Hillariously Stupid Non-Monster Things from D&D

[Zeful]

Originally Posted by Ashtagon

I'd understand "4 o'clock, high" to mean somewhere to my right, not my left. I'm confused.

Yes, but reread his other directions. The first one is "turn around", at which point the monster is to your left, and above.

But that's kinda the point about how confusing a lack of code is to these kind of scenarios.

[Cerlis]

Originally Posted by Slipperychicken

Sometimes I want talking-limits as a player, so I don't have to spend 10 minutes listening to some loser BBEG whine about on cryptic bulls*** while I'm forced to politely wait my turn to stab him again. Seriously, how do you form coherent sentences (or even thoughts) while three guys are stabbing you? Also, my character is not waiting for this loser to finish his damn sentence, he's in a screaming blood frenzy, and he's spending every moment hacking his target into a bloody pulp.


The next villain that spends 5 minutes with a pointless mid-combat monologue, I am tempted to have my character stop listening and reply with "I wasn't listening, too busy eviscerating you. Can you repeat that? Actually never mind, it probably wasn't important anyway. Have another stab wound, you big loser". If the monologue was especially eloquent, "No U", or "Whine Moar".

http://tvtropes.org/pmwiki/pmwiki.ph.../TalkToTheFist

Punch him in the face and say "Less talking, more fighting!"

[Kelb_Panthera]

Originally Posted by Ashtagon

I'd understand "4 o'clock, high" to mean somewhere to my right, not my left. I'm confused.

I could be wrong about it, but if you lay a clock down in front of you, 12 is foward and 6 is back, putting 4 to the...... right.

****ing dyslexia.

[Zeful]

Originally Posted by Kelb_Panthera

I could be wrong about it, but if you lay a clock down in front of you, 12 is foward and 6 is back, putting 4 to the...... right.

****ing dyslexia.

Now, take the clock, spin 6 to the top, where's 4?

To the left. The original directions work sequentially and do just as good a job to show why vocal shorthand are still necessary.

[Xuc Xac]

I don't see how "Monkey Three" is clearer or faster than just saying "shut your eyes".

[Kelb_Panthera]

Originally Posted by Zeful

Now, take the clock, spin 6 to the top, where's 4?

To the left. The original directions work sequentially and do just as good a job to show why vocal shorthand are still necessary.

Yeah, but 12 foward and 6 back is standard. I knew that, I just got left and right mixed up. That happens to me every once in a while.

[Zeful]

Originally Posted by Kelb_Panthera

Yeah, but 12 foward and 6 back is standard. I knew that, I just got left and right mixed up. That happens to me every once in a while.

That's not my point. Yes, that's one of those embarrassing mistakes that everyone makes once in a while, but the original orders you posted when making your point still make sense. The orders were: "Look out behind you, to your left, and above you." Which can be read easily as list orders, where you do them in order, making "4'o clock" to your left of the first one of "look out behind you.

[Ashtagon]

Originally Posted by Slipperychicken

Sometimes I want talking-limits as a player, so I don't have to spend 10 minutes listening to some loser BBEG whine about on cryptic bulls*** while I'm forced to politely wait my turn to stab him again. Seriously, how do you form coherent sentences (or even thoughts) while three guys are stabbing you? Also, my character is not waiting for this loser to finish his damn sentence, he's in a screaming blood frenzy, and he's spending every moment hacking his target into a bloody pulp.


The next villain that spends 5 minutes with a pointless mid-combat monologue, I am tempted to have my character stop listening and reply with "I wasn't listening, too busy eviscerating you. Can you repeat that? Actually never mind, it probably wasn't important anyway. Have another stab wound, you big loser". If the monologue was especially eloquent, "No U", or "Whine Moar".

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vOsHoqhbUIU

It's a standard trope for villains to gloat. If you interrupt the gloating, you are having a different kind fo fun.

[Doorhandle]

Honestly, why can't he fight and gloat at the same time?

[Slipperychicken]

Originally Posted by Ashtagon

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vOsHoqhbUIU

It's a standard trope for villains to gloat. If you interrupt the gloating, you are having a different kind fo fun.

Well, my last DM had very bad gloating, and all his villains were the same, so it's not like they were bringing something new to the table. The gloating usually had nothing to do with anything (much like the rest of his "plots"), and bored me to tears whenever someone started up a rant. For some perspective, he's the kind of guy who shoehorns the word "existence" into whatever he happens to be saying when he wants to sound deep.

[nedz]

Originally Posted by Slipperychicken

Well, my last DM had very bad gloating, and all his villains were the same, so it's not like they were bringing something new to the table. The gloating usually had nothing to do with anything (much like the rest of his "plots"), and bored me to tears whenever someone started up a rant. For some perspective, he's the kind of guy who shoehorns the word "existence" into whatever he happens to be saying when he wants to sound deep.

So its actually his DMing style you're bored of, or at least this aspect of it, which is fair enough.
An overused Trope rapidly becomes a very old cliché.

[Eldan]

I love hte Roving Mauler. The game needs more of that and less "random tentacles and teeth stuck together" or "like a human but bigger and tougher" monsters.

[Jack of Spades]

Originally Posted by Zeful

That's not my point. Yes, that's one of those embarrassing mistakes that everyone makes once in a while, but the original orders you posted when making your point still make sense. The orders were: "Look out behind you, to your left, and above you." Which can be read easily as list orders, where you do them in order, making "4'o clock" to your left of the first one of "look out behind you.

And it was during all of that discussion that the monster on the ceiling at 4 o'clock ate Steve.

Hilarious how things prove their own point

re: Villain Gloating:

The games I play in tend to go the kung-fu movie route of yell across the field at one another, then go to battle. But then again, I've been playing Deathwatch. Battle with a big bad in the Codex Astartes consists of:
Denounce Heretic
Condemn Heretic
Yell at Heretic
Praise the Emperor
Hope You Won Initiative because at Mid to High Levels Whoever Hits First Turns the Other Into a Red Mist on Round One.

Which is almost an on-topic thing to say. Huh. Well, this is the general gaming forum.

[endoperez]

Originally Posted by nedz

Yes, real BBEGs tie you up and suspend you over a pool of sharks so that you are forced to listen to them.

The really evil guys leave you rotting in jail, with the victory monologue delivered through loudspeakers... on repeat.

While the villain himself is out there, finally taking control of the world using his ingenious plan of... well, actually the whole Empire of Ice plan was designed by this other guy, but he died, and he never got it to work because he wasn't invincible! Muahahaa!

Oh my god how I love that book. So cheesy.

[Drynwyn]

From the AD&D Tome of Magic, the Mouse Cart.
It is a full sized cart attached to a harness the size of a mouse. When a mouse is hooked up, it is given the strength to pull the cart as fast as a team of horses.

[toapat]

Originally Posted by Drynwyn

From the AD&D Tome of Magic, the Mouse Cart.
It is a full sized cart attached to a harness the size of a mouse. When a mouse is hooked up, it is given the strength to pull the cart as fast as a team of horses.

translated to 3.5 rules, that gives the mouse something like 100 str. 120 STR/Horse.

That is one mighty Chipmunk

[Doxkid]

Originally Posted by Xuc Xac

I don't see how "Monkey Three" is clearer or faster than just saying "shut your eyes".

It is one word shorter, with the same number of syllables. Three things typically matter: "who understands it", "the true meaning" and either "how short the phrase is" or "how easy it is to say". This is kind of like wording a wish: you want that wish to be as short, precise and give it's full meaning so clearly it actually takes a good amount of time to twist it into something you wouldn't like.

This is why we have things like "Code-Blue. Sector-8. Response-Gold." instead of "I, Jonathan Scotts the yearling priest (born in Silvercrest to a family of metal-workers, most of whom still live within that area) have identified five targets approaching the weapon of unlimited power at the safe house of nobleman Elas Web, who is actually the trigger for said weapon of unlimited power. Please send in the Chain Devil defensive team."

[Fiery Diamond]

Originally Posted by Zeful

That's not my point. Yes, that's one of those embarrassing mistakes that everyone makes once in a while, but the original orders you posted when making your point still make sense. The orders were: "Look out behind you, to your left, and above you." Which can be read easily as list orders, where you do them in order, making "4'o clock" to your left of the first one of "look out behind you.

Except that you don't have to turn around fully to counter something at 4 or 8 o-clock.

[Kelb_Panthera]

Originally Posted by Fiery Diamond

Except that you don't have to turn around fully to counter something at 4 or 8 o-clock.

I think the point is made, regardless of the specifics.

Let's get back to D&D stupidity shall we?

on topic: wish twisting.

While it was included with the intention, I think, of limiting the spell's power when munchkins get ahold of it, or to keep it from being abused if you get it from a SP. In practice, it's far too often used just to be a d-bag of a DM. That's just plain stupid, IMO.

[tbok1992]

Also, something I think is stupid (But not in a funny kind of way) is Level Adjustment from 3e. It was just a minorly tweaked version of the old Racial Level Limits (and we all know how well those worked) and it barred a lot of the cooler races like Mephlings, Dromites and Thri-Keen from use without irritating penalites. It was just a lazy way to keep players from playing races without them havign to balance them with other PC races.

And on stupid in an awesome way PC races, I'd like to talk about Unbodied. They're essentially giant disembodied brains made from psionics users who have transcended mortal flesh, and they have PC stats. But, unfortunately, they have +4 Level adjustment, which makes them a bother to play as. I really hope in D&D next we get a version of them equivalent in skills to PC characters as a PC race. I wanna play as my giant floating brain character dammit!

Also, on an actually stupid note, there's the Wildren race. They're a planar race from The Beastlands descended from dwarven ghosts ****ing celestial badgers. I swear to god I am not making that up. I have no idea how no editor caught that, "Hey, maybe this is kind of a creepy concept for a race".

I was actually hoping this thread would cover more of the humorously stupid stuff in D&D rather than the stupid stupid kind of stuff.

[Jay R]

Originally Posted by Doorhandle

Honestly, why can't he fight and gloat at the same time?

Because it doesn't film well, since it doesn't take as much time to build up to a climax.

[Ashtagon]

Originally Posted by Jay R

Because it doesn't film well, since it doesn't take as much time to build up to a climax.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=i3W5GDkgf2w

This is what happens when you fight and gloat at the same time.

[Alabenson]

Originally Posted by toapat

translated to 3.5 rules, that gives the mouse something like 100 str. 120 STR/Horse.

That is one mighty Chipmunk

This just gave me a hilariously abusive idea; play an awakened mouse/chipmunk/fine-sized-rodent melee character, and fight while harnesed to that wagon.

Hello +55 Str modifier.

[Roderick_BR]

Originally Posted by Slipperychicken

Sometimes I want talking-limits as a player, so I don't have to spend 10 minutes listening to some loser BBEG whine about on cryptic bulls*** while I'm forced to politely wait my turn to stab him again. Seriously, how do you form coherent sentences (or even thoughts) while three guys are stabbing you? Also, my character is not waiting for this loser to finish his damn sentence, he's in a screaming blood frenzy, and he's spending every moment hacking his target into a bloody pulp.


The next villain that spends 5 minutes with a pointless mid-combat monologue, I am tempted to have my character stop listening and reply with "I wasn't listening, too busy eviscerating you. Can you repeat that? Actually never mind, it probably wasn't important anyway. Have another stab wound, you big loser". If the monologue was especially eloquent, "No U", or "Whine Moar".

As someone that just watched Avengers:

Spoiler

The scene near the end is mine, and my dad's, favorite in the whole movie.

[toapat]

Originally Posted by Alabenson

This just gave me a hilariously abusive idea; play an awakened mouse/chipmunk/fine-sized-rodent melee character, and fight while harnesed to that wagon.

Hello +55 Str modifier.

note, that you have to get a ruling for how many Horses consists of a team.

because that sets your STR to 120*horses

that means a minimum +115 STR mod

[Slipperychicken]

Originally Posted by Roderick_BR

As someone that just watched Avengers:

Spoiler

The scene near the end is mine, and my dad's, favorite in the whole movie.

When I saw the "Puny God" scene, the first thing that came to mind was "Wow, that BBEG sucks. He doesn't even have defenses against Grappling!".

[hex0]

Originally Posted by Kelb_Panthera

While all this is true, IRL, in D&D hippo's are isolated to a single terain type and have to compete with magical beasts and dragons. Then there's the fact that the feat, unique in all of 3.5, gives you the ability to rebuke/command, not just animals; one of the weakest creature types; but one specific type of animal, making it one of the weakest feats in 3.5. Even in sandstorm it kind of jumps out as an odd duck and kind of random. I couldn't argue against this if I tried hard.

Swanmay, BOED, lets you turn into a Swan. Which I think deals 1d2 nonlethal damage when it bites. I mean, yeah you are supposed to use it to escape or whatever. The rest of the class is awesome and tottally worth keeping your virginity for, but there is a bunch of weird swan stuff too.

[Ashtagon]

Originally Posted by hex0

Swanmay, BOED, lets you turn into a Swan. Which I think deals 1d2 nonlethal damage when it bites. I mean, yeah you are supposed to use it to escape or whatever. The rest of the class is awesome and tottally worth keeping your virginity for, but there is a bunch of weird swan stuff too.

Are we talking RL or game virginity? Because I've heard of RPGs being described as one of the best forms of birth control around.

[Poil]

Class restrictions applying to the player too would be hilariously stupid.

[hex0]

Originally Posted by Ashtagon

Are we talking RL or game virginity? Because I've heard of RPGs being described as one of the best forms of birth control around.

In game, mostly.