Kiss or Kill LXXXVI: Please mail suggestions for a new title to the Governor's Office

[Lord Fullbladder, Master of Goblins]

*harvests the eyes of*

My mystics require them for some delicate procedures.

And also they look so spooky floating in this jar.

*brandishes eyeball jar at*

[PurityIcekiller]

*harvests the I's of*

Originally Posted by Lord Fullbladder, Master of Goblns

*harvests the eyes of*

My mystcs requre them for some delcate procedures.

And also they look so spooky floatng n ths jar.

*brandshes eyeball jar at*

[Mauve Shirt]

Hm. Basic research indicates that Kraken hunting will be easier in frozen climes. *passes out parkas*
*stabs PIK* Are you joining us?

[Zaydos]

Kraken hunting you say? Well let my eyes finish possessing some researchers so I can put them back into my head and I'll bring the winter wolves. Got to have a sled you know.

*performs action on*

[Akowrules]

*raves about the benefits of tumbling while soul devouring and sanity consumption*

It really keeps you trim, ad it makes it a lot more FUN!

Also, I would enjoy joining in on that kraken hunting.

[Balmas]

*equips with pony power armor*

[Tychris1]

*Confiscates for the Ministry of Wartime Technology*

[Zaydos]

*possesses the pony-army in the name of the 8 Outward Pointing Arrows*

[Akowrules]

*checksout the armor and accidentally presses a button that activates the jet boosters*

Ahhhh! How do you turn this off?!

[Lord Fullbladder, Master of Goblins]

*sighs*

*grabs the armour as it jets past and disables the feature*

*probably by tearing part of it open and ripping out wires*

You are a fool. ... I'm keeping these wires.

*hand gestures at nearby FB Manu workers and heads out*

Fortunately my researchers managed to extract enough fluid from Zaydos' eyes before.... something messy happened. We're still on schedule, people.

[Elemental]

*offers a business deal involving the exporting of fine glassware to a little planet at the edge of the galaxy*

I'm sure it will be a worthwhile investment.

*opens a brief case filled with diamonds*


@V Give those back! The brief case full of gold isn't as impressive, so I need them!

[Balmas]

*steals briefcase*

I don't really need the diamonds; bomb sales are booming, if you'll pardon the pun. It's more the principle of the thing.

[PurityIcekiller]

*gives you a case to solve*

[super dark33]

*Flies back from hole with streched neck*

Nope.

[Kneenibble]

*runs away giggling, waving your underwear like a flag*

These are so easy to steal from people wearing robes! Especially short ones like yours.


@v *eyes light up* Wow. You know, it's okay -- I prefer sapphires eminently to diamonds anyways.

I guess my only question is about the planet itself. Are we talking about some gritty frontier world with climate hazards and a rebellious native population? I'm not above a little Space Western barbarity, but that kind of stuff is murder on the skin...


@@v Oh. My. God.

I'll secure your trade route for you, but I have to warn you, I'll probably never leave this place. You'll visit sometimes, won't you? Forgive me if I rather embrace the native dress and customs.

[Elemental]

*presents with a brief case full of sapphires*

Sorry, but Balmas stole the one with the diamonds in it.
But anyway... Would you be willing to travel to a distant planet and secure some trade routes for me? There's only one space port on the surface, so goods have to be transported there by caravan or ship. If you agree, you can have all the saffron fields you want.
If not, keep the sapphires anyway.

@^ Not at all. It's just a less advanced planet that's still back in pre-industrial times. Approximately Renaissance level science, but much more peaceful and less prone to violent conquest of each other than Earth of a similar time period.
But there are quite a few exotic goods available there that are rather valuable to those who desire them. Carpets... Spices... Glassware...
That kind of thing. The main hazard is that some regions are prone to large scale sandstorms, but apart from that, the usual climactic and geological hazards. I wouldn't send you anywhere dangerous after all...

@@^ As often as possible. And embrace the native culture as much as you want. I'm sure you'll be able to contribute greatly to anthropology.
Your ship leaves whenever you want it to.

[PurityIcekiller]

*gets chased by three young ponies*

Help! Crusaders are attacking our traaaaade roooooutes!

[Tychris1]

NOT ON MY WATCH!

*Scorches the crusaders*

Now to sit down on the trade routes and extract my "Dragon Tax". It's only ethical.

[Balmas]

*bribes with case of diamonds* Now, I'm sure that you could see your way clear to scorching any villagers chasing the local madpony, couldn't you?

@^: ... except for him.V He's cool.
@V: Come, my amorous avian, I've prepared a place for you in the boughs of the dead willow overlooking my grotto. I've even prepared a specialized device that will allow you to fly as high as you wish and thus spread your wonderful prose.

[Kneenibble]

@^ Yay! I shall live out here with you, then, beyond the pales and forts of tyrant reason.


*seeks out the local madpony by night in his choked lightless oak groves beyond the county's edge, flitting from bough to crooked black bough, tweeting anxiously*


Balmatian! Let me brush your mane of those Tom-o'-Bedlam twigs and ordure! Let me give you this pouch of fancy sapphires, colourful as Skittles! Let me nest between your ears and nap as in our days of old on our island!


@v Tweet! But... these sapphires are for Balmas! couldn't we reach some kind of... compromise? *brushes trouser leg up a few inches with wing, exposing an argyle stocking strained around a well-turned calf*

[Raz_Fox]

Halt! Your money or your life, traveler!

*brandishes Stronginthearm crossbow*

[Tychris1]

*Joins in on the banditry*

YOU'LL BE SO MUCH EASIER TO ROB WHEN YOUR DEAD!

*Stream of repetitive skyrim bandit threats*

[super dark33]

No, YOUR LIFE!

*Destroys soul and body of the outlaws*

[Balmas]

*thanks profusely* *scatters ashes to the seven winds* *scours earth of all records of the bandits*

Noone hurts the budgie.

[Strategos]

"Good Morning!"
**hugs**
**gives a flamethrower to**
"There will always be more bandits. Use this wisely."

[Akowrules]

*sees*

*freaks out over the cute cyndaquil*

It's so adorable!

[Zaydos]

*is big again*

*stuffs Akowrules back into the inventory pouch*

[Mauve Shirt]

YAY! Ish my dragon friend Zaydos! *hugs!*

[Balmas]

*huggles stoat*

@V: *shakes drool on*

[Cuthalion]

Woah, don't get so comfy wit da stoat. I drew 'im! *smites* *stuffs pillow into mouth* *casts "Puppy drool" on*
@^:Uh.... that's why the pillow's in your mouth.