LGBTAitp 27: Of Shoes, and Ships, and Sealing Wax

[Absol197]

How do I keep falling so far behind in replying?

Okay, first off, *hugs* for Kender, as she needs all the hope and luck she can get right now;
Good wishes for Asta and his kitty - it sounds like he's fine, but we're wishing all the same.

Originally Posted by SiuiS

Yes! It wa my big step from 'maybe gender queer' to 'definitely trans woman'. That body awareness of a body you don't currently have is nice. It leaving is my biggest source of dysphoria. I am lucky to already have a nice womanly body, thankfully. Just need to work on softness and curves~

It's a funny feeling, but I like it. I, unfortunately, am not blessed like you. It's driving me mad!

Originally Posted by SiuiS

They took away archery due to cuts, so my second year of PE was fitness walking. I got an entire class period to do what I did on my breaks - walk around and talk to myself. Or my friend, who was also present.

Ah, I would have liked to take archery! Not that I went to your school. And fitness...walking? Don't get me wrong, I do it all the time (in fact, my passtimes, both in school and nowadays, seems very similar to yours - walking around and talking to myself; it's not as crazy as it seems, honest!), but I wouldn't have imagined a school offering a class like that...

Originally Posted by SiuiS

Anyway! This came up.

Is this for real? There are men here, so I'll ask. Is it honestly hard to avoid acting inappropriately in public? I had an instance like that once. I was 13, I thought about saying something inappropriate, realized people wouldn't react well, and chastised myself for almost losing my cool. I am supposed to be biologically male, I guess, so I must fall under the sample group for 'male brain development' right?

Except maybe not. Maybe my not being ruled by my 'little brain' () is a sign of being less 'male' than otherwise?

I'm now interested in looking at any science behind brain difference between men an women, including transwomen and cismen. I am unfortunately on a phone, and my monitor is kaput. And I need to wake up in 2 hours so should probably get to sleep... And honestly, I get more out of dialogue than reading articles and such. So does anyone here have information on said topic?

I was going to try to give an explanation, but I realized that I'm technically in the same boat as you, and so can't give a "straight" answer () . However, as far as experiences go, I'm with Dice: None of the guys I know have had a lack of control that severe. I would say that the article is either greatly exaggerating, or it's talking about a much smaller subset of men than it lets on (so, exaggerating).

Originally Posted by Asta Kask

CNN anchor throws American Family Association spokesman off show

Yes!

I haven't watched the video yet, but just from the context, I can say, "Yay!"

Originally Posted by SiuiS

not at all. He technically didn't do anything wrong. The bare minimum of care was delivered, he had a legitimate reason to deny the splinting I requested, and told me to see an orthopedic surgeon. If I "misheard" and thought he meant after two weeks and not before, that's on me. And who would have thought I'd be one of the rare cases of a boxer's break that wouldn't heal properly?

I'm very bitter about it. I explained I work with my hands, I need them more or less symmetrical, I'd like him to set the bone, and I woul prefer the X-rays come in and get looked at before they begin splinting. But none of that is necessary, and none of my requests had to be honored.

That's horrible! I'm so sorry that had to happen to you. Is there ever any chance of you getting it fixed? Besides breaking it again (accidentally, I hope!)?

~Phoenix~

[Keveak]

Originally Posted by Astrella

Zinia Jones wrote a post about her name and I know it's only tangentially related but I think or at least hope it would make some people here smile in the same way as it did me.

It made me smile, it is wonderful that Zinnia's name is getting so well integrated. Also very wonderful that Zinnia found glitter pens again, I did not know they were rare these days, certainly were around for most of my childhood and early adolescence (Possibly later, but I have not been around that many younger kids for a while). Hope Zinnia has fun! ^_^

Originally Posted by Reluctance

Would you rather deal with a lower level of support now, or active dislike in the future? Aspergers and the various related insults are going to be my new go-to about how using something to shield yourself from the consequences of being an obnoxious **** backfires in the long run. (Also how language evolves, but that's not relevant to the point.)

Meow? :3

Asperger's is not an insult. Unless you meant that people make insults based on it, but why would you use those as a go-to for explaining why being obnoxious is a poor strategy? Did I misunderstand something? ^_^'

Originally Posted by SiuiS

So. I went through that 6 life affirming moments or whatnot article, and at the bottom was a link to5 ways men are trained to hate women. Or be misogynists. Or something. Except my first clue to it being biased should have been use of "we" instead of "men" in the title. Although maybe I'm imagining that part. Closed the tab a while ago.

Anyway! This came up.



Is this for real? There are men here, so I'll ask. Is it honestly hard to avoid acting inappropriately in public? I had an instance like that once. I was 13, I thought about saying something inappropriate, realized people wouldn't react well, and chastised myself for almost losing my cool. I am supposed to be biologically male, I guess, so I must fall under the sample group for 'male brain development' right?

Except maybe not. Maybe my not being ruled by my 'little brain' () is a sign of being less 'male' than otherwise?

I'm now interested in looking at any science behind brain difference between men an women, including transwomen and cismen. I am unfortunately on a phone, and my monitor is kaput. And I need to wake up in 2 hours so should probably get to sleep... And honestly, I get more out of dialogue than reading articles and such. So does anyone here have information on said topic?

I am not in the group targeted for answering, but I would like to say that it appears to be very unlikely that this is the case. There is certainly a cultural notion of men being controlled by lust, but it never gets serious mention in respectable sources nor appear to have any evidence to back it up. Most evidence seem to indicate that it is the cultural expectations that are fuelling the frequency of men who act like that (if there is a noteworthy frequency at all), not the other way around. Kind of like how the Victorian ailment "Hysteria" was most likely often caused by the conflict of a culture that insists upon no woman ever showing sexuality and the fact that most women did have a sex drive. Gender roles have a large effect on Psychological development, at least according to my classes on it.

I am but a laykobold with a fairly basic knowledge of Psychology, though. So take plenty of salt with my opinion.

Originally Posted by Socratov

well, to be honest, I think it's slightly hyperbolic. I mean I'm not a total slave to my libido, however, if I see a hot girl in front of me showing cleavage, my concentration might be somewhat harder to maintain, if only in thought. This is especially the reason why I love the fact that people can't do telepathy, I wouldn't be able to be anywhere.

though I think most sexually interested people get struck with such an effect when seeing someone or images considered eyecandy The better the eye-candy, the stronger the effects.

I think that is the case with pretty much anything that holds any sort of interest to a person. If it really attracts you, then you will be distracted. X3

At least, I hope so. I have that reaction to seeing kittens, well-done paintings, lakes, young birds, the colour purple, shiny things, tall towers, forests, small text, big text, rainbows, statues, hats, circles and most other things that are not related to sex, alcohol or sports.

[noparlpf]

Originally Posted by Reluctance

Would you rather deal with a lower level of support now, or active dislike in the future? Aspergers and the various related insults are going to be my new go-to about how using something to shield yourself from the consequences of being an obnoxious **** backfires in the long run. (Also how language evolves, but that's not relevant to the point.)

And I'm not saying to be actively jerky to anyone who doesn't fire first. Just that you can apply your efforts elsewhere without having to go out of your way to be rude to queer folk.

I don't understand what Asperger's has to do with it. Could you explain?

Second, you don't understand troll psychology at all. Campus-wide meetings and increased police presence because someone photocopied a tasteless joke? The student responsible should absolutely be found and disciplined,and campus cops should be made aware, but this much hubub is just rewarding whoever did this. Again, shock humor for reactions.

Back in my day, "trolling" was just called "being a ****". I don't like the word "trolling". It's taken on a positive spin this generation.
Much as it might be rewarding the one person who put up the flier(s), it is completely necessary to make it clear that rape and "jokes" about rape are completely unacceptable under any circumstances. Just letting it go would be joining and supporting rape culture. Bystanders might think they're uninvolved, but silence is taken as tacit approval. It's not about the isolated case, it's about rape culture as a whole.

Originally Posted by Asta Kask

CNN anchor throws American Family Association spokesman off show

Yes!

"Well the reality is..."

[Rawhide]

Gruen Planet thinks that since making gay marriage legal is so hard, perhaps we should ban all marriage.

See both campaigns here.

[noparlpf]

Originally Posted by Rawhide

Gruen Planet thinks that since making gay marriage legal is so hard, perhaps we should ban all marriage.

See both campaigns here.

Two issues come to mind immediately. One, that's probably even harder to swing. Two, marriage has all kinds of legal ramifications beyond "these people are a couple now".

[Rawhide]

Originally Posted by noparlpf

Two issues come to mind immediately. One, that's probably even harder to swing. Two, marriage has all kinds of legal ramifications beyond "these people are a couple now".

That's kind of the point of The Pitch. The Gruen series asks two advertising companies to develop a campaign for something most people would consider unsellable.

[SiuiS]

First, hugs to Kender! Sorry or leaving you out for a spell there, luv. Tweren't intentional.

Second, what reluctance means is that people have spent years excusing poor behavior by claiming to have asperger's. Apparently there was a trend to self-diagnose? Whatever. Now, because of all the jerk-faced ninnies who have spent years saying "it's not my fault, I'm an aspie", when someone says Asperger's most people hear "jerk-faced ninny" instead of "legitimate neurological(?) issue". In the same way "–ception" has come to mean a thing inside of itself instead of its original meaning.

Basically, some *******s used Asperger's as a psychological shield for their ****ty behavior and ruined Asperger's for the people who can seriously excuse themselves by it. People call each other Aspies in the same way retard, gay, and 'on crack' were code words for lesser creature in the past.

Originally Posted by Absol197

How do I keep falling so far behind in replying?

All that storytelling, plus we have spurts at the oddest times.

It's a funny feeling, but I like it. I, unfortunately, am not blessed like you. It's driving me mad!

Well, not feminine enough, but yeah. Pilates! Or yoga. Both good ideas for slimmer self.

Or do what I do and don eat anything for a day because 'girlfriend will be home soon, and she's fonna wanna go eat. Better not fill up before then *foegets she's not gonna be home for five more hours*'

Ah, I would have liked to take archery! Not that I went to your school. And fitness...walking? Don't get me wrong, I do it all the time (in fact, my passtimes, both in school and nowadays, seems very similar to yours - walking around and talking to myself; it's not as crazy as it seems, honest!), but I wouldn't have imagined a school offering a class like that...

Calorie wise, walking at the right clip is more strenuous and full body than jogging, while lighter impact. Also, I don't have any faith in my state's standards of education.

I was going to try to give an explanation, but I realized that I'm technically in the same boat as you, and so can't give a "straight" answer () . However, as far as experiences go, I'm with Dice: None of the guys I know have had a lack of control that severe. I would say that the article is either greatly exaggerating, or it's talking about a much smaller subset of men than it lets on (so, exaggerating).

Yeah. There were links but they didn't work right for me. I'll look into it.

That's horrible! I'm so sorry that had to happen to you. Is there ever any chance of you getting it fixed? Besides breaking it again (accidentally, I hope!)?

~Phoenix~

Requires surgically rebreaking it and setting it with pins. Or possibly hope the bone and muscle shift as I grow. It is very irritating when I think about it.

Originally Posted by Rawhide

Gruen Planet thinks that since making gay marriage legal is so hard, perhaps we should ban all marriage.

See both campaigns here.

... Huh.

I dunno, without marriage I don't get free health benefits.

[noparlpf]

Originally Posted by SiuiS

Second, what reluctance means is that people have spent years excusing poor behavior by claiming to have asperger's. Apparently there was a trend to self-diagnose? Whatever. Now, because of all the jerk-faced ninnies who have spent years saying "it's not my fault, I'm an aspie", when someone says Asperger's most people hear "jerk-faced ninny" instead of "legitimate neurological(?) issue". In the same way "–ception" has come to mean a thing inside of itself instead of its original meaning.

Basically, some *******s used Asperger's as a psychological shield for their ****ty behavior and ruined Asperger's for the people who can seriously excuse themselves by it. People call each other Aspies in the same way retard, gay, and 'on crack' were code words for lesser creature in the past.

I thought that's what was meant. (Also, in my opinion, Asperger's is no excuse for being an ass even for people who do have it. Just because social interactions are harder doesn't give one an excuse to just say "screw it all" and not worry about being an ass, it means one ought to work harder to learn how to behave in society.) I still don't entirely get what it has to do with queer groups attacking allies, and I've reread the post a few times now.

[Zorg]

A lot of the issues with "allies" is people wanting a pat on the back for being awesome and special because they don't hate us. Um, no, that's called not being a disgusting waste of flesh you sack of crap.
Of course there are genuine allies who actually try to help make things better and stand up for us, but often the most vocal and noticable are the ones who disappear when things get tough or are quick to remind us of how lucky we are that they accept us.

The tumblr war against allies was kicked off by an initiative of a group to get one week of LGBT moth designated as "allies week", which annoyed a lot of people for reasons.

[Lix Lorn]

Originally Posted by Zorg

LGBT moth

...
ALL HAIL LGBT MOTH
HE SHALL SAVE US FROM HETEROZILLA

[Lentrax]

People all have ridiculous ideas in their heads that we are people who can be 'fixed' or that are diseased in some way. Those few who are more or less ambivalent are only deluding themselves by saying they are 'allies'

And yeah, it is disgusting that those who may be more vocal dissapear when things get rough. That isn't an ally, that is a meatbag.

[Asta Kask]

The cat graciously accepts your well-wishes, and would consider offers to become thread mascot. Or patron.

[Socratov]

Originally Posted by Lentrax

People all have ridiculous ideas in their heads that we are people who can be 'fixed' or that are diseased in some way. Those few who are more or less ambivalent are only deluding themselves by saying they are 'allies'

And yeah, it is disgusting that those who may be more vocal dissapear when things get rough. That isn't an ally, that is a meatbag.

Well, people who think lgbt can be fixed think lgbt are broken when they come out. They think broken because they a person has changed while nothing has changed to begin with. Which hasnt...

[Kindablue]

Originally Posted by Socratov

Well, people who think lgbt can be fixed think lgbt are broken when they come out. They think broken because they a person has changed while nothing has changed to begin with. Which hasnt...

"So true is it that unnatural generally means only uncustomary, and that everything which is usual appears natural." -- John Stuart Mill.

[H Birchgrove]

Sorry if I've missed anyone!

Originally Posted by Asta Kask

BIRCHGROVE!

*tackleglomp*

Where have you been? I've missed you!

Love those kittehs.

Ooh... On the Internet, mostly at Facebook and various groups there, including the GitP groups. I'm not sure why I stopped visiting and posting here (GitP as a whole), though I have a few guesses.

(Mostly) tongue in cheek:

Spoiler

You gals and guys just post so much and so fast so it's difficult for me to keep track.

Seriously:

Spoiler

If you want to know, please PM, or better still, e-mail me.

Also, this, for our trans ladies. Good news, no?

Will still require c-section, and there are the various issues with transplantation which have already been discussed, etc, but yeah, it's great news for cis women without uterus, and promising for trans women.

Originally Posted by Heliomance

For everyone else, have the link. There's some amazingly useful stuff starting about half way down the page.

Thanks, I'll look into it.

EDIT: BIRCHGROVE! You're back! Where have you been?

*hugs* Places...

...I think I've managed to convince myself that my fluctuations are in fact real, and not being a special snowflake. Reading the booklet from the above site about SRS, I was thinking that it actually sounded quite appealing. Last time I thought about it, I was just heading back to male, and completely and totally freaked out about the idea. Such a wide gulf in my visceral reaction can't just be me making things up.

*hugs* No words can be enough to express my sympathy. Can't imagine how that would be like.

Originally Posted by Heliomance

Ask and ye shall receive

Spoiler

Not fond of my face in that pic - looks too male. Best I could do with the lighting and such though.

YOU LOOK GREAT!

Originally Posted by Arachu

@Absol: *Hugs!*

@Ichneumon: It's not selfish to talk about yourself, especially in a support thread. I think it'd be nice if you posted more often. *Hugs*

Indeed and agreed. *joins hugging*

Hey Birch~ *Glomps* ^_^

*is glomped* ^_^

I'm waiting for 'em to figure out how to use whatever it is they're trying to use to clean up "junk DNA" - at that point, we'll have pretty much cured old age. After that we can tackle making work-arounds like brain extensions and the aforementioned genetic memory.


~Bianca

O.o ... Whoa.

Originally Posted by Nick274

*(Re?)Welcom hug*

*is hugged*

Originally Posted by SiuiS

Woah, Birchgrove! We've missed you man! How ya doin'?

It feels great having been missed. I didn't know I meant so much. ^_^

Oh, ups and downs. :-/ I'm unemployed, but I'm going to start some type of "activity" Tuesday next week. At the very least, I'll have a schedule to follow and I'll get to know new people. Have had some fun reading graphic novels, mostly older comics from the 60's/70's/80's. Feel a bit lonely since most mates have stopped studying at the university and moved. However, after a Birthday party for a (female) friend's some months ago I made contact with a new lady friend, though she already has a boyfriend so nothing like *that* will happen with her. She's cool either way; I can talk yaoi and yuri and other nusswuff things with her.

Medical stuff:

Spoiler

1. I need to lose weight.

2. I have serious acne problems (but I'm getting antibiotics and medicated lotion against it, and it seems to be improving).

3. I keep getting eczema and wounds whenever I get lax on using cortisone and moisturizer and/or getting the hands wet (and then dry).

Originally Posted by golentan

I tend to prefer being somewhat more submissive myself, as long as I feel respected and cared for in the process.

D'awww! ^_^

Originally Posted by The Succubus

Accost, good knight, accost! Woo her, board her, assail her! *wiiiiiink*

Shakespeare - it's good for something. =3

He was a gentleman and a scholar.

Originally Posted by Astrella

An endocrinologist; they can prescribe me hormones.

I keep confusing it with oncologist. It's still a medical profession, but still...

Originally Posted by Asta Kask

You can join her harem?

Originally Posted by Lix Lorn

Hugs help a bit. (huggle)




I accept applications from anyone who is not a jerk.

Oh my. Where/how do I get to know more join?

Originally Posted by Lord Raziere

I once wrote something that is the anti-thesis of this…lets see if I can dig it up..

Conan the Grammarian

Spoiler

They are freaking annoying
They are like a big troll
but not as ugly and loud
When they speak, they still make my eyes roll

They are Conan the Grammarian
Cleaving ordinary conversation
with their axes of grammar-ation
They pillage the village of words
and punctuate them with spears

Sure, the guys who like to correct peoples spelling
are pretty cool
I can't understand a thing the average internet idiot says
in such a cesspool.

But isn't the grammar thing going a little too far?
trying to fit all the words in the world
into a little correct jar?

I'm just really tired of barbarian pedantry
I'd just like all my little words flying
with my nouns, verbs, and prepositions soaring free.
Why chain them all up
in some weird arcane order for everyone to see?

I don't understand you Conan the Grammarian
I like my words free and flowing
Maybe I'm just a tasteless barbarian
Thats all now, I gotta get going.

Nice!

Originally Posted by Asta Kask

He moves normally and he climbs normally so there's no pain. Mum, who had a short stint as a dermatologist, thought it was a cutaenous horn. He only bit me to remind me of the proper power relationships around here...

Given that it grows very slowly, I have no doubt he will have the time to die of something else - he is 13-ish after all.

On a side note, I wonder how many stories of demon possession stemmed from cutaneous horns. Imagine living in a medieval city and suddenly get a horn-like growth on your face...

*hugs* Hope your kitty will get better.

[SiuiS]

Originally Posted by noparlpf

I thought that's what was meant. (Also, in my opinion, Asperger's is no excuse for being an ass even for people who do have it. Just because social interactions are harder doesn't give one an excuse to just say "screw it all" and not worry about being an ass, it means one ought to work harder to learn how to behave in society.) I still don't entirely get what it has to do with queer groups attacking allies, and I've reread the post a few times now.

I was confused too. I assumed it was a comparison of how both Ally and Queer seem to be thrown around. On the one hoof, saying its cool to make fun of you for being gay because I'm an ally is wrong. On the other hoof, saying I don't care how much you want us to all be friends, Separate But Equal because you're a HeterOpressor an you're not welcome here is also being a wanker under the guise of being queer so it's cool to mistreat nonqueers. It's like "our word" arguments. No, it's not your word. It's a word. You don't want other people to se it, don't use it yourself. Equality is not just shifting the direction of prejudice, it is abolishing it.

I've been up 26 hours, so that probably doesn't make sense. I don know how I went from explaining a thought to being angry <_<;

Originally Posted by Zorg

A lot of the issues with "allies" is people wanting a pat on the back for being awesome and special because they don't hate us. Um, no, that's called not being a disgusting waste of flesh you sack of crap.
Of course there are genuine allies who actually try to help make things better and stand up for us, but often the most vocal and noticable are the ones who disappear when things get tough or are quick to remind us of how lucky we are that they accept us.

The tumblr war against allies was kicked off by an initiative of a group to get one week of LGBT moth designated as "allies week", which annoyed a lot of people for reasons.

Well, yeah. Okay, that's a pretty jerk thing to do. "Yeah, I know you're oppressed an' all, and ima let you finish..."

Of course, the war against allies (sweet Celestia it has a name?) is what we call counter productive; it's like alienating all of Canada because a northerner with an accent called the US dirty names. Assaulting a group because of individuals, babies and bath water. Babies and bath water.

Originally Posted by Lix Lorn

...
ALL HAIL LGBT MOTH
HE SHALL SAVE US FROM HETEROZILLA

Legitimate smiles

[Lix Lorn]

Originally Posted by H Birchgrove

Oh my. Where/how do I get to know more join?

(blush) Here?

[Coidzor]

Originally Posted by SiuiS

I'm fully with you, there. It's weird to think of a doctor's assumptions and attitude really making a difference. Medicine is a cold, sterile science

I'm going to stop you right there and point out that while some people want to practice medicine in that way or end up doing so because of how the systems in place make the alternative difficult to impossible depending upon region, they've actually been finding out that actually having a rapport with one's medical professional improves outcomes and, y'know, actually acting like human beings leads to better healthcare.

X is not objectively or universally Y just because some or a lot of people are doing it wrong.

Which is why Psychology and Psychiatry still have something to offer and are worthwhile fields for us to improve our understanding despite the whole torturing children for kicks thing.

[noparlpf]

Originally Posted by Asta Kask

The cat graciously accepts your well-wishes, and would consider offers to become thread mascot. Or patron.

I'm up for that. I'll go catch a mouse as sacrifice. (I actually did catch a mouse with my bare hands once last year.)

Originally Posted by SiuiS

I was confused too. I assumed it was a comparison of how both Ally and Queer seem to be thrown around. On the one hoof, saying its cool to make fun of you for being gay because I'm an ally is wrong. On the other hoof, saying I don't care how much you want us to all be friends, Separate But Equal because you're a HeterOpressor an you're not welcome here is also being a wanker under the guise of being queer so it's cool to mistreat nonqueers. It's like "our word" arguments. No, it's not your word. It's a word. You don't want other people to use it, don't use it yourself. Equality is not just shifting the direction of prejudice, it is abolishing it.

I was explaining "dyke" to a friend the other day because somebody carved it into her dorm door. I then went on a tangent (as you can see, I'm good at those) about "reclaiming words" and basically said a lot of that. There's a ridiculous double standard about some "reclaimed" words, like it's fine to call oneself something, but if somebody else so much as utters the word, they're being an evil bad oppressor.

[Irish Musician]

Originally Posted by Zorg

A lot of the issues with "allies" is people wanting a pat on the back for being awesome and special because they don't hate us. Um, no, that's called not being a disgusting waste of flesh you sack of crap.
Of course there are genuine allies who actually try to help make things better and stand up for us, but often the most vocal and noticable are the ones who disappear when things get tough or are quick to remind us of how lucky we are that they accept us.

The tumblr war against allies was kicked off by an initiative of a group to get one week of LGBT moth designated as "allies week", which annoyed a lot of people for reasons.

You are totally lucky to have us as allies, I mean we are.....BBBAAAHHHAHAHAHAHA oh man, couldn't get through that with a straight face.

In all seriousness though, Those types of allies are a serious problem. They are just there to get the satisfaction of being able to say they they support this community, like some fort of badge, and not actually in it to support the community and stand up for their beliefs. They just want to do what all the cool kids are doing.......pisses me off, because then legitimate allies who are actually trying to help the community are usually not as welcome because d-bags like those "fake" allies give us a bad name. Pisses me off too Zorg.

[Astrella]

Originally Posted by noparlpf

I was explaining "dyke" to a friend the other day because somebody carved it into her dorm door. I then went on a tangent (as you can see, I'm good at those) about "reclaiming words" and basically said a lot of that. There's a ridiculous double standard about some "reclaimed" words, like it's fine to call oneself something, but if somebody else so much as utters the word, they're being an evil bad oppressor.

It's problematic when you call people words like that without knowing that they're okay with it. Because reclaiming or not, these are still words that carry an entire culture of prejudice and hatred behind them, so don't use them without knowing if peeps are okay with you using them for them.

Also going to second Zork here; there are a lot of people who call themselves allies out there but who aren't in essence. It's really frustrating just how much bigotry I've seen and faced even in places that are supposed to be GRSM safe places. It can get depressing sometime. And yes, I know it's often people having good intentions but messing up and such, but it's important if they actually listen to us then.

I really do appreciate you all here a ton. This thread is pretty much the only LGBT+ related place where I feel really at ease.

[noparlpf]

Originally Posted by Astrella

It's problematic when you call people words like that without knowing that they're okay with it. Because reclaiming or not, these are still words that carry an entire culture of prejudice and hatred behind them, so don't use them without knowing if peeps are okay with you using them for them.

I don't use any of those words myself; I think they're crass and vulgar. But I'm talking about people who use the "reclaimed" words themselves, and flip ****s whenever anybody else uses them. For example, black youth, at least in the New England/New York area; I'm pretty sure you know what I mean.

Bad allies still annoy me less than intolerant minority groups, because the latter ought to know better, but both are a problem.

I too love this forum for its safety and welcoming attitude. Every time I wander into another part of the internet and run into the worst of humanity, it's nice to know that at least here is a safe place with good people, good rules, and good mods.

[Astrella]

Originally Posted by noparlpf

I don't use any of those words myself; I think they're crass and vulgar. But I'm talking about people who use the "reclaimed" words themselves, and flip ****s whenever anybody else uses them. For example, black youth, at least in the New England/New York area; I'm pretty sure you know what I mean.

Yes, and I think that's perfectly fair to be honest. There's a huge difference between using a term for yourself and having someone else use it for you.

Edit: Sorry if I'm coming over as snippy; I had a sucky day but I wouldn't want to take it out on any of you. :/

[KenderWizard]

Originally Posted by Reluctance

First, do you really think that most people who tell dead baby jokes actually go out and murder babies, or do you think that they just enjoy shock humor for the reaction?

Not to get too much into this, since I'm trying to relax, but I'd just like to point out that baby-murder isn't a big problem, where there are frequent baby-murders in almost every layer of society, and when people try to report baby-murderers, they're told they're overreacting and if they didn't want their baby murdered, they shouldn't have left it down out of their arms, and up to one in five babies are murdered or are the victims of attempted murder. In a society where that happened, dead-baby-jokes would move from tasteless and stupid to actually damaging, triggering and dangerous.

Originally Posted by Socratov

well, to be honest, I think it's slightly hyperbolic. I mean I'm not a total slave to my libido, however, if I see a hot girl in front of me showing cleavage, my concentration might be somewhat harder to maintain, if only in thought. This is especially the reason why I love the fact that people can't do telepathy, I wouldn't be able to be anywhere.

I think that every time I have a dirty thought in public! Especially if it's along the lines of "Day-um, I would hit that! With a leather flogger...." (This may not be an accurate rendering of my internal voice.) about someone nearby. I always follow it up with. "Gosh, I hope they're not psychic...!" And then one time, I thought that (but it wasn't because I thought they were hot, it was because their dog was stupendously ugly) and then they looked right at me! And I was like "On no! It finally happened!" and then they said "You can cross now, love." cause I was just standing there at a crossing and the light had gone green. It was super awkward.

Originally Posted by Reluctance

(If you want to talk about the statistics part, PM me. As much as bad math irks me, I'd rather not derail this thread for another page or so. Kender and Asta's cat need attention more right now.)

Originally Posted by Socratov

KenderWizard, I hope you be able to get started but in the meantime have a few care- and stressfree days to calm down

Originally Posted by Absol197

Okay, first off, *hugs* for Kender, as she needs all the hope and luck she can get right now;

Originally Posted by SiuiS

First, hugs to Kender! Sorry or leaving you out for a spell there, luv. Tweren't intentional.

Thank you, everyone! I'll keep ye posted.

Originally Posted by Astrella

I really do appreciate you all here a ton. This thread is pretty much the only LGBT+ related place where I feel really at ease.

Hear hear!

[Asta Kask]

Originally Posted by Astrella

Edit: Sorry if I'm coming over as snippy; I had a sucky day but I wouldn't want to take it out on any of you. :/

If it would make things better, you could tell us. Shared burden is halved burden, shared joy is double joy.

[golentan]

I admit, I've been getting really enraged over anti-gay marriage statements I've been exposed to.

[Asta Kask]

Originally Posted by Zorg

A lot of the issues with "allies" is people wanting a pat on the back for being awesome and special because they don't hate us. Um, no, that's called not being a disgusting waste of flesh you sack of crap.

That can be a genuine problem, and I've said it before - we must get people to connect the things they say about "all men being equal" with "support for gay marriage" or "trans rights". And get allies to stand up and say "what I'm doing is the minimum". If we keep telling people that we're special just for doing what we do then they'll think you need to be special. And you don't. You just have to be a decent human being.

If that rant made no sense, I'm off to bed now. Maybe I'll be able to fix it in the morning.

[Arachu]

Originally Posted by Castaras

In happier news: A bus has been driving around Leicester recently, with an advert that isn't advertising a film (shock. Horror). This one is just a pink banner with the words "Some people are gay. Get over it."

Made me smile.

X3

Originally Posted by Socratov

it isn't about nothing coming back (I mean, that warm and fuzzy feeling becuase you helped someone is reward enough), it's about people crying out for pity, understanding and acceptance while they just file you away as a LGBT hating, self obsessed, bigoted, mysogynist ******* anyway, whatever you do or say. *wanders off mumbling incoherent sounds, waving franticly*

*comes back*
Oh dear, I did it again, I let myself get mad because of people over the internet. I really have to stop doing this...
sorry guys, the rage wasn't directed at you guys >.< I hope you can forgive me. I just can't stand such a level of ingratitude

*Hugs*

Originally Posted by Reluctance

How do you feel about abused animals? Starving children? Underfunded space programs?

The point being, there are plenty of worthwhile causes that won't try to berate and guilt-trip you just for not living up to their unrealistic expectations? Nobody gave any ****y bloggers the right to grant or revoke your status as a decent human being. Stop paying attention to their tantrums, focus your energies on other worthwhile causes, be happier not having to aggravate yourself regularly.

Irrelevant - letting people alienate us further actually hurts the movement. Besides, allies are awesome, they deserve better than that.

(Plus, complaining about one problem isn't the same as ignoring "bigger" ones. I for one am quite upset those examples, I'm just not in a position to do much about them right now.)

Originally Posted by AuroraF

I'd really like it if there were no doctors, who lack an empathetic attitude and trivialize instead of understand gender issues, treating transsexual people.

I don't feel like being categorized separetely and cast aside from what my gynecologist calls 'women', obviously not referring to me. Nor do I feel like being the target of assumptions that my female health needs and my desire for motherhood are somehow less valid than other women's.

It's painful for my ears to listen to them talk about chromosomes and biological sexes, only to undermine my identity and prospects for wishes associated with a female life, when they really don't even know a whole lot about what chromosomes and biological sex keep within themselves.

*Hugs!*

Originally Posted by Absol197

In other news, I've been getting a really weird (not unpleasant, just weird) feeling lately. It's like I'm a old photograph that's been double-exposed, and one of the images is my surrent male body, and the other is a potential, to-be female body. It crops up every now and then for a few moments. I'm always surprised, but excited to feel it come, and sad to see it go.

Anyone else ever get anything like that? I'm curious.

~Phoenix~

Sometimes I almost feel... Different. Like I'm much thinner, in much better shape, more beautiful... It's a bit ruined by how aware I get of my body's shape now, and the whole 'organs being arranged backwards' thing doesn't help, but that little glimpse of comfort helps me through it. It's all the help of a turnip lantern, but it's light at least.

Originally Posted by Asta Kask

He moves normally and he climbs normally so there's no pain. Mum, who had a short stint as a dermatologist, thought it was a cutaenous horn. He only bit me to remind me of the proper power relationships around here...

Given that it grows very slowly, I have no doubt he will have the time to die of something else - he is 13-ish after all.

*Hugs* I hope the rest of his days are happy~

On a side note, I wonder how many stories of demon possession stemmed from cutaneous horns. Imagine living in a medieval city and suddenly get a horn-like growth on your face...

To be fair, pretty much everything was blamed on demons (I'd try to joke about it, but examples are quite dark >.>)...

Originally Posted by KenderWizard

Ye are all amazing! Hopefully things will work out soon. I am working on a few little projects, mostly drawing, which I've started to get back into. I even did some life-drawing. Well, sketching people from photos, but that counts as life-drawing. It's hard to take a holiday or relax, cause even though I'm not doing anything, I don't know when I'll hear, so I need to keep checking my email and keeping in touch with my supervisor and stuff, so I can't really just stop thinking about it, you know? Still, hopefully it'll come right soon.

*Belated hugs* ^_^

Originally Posted by SiuiS

I'm fully with you, there. It's weird to think of a doctor's assumptions and attitude really making a difference. Medicine is a cold, sterile science, an equation applied by human variables to achieve a result. And then you're on the wrong end, and now I can't perform my job because a doctor thought I was a violent assault offender and didn't bother to correctly set a bone. All it took was a split second judgement on his part, shoddy advice on follow up care, and now my AS is functionally a $25k waste of several years' time.

Because the only way to get a boxer's break is to be a gangbanger and wifebeater, everyone knows that.

*So many hugs!*

Yes! It wa my big step from 'maybe gender queer' to 'definitely trans woman'. That body awareness of a body you don't currently have is nice. It leaving is my biggest source of dysphoria. I am lucky to already have a nice womanly body, thankfully. Just need to work on softness and curves~

Originally Posted by Asta Kask

The cat graciously accepts your well-wishes, and would consider offers to become thread mascot. Or patron.

*Quietly doodles designs for cat-head-shaped shrine*

Originally Posted by H Birchgrove

Sorry if I've missed anyone!

Hi again~ ^_^

O.o ... Whoa.

I have high hopes for medical science~

It feels great having been missed. I didn't know I meant so much. ^_^

Oh, ups and downs. :-/ I'm unemployed, but I'm going to start some type of "activity" Tuesday next week. At the very least, I'll have a schedule to follow and I'll get to know new people. Have had some fun reading graphic novels, mostly older comics from the 60's/70's/80's. Feel a bit lonely since most mates have stopped studying at the university and moved. However, after a Birthday party for a (female) friend's some months ago I made contact with a new lady friend, though she already has a boyfriend so nothing like *that* will happen with her. She's cool either way; I can talk yaoi and yuri and other nusswuff things with her.

Medical stuff:

Spoiler

1. I need to lose weight.

2. I have serious acne problems (but I'm getting antibiotics and medicated lotion against it, and it seems to be improving).

3. I keep getting eczema and wounds whenever I get lax on using cortisone and moisturizer and/or getting the hands wet (and then dry).

*Hugs!*

Originally Posted by Coidzor

I'm going to stop you right there and point out that while some people want to practice medicine in that way or end up doing so because of how the systems in place make the alternative difficult to impossible depending upon region, they've actually been finding out that actually having a rapport with one's medical professional improves outcomes and, y'know, actually acting like human beings leads to better healthcare.

X is not objectively or universally Y just because some or a lot of people are doing it wrong.

Which is why Psychology and Psychiatry still have something to offer and are worthwhile fields for us to improve our understanding despite the whole torturing children for kicks thing.

To be fair, she seemed to mean that quality of care shouldn't depend on circumstances/assumptions. The medicine itself probably should be coldly efficient, once the best application of it has been appropriately discussed.

Originally Posted by Astrella

Edit: Sorry if I'm coming over as snippy; I had a sucky day but I wouldn't want to take it out on any of you. :/

*Hugs*


~Bianca

[golentan]

Originally Posted by Asta Kask

That can be a genuine problem, and I've said it before - we must get people to connect the things they say about "all men being equal" with "support for gay marriage" or "trans rights". And get allies to stand up and say "what I'm doing is the minimum". If we keep telling people that we're special just for doing what we do then they'll think you need to be special. And you don't. You just have to be a decent human being.

If that rant made no sense, I'm off to bed now. Maybe I'll be able to fix it in the morning.

I approve of this rant in all its particulars.

[KenderWizard]

Originally Posted by Asta Kask

If it would make things better, you could tell us. Shared burden is halved burden, shared joy is double joy.

That phrasing sounds more lyrical to me than "A burden shared is a burden halved but a joy shared is a joy doubled", which is how I usually hear it. I'm going to switch to the Asta version. Also, I agree with the sentiment!

Originally Posted by Castaras

In happier news: A bus has been driving around Leicester recently, with an advert that isn't advertising a film (shock. Horror). This one is just a pink banner with the words "Some people are gay. Get over it."

Made me smile.

Totally missed this. This is AWESOME!!

Originally Posted by Arachu

X3

*Belated hugs* ^_^

*hugs!*