So because it's October, all that I've heard over the past week are these lame, Halloween-themed jokes. Some of them I thought of myself, others were just slightly changed to be more RPG-related. Enjoy!
Why was my skeletal army too afraid to fight the paladin fortress?
They had no guts!
Why was my reanimated zombie so tired in the morning?
He had to work the graveyard shift!
What did I say to my skeletons before I was going to give them dinner?
What was the easiest thing for me to do in elementary school?
What do I call my minions if they don't work hard enough?
Lazy sacks of bones!
Why don't my Shadows like to party?
They have no body to dance with!
Why are there fences around cemeteries?
Because people are dying to get out!
(That one is actually a parody of the original joke, "dying to get in,
" and I also thought that I could do a "chicken crossing the road" sort of joke, "because they don't like it when I come and steal their dead bodies," but I thought that this one was better)
Why do I normally not Command mummies to do things for me?
Because they always get wrapped up in the details!
What did the paladins who were on guard duty say to their supervisor after the fortress was attacked by ghosts?
"We saw no body coming through here."
Why do I always tell my (living) workers to cast Levitate
on their ghosts if they're ever upset?
Because it raises their spirits!
Why don't those same workers mentioned above let their ghosts out in the rain?
It dampens their spirits!
What do you do if your sarcastic zombies roll their eyes at you after you give them orders?
Roll them back to them and Command them to do the job again!
What are my Vampiric minions' favorite fruits?
What website do my Vampires go to when they want to go see a zombie movie?
What did the Vampires say about the movie (that one ^) they went to?
"That stunk!" (because it was about rotting corpses)
What did I say to my Vampires when I wanted them to take inventory of the kitchen utensils?
Count spatulas! (a pun made from Count Dracula's name)
What do Vampire doctors always have you do?
(okay this one's really only slightly different from Rich's Test of the Heart,
but I heard it a few days ago and thought it was good)
Those are all the jokes about undead that I can remember, and I just hope that they weren't so cheesy that I put Kraft™ out of business.
Also, I realize that most of these don't make sense, like how I said that my zombie was tired, when they are actually unable to do so, and how my skeletons were eating, when they are equally unable to do so, but for the purposes of these jokes, they do.