Hey Guys, just reposting this because of the 3-day break, and the likelyhood that I've been forgotten. God, I'm lonely. Remember, I'm posting this for feedback, and I've only seen any from Gengy (Who was very nice). Critique it so I can make it better!
Spoiler
Name:Invidia
Domain:Envy
Abilities: Polymorphy, Bloodlust
Themes: Green Eyed Monster
Description:
Born the middle child to a family of five, Inved, lived in the grip of poverty for most of his childhood. He was neglected, ignored, and frequently maligned by the rest of his family. He grew increasingly jealous of his brothers, who were doted upon by their "benevolent" father. Then one day, after a particularly cruel beating, something wonderful happened. Inved was visited by Atraxal, who introduced himself as an "Entrepreneur".
The fiend entered though Inved's window whilst his family was away, and asked him what was wrong. He comforted the child for a few minutes until Inved stopped crying. Atraxal was a sly man, and with a demonic glint in his eye, he "observed" how much better things would be for Inved if his brothers weren't around. Inved had never thought of it that way before, and almost immediately began plotting the downfall of those who had caused him to be so forgotton.
He asked Atraxal if he would help, who (of course) agreed. They plotted and planned until Inved's father burst in, at which point, Atraxal seemed to melt into the shadows of the room. Inved was promptly beaten. Later that night, Atraxal slid into the brother's shared room, bound the youngest child, and absconded along with his prize. The father was devastated. He began drinking as his children vyed for his attention. Their mother passed away, and the Father was forced to begin to care for his children again. Once again, Inved was shunned in favour of his older brother, and, once again, Atraxal offered to help. This time, however, it wouldn't be free. Inved agreed.
Inved waited at the designated meeting spot for Atraxal and Inved own less-than-enthusiastic brother. He anxiously fingered the axe in his pocket and wondered if this was really the best idea, but when they did arrive; Inved felt a cold thrill pulse through his thin frame. A manic grin lit up his face as he watched his older brother, who had so often consigned him to oblivion, sat there bound and gagged. He giggled with glee as his brother squirmed and looked upon him with something that Inved had never seen directed at him. He saw fear. It infected him like a drug, and his world became bliss. Atraxal hissed into his ear, urging him onward, closer to the brink, right to the edge. As soon as this one was out of the way, his father would love him, and only him. He raised the axe as tears of joy streamed down his face.
As he reentered the house, he heard crying, and saw bottles strewn upon the floor. He took a tentative step inside, trailing blood behind him. He called into his father's room, who came running out, yelling in joy. That is, until he saw his son. Crude stitching seemed to cover his body like a lopsided web, and his hands appeared to have been torn off and reattached. Strangest of all, was his face. It was almost doll-like as if he was wearing a mask. Then it hit the father, and he realized exactly what he was looking at. Inved beamed as his father admired his new suit. Clearly, he would be the favorite now. After all, he had the best parts of his older brother. Atraxal could wait. For now, he just wanted to feel his father's love.
(Note: This is all Preascension, so I didn't think that appearance really mattered that much.
Second Note: He changes his name to Invidia postascension.)
If you're making an antagonist, I think it's pretty good. It's a solid concept, and I'd be looking forward to further installments and the development of this Atraxal character.
Envy is an interesting way to go if you're designing a hero. I couldn't do it, but if you're up to the challenge, more power to you.
But, yea that was creepy, I'd agree with them on that.
Where are you were planning on going with the character? Antagonist, Protagonist, Is this episode the kind he will overcome during his ascention quest, or is it typical of his future character? That sort of thing. Theres alot of ways you can go with it.
Hey Guys, just reposting this because of the 3-day break, and the likelyhood that I've been forgotten. God, I'm lonely. Remember, I'm posting this for feedback, and I've only seen any from Gengy (Who was very nice). Critique it so I can make it better!
Spoiler
Name:Invidia
Domain:Envy
Abilities: Polymorphy, Bloodlust
Themes: Green Eyed Monster
Description:
Born the middle child to a family of five, Inved, lived in the grip of poverty for most of his childhood. He was neglected, ignored, and frequently maligned by the rest of his family. He grew increasingly jealous of his brothers, who were doted upon by their "benevolent" father. Then one day, after a particularly cruel beating, something wonderful happened. Inved was visited by Atraxal, who introduced himself as an "Entrepreneur".
The fiend entered though Inved's window whilst his family was away, and asked him what was wrong. He comforted the child for a few minutes until Inved stopped crying. Atraxal was a sly man, and with a demonic glint in his eye, he "observed" how much better things would be for Inved if his brothers weren't around. Inved had never thought of it that way before, and almost immediately began plotting the downfall of those who had caused him to be so forgotton.
He asked Atraxal if he would help, who (of course) agreed. They plotted and planned until Inved's father burst in, at which point, Atraxal seemed to melt into the shadows of the room. Inved was promptly beaten. Later that night, Atraxal slid into the brother's shared room, bound the youngest child, and absconded along with his prize. The father was devastated. He began drinking as his children vyed for his attention. Their mother passed away, and the Father was forced to begin to care for his children again. Once again, Inved was shunned in favour of his older brother, and, once again, Atraxal offered to help. This time, however, it wouldn't be free. Inved agreed.
Inved waited at the designated meeting spot for Atraxal and Inved own less-than-enthusiastic brother. He anxiously fingered the axe in his pocket and wondered if this was really the best idea, but when they did arrive; Inved felt a cold thrill pulse through his thin frame. A manic grin lit up his face as he watched his older brother, who had so often consigned him to oblivion, sat there bound and gagged. He giggled with glee as his brother squirmed and looked upon him with something that Inved had never seen directed at him. He saw fear. It infected him like a drug, and his world became bliss. Atraxal hissed into his ear, urging him onward, closer to the brink, right to the edge. As soon as this one was out of the way, his father would love him, and only him. He raised the axe as tears of joy streamed down his face.
As he reentered the house, he heard crying, and saw bottles strewn upon the floor. He took a tentative step inside, trailing blood behind him. He called into his father's room, who came running out, yelling in joy. That is, until he saw his son. Crude stitching seemed to cover his body like a lopsided web, and his hands appeared to have been torn off and reattached. Strangest of all, was his face. It was almost doll-like as if he was wearing a mask. Then it hit the father, and he realized exactly what he was looking at. Inved beamed as his father admired his new suit. Clearly, he would be the favorite now. After all, he had the best parts of his older brother. Atraxal could wait. For now, he just wanted to feel his father's love.
(Note: This is all Preascension, so I didn't think that appearance really mattered that much.
Second Note: He changes his name to Invidia postascension.)
Whoa. I read this before, and meant to comment before I was dragged away, but this is just as creepy the second time.. It looks pretty awesome, and, as AM101 () pointed out, it can be taken pretty much anywhere from here. If you want more concrete advice on this segment in particular, i'd elaborate on the reason why he was disliked -- was he expected to measure up to the standards of his older brother? Was he not as charismatic? Simply being the middle child seems a very odd reason to not merely love less, but to actively beat and abuse a child. Also, its unclear what Atraxal actually does the first time he "helps". It seems he does nothing but harm Inved the first time.
All Imho, of course, so feel free to disregard it.
__________________
Avatar by Sgt. Pepper
Former Avatars by
I don't know what to do Succubus. Contragh is halfway across the world, I can't have him interacting back at base (Unless you want me to hit grow a random box your way).
Oh yes, sorry, I forgot. >.>
We'll do that thing after you've finished abusing Jongo. I have another sideline I can pursue with AM101 and Ladorak while that ticks over. =)
__________________
Quote:
Originally Posted by Dallas-Dakota
Succubus gets grongratulatory cookies from me. You have stepped into the realm of puns that only the likes of Death, Your Friend the Reaper have seen.
Hey Guys, just reposting this because of the 3-day break, and the likelyhood that I've been forgotten. God, I'm lonely. Remember, I'm posting this for feedback, and I've only seen any from Gengy (Who was very nice). Critique it so I can make it better!
Spoiler
Name:Invidia
Domain:Envy
Abilities: Polymorphy, Bloodlust
Themes: Green Eyed Monster
Description:
Born as the middle child in a family of five, Inved lived in the grip of poverty for most of his childhood. He was neglected, ignored, and frequently maligned by the rest of his family. He grew increasingly jealous of his brothers, who were doted upon by their "benevolent" father. One day, after a particularly cruel beating, something wonderful happened. Inved was visited by Atraxal, who introduced himself as an "Entrepreneur."
The fiend entered though Inved's window whilst his family was away, and asked him what was wrong. He comforted the child for a few minutes until Inved stopped crying. Atraxal was a sly man, and with a demonic glint in his eye, he "observed" how much better things would be for Inved if his brothers weren't around. Inved had never thought of it that way before, and almost immediately began plotting the downfall of those who had caused him to be so forgotton.
He asked Atraxal if he would help, who (of course) agreed. They plotted and planned until Inved's father burst in, at which point, Atraxal seemed to melt into the shadows of the room. Inved was promptly beaten. Later that night, Atraxal slid into the brother's shared room, bound the youngest child, and absconded along with his prize. The father was devastated. He began drinking as his children vyed for his attention. Their mother passed away, and the Father was forced to begin to care for his children again. Once again, Inved was shunned in favour of his older brother, and, once again, Atraxal offered to help. This time, however, it wouldn't be free. Inved agreed.
Inved waited at the designated meeting spot for Atraxal and Inved own less-than-enthusiastic brother. He anxiously fingered the axe in his pocket and wondered if this was really the best idea, but when they did arrive; Inved felt a cold thrill pulse through his thin frame. A manic grin lit up his face as he watched his older brother, who had so often consigned him to oblivion, sat there bound and gagged. He giggled with glee as his brother squirmed and looked upon him with something that Inved had never seen directed at him. He saw fear. It infected him like a drug, and his world became bliss. Atraxal hissed into his ear, urging him onward, closer to the brink, right to the edge. As soon as this one was out of the way, his father would love him, and only him. He raised the axe as tears of joy streamed down his face.
As he reentered the house, he heard crying, and saw bottles strewn upon the floor. He took a tentative step inside, trailing blood behind him. He called into his father's room, who came running out, yelling in joy. That is, until he saw his son. Crude stitching seemed to cover his body like a lopsided web, and his hands appeared to have been torn off and reattached. Strangest of all, was his face. It was almost doll-like as if he was wearing a mask. Then it hit the father, and he realized exactly what he was looking at. Inved beamed as his father admired his new suit. Clearly, he would be the favorite now. After all, he had the best parts of his older brother. Atraxal could wait. For now, he just wanted to feel his father's love.
(Note: This is all Preascension, so I didn't think that appearance really mattered that much.
Second Note: He changes his name to Invidia postascension.)
Spoiler
Name: Invidia
Domain: Envy
Abilities: Polymorphy, Bloodlust
Themes: Green Eyed Monster
Description:
Born the middle child to a family of five, Inved, lived in the grip of poverty for most of his childhood. He was neglected, ignored, and frequently maligned by the rest of his family. He grew increasingly jealous of his brothers, who were doted upon by their "benevolent" father. Then one day, after a particularly cruel beating, something wonderful happened. Inved was visited by Atraxal, who introduced himself as an "Entrepreneur".
The fiend entered though Inved's window whilst his family was away, and asked him what was wrong. He comforted the child for a few minutes until Inved stopped crying. Atraxal was a sly man, and with a demonic glint in his eye, he "observed" how much better things would be for Inved if his brothers weren't around. Inved had never thought of it that way before, and almost immediately began plotting the downfall of those who had caused him to be so forgotten.
He asked Atraxal if he would help, and of course the creature agreed. They plotted and planned until Inved's father burst in, at which point Atraxal seemed to melt into the shadows of the room. Inved was promptly beaten. Later that night, Atraxal slid into his brother's shared room, bound the youngest child, and absconded along with his prize. The father was devastated. He began drinking as his children vyed for his attention. Their mother soon passed away, and the Father was forced to begin to care for his children again. Once again, Inved was shunned in favour of his older brother, and once again, Atraxal offered to help. This time, however, it would not be free. Inved agreed.
Inved waited at the designated meeting spot for Atraxal and Inved's own less-than-enthusiastic brother. He anxiously fingered the axe in his pocket and wondered if this was really the best idea. However, when they did arrive, Inved felt a cold thrill pulse through his thin frame. A manic grin lit up his face as he watched his older brother, who had so often consigned him to oblivion, sitting there bound and gagged. He giggled with glee as his brother squirmed and looked upon him with something that Inved had never seen directed at him. He saw fear. It infected him like a drug, and his world became bliss. Atraxal hissed into his ear, urging him onward, closer to the brink, right to the edge. As soon as this one was out of the way, his father would love him, and only him. He raised the axe as tears of joy streamed down his face.
As he re-entered the house, he heard crying, and saw bottles strewn upon the floor. He took a tentative step inside, trailing blood behind him. He called into his father's room, who came running out, yelling in joy. That is, until he saw his son. Crude stitching seemed to cover his body like a lopsided web, and his hands appeared to have been torn off and reattached. Strangest of all, was his face. It was almost doll-like as if he was wearing a mask. Then it hit the father, and he realized exactly what he was looking at. Inved beamed as his father admired his new suit. Clearly, he would be the favorite now. After all, he had the best parts of his older brother. Atraxal could wait. For now, he just wanted to feel his father's love.
(Note: This is all Pre-ascension, so I didn't think that appearance really mattered that much.
Second Note: He changes his name to Invidia post-ascension.)
I looked through it, and because I apparently have OCD, fixed every grammar error I could find. And then messed with the formatting a bit to make it more easily readable.
On a more conceptual level, however, Invidia looks like an interesting character to me as well. And yes, I see what you did with the name.
__________________
Spoiler
Normal Avatar by Thormag!
Last edited by BladeofObliviom : 10-10-2012 at 10:28 AM.
This, this was bad. Sometin big, something way darker then that Dream Punk, worse then the Young Punk, worse then some o the nastier things the Boss made. But this bugger.... how to distract it? Can't take it head on, not strong enough. Can't leave all me brothers and sisters to it, so, I'll need to hold it off long enough for some of them to escape.
With two mighty stomps, Torvaag roots himself in the stone. It's not the same, but here's the thing. Most people see the earth, and belive that beyond plantlife, it is dead. How wrong they are. The world's heart beats, and the world dreams. Dreams of when she was younger, she dreams of fire.
"Deep in the dark,
Deep in the gloom,
Deep where gods
have never tread,
Deep in the world
heart.
Hear the molten
heartbeat,
As the earth
shifts in her dream,
As the world breaks,
As the world makes.
Hear me now,
Ye kindred,
Born of Flame,
Cradled in stone,
Listen not to the
Ash.
Hear your brother,
Seek your mothers
dream,
The world calls
ye,
Forgeborn.
Awaken from ash,
And dream of
Molten iron,
the path is
behind me,
Run to the earthdream."
It is a subtle thing, a quiet thing, but it reaches out. Several Forgeborn seems to whimper and cry in their sleep. And with the chant, we weaves sigils of light and fire, runes of molten earth, everything he can to draw on more of the earths mystic power.
And then, Torvaag strikes.
He lets lose fury. He unleashes rage. Channeled through his staff, he hurls the flames of the deep up at the sky. Each a rune, a shaft of flame and light, speaking of fury, and the desire to protect. Steadfast resolve, and patient resgination.
"Come on ya yellow bellied sky-humper! Come and git me!"
Torvaag begins to laugh. He will die today, in all likelyhood. But already he sees some of them stiring. All he can do is buy them time.
"Tell the Dream Punk to clean shop round here! Now, git going!"
Fireball after fireball, taunt after taunt he hurls towards the thing in the sky. Soon, it would fall on him. Soon, his death would happen. But so what? He's no god, no hero. Have to die sometime, and would rather go out saving me little bros and sisters.
With one last Grin, he faces it. "Lets git this over with." A gleam is in his eye, and his smile is grim. So long as they are saved, he is nothing.
How does this look?
__________________
98% of the internet has a Myspace. If you're one of the 2% who isn't an emo whiner, show solidarity by putting this in your sig.
I looked through it, and because I apparently have OCD, fixed every grammar error I could find. And then messed with the formatting a bit to make it more easily readable.
On a more conceptual level, however, Invidia looks like an interesting character to me as well. And yes, I see what you did with the name.
Blade! You are alive!
Still waiting on Rose to react to a giant red dolphin popping up underneath her!
__________________
Spoiler
"Fear the Gerbils, lads! For they will destroy you!" ~ DOOM
BladeofObliviom said:
Quote:
I've only seen a character at anything resembling this level of absurdity thrive exactly once, and he/she/what-the-jongo had the advantage of being written by Gengy, who I look up to as a writer.
"What-the-Jongo?"
Before you insult someone, walk a mile in their shoes.
That way, you'll be a mile away, and have their shoes!
We'll do that thing after you've finished abusing Jongo. I have another sideline I can pursue with AM101 and Ladorak while that ticks over. =)
Sorry, have read it, thought I'd already responded. Will PM you shortly
__________________
Spoiler
The Human Spirit also by KP. The Raynnverse lives!
Vagrant and Seal by Smuchmuch
Vagrant by Darth Raynn
Sentient #6 Avatar by kpenguin. Clearly the best picture of a M&M character named after a Nevermore song there has ever been.
Wow, when I actually read through the stuff I've written lately, Khalen's warping into a complete monster. oO
At the start of the next turn, you guys are going to have a choice about whether you take a massive risk to try and redeem him, or set his path forever down this dark road. Good luck.
__________________
Quote:
Originally Posted by Dallas-Dakota
Succubus gets grongratulatory cookies from me. You have stepped into the realm of puns that only the likes of Death, Your Friend the Reaper have seen.
Wow, when I actually read through the stuff I've written lately, Khalen's warping into a complete monster. oO
At the start of the next turn, you guys are going to have a choice about whether you take a massive risk to try and redeem him, or set his path forever down this dark road. Good luck.
Same here buddy, well Contragh's more of an ass hole and less of a monster. But still, the potential for it is growing.
Also Gengy, that really felt nice to read. I'm really liking this finally interacting with other god's thing.
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Spoiler
Previous Avatars
All Spoiler Images made by SmuchSmuch and Emperor Ing and Kasanip
No worries, the Death God's here to put the Zombie Dragon back in his place.
*loud hammering of coffins for as many undead Contragh has*
Hey, Death Punk. Need help?
(Creates *Small* inferno*)
And you, Chain Punk. Stop with the "pain and suffering". Seriously, your almost as bad as that goth and emo infestation we had in the summer of '69. So, git out of yer place, crash at yer families and STOP TEARING UP THE EARTH!!!!
__________________
98% of the internet has a Myspace. If you're one of the 2% who isn't an emo whiner, show solidarity by putting this in your sig.
And you, Chain Punk. Stop with the "pain and suffering". Seriously, your almost as bad as that goth and emo infestation we had in the summer of '69. So, git out of yer place, crash at yer families and STOP TEARING UP THE EARTH!!!!
I'm a Elemental that just a bit younger then the world. If your under (However old the world is), yer a punk. Correction, anyone who seems young, is a Punk. Or, other just might go *Desciptive word* Dude, my guy uses Punk for casual use. He is a bit of a grump after all. I call meself; Deep Punk.
Torvaag; Means anyone under 50,000. Or that's not from round these parts.
__________________
98% of the internet has a Myspace. If you're one of the 2% who isn't an emo whiner, show solidarity by putting this in your sig.
The reason why there is no cult of het in Fex: "Oh, I see you have a religion there. LEGIONLEGEIONLEGIONLEGIONLEGION *STOMPSTOMPSTOMP* Is the cult gone? good."
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Spoiler
Previous Avatars
All Spoiler Images made by SmuchSmuch and Emperor Ing and Kasanip
If you're making an antagonist, I think it's pretty good. It's a solid concept, and I'd be looking forward to further installments and the development of this Atraxal character.
Envy is an interesting way to go if you're designing a hero. I couldn't do it, but if you're up to the challenge, more power to you.
But, yea that was creepy, I'd agree with them on that.
Where are you were planning on going with the character? Antagonist, Protagonist, Is this episode the kind he will overcome during his ascention quest, or is it typical of his future character? That sort of thing. Theres alot of ways you can go with it.
That's my two cents.
I'm not exactly sure where I want to go with him. This character just kinda writes itself. I just realized how creepy that sounds. I do know that Atraxal will play a major part in the character's ascension though. That's part of why I wrote him into this, so I have a clear pre-introduced antagonist.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Demidos
Whoa. I read this before, and meant to comment before I was dragged away, but this is just as creepy the second time.. It looks pretty awesome, and, as AM101 () pointed out, it can be taken pretty much anywhere from here. If you want more concrete advice on this segment in particular, i'd elaborate on the reason why he was disliked -- was he expected to measure up to the standards of his older brother? Was he not as charismatic? Simply being the middle child seems a very odd reason to not merely love less, but to actively beat and abuse a child. Also, its unclear what Atraxal actually does the first time he "helps". It seems he does nothing but harm Inved the first time.
All Imho, of course, so feel free to disregard it.
Thank you! You are completely correct. The idea is that he was disliked because he was expected to measure up to his older brother, who was implied to be superior physically. The story is mostly from Inved's viewpoint, so whether or not he was actually treated worse doesn't matter. It's how he felt he was being treated. Perspective and all that. The father himself was abusive to all the children, mentally and physically.
Atraxal is implied to not be human. He is supposed to be some kind of shapeshifting beast of chaos. How he helps Inved the first time, is that he removes his little brother, who was implied to be approximately 2 years old, as an obstacle for the father's attention. He was only a baby, so of course he got more attention. If that was not clear during the original draft, I apologize. Actually, I originally wanted Inved to notice that Atraxal had a lock of Inved's younger brother's hair between his teeth. I couldn't find a place to logically fit in in though. For any who were wondering what happened to the younger brother, Atraxal ate him. He won't be a recurring character.
Description:
Born the middle child to a family of five, Inved, lived in the grip of poverty for most of his childhood. He was neglected, ignored, and frequently maligned by the rest of his family. He grew increasingly jealous of his brothers, who were doted upon by their "benevolent" father. Then one day, after a particularly cruel beating, something wonderful happened. Inved was visited by Atraxal, who introduced himself as an "Entrepreneur".
The fiend entered though Inved's window whilst his family was away, and asked him what was wrong. He comforted the child for a few minutes until Inved stopped crying. Atraxal was a sly man, and with a demonic glint in his eye, he "observed" how much better things would be for Inved if his brothers weren't around. Inved had never thought of it that way before, and almost immediately began plotting the downfall of those who had caused him to be so forgotten.
He asked Atraxal if he would help, and of course the creature agreed. They plotted and planned until Inved's father burst in, at which point Atraxal seemed to melt into the shadows of the room. Inved was promptly beaten. Later that night, Atraxal slid into his brother's shared room, bound the youngest child, and absconded along with his prize. The father was devastated. He began drinking as his children vyed for his attention. Their mother soon passed away, and the Father was forced to begin to care for his children again. Once again, Inved was shunned in favour of his older brother, and once again, Atraxal offered to help. This time, however, it would not be free. Inved agreed.
Inved waited at the designated meeting spot for Atraxal and Inved's own less-than-enthusiastic brother. He anxiously fingered the axe in his pocket and wondered if this was really the best idea. However, when they did arrive, Inved felt a cold thrill pulse through his thin frame. A manic grin lit up his face as he watched his older brother, who had so often consigned him to oblivion, sitting there bound and gagged. He giggled with glee as his brother squirmed and looked upon him with something that Inved had never seen directed at him. He saw fear. It infected him like a drug, and his world became bliss. Atraxal hissed into his ear, urging him onward, closer to the brink, right to the edge. As soon as this one was out of the way, his father would love him, and only him. He raised the axe as tears of joy streamed down his face.
As he re-entered the house, he heard crying, and saw bottles strewn upon the floor. He took a tentative step inside, trailing blood behind him. He called into his father's room, who came running out, yelling in joy. That is, until he saw his son. Crude stitching seemed to cover his body like a lopsided web, and his hands appeared to have been torn off and reattached. Strangest of all, was his face. It was almost doll-like as if he was wearing a mask. Then it hit the father, and he realized exactly what he was looking at. Inved beamed as his father admired his new suit. Clearly, he would be the favorite now. After all, he had the best parts of his older brother. Atraxal could wait. For now, he just wanted to feel his father's love.
(Note: This is all Pre-ascension, so I didn't think that appearance really mattered that much.
Second Note: He changes his name to Invidia post-ascension.)
I looked through it, and because I apparently have OCD, fixed every grammar error I could find. And then messed with the formatting a bit to make it more easily readable.
On a more conceptual level, however, Invidia looks like an interesting character to me as well. And yes, I see what you did with the name.
Thank you! I have the most trouble with grammar when writing.
Sorry for double posting.
Last edited by Runic Knight : 10-10-2012 at 06:38 PM.
Also Gengy, that really felt nice to read. I'm really liking this finally interacting with other god's thing.
My pleasure. I look forward to hearing about Miranda's reaction to the funny little child suddenly growing into a long sinuous 30 foot dragon... that still gives hugs.
This is something I'm struggling with. NOT because the cult is a bad idea; it's well done and well executed. What I'm struggling with is the slow decline of the innocence of the Jongoscion.
This first generation - and parts of the second - are meant to be rather innocent. They don't know much about the world, and only the bravest among them are willing to venture outside of the Sea of Jongo.
They still dream.
They still create.
They still have emotions - but those emotions are invariably on the more innocuous side of things. There have not - yet - been murders committed by one Jongoscion to another. They do not mate, so that type of thing is right out. For now. There is theft; but it is petty and usually brought up to a Dorph or Gwenie to sort out. As nomadic people, possession of something isn't a strong desire in the Jongoscion. For the moment.
All of that will change over the course of the time. When new Jongoscion are finally born, with the separation and split, the information and personalities gained from spending several years out of the Sea of Jongo will also split.
It is entirely possible that new generations will develop deeper ranges of emotions and desires.
So. How will the Cult of Het effect them?
Slowly. In this generation - this turn - probably not at all. Not unless someone in the Cult makes a mistake and approaches a shapeshifted Jongoscion (which would be neat) asking that particular Jongoscion (in whatever form they are in) to join them.
There are Jongoscion in Markien, serving Lord Grassblade, learning to defend things better.
There are a few Jongoscion headed towards Salus, but they haven't arrived yet. I haven't decided what I'm doing with them. I think they will want to learn to make underwater huts from Lord Butterfly.
Within a turn or two, there will pretty much be a Jongoscion in almost every highly populated area (or that's the plan right now).
As to the Olm. There are Jongoscion in the Olm, observing the city and making sure that Lady Flower stays healthy.
But I've an idea for that. Succubus, if Raz doesn't have a better idea, I think the Cult of Het may run into problems from a cranky old shaman, who's just trying to keep the city safe from dangers that no one else can realize.
Lors would be *perfect* to - quietly - combat your cultists.
Let me know what you think, and we'll hammer something out in PM!
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Spoiler
"Fear the Gerbils, lads! For they will destroy you!" ~ DOOM
BladeofObliviom said:
Quote:
I've only seen a character at anything resembling this level of absurdity thrive exactly once, and he/she/what-the-jongo had the advantage of being written by Gengy, who I look up to as a writer.
"What-the-Jongo?"
Before you insult someone, walk a mile in their shoes.
That way, you'll be a mile away, and have their shoes!
As to the Olm. There are Jongoscion in the Olm, observing the city and making sure that Lady Flower stays healthy.
But I've an idea for that. Succubus, if Raz doesn't have a better idea, I think the Cult of Het may run into problems from a cranky old shaman, who's just trying to keep the city safe from dangers that no one else can realize.
Lors would be *perfect* to - quietly - combat your cultists.
Let me know what you think, and we'll hammer something out in PM!
The Cult of Suffering would indeed be a problem at the Olm, and unless Lors was willing to stand between the dreaming-dead and the people of the Olm, it would end up being a clandestine civil war between the Smiling Ones and the Sufferers.
So, yeah, I am okay with Lors working to make sure no one ends up dead. Well, at least no one innocent, marked by brands and red-hot chains.
You haven't seen crime until you've seen the underbelly of the Olm. But this fall, one man dares to stare into the darkness and solve the cases that Chief Gamesha declares unsolvable. He's got a catchphrase, he's got a spunky cute sidekick, and he's here to kick arse for Chaos.
Tuesdays 8/7:00, tune into Shaman Games, starring Lors as Himself, Makara Ge-Shan as Gamesha Tekeza, and introducing Iyani Aferen as Fayei Damal.
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-build that wall and build it strong-
Kasanip - best artist; Rarity - best smile; Thanqol - good Question
Spoiler
Quote:
Originally Posted by PhoeKun
Raz, you scoundrel! You planned this!
Quote:
Originally Posted by BladeofObliviom
Great, and now I'm imagining what Raz's profile on a dating site would look like. "Must be okay with veils."
Quote:
Originally Posted by Kasanip
I don't think there is such a time to have veils that it is not the fault of Raz_Fox.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Dervag
It's a freaking Romulan dump truck. The Romulans are no more likely to build an unarmed warp-capable ship than they are to become a hippy commune.
You haven't seen crime until you've seen the underbelly of the Olm. But this fall, one man dares to stare into the darkness and solve the cases that Chief Gamesha declares unsolvable. He's got a catchphrase, he's got a spunky cute sidekick, and he's here to kick arse for Chaos.
Tuesdays 8/7:00, tune into Shaman Games, starring Lors as Himself, Makara Ge-Shan as Gamesha Tekeza, and introducing Iyani Aferen as Fayei Damal.
We are doing this. This is a thing that will happen.
__________________
Spoiler
"Fear the Gerbils, lads! For they will destroy you!" ~ DOOM
BladeofObliviom said:
Quote:
I've only seen a character at anything resembling this level of absurdity thrive exactly once, and he/she/what-the-jongo had the advantage of being written by Gengy, who I look up to as a writer.
"What-the-Jongo?"
Before you insult someone, walk a mile in their shoes.
That way, you'll be a mile away, and have their shoes!
So many characters I didn't bother introducing, now with reasons to exist! Louis is just the first of a few more snowflakes on the black canvas. Succubus, you wanted a NPC, well I'm going to give you a little squad to pick from. All of whom can fit perfectly. As for Louis, he's primarily the proof that the military isn't all bad in Fex, that despite Contragh's growing Jerkdom and the slowly corrupting under class that their is still hope.
Edit: I'll write up Miranda and Contragh's reactions soon enough, either will edit them in or post another post if someone else drops one Inbetween the time it takes for me to write.
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All Spoiler Images made by SmuchSmuch and Emperor Ing and Kasanip
A quick request, could we put Gengy's map in the original post. I've been trying to remember/locate the name of Shirvan's kingdom for a small reference and it's taking longer than writing up the rest of the piece.
And there we go, Contragh finally taking steps towards sliding the stick out of his bum. Not by a lot, but swallowing ones pride and asking for help is progress.
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Spoiler
Previous Avatars
All Spoiler Images made by SmuchSmuch and Emperor Ing and Kasanip
Gengy: Sorry a post of Renard to meet Lors was very slow. It's been very difficult to write for me recently.
Quote:
Originally Posted by The Succubus
Spoiler
The Cult of Het:
Following the Disk-wide nightmare, a number of individuals persisted in seeing the dream over and over. Some went insane and killed themselves while others saw it as a vision and a calling. The Cult is dedicated to purging the corruption of men and it achieves this by murdering those it judges to be flawed. These are very basic sins it seeks out – lust, murder, greed, etc where the members are clearly shown to be less than noble beings. The murders are ritualised, usually done by throttling the victim with a chain of some description, although other methods such as torture are used. Souls murdered in this way are sent straight to Torment.
The Cult operates with great secrecy, recruiting new members by looking for those afflicted by the Dream. Their methodology is less than perfect – they are cultists, rather than assassins.
Act Expenditure: Read up because this may affect you....
1 Minor Act - Cultists spawn in Mariken (obviously)
1 Minor Act - Cultists spawn in the Olm
1 Minor Act - Cultists spawn in Salus
I'm not sure whether it will affect alternate races such as the Jongoscion, Sonata's Foxes or the Breuddwydirhodiwr...
The foxes of Sonata are not human. To describe them with rule of this game, they are [divine servants] of Sonata. Renard is something different and more, by rule maybe an [Exarch] or [Demigod] to depend on future events. Because of his storytelling role, I have been cautious to assign such a [power level] since it is not important.
While the foxes do have such a trait like lazy or trickster, they won't be affected by Cult of Het. If I can ever manage so many scenes in such a game like this, maybe they can be involved to hunt such a cult, to b e sly and walk in shadows and the twilight and rainbows. But for now, most are on Kodama and in Ecchr with the Hymmnoi, or are hidden after Sonata sent them around the world (they were supposed to be messengers to the other player characters, but it became very busy, so there has been no chance or good plans).
There is a guilty feeling, because of course Khalen sacrificed to help save Fayruz, but Sonata hasn't done anything to help. Probably it is because there are too many things, and I cannot write everything.
But in the future if it is desired, of course Sonata would hopefully try to help rescue Khalen too, I think.
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Kasanip's Sketchbook 2 Thread
It is difficult to speak English, please excuse mistakes kindly m(_ _)m Because of study, it is forum vacation until 24/06/2013
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Re: Heroes of the Fall OOC 2
) pointed out, it can be taken pretty much anywhere from here. If you want more concrete advice on this segment in particular, i'd elaborate on the reason why he was disliked -- was he expected to measure up to the standards of his older brother? Was he not as charismatic? Simply being the middle child seems a very odd reason to not merely love less, but to actively beat and abuse a child. Also, its unclear what Atraxal actually does the first time he "helps". It seems he does nothing but harm Inved the first time.
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