it in sight, and overpowering it with his great speed and agility. Saluko has long rich white fur on his ears, tail and the back of his legs and his pupils and irises display an intelligence that no mere Animal should possess. On his neck he wears a great iron collar.

Saluko is a mortal - but he is not a man. He is no monster. He is an Animal. He is a dog. As some mortals descend from long lines of great warriors - he descended from a great ancient line of noble hounds. His ancestors sat under the feet of Kings. Some sat under the feet of Wizards. Warlords, Sorcerers, Tyrants, Hermits, Doctors, the list goes on. His family sat with the greatest of mortals. Greatest does mean best - it means greatest - the paragons of their ideas and their people. The leaders and best. They sat beneath the feet of Demi-Gods. And Saluko remembers.

Saluko is the latest in the long line of this illustrious breed, the magics of his families Masters', gods and powerful magicians, had long ago given his family intelligence. He can speak, reason, and sing - although he prefers to bark. He is also the last of his breed. His families status as hounds of the powerful made them a desirable prize for any aspiring ruler. A war was fought for his mother, and he was the prize.

Saluko remembers the lives of his ancestry - he knows what makes a good master. Power. Right or wrong don't matter - he remembers numerous rights, numerous wrongs. It is the power to carry on your wishes that he respects and serves. Power. And Loyalty. He is absolutely loyal to the one he deems most powerful. And to him power is not simply strength - it is force of conviction - one of his ancestors sat underneath a tree with a man who abandoned all worldly possessions and took up pacifism. That was master worth serving - his convictions and ideas shone like a bright sun in Saluko's mind.

Saluko is loyal. That is probably the most defining character trait - but he does not live solely for his master. He believes everything should be loyal and he despises liars, tricksters and traitors and works tirelessly to curb their influence. Also he knows how the master - relationship should work: he will overthrown rulers who are unfit to rule (those who doubt themselves; those who don't merely discipline their subjects but abuse them without cause). Also Saluko inspires Greed in others - not because he is greedy, but his divine charm manifests as being a desirable servant. People with great convictions want to be his master and he wants to serve them, he is a dog after all. And since he is a god himself - a god of loyalty - lesser beings want to be ruled by him. Those without strong convictions are enthralled by him.

[Raz_Fox]

Originally Posted by Grimsage Matt

Grimdeep Trovaag
Titles; The Deepseeker, The delver in the Dark, The Elder Elemental.
Domain; Underground
Abilities; Fire mastery, Earth Mastery.
Themes; Shy, Curious, Loner.

Description;

Spoiler

Torvaag Grimdeep isn't a true god, but one of the disks oldest elementals. As Baz'Auran first touched the disk, not al remained quiet. Some of the rock and lava started to think, to wonder, to walk around. Torvaag of the Grimdeep, was born far, far underground, and has never known the light of the stars or sun, or anything of the world outside of the earth. But does he need to?

Over the countless eons, Torvaag walked and delved deep into the worlds flesh, bllood and bones. He has seen slowly growing caverns of crystal, and witnessed the raising of continents. He has walked the deep "roads", a tunnel system well over a million miles in length. He has frolicked and swam in pools of molten rock, and fished from several large aquifers.

But one day, he was filled with longing. Making his way to the heart of the world, he was filled with admiration, love and respect. And so, with his own hands, he removed his heart, and entrusted it to her. The darkness became his friend, and he held long discourses with it in the evergloom of the deep underground. Then, the earth shuddered. The gods had arrived. And he felt them stir.

He had discovered the titans a long time ago, but has left them be. He knew how to hide from them, and he was too small for them to really notice him. As the war was raging, he fled deeper and deeper, seeking a hiding place beneath the magma seas. They had freed the things from the prisons, and it was blind luck that he managed to escape their probing. But then, magma current shifted, and he was blasted towards the surface! He would be discovered! He would either be enslaved by the cruel titans or the uncaring gods. After all, what do any of them care for his kind? All he wants is to learn, to live in peace in the depths of the world. But now, rushing towards the surface? He's boned.

Artefact; The Grimdeep Stave. While normally Torvaag's first response to danger is to run away, but this stout staff of Basalt and Pumice shows that he can fight when needed. The staves powers are simple. They help him focus the fire's he creates, as well as let him create a fire without heat (Light). One of the abilities that is rumoured to be tied to the staff is to summon a boat of pumice.


What it does; Helps me control the size, shape and intensity of the fire I create. The light thing is one I might be able to do myself, and the pumice boat would be a blend of Earth and Fire mastery (Volcanic rock).

1) Torvaag Grimdeep, I think I always been talking in Slate gray.

2) I'm being shot out of a volcano. Not sure which one, but lets say a northern one?

3) I've lived underground. First time on the surface.

4) I was 'born' when the disk was first made. I've also spent all that time underground, so I've had no divine contact. However, I've been listening to what the earth has been saying. I plan on "trying" to avoid everyone.

Here is me guys/ his stuff there.

Edited to remove spelling errors and changed the artefact.

Well, I personally think that the artifact's stronger now, but what's really important is that you think it's the best it can be.

Also. You get a high-five for listening to criticism, analyzing it, and acting on your conclusions. That is the ultimate goal of my pseudo-Socratic method.

Originally Posted by Scow2

Thanks for the advice on the magic. I'll re-work the nature of Sapham-ahn's power... but all I really had to go on when creating it was inspiration from D&D and Titan Quest (To the point that the "Terrible beast" she transformed into was going to be implied to have been a Displacer Beast). But, with the existence and proliferation of spirits, I have a better source for her power than a Do-Anything battery.

Thanks fill my dark heart with joy and relief that you weren't offended. And we all start out without a lot of experience in such things. My first god was a time-displaced catperson Sonic-Aladdin, so you've already cleared the low bar of being better than my first time.

Maybe not your part of the south. But there's a LOT of southern desert, with a lot of land and lot of people and lot of variables. Historically, the Egyptians got a head-start on pretty much every neighboring culture to the west too. There are HUGE distances involved here, and it's actually something that bothered me on the map. But even then - it's very possible for tech levels to vary within an area of this size.

The river delta is a godless place, with only the fevered dreams of a once-mighty Titan-ruled empire. They are also an ingenious people in a very fertile land that, until recently, was in an aggressive arms-race competing against each other, and the tribes each developed a unique technology, until Jishandar united the tribes and set his R&D department on synergizing the technologies. Result = Scary technological boom. Of course the guy responsible is going to crown himself King.

I would be giving you a much harder time about this if it weren't for the fact that I think delta tribes aping the cyclopean dreams of a fallen titan is such a bleeding cool idea. The only point of discussion that I'll bring up is that I'm not sure the 'tech levels vary' explanation would suffice if not for said dreams of a mad almost-god; the gods are akin to Prometheus, bringing down fire from heaven in the form of knowledge. A mortal civilization, godless, outstripping the societies of the gods goes directly against that symbolism.

But, then again, the goddess of Glory requires a great civilization to rule over; Egypt or Rome to my Greece of the Sands. And since a bit of my skepticism is related to being on the losing end of one escalation war too many, I'll concede with all the grace of a drunk swan and admit that a civilization inspired by Titanic madness could end up developing greater military and architectural advancements than any surrounding civilizations.

I can't wait to see that you come up with.

Obviously, the answer for the higher tech for Vhorax is Dwarves, who are not of this world or chaos. Instead, one of their interplanar digging expeditions looking for new worlds to colonize found the disk, built a few outposts, couldn't find any elves to harass, got disappointed, and left for home... maybe to reinforce or reclaim one of their other strongholds, such as Moria or Orzammar (How did you think all dwarves in every fantasy world ever end up being exactly the same? They ARE from the same source, and are merely capable of digging themselves into ANY world!)

By The Duke, the Dwarves are coming! Hide the mead! Hide the ale! Hide the OSHA inspectors!

Originally Posted by Vesth

Hmm...Farming does not yet exist? Well, there's hunting and gathering, both of which are at an abundance given the nearby lake.

This is the kind of thing I like to see! Well done, lad, you've already made your quest more real. Or, at least, believable, which is what we're really looking for.

Let me tell you a secret You can tell stories about giant cats turned into markets, amorous gods who treat changing gender like changing clothes, massive cities built into mountains, sorceresses who became cats and hounds who became gods... if you make your audience believe. If there aren't stitches showing on the world building, if you weave their narratives into yours, if you give explanations shrouded in myth to hide minor inconsistencies, if you entertain them and seem to make the world you speak of act like a real world - no matter if it would really happen or not - you can get away with anything.

I really only chose the south, because I can't find a desert anywhere else. Also, they really wander around a lot, and look really, really hard for anyone to enslave into their religion. Also, the previous residents that escaped the destruction of Carne could very well have founded their own cities.

It's hard to build a city in the desert with stone-and-copper technology. Really hard. Now, Carne is more believable as a city next to a lake - a ready source of food and water - but cities scattered across the desert? Not so much.

(Again, you might choose to discount my ramblings on this subject, because I've been spending the past two turns trying to show how hard it is to build a real city in the desert, even with divine help. I started out with the greatest 'city' in the rocklands being a wood-walled, crude fort set up in fertile grazing land, for cryin' out loud. So feel free to just say something like, "Vorax's people learned stonecutting quickly," or "A tribe was guided to a fertile spot by a spirit that wanted worship and were commanded to build.")

Pointing back to the secret: having the church rescue Vorax from the desert and having it be beasts of chaos that punished him are not bad ideas in and of themselves. The only problem is that they are not fleshed out enough to stand on their own; they're supports of where you want to end up that aren't standing on anything when closely inspected.

Why was the devouring of this spirit so blasphemous to beings that were not human? How did they know about it?

Where did these priests come from? How did they know that Vorax was a god? How did they get the idea in their heads that this bloated, twisted creature could give them power? They are a very cool idea, but they step onto the stage fully-formed, when just a bit of support and explanation would make for a stronger story. Maybe the shaman of a wandering mountain-tribe had a vision, maybe an opportunistic trickster-hero decided to see if the stories his father had told him about the great glutton-king he had served in Lost Carne were true, maybe the spirits of wind and flurry could not help but shout in whispers across the desert that Venex, blasphemous among all mortal kind, writhed in eternal crucifixion above the ruins of his prideful city. Tell me why he has worshippers, and how they knew to free him from his torment.

As I mentioned, the Priests could draw power from Vorax himself (and abuse it, I might add). They crafted the artifact using Vorax's own power and 'gifted' it to him.

A fair point! If you planned to explain that during the creation of the artifact, I withdraw that criticism. If you thought it was obvious, though, I need you to stay behind after class and write out lines.

The thing regarding the beasts of choas...it was orginally spirits that wanted vengence, but Dark said that the spirits were dispelled, and told me to change to the beasts of chaos, so...

Sometimes, vagueness works. Sometimes, it doesn't. I think, for the beasts of chaos, you need some details. Like "what" and "why".

Unless - as a suggestion - you want to emphasize Vorax's confusion as his kingdom crumbles, and strange inhuman beasts drag him from his palace - in a case like that, I'd say to never explain their motives. No speech, no exposition on his torture, just a frightened, bloodied king being tortured by inhuman creatures for incomprehensible reasons, listening to their chants and roars as they pierce his body and burn down his city.

Also, Vorax is just Vorax. That's the name he was born with when he was mortal. John and Jane both doesn't have meaning, and they're both names.

Also, because I am a jerk, I'll point out that John comes from the Hebrew for "Grace of God" and Jane is the feminine form of John. I mean, no one else in this game has explained what their names mean, but I think it's a good thing to consider that all names ultimately have sources, and you get similar naming conventions in a native population. Otherwise, we end up with the "Aerith and Bob" problem.

To be self-indulgent, in the last iteration of this game, I made an outwardly-perfect son of Baz'Auran, and I named him Aurenel. That's a name that resonates, even if people don't understand that "Auren-" makes him sound like "Baz'Auran", and "-el” is a common Hebrew name suffix meaning "of God".

But, then again, sometimes you just need to give a god a name that sounds right. Fayruz just sounded right to me - vaguely Arabic, and with that soft 'z' at the end.

...uhh, the whole shtick I'm going with here is that his religion controls him. Not the other way round.

A fair point. But I point back to earlier. You need to make us believe that the religion exists, and formed for comprehensible - maybe not sensible - reasons.

Originally Posted by TheDarkDM

You might think about removing the curse from the backstory, and just have the attackers leave Vorax abandoned in the desert to die from starvation, unaware of the change already going on within him. Then, you've incorporated both the gluttony and starvation into a single ascension experience. As for the Beasts, what Raz says has merit; however, tribes of lesser Beasts are a well established trend (orcs, centaurs, etc.), so one of those could easily serve as the retributive storm.

I have merit?

Yaaaaaaaaaaaaay

Originally Posted by Gengy

This game is, ultimately, about creativity.

Truth.

To anyone wondering why I'm so nitpicky: if I'm not acting as a grindstone for that creativity, I've failed.

[Raz_Fox]

Originally Posted by mystic1110

Hello!

My god idea that Dark DM semi-approved - all I need is a quest. Any ideas?


Name: Saluko, The Hound of the Gods.
Domain: Loyalty.
Abilities: Divine Charm, Divine Athletics
Themes: Obedience, Memory, Ancestry
Description:

Spoiler

Saluko is appears as a Midnight Black sighthound, lean with strong legs and eyes, specialized in pursuing his prey, keeping it in sight, and overpowering it with his great speed and agility. Saluko has long rich white fur on his ears, tail and the back of his legs and his pupils and irises display an intelligence that no mere Animal should possess. On his neck he wears a great iron collar.

Saluko is a mortal - but he is not a man. He is no monster. He is an Animal. He is a dog. As some mortals descend from long lines of great warriors - he descended from a great ancient line of noble hounds. His ancestors sat under the feet of Kings. Some sat under the feet of Wizards. Warlords, Sorcerers, Tyrants, Hermits, Doctors, the list goes on. His family sat with the greatest of mortals. Greatest does mean best - it means greatest - the paragons of their ideas and their people. The leaders and best. They sat beneath the feet of Demi-Gods. And Saluko remembers.

Saluko is the latest in the long line of this illustrious breed, the magics of his families Masters', gods and powerful magicians, had long ago given his family intelligence. He can speak, reason, and sing - although he prefers to bark. He is also the last of his breed. His families status as hounds of the powerful made them a desirable prize for any aspiring ruler. A war was fought for his mother, and he was the prize.

Saluko remembers the lives of his ancestry - he knows what makes a good master. Power. Right or wrong don't matter - he remembers numerous rights, numerous wrongs. It is the power to carry on your wishes that he respects and serves. Power. And Loyalty. He is absolutely loyal to the one he deems most powerful. And to him power is not simply strength - it is force of conviction - one of his ancestors sat underneath a tree with a man who abandoned all worldly possessions and took up pacifism. That was master worth serving - his convictions and ideas shone like a bright sun in Saluko's mind.

Saluko is loyal. That is probably the most defining character trait - but he does not live solely for his master. He believes everything should be loyal and he despises liars, tricksters and traitors and works tirelessly to curb their influence. Also he knows how the master - relationship should work: he will overthrown rulers who are unfit to rule (those who doubt themselves; those who don't merely discipline their subjects but abuse them without cause). Also Saluko inspires Greed in others - not because he is greedy, but his divine charm manifests as being a desirable servant. People with great convictions want to be his master and he wants to serve them, he is a dog after all. And since he is a god himself - a god of loyalty - lesser beings want to be ruled by him. Those without strong convictions are enthralled by him.

This is the narrative that was set in motion in the breaking of the White City which is the moon, which turned red as blood in the night when the world changed.

Mankind was scattered, mankind was weak. Chieftains gathered together tribes, and warlords scattered tribes apart. Spirits roamed the earth, demanding worship or acting on their own caprice. These were dark days. Some shards still remained of ones who had come before, but what were they but broken stones weathered by sand and wind, rising from a desert hill, called sacred by those who feared it; or tales of terrible things that strode across the sky and were cast down into the pits of the earth? These were monster-days, when mankind was hunter and hunted, when tarnished copper was the work of the most cunning smiths, when stones were men's fangs and wool was men's fur.

The gods fell. Some say they screamed, some say they burned, some say they wept. And with them, within them, was knowledge. Knowledge of greater things, of craftings and prayers and healings. And they shared this; not to all men, but to few.

It has been perhaps two generations since they fell, and much of the world is still dark, the realm of monsters and men who do not know what they lack. Among them may rise those who style themselves kings, but their kingdoms are made of wood and daub, and fade away beneath the boots of war-chieftains, who in turn have their legacies scattered to the winds. Among them may rise magicians, but their magic is from the spirits who are tied to the earth, or of ritual and beseeching; their knowledge is secret, and their legacy is incomplete. Herbmasters may pass their knowledge on from one to the next, but who can say they have the knowledge that is kept within the Olm, by the lady of the Riverfane, or the power that has come from it?

There is room in their world for legends, but they are mortal-legends, and they pale before the true myths that are the gods and their visions of the future. What king can say that he united the rocklands? What war-chieftain ever defended as valiantly as the lord who stands unbroken in the north?

This is the choice presented to the bloodline of Saluko, then: did their legacy come from those mortals in the dark, and has he risen as a new light? Or has their legacy come from the gods of the White City themselves? Were his forefathers, his mothers, in the service of unknown chieftains who ranged across the plains, or did their masters rise in the service of Carolinus who rules at Markien, or Haramhold who rules at Solus, or the priestesses of Sonata at Ecchr, or Fayruz who sits in the Riverfane of the Olm?

Tell us, then, of the influence of the gods upon men, or of men who strived in the darkness to be light.

And - I would - speak not of magicians weaving enchantments upon hounds, to make them wise. Let them speak because they have always spoken; let them be wise because wisdom has always been theirs. Often, explanations are demanded, but not for this, I think- a dog that speaks with confidence is believed more than a dog that makes apologies for the sorcery that gave him speech.


As for a quest? That depends entirely, I think, upon a master. Let an empire rise from the stone-whittlers and the copper-smiths, by the will of one good man found to be righteous by his servant. Has not this story been told before? The righteous man, who is weak- perhaps because of sickness, perhaps because of the wound taken in battle, but strong-hearted all the same- says to his servant who is of the otherworld, do this, and so it is done. If an ancient treasure made by spirits is his wish, his servant shall retrieve it, no matter how difficult the battle is to do so. If the daughter of a chieftain whose fortress is made of wood that does not burn and is guarded by many bright copper spears pleases the eye of this man, his servant shall fetch her for him, even if she has many guards and is frightened of the coal-black hound whose eyes are bright as stars. And if a dragon, or a beast of the darkness, should descend upon the kingdom that seeks to be the equal of the southern hill or the northern fastness, both god-shapen, well, the man's servant will do battle with it, and overcome it, though it be wounded unto death, and through victory, through the drinking of its blood, become as the gods.



I apologize for the fact that I have forgotten how to speak properly.

[Grimsage Matt]

All I need now is the Volcano he shoots up from... maybe a new one? A new, perviously undersea volcano is the Sea of Jango? A gyser out in the desert? Welcoming ideas.

[mystic1110]

Raz..... I think I love you . Wow seriously. Ill try to have a more detailed history/quest story up by today.

[Gengy]

NEW PLAYERS - reposting this

Spoiler

I'm sure Dark will ask you to do some of this at some point, but I've kinda hijacked his map to help keep us all aware of where everything is. So. Here are some things I'd really appreciate if you can answer for me, now that you are approved:

(1) What is the text color that you will be using to speak in?
Jongo spoke, "I always talk in Sienna."

(2) Roughly where on the Disk are you right now?

(3) Do you have a home town or city or village or other landmark that you want added to the map? If yes, will you be describing and building upon this area? The more descriptive you get -- the more Acts you spend, the more power in the area -- the more likely I will be to add more then just a name. I keep meaning to make the Olm and Markien a bit more, and haven't found time, lol.

(4) Have you heard of the Gods (PC) before, and if yes, what is your opinion on them? If no, why not?

As to Saluko, Raz has the right of it... but off the top of my head I can't help but think of the story of Puss in Boots. The master was... kind. But not competent. Puss, on the other hand, was competent... but just a cat.

Saluko's ascension does not - in theory - have to be entirely about Saluko.

A neat thing you could do is tell the tale of Saluko's great great grandfather.

Then the next chapter is Saluko's great grandfather.

Then his grandfather.

Then Saluko's sire.

THEN Saluko is born.

Just a thought!


----------

As for Trovaag? I wouldn't mind if he popped up near the Sea of Jongo, or from underneath it. If you want instant attention from Jongo, that's the quickest way to do it, lol.

There are certainly other options, though. As I was saying in a previous post... You are not limited by what you can see on the map. There could be a volcano in the frozen wastelands to the northwest that no one has explored yet. You could pop up from one of the Volcano's to the west... or from one right where Shirvan and Dasque are.

It's up to you. Where do you *want* to start?

[mystic1110]

Lets say his breed lives half the life of a regular mortal. If we're in the second generation could it be conceivable that his great great grand father (5 generations ago) served the white city directly. And his breed is highly desirable - since they are loyal intelligent speaking dogs/ advisers/ hunters I would think that they served both good men, and evil men. Served the attendants of Carolinus, Haramhold and Fayruz. Some committed great evil other great good. Remember his breed listens to convictions not righteousness. As long as their master's will remains unbroken - even to his last breath, then they will obey. Only when their master bends the knee against his will in mind or in fact, or shows self-doubt would Saluko (and his sires) abandon his master in disgust.

[Gengy]

I would say it is conceivable; and my "generation" idea doesn't have to be one sire after another. You're welcome to do whatever you want, and even skip generations, or throw it all out in favor of Saluko being the main focus.

But having a dog-companion from the White City fall to the Disk is plausible. You would just have to explain what their task was up in the White City, and how they fell.

For what we know right now, there were pretty much three types of things in the White City:

(1) Baz'Auran, Father of All
(2) His Kids
(3) The Spirits created to help teach his kids, tend to him and his family, ect. ect.

So it's plausible that there were Hound Spirits, meant to help with Hunting, or just to bring smiles to the Godling's faces. You'd want to think it over and come up with a good reason. And then an even better reason for why/how your many times grandsire (1) fell from the White City or (2) was expelled from the White City or (3) was ordered away from the White City or (4) something entirely different that you come up with.

It's also *very* plausible that your species has existed all along on the Disk, and you are just the Paragon of the race.

[TheDarkDM]

Originally Posted by Gengy

I would say it is conceivable; and my "generation" idea doesn't have to be one sire after another. You're welcome to do whatever you want, and even skip generations, or throw it all out in favor of Saluko being the main focus.

But having a dog-companion from the White City fall to the Disk is plausible. You would just have to explain what their task was up in the White City, and how they fell.

For what we know right now, there were pretty much three types of things in the White City:

(1) Baz'Auran, Father of All
(2) His Kids
(3) The Spirits created to help teach his kids, tend to him and his family, ect. ect.

So it's plausible that there were Hound Spirits, meant to help with Hunting, or just to bring smiles to the Godling's faces. You'd want to think it over and come up with a good reason. And then an even better reason for why/how your many times grandsire (1) fell from the White City or (2) was expelled from the White City or (3) was ordered away from the White City or (4) something entirely different that you come up with.

It's also *very* plausible that your species has existed all along on the Disk, and you are just the Paragon of the race.

I am much fonder of the paragon idea. Spirits of the White City were never common on the disk, and one siring mortal progeny really doesn't fit the world.

[THEChanger]

At length have the sages of The Olm spoken on the events which have passed since the Fall, and that fateful night when the great Night-Star withdrew its light, and became a sphere of terror and blood-red light. They have spoke much of how the world of the physical has changed. And these things are of great import-let no one mistake the ramblings of an old dreamer as of more importance than what has transpired in the waking world. But, if you would now still more, I pray you, harken, for my tale may too find worth in the minds of the great scholars of Markien, of Solus, of Ecchr, and of The Olm. Indeed, the words of my masters may find some worth in the new people of the Great Disk.

I do say masters, for I serve many. Though I was called by one, I have, at his behest, dreamed of all that which lies not upon the Disk, and I follow the words of all who have done their work.

First among these is The Weaver, who is also called Revaew-na the Nightmare King. He rules over a place halfway between life and death, between truth and lies, between the Great Disk and the White City. The Dreamtime is where all go when they sleep, and once it was ruled by the Five Dream Spirits. But one fell, and one died, and four became corrupt. They transformed, bringing not the sweet respite of dream, but the darkness of nightmare, and so with the coming of the Red Sphere they were named the Dark Ones. Then The Weaver fell, and defeated each in turn. He took into his own body the spirit of the greatest among the Dark Ones, and so became lord of Dreams and Nightmares. The Dreamtime is now his, and he rules it from his Castle Rhudfir in the sweet embrace of night. And deep within his citadel lie dreams even Morodia the Slumbering King dares not awaken.

So too, have I served Avyra, Queen of the Wheel. It was her that was the first amongst the children of the Great One to die, but still she did not abandon the children of the Disk. She traveled among the dead for a long time, and freed those who could not pass on. She now lives in a small hut beyond even the Dreamtime, in the lands where the dead live before they return in a new life. It is said that, if one tries, one can reach the Gray Lands of Avyra from the Dreamtime, and that in the dreams of death, a massive iron door comes, and through it can been seen the inside of Avyra's hut, for The Weaver on occasion must speak with his eldest sister.

The eldest among the children of the Great One is Jongo the Everchanging, and though I have not spoken with her, I have spoken with her children, the Jongoscion. They have told me of the fantastic places which Jongo has been, of the deeps of the sea wherein lie the Kraken and the Leviathan, greatest of the Great One's creations of the sea. They speak of great dragons which haunt the deep, and creatures which are lesser than the Kraken but possess great powers of the mind. They have told me that Jongo has learned of great powers of magic, of power wild and changing like the master of chaos himself.

And there is evidence of yet another world beyond the Great Disk. The sages of The Olm and Ecchr have spoken of a place of darkness and fear, a place where sin rules and pleasure is all. It is a place spoken only in hushed whispers and behind closed doors. It's name is not known to mortals, but the barest flickerings of it might be found in the darkest corners of the Dreamtime. Some say it lies in the space between worlds, in the vast Void which threatens to consume all. The only ones who truly know of the Kingdom of Sin are those who live within, Khalen-het, who no longer walks the Disk, and the Twins of Dawn and Dusk Fayruz and Sonata, who will not speak to mere mortals of it.

This, then, is what is known of the worlds beyond the Disk, of things which are not imicable to mortal life. Still, high above, the rememant of the White City burns with a dark red light, and none may know what remains of that hallowed place.

[mystic1110]

Updated

Spoiler

Name: Saluko, The Hound of the Gods.
Domain: Loyalty.
Abilities: Divine Charm, Divine Athletics
Themes: Obedience, Memory, Ancestry
Description:

Saluko is appears as a Midnight Black sighthound, lean with strong legs and eyes, specialized in pursuing his prey, keeping it in sight, and overpowering it with his great speed and agility. Saluko has long rich white fur on his ears, tail and the back of his legs and his pupils and irises display an intelligence that no mere Animal should possess. On his neck he wears a great iron collar.

Saluko is a mortal - but he is not a man. He is no monster. He is an Animal. He is a dog. As some mortals descend from long lines of great warriors - he descended from a great ancient line of noble hounds. His ancestors sat under the feet of Kings. Some sat under the feet of Wizards. Warlords, Sorcerers, Tyrants, Hermits, Doctors, the list goes on. His family sat with the greatest of mortals. Greatest does mean best - it means greatest - the paragons of their ideas and their people. The leaders and best. They sat beneath the feet of Demi-Gods. And Saluko remembers.

Saluko is the latest in the long line of this illustrious breed, by the grace of gods long gone, his breed could always speak and reason, and so he can speak, reason, and sing - although he prefers to bark. He is also the last of his breed. His families status as hounds of the powerful made them a desirable prize for any aspiring ruler. A war was fought for his mother, and he was the prize. Because of their great intelligence Saluko's ancestors advised generals and rulers alike - and they commanded as regents when the time called for it - sitting under the heels of a boy king in memory of his father.

Saluko remembers the lives of his ancestry - he knows what makes a good master. Power. Right or wrong don't matter - he remembers numerous rights, numerous wrongs. It is the power to carry on your wishes that he respects and serves. Power. And Loyalty. He is absolutely loyal to the one he deems most powerful. And to him power is not simply strength - it is force of conviction - one of his ancestors sat underneath a tree with a man who abandoned all worldly possessions and took up pacifism. That was master worth serving - his convictions and ideas shone like a bright sun in Saluko's mind.

Saluko is loyal. That is probably the most defining character trait - but he does not live solely for his master. He believes everything should be loyal and he despises liars, tricksters and traitors and works tirelessly to curb their influence. Also he knows how the master - relationship should work: he will overthrown rulers who are unfit to rule (those who doubt themselves; those who don't merely discipline their subjects but abuse them without cause). Also Saluko inspires Greed in others - not because he is greedy, but his divine charm manifests as being a desirable servant. People with great convictions want to be his master and he wants to serve them, he is a dog after all. And since he is a god himself - a god of loyalty - lesser beings want to be ruled by him. Those without strong convictions are enthralled by him.

(1) Saluko barks in Dark Olive Green
(2-3) Saluko was born to a Queen of one of the realms of Carolinus'
(4) Yes Saluko heard of some of the gods, but only paid heed to Carolinus, because his master (Strong of Conviction) willingly bent the knee to him, and thus so did Saluko. While mortal though he did not concern himself with the affairs of beings beyond him comprehension. On Ascension however, he will need to find a master worthy of his divinity - and so must seek the god with the purest conviction - free from doubt or servility - and full of power.

The Ascension of Saluko

Spoiler

Five generations ago

A Midnight Black sighthound, lean with strong legs and eyes, with long rich white fur on his ears, tail and the back of his legs and his pupils and irises displaying an intelligence that no mere Animal should possess stood by a large lean man holding a bow made of pure light. The man was a Hero, not the greatest - for no legend of his shall pass through this night - but a hero. Today was their last battle. The sky above the man and hound was filled with fire and the sounds of wailing and screaming. The gods were falling and the moon burned bright as blood and red as ruby. The dog never howled, he was no wild wolf, but he barred his teeth as his master took aim and fired into the red sky, letting loose an arrow of light - striking some great monster. The black hound turned on it's haunches and mauled yet another marauding nightmare that had crept behind his master. These beasts were shaped by gods and the man and the hound were but mortals.... in the end the only thing that remained was the man's corpse, disfigured beyond recognition, and an Iron Collar, with the word "Saluko," engraved within. In Saluko's ancestral memory, it was a fine death and a worthy master - even when the beasts had taken the mans arms and his glorious bow of light the man kept fighting, for even man can bite.

Four generations ago

Years ago when he was just a pup, a knight had brought to his master his sire's collar. The ancient name of Saluko was now his. He felt no shame at his father's death, no grief, just pride. It was a glorious death to die in the service of a worthy master. His master however was pitiful. Ever since the night the white city fell the world turned dark. It was now the realm of monsters and men who do not know what they lack. Among them rose those who style themselves kings, but their kingdoms are made of wood and daub, and fade away beneath the boots of war-chieftains, who in turn have their legacies scattered to the winds. His master was a man such as this. A self-styled king. Doubtful, wary, afraid of the future and what lies in the dark. Pathetic. He felt no loyalty to one who had no loyalty to himself. And so "Saluko" left. His breed was always strong, and the blood of his father ran through him, so he ran tirelessly throughout the night. Far far away, until he fell asleep underneath an ancient willow tree.

He awoke in the morning, determined to find a suitable master, for a hound without a master was a mere wolf. Yet when he opened his eyes an old woman sat before him, peaceful and contemplative. Her eyes were closed, but he knew she was awake. She spoke to him there, welcoming him to her vigil. He asked her what she was doing here and she smiled with her wrinkled lips and told him that she was waiting. Waiting for what he asked. She opened her eyes and told him - for the tree to die. It was a simple Vigil, she simply sat underneath the tree, he did not know whether it was for repentance or for divinity, but there she sat and nothing moved her. He sat with her and saw how starvation did not move her. Thirst did not move her. Nor did the elements nor any wandering man or beast.... or even worse. She was powerful - full of magic that was long lost to the dead or fleeing gods, and her conviction was unbreakable and unimpeachable. She was his master. So he stayed with her, until she withered away, and her last request was for him to wait for the tree to die. So Saluko left, to sire a son and as soon as it was done... he returned to the tree, and waited for it to die. It was his masters wish.

Three generations ago

The pup was born to a bitch in slums of a city forgotten by man and god alike, yet despite his poor mothers birth his was a noble breed, no other lineage could stain it. A year passed and a war-chieftain passed by the village. Ancestry is hard to hind, especially when you are a beautiful, powerful, intelligent, talking hound. And what's more, it's impossible to shake the ancestral need for a master - nor the need to make sure its conviction was strong. So the pup followed the war-chieftain, and even led his men to battle. Tales spread of a ferocious dog - the dog of war. His black fur was crusted with blood, and he was known as the Red Dog. His master ruled an empire and he was willful and strong.

Yet came a day when into his master's court a man strode in. He was no warrior, but came bearing a cloak of purple. His master quaked. This was the man he served? This man who cowered? Cowered at the mere presence of this intruder. No conviction. No strength. And thus loyalty disappears, and the man in the cloak smiled, and so the Red Dog left the court at the heels of the stranger. Outside the man raised his hands and spoke some words and the court disappeared behind them into darkness. The man it turned out was an oculist, a magician who made pacts and deals with the spirits of the land, bending reality to his whim, or as much as a mortal could. The Red Dog followed him loyally, for this was a man with no doubt - this was a man who wished to become a God.

One day they passed by a willow tree and the Wizard smiled and told The Red Dog to kill the guardian of the tree. A hound listens to his master and entered the veil of leaves and saw... his sire. By now his sire was withered and frail - waiting for the tree to die. In both of their eyes was pride. The son told his father how much he admired his loyalty to sit here beneath the tree unmoving and the father told his son how he admired his loyalty to kill his own father. And so they fought - the father had to for he had to wait for the tree to die and the son had to for he had to kill the tree's guardian. It was a quick fight, and the Red Dog lived up to his name. But he took the collar with him. He was "Saluko" now.

And so the wizard and hound left, and continued onward. Tales were spread - pups were sired - the Wizard did not rule but wandered in search of the seed of divinity, and on his death bed, commanded "Saluko" to find a way to bring him back from beyond the pale curtain. Saluko admired the mans conviction - death was not even an obstacle. So after he died, he left to search for a way to bring a person back from the dead.

Two generations ago

The pup was born to a princess. She loved her majesty. Her lady was young, beautiful, and conniving. Despite the false curtsies and lies, her ladies conviction was strong - she meant to rule - and the hound knew. The Hound herself was called the Bitch of the Red Wizard, for she was sired by the Red Hound of War who served the Dark Wizard. The Bitch was not cherished in court, nor was her advice ever taken. They feared her, for her lineage, for her speech, for they considered her an unholy abomination, all but her lady. The princess argued against her father to spare the Bitches' life, and from then on she served the little princess.

The princess ordered her to spy, and so she spied. Most people in the castle did not care for the dog, but as long as she kept her jaws shut, she was just another dog to them. The princess tied pink bows on her, and most could not even confuse her for the Red Hound's brood. And what people would say in the presence of dogs! The princess through her manipulations became the king's mistress, and further down the passage of history his queen and finally the Queen. For who thinks a dog could deliver poison to a man?

One day however her mistress became bedridden, and she called to the Bitch and asked her to save her. There was no doubt, no fear, it was a command. And so she left the castle.

A year went by, when she overheard rumors of a magic fountain, the waters of which could cure any being... even bring people back from the dead. And so she journeyed to the fountain. It was beautiful. It was hidden beyond a cavern of beasts of chaos, and the water flowed up from the ground to a shimmering pool of water floating on the ceiling of the cave. She felt the ancestral call and found bones on the floor of the cavern - her sire - the Red Dog. Shame filled her, for he failed his master when he was so close, yet she eyed his collar - the word "Saluko" engraved on it, and she clumsily placed it on her neck. It was good not to be the Bitch anymore. She lapped up the water, yet did not swallow, and then ran back to her mistress. When she arrived she nuzzled her mistress' dying lips and let the water pour into her. Her mistress was saved - no one can doubt the loyalty of "Saluko," her families name was restored in her mind.

Years past - she sired a son and gave him the collar - she was content to be the Bitch. Not every hound perished in the service of their master, hers was to be a peaceful life with her mistress. They died in bed together from what Saluko remembers. Pride comes in many forms - his mother died loyal - it made no difference that she didn't die in action.

Saluko

Saluko was born and given the grand iron collar worn by his family. He was too young for it, but he took it graciously and departed trying to find his master. His journey took him far from the lands of Carolinusm into the disputed lands where vagabonds and monsters ruled through fear. It was hear that Saluko hoped to find a worthy master. And yet a worthy master found him.

One day while he was hunting a dear, right when his jaws were about to enclose on the succulent meat, the beast fell down - shot with an arrow of light. Saluko turned on his haunches to face a large lean man holding a bow made of pure light. The man was a Hero, not the greatest - for no legend of his shall pass through this night - but a hero. Stories like to go in circles. And so the Saluko spoke to the man, he remembered, vaguely of a man similar to this one. The man leveled the bow at him, for whoever heard of a talking dog. Yet Saluko had a charm of his own - their are many who would want to be his master. Eventually the man lowered the bow. Years past. The man was an outlaw and a vigilante. He defended the people living in these woods from the law and from danger - his only belief was freedom. And so Saluko lived with him... hunted, protected, stole, saved.... They had adventures. If an ancient treasure made by spirits was his masters wish, his servant shall retrieve it, no matter how difficult the battle is to do so. If the daughter of a chieftain whose fortress is made of wood that does not burn and is guarded by many bright copper spears pleases the eye of this man, his servant shall fetch her for him, even if she has many guards and is frightened of the coal-black hound whose eyes are bright as stars. It was a good loyal life given to a worthy master full of conviction and mirth.

But life comes to an end. One day, an army came into the forest, they came for the man with the bow... he was an outlaw after all, so they fought with teeth and guts, yet numbers have meaning and the man was brought low - in the end they escaped by running into a cave they were sure didn't exist before. Flight did not lower the hound's loyalty, for the mans conviction was freedom not bravery.

And so into the cavern that didn't exist before, they fled, the man dying from his wounds. In the darkness his last request was for Saluko to survive and to find a new master. And Saluko told him that he would do so to honor his memory and so after his masters death, he feasted on his corpse, because to survive the darkness as his master asked he needed energy. And thus he crawled through the darkness until he saw a pinprick of light. Closer and closer he crawled... not knowing that his master contained a small spark of divinity, not enough to ignite on it's own, but that spark was within him now. The light did not appear to be getting any closer, yet he crawled towards it barring his teeth. And then suddenly a roar, for the light was simply the light of a serpent's eyes. The serpent asked him what he was doing and he told it that he was commanded to see the light. The serpent laughed derisively and told him he would see the light of the after life and lunged at Saluko. Yet Saluko did not defile his master's corpse to fail his last command. He battled the serpent, god-shapen though it was, and overcome it, though it be wounded. His belly ripped apart. The serpents tooth impaled into him and it's skin and blood tasting bitter in his mouth. But it was victory. And in the darkness that spark of divinity was ignited.

Saluko would emerge anew from the ground. He survived. And he would seek a new master. For that was what his master commanded.

What do you think (Raz i stole some parts from you )?

Edit: also I want the collar to become an artifact: any ideas over its function?

[Scow2]

I think I figured out exactly what kind of city Vorax and his priests are in.

Stone-age goodness right there!

More on topic, especially in response to Raz_Fox' response to me:
I imagine that this river delta tribe is not in too much need of technological guidance, but more in need of moral guidance. Of course, I have plans that as Sahpam-ahn's empire grows, it will become even more Awesome^TM, and how it grows depends on which gods she manages to form alliances with.

I'm trying to find time to edit Sapham-ahn's history to drawing sustenance in the desert from ambient spirits, and making it clear that she feels the "core" of her power growing as she approached the mountain, since part of her magic is also direct control of Tetsujiin's power-leak.