Your Wish Granted With a Twist. Vol. 43

[Socratov]

Granted, the hurricane will turn around and go back the way it came after it has passed your place

I wish for the world to burn

[Aurenthal]

The world burns! But everything except you is flame resistant, have a nice day!

I wish I had a great computer!

[mattsdelf]

Granted, it even has a name. Your computer is GLaDoS, Have fun.

I wish the world was just a little more awesome.

[Elemental]

Granted. It is about twenty percent cooler.
But now we have to deal with magical talking, brightly coloured, miniature equines.


I wish to be less tired.

[PurityIcekiller]

Granted. You have a flat tire and your spare one has a leak.

I wish more people understood my puns.

[mattsdelf]

Granted, but now everyone knows them too well, and they become cliche.

I wish that I could understand women better.

[MonkeyBusiness]

*tosses you a copy of "The Wife of Bath's Tale" from Chaucer's Canterbury Tales.

Granted. You suddenly realize that women want the same basic things men do: to determine their own destinies and have control over their own lives.

The twist? To be in a relationship, that's the very quality one must sometimes reliinquish.

*taps the book* Do read that. Dig that Loathely Lady.

I wish more people read Chaucer.

.

[The Succubus]

Well, it's partly come true in this case - I have read a couple of Chaucer Tales. Very...mischievous. >:) Sadly, your wish for everyone to read it results in outraged parents phoning schools to complain and the rest of the world turns several of the characters into memes.

I wish I had a library of books on all kinds of mythologies.

[Lycunadari]

Granted. You have now a beautiful library full of books about mythology. They are written in such eloquent words, that reading them is pure joy, and are illustrated with the most amazing pictures. You can't wait to step in to experience all the wonders of these book. But... you can't find your key! Now you have to spend your time searching for it, all the time thinking about what awaits you behind the door once you find the key.

I wish for someone who can help the Succubus search for the key.

[AvocadoAvenger]

I am granting your wish three times. Provided is a google, bing, and yahoo search for the phrase "for the key."

Google
Bing
Yahoo

I wish I could make really cool and intricate pumpkin/jackolantern carvings.

[Kane0]

Granted! You can make fantastic jack-o-lanterns!
Unfortunately, you cannot animate them, like most others can now.

I wish to be fluent in Planar Cant.

[Socratov]

Granted, but it's the only language you now know and the rest of the multiverse hapened to have lost the skill to speak it.

I wish for perfect health

[Lentrax]

Granted. For exactly 1.2 seconds you will be in perfect health and will be the pinnacle of the human condition. But then it will pass and you will return to your former self.

I wish for a pair of pants that will never tear at the inseam.

[TheWombatOfDoom]

Granted, however the extra fabric taken to fix this problem leaves a hole in the seat of your pants. Rather than being embarrassed, you decide it's prime time for a fashion change, and make all your pants in such style, and encourage your freinds to do so as well. To your surprise the craze catches. Bottomless pants for all!

I wish I could play bass in a band. I haven't gotten to play anything with anyone in a long time!

[Elemental]

Granted. Though people initially think it strange that you're playing double bass in a rock band, they soon get over it.


I wish for better sleep.

[Socratov]

Granted, you now sleep endlessly, unable to wake from it, but what a sleep you are taking, it's breathtaking...

I wish I was as awesome as Barney Stinson

[TheWombatOfDoom]

Granted. You are as awesome as Barney Stintson...while you are being filmed. Otherwise it's back to real life and your normal amount of awesomeness.

I wish I had met my girlfriend a lot earlier in my life. Things would be a lot different than they are now, me thinks.

[MonkeyBusiness]

I hesitate to touch this, because it seems to be a touchingly romantic wish. To twist it seems wrong.

I could, for example, easily say you met as toddlers, grew up as playmates, and considered each other as siblings. That would be different, eh?

But I won't do that.

Instead I will transport you both back through time and space, and even reality. You are now the main characters in a little* novel by Mr. C. Dickens entitled Dombey and Son. She is Florence (aka "Floy" or "Heart's Delight") and thou art the intrepid Walter Gay.

I wonder who The Game Chicken is.

I wish someone would volunteer to be The Game Chicken.






*I speak with foolish fondness. The good Mr D wrote nothing "little".


@ Elemental: That's the best you can do for me? I expected better of you, Ele. As punishment, you must wear the fezziwig.

.

[Elemental]

Granted. The person best suited for the task volunteers and performs admirably.
And thus, I conceal my woeful lack of Victorian literature.


I wish I had the time and patience to read all the great classics.

[Socratov]

Granted, and because it's almost too easy to twist I'll give you a few options:

• You are now fired and will never get a job. Now you have the time, but not the money.
• time stands still until you have read each and every victorian classic. While time stands still you can't manipulate other things except for those victorian classics, however, your biological functuions will continue
• You are marooned to an uninhabited island paradise which seems to vanish from the maps and be utterly unfindable. You now have all the time to read the victorian classics, however, you will never speak to anyone again.
• all the victorian classics now disappear except for one thin book. You will have a break for about 10 minutes and read this measily little book and indeed have had the time to read all victorian classics

I wish for a decent espressobar complete with barrista to be present at my work giving away delicious coffee and delivering this delicious coffee to my desk.

[mattsdelf]

Granted, but it's recently been blessed with being on fire. Your welcome.

I wish everyone could see propaganda for what it really is.

[Aurenthal]

Granted! Everyone now sees propaganda as money in papers or ads.

I wish I was immune to harmful diseases. (Please I want to see this seriously twisted )

[Elemental]

Your request is granted.
But your immune system atrophies and overreacts to the most harmless of microbes. Soon, a simple amoeba, its kind having dwelt in your body for hundreds of their generations without harming you accidentally provokes an immune response and soon your immune system begins to turn against you.
You begin to suffer numerous autoimmune disorders as a result and your death is slow and agonising.


I wish for the above to be undone...

[Lothorn]

Granted. Now Aurenthal must live in a bubble due to having no immune system.

I wish to be a badger.

[Aurenthal]

You are now a badger that lives in my bubble, because you don't have an immune system.

BTW @elemental: nice one

I wish I lived alone in my bubble

[Socratov]

Granted, the badger chews it's way out of the bubble letting you infect yourself with autoimmune diseases. keeping yourself alive makes your forumresponse drop a bit so you'll only be able to answer when 3 posts have been posted by others...

I wish for a personal muse (like the ancient greek ones, goddesses of inspiration)

[Lentrax]

Granted. However, your muse is only able to inspire a sense of ineptitude, without any of that certain je ne sais quoi.

I wish for everyone celebrating it to have an awesome Halloween this year.

Really? Like an HEV? That sounds awesome.

[TheWombatOfDoom]

Granted, everyone has a wonderful time, and when the night ends they forget everything.

I wish to be able to finish my Gordon Freeman costume tonight. Blasted hurricane delayed my actions!

[AvocadoAvenger]

you are able to, but you don't

I wish for a B in AP Psychology

[Elemental]

Granted. But you do better than expected and get an A.
Hah! Take that!


I wish this wisdom tooth wouldn't hurt...