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everyone has one, funny or not. I have a story that isn't funny but whatever.
His classic thread lasted almost four years, but as his last post was three months after starting it, I'm not worried he'll be upset about my starting the sequel.
So tell your funny stories! Mostly they're going to be D&D, but, really, any tabletop RPG is just fine.
Just a couple words of advice from experience:
It's always nice if you give the characters names, or refer to them by their roles. It's difficult to read "Then K attacked the mayor but P backstabbed K with L's cursed dagger that he stole in R's house" and have to constantly refer to the key at the top.
It would be really sad if people skipped your story because it looked too long. Perhaps not all of the subplots going on really contribute to the humor?
Maybe your story really does have to be long to get the full humor across. If so, paragraph breaks are your best friends.
Don't badmouth other forum members. A similar thread got locked for that, which was a great shame.
...Yeah. If it were me, I'd have walked out after the first "incident" and wouldn't have been around to see the second. Unless I specifically signed on for a sex comedy game, in which case I would be asking why I was the only one getting abused like that.
Last edited by Craft (Cheese) : 07-07-2012 at 09:51 PM.
For people who don't want to check the old thread, "that's horrible" referred to this:
Spoiler
Quote:
Originally Posted by Oragami
This happened just this past Saturday and Sunday...
Me and a group of people here have just recently started to get together and play D&D, and most of us have either never played before, or it's been a while since we've played, so the person who was the DM was making up most of the adventure we were on as we go, with some help from the Monster manual.
We get to the very end of the first adventure, and the DM says that the Rouge in the part (a female IRL and in game) gets felt up/raped by a lich (I think the DM said it was half-lich...dunno where he got that from), and everyone laughed XD
Then later that same day on a new adventure, I asked "Does anyone get violated this time?" and the DM tells the rouge to make a Fortitude save, and she rolls a nat 1.
The DM tells her that her character has herpes XD
She says the only reason we keep her character around is so she's the one the monsters turn to when they want to violate someone
I, too, love these threads. But next time, could we replace the D&D part of the title with RPG or something? I know people were still sometimes confused in the old thread, even after multiple posts about how any funny story was welcome.
__________________
Jonny was a chemist's son, but Jonny is no more.
What Jonny thought was H2O, was H2SO4.
Last edited by The Random NPC : 07-08-2012 at 02:32 AM.
Me DM
Players: All Level 5
Masongo, Half Orc Synthesist SUmmoner
Grog: Blade bound Magus
Leadson: Paladin Holy gun Achtype
VS
Xalaise, A level 10 Universalist Wizard. He's got 18 ac with Mage armor up and 14 touch ac
After beating down the Mages minions, and managing to throw him off a ledge and dropping him to 4 hp with stoneskin still up they manage to fail. They've all grouped up so he pops a fireball after passing his defensive casting check. All fail their Ref saves, and they all take 38 damage. They're all down to under 10 hp. All within melee range. Masingo goes first. He is hasted, has 4 natural attacks w/haste. His rolls, 1, 1, 2, 1... Grog is up next... His roll, 1 spellstrike 1... Everyone is laughing hysterically because they know he's only got 4 hp left and his next turn I've announced that he's gonna just take them out with him Leadson puts Flaming onto his gun and rolls one crit fail then, with bonuses, a 15 total. His damage rolls, 4 physical and 5 fire. They LITERALLY beat this guy by ONE. I'm pretty sure one of us could have died from laughter lol
Last edited by cbronsonified : 07-08-2012 at 10:09 AM.
In a light-hearted Pathfinder game recently, we had an NPC Barbarian named Yabba Goola. He was universally beloved by the party: he always spoke in the third person and was unfailingly calm ("Yabba Goola a little ticked off" *rages*); he often broke the fourth wall ("Yabba Goola get lots of XP and level up"); and he had a tendency to get lost across the world from us or accidentally get left behind, but was able to "rage-swim" across oceans in the span of a few days.
Unfortunately, the pronunciation of his name proved to be... difficult. About half the time, we would say Yagga Boola instead of Yabba Goola. After a number of fruitless reminders from the irritated DM, he actually introduced a character named Yagga Boola: a drug-addled shaman in a smoke-filled tent who was always incredibly irritating and unhelpful whenever we came across him. The intention was to make us have to pronounce Yabba Goola's name right because of this character.
But it didn't work. We kept saying Yagga Boola, though perhaps less often. As a result, whenever someone would refer to Yabba Goola as Yagga Boola, Yagga Boola would appear in his tent. Only the person who said it could perceive him in any way. He resisted all attempts to get rid of him; even destroying his tent didn't work. It was even possible for multiple tents to appear at the same time! In the end, the only way to solve the problem was to apologize to Yagga Boola for saying his name.
Unfortunately, this didn't solve the problem either, and one player accidentally said the name several times in the same session. That was when we learned that the apologies had to become more and more elaborate each time, eventually with embellishments like "your excellency" and so forth. This became a source of much frustration and some amusement for us players, since the game was usually late at night in a comedy-friendly campaign.
A quick one from a game of Warrior Rogue & Mage, which if you don't know is like old-school D&D except none of the rules are the same.
The party was investigating grave robbery in a small town out in the middle of nowhere. Some of the populace expressed certainty that the witch who lives in the forest is behind it somehow, or at least knows about it. The party went to check it out. The witch turned out to be young and beautiful instead of old and gross, but still a legit creepy wielder of forbidden magicks. She refused to give the party any assistance without some form of payment. To which the two dwarves in the party replied:
"We'll give you the elf for a night."
The witch looked the elf over once and agreed. She gave them a magic item to let them see the souls of the restless dead, which led them to the culprit (a ghoul). The elf missed most of the adventure though.
So we're level 3. And we go on this quaint little quest to find out what happened to this pregnant woman we rescued in a previous quest. We get to the house of her lover, (not her husband, as we realized half way through a conversation with an NPC who was a friend of the lover (who apparently already has a wife.) Knock out his bodyguards, and find the woman behind a secret door upstairs. After talking to her for a while, we realize that the man (his name is Helmut...i know...we call him Hat.) is keeping her there because he wants to kill the child when it is born because he believes it to be cursed and 'a sign of the end times.' So our party, presuming that we're supposed to beat this guy and turn him into the city guard, set up an ambush for when he comes home (he's out of town.) after a week, he arrives at the gates, and our lookout sees him. our lookout books it to our house, tells us, and we book it to Helmut's house. we get there with just enough time to set up the ambush. the plan was that my dwarf fighter would approach him from behind as he walked up the driveway, pretending to be delivering a message. and then we'd attack. the rest of the party, who were inside the house, would come out, and we'd defeat him. (I know, metagaming. I'm as disgusted as you are. We're much better now) Here's how it went.
he's walking towards the front door, my dwarf runs up behind him "HEY! HEY! I GOT A MESSAGE FOR YOU!"
The man turns, my dwarf hands him an empty, sealed scroll. He thanks me and opens the message. I attack.
DM: alright, It's Rorick's turn. (Rorick is my dwarf)
Me: alright, I'm going to hit him with my axe. *rolls* HOLY ****! A 19!
The whole group gets rather excited about this high roll. I'm looking at the DM, waiting for him to say "Alright. Roll damage." Instead I hear:
DM: You miss.
Me:alright. Wait.... WHAT?
DM: You miss.
ME: WHAT?
DM:You'll see.
We had already rolled initiative, and with my surprise round over, Helmut went first. Helmut picks up my dwarf by the throat and throws him through the door, smashing it open and revealing the rest of the party.
DM: Maybe now would be a good time to mention that Helmut is a level 18.
PARTY: WHAT THE ****?! THIS IS A LEVEL FOUR QUEST! WHAT THE ****, DUDE?!!
DM: Helmut casts chain lightning. Roll Reflex saves.
Now, i should probably mention that because I had been thrown through the door, I was right in the house, with the rest of the party. chain lightning. We're all clumped up.
So we roll, confused and angry about the extreme level of our opponent. We all fail. alright. 15 d6. Needless to say, we all got knocked on our asses, our DM decided to not make it a TPK by making it so that Helmut only meant to knock us out.
the group angrily demands the DM to explain himself, why would he put us up against such a high level NPC?
the DM says that facing helmut wasn't part of the quest. We were expected to take the woman away and to a safe place. But he had let us face helmut because he hated railroading. But told us to take this as a warning, we can do whatever we want, but if you're stupid like this again, I won't save you.
It wasn't funny then. But I think it's hilarious now.
the DM says that facing helmut wasn't part of the quest. We were expected to take the woman away and to a safe place. But he had let us face helmut because he hated railroading. But told us to take this as a warning, we can do whatever we want, but if you're stupid like this again, I won't save you.
It wasn't funny then. But I think it's hilarious now.
I still don't think it's funny. Did he seriously never consider that you might decide to fight him? From what it sounds like he never even dropped any hints as to how powerful he really was, even long after he knew you were planning to fight.
Worst part is he probably patted himself on the back for it, saying "Look how realistic and dynamic my world is!"
He did. we were kind of ignorant. he repeatedly stated, "he's out of town. He's out of town." when we asked where he was. He even made it so Helmut would be out of town for like 2 months. We kind of refused to take a hint. None of us blamed him.
Plus he felt really bad having to do it. But otherwise we'd have gone "F YEAH! We can get a lvl 18 arrested. Plus side is that he's become the campaign antagonist.
EDIT: Oh right. I just remembered. We were inquiring about Helmut and the captain of the city guard said he was a force to be reckoned with. And we were like "we can take 'em"
Last edited by MidgetMarine : 07-08-2012 at 11:01 PM.
EDIT: Oh right. I just remembered. We were inquiring about Helmut and the captain of the city guard said he was a force to be reckoned with. And we were like "we can take 'em"
Not really a proper hint, since that's kinda relative. To a level 1 commoner a housecat is a force to be reckoned with. Plus have you ever once in your life met a BBEG who was described as "Eh, he's a wimp. You can totally take him" for whom that description wasn't deliberately misleading? It's just like how all the commoners in the village talk about how extremely dangerous and instantly lethal the haunted forest you're supposed to go to is.
A better hint would have been having the city guard talk about his evil deeds, like "In his free time, he gates in Balors just so he can kill and eat them later!"
what we didn't pick up on was the fact that we were talking to the captain of the guard. (CR:13 if I'm correct.)
As for evil deeds, this is one of the cool parts about the character. He's not evil. he's true neutral. He loves the city in which our campaign is placed and would do anything to protect it, and the child, he believed, was a threat.
Either way, he's a great DM all-in-all and none of us consider this as even a blip on his track record. I think it's funny, so does the rest of my group
Last edited by MidgetMarine : 07-08-2012 at 11:29 PM.
Party of seven and no dwarf characters, if you can believe it. The player of the gnome said she should have used ventriloquism on the sharks to make them say something funny, but she didn't; so it doesn't count towards a funny story.
We were playing an Oriental Campaign. The Witch Hunter charmed a Gaki which is basically an asian ghoul. The charm wore off but he was accepted into the party cos he was useful and he stuck with us cos we always had plenty of flesh for him to devour, even used him as our cook when we went into the shadowlands. This dude loved to eat. The player when asked what the Gaki was doing would just gesture as if he was scooping up lots of flesh and guts and make a snarling sound. Ate everything is what im saying. Turned into a fly and ate an ogre from the inside out.
We visited an oracle and after the obligatory tests of worth we all got our fortunes...in the form of fortune cookies the DM bought and handed out randomly.
The Gaki was miffed he didn't get one and so the DM gave him one too. The player opened the cookie and literally hit the ground laughing.
The fortune? "Eat well and be happy"
__________________
I Am A:Neutral Good Human Bard/Sorcerer (2nd/1st Level)
Ability Scores:
Strength-14
Dexterity-11
Constitution-16
Intelligence-16
Wisdom-12
Charisma-16
In a zombie apocalypse style game the two players, a Cleric and Bard, had just rescued a little girl from the house of her (now deceased) necromancer father. A thunderstorm was brewing when they went into the house so by the time they got out, the storm had arrived. Naturally, they had to walk across a field to get back to their base of operations. The chance of getting struck by lightning was reasonably low (but still high enough for them to be a possible threat [somewhere around 1 in 10,000]). So as the Cleric in full plate and chain shirt clad Bard make their way across the field with the unarmored girl half their size between them; as the dice gods would have it, the girl got struck by lightning. (As a DM, I never fudge the numbers, and she wasn't plot essential) They were decent enough to give her ashes a proper burial though.
Same campaign, still a thunderstorm and the two decide to venture out of the now empty town. As they arrive at a flooding river they notice a lone tree bending in the wind. As they get closer it snaps. Rather than flee, the Cleric decides to save it before significant harm comes to it. He grabs the tree, somewhere around 50 Strength check (we play where a natural 20 is another roll +20) to place the upper half back on the lower half, then either another epic heal check or a mending spell (can't remember which) to seal it back up. That tree is still doing well some weeks later.
Cast of Characters:
Human Sorcerer(me)
Human Rogue Dwarf Fighter
Everyone else(virtually irrelevant here)
Okay, so we were in a dungeon, walking down the dimly lit staircase, we saw a bright light at the bottom, and proceeded towards it.
...At the bottom we saw an ENOURMOUS room lit with bright torches from all sides, "yet sparsely illuminated to all allow numerous and wide dark patches within."
We paused to view the sight.
...-Rogue: "hey, dwarf, what vision are you usin' right now?"
Before he could say anything, the DM told the fighter to roll a will save, Needless to say he got:
...-DM: "blinded for 3 rounds from tremendous eye strain."
...-Players: "what..?"
...DM:"As it turns out darkvision can be quite difficult to use in some situations."
I cast gust of wind to blow all the torches out.
...-Fighter: "Thenx, wizard, ye hev mah gretitude... let's keep searchin'!"
The sorcerer was a bit offended that he called me "Wizard", and a bit ticked off, figuring gift-giving was customary from grateful Dwarves, all the NPC's did it, after all...
...I took out all of my torches, lit them all at once with burning hands and ran about, waving them in front of the fighter.(and giving him another seizure).
...-Sorcerer(repeatedly): TORCHES! TORCHES FOR SALE!
----------------------------------------
Long story short the rogue bopped me on the head both in-game and out when my petty prancing triggered a magic ward, thereby awaking a Runic Guardian.
But hey, I have no regrets!
__________________ Thanks to Ceika, Vamber lives to play with fire in this cheerful avatar!
You can call me by my username, or Zahn, or PZ, I would appreciate you not deviating from the given.
Games currently playing:
So our party, presuming that we're supposed to beat this guy and turn him into the city guard, set up an ambush for when he comes home (he's out of town.) after a week, he arrives at the gates, and our lookout sees him. our lookout books it to our house, tells us, and we book it to Helmut's house. we get there with just enough time to set up the ambush. the plan was that my dwarf fighter would approach him from behind as he walked up the driveway, pretending to be delivering a message. and then we'd attack. the rest of the party, who were inside the house, would come out, and we'd defeat him. (I know, metagaming. I'm as disgusted as you are. We're much better now)
How is this metagaming? Just looks like good tactics to me... unless there was a lack of a way for the people in the house to know when to rush out?
Or was it the idea that setting up to arrest a guy who is planning infantacide was a reasonable course of action? Seems good to me, especially if you talked to the captain of the guard about it (but from what you said later he would have explicitly told you "Well, I can TRY to take him, but am worried that that would only result in the deaths of myself and many of my men." which would have been more explicit than what you described). Did you only talk to the captain in a general way, trying to keep to your "Well, obviously, we aren't supposed to just let the town guard handle this..." 'adventurer logic'?
Quote:
Originally Posted by JohnnyCancer
Subjected my players to a lake of embalming fluid with zombie dire sharks, that was a hoot.
Did you have to make forts saves for the fumes, or was it only a problem if you fell in?
Did you have to make forts saves for the fumes, or was it only a problem if you fell in?
There were fumes to deal with as well as the potential for poisoning. I had read that Formaldehyde is lethal if consumed even in small concentrations, so I attached some nasty Con damage to this fantasy equivalent. Everyone knew better than to start chugging the stuff, but I figured the choice might not be theirs if they were grabbed and/or swallowed by dire shark.
Earlier they beat a Grave Knight (it's basically the fighter version of a Lich) without identifying it, then chucked his magic armor in a bag of holding. The armor reformed the body inside the bag several days later and he has been tagging along. They've just been chucking stuff in the bag without checking. I figure it will be real funny when he crawls out of the bag while they're recuperating in their keep and hides until they leave. I'm just hoping they don't finish examining all their swag before he gets the chance.
Last edited by JohnnyCancer : 07-10-2012 at 02:51 PM.
Earlier they beat a Grave Knight (it's basically the fighter version of a Lich) without identifying it, then chucked his magic armor in a bag of holding. The armor reformed the body inside the bag several days later and he has been tagging along. They've just been chucking stuff in the bag without checking. I figure it will be real funny when he crawls out of the bag while they're recuperating in their keep and hides until they leave. I'm just hoping they don't finish examining all their swag before he gets the chance.
That is awesome. Make sure both that he takes a lot of their stuff with him (so they're all infuriated) and that they get some clue about how it happened (so they're not too infuriated), and this could be a perfectly wonderful trick.
Earlier they beat a Grave Knight (it's basically the fighter version of a Lich) without identifying it, then chucked his magic armor in a bag of holding. The armor reformed the body inside the bag several days later and he has been tagging along.
I lifted the kingdom building rules from Pathfinder's Kingmaker adventure path for my current campaign. When the players got around to assigning various roles, our resident min-maxer had this gem (and I may be paraphrasing): "Based on our group composition, cohorts, and available friendly NPCs; gay marriage is the way to optimize our kingdom. I hope you're into girls your grace, it's the best way to safeguard the revolution."
He's referring to the fact that there can be two people in the Ruler position if they're married. Ever since then, Baroness Lini, the group's Fighter/Sorcerer has been unsuccessfully trying to woo the party's Cleric/Ranger, a priestess of Erastil.
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