Things I May No Longer Do While Playing IV: The Decanter of Endless Bad Ideas

[Socratov]

*I cannot have flaw: speechimpediment(Haiku). Neither is it a complusion.
*I may not make a character wihting 3 hours of seeing Phineas and Ferb
**I may not do anyting tabletop RPG related withing 3 hours of seeing Phineas and Ferb
*No, to the BBEG, the wightocalypse is not like playing plague inc., infection or any other kind of game.
**Put down the tablet and smartphone
***laptop too

[DigoDragon]

Originally Posted by Socratov

*I cannot have flaw: speechimpediment(Haiku). Neither is it a complusion.

Would be better if it were:

I cannot have flaw: Speech Impediment (Haiku). Nor A Compulsion.

• I will not create flow charts that catagorize the GM's NPCs.
• I will not fix those flow charts so that all NPCs end up in the catagory "Mary Sue"
• I will not encourage the party to form a line and make choo-choo noises when we think that the GM is railroading us back to the important plot point.

[Socratov]

*My characters name does in fact not contain numbers. I am to be reminded of this every now and then.
**My character may not be introduced as "[character's name] Starring as ..."
*No moving vehicles will be used as a place of introduction.
**Except for carts towards the chopping block
*There is no such thing as a minion, crafted form whatever, turning out to be the reception committee, welcoming you by giving you equipment.
*No you are not helped by some form of deva, archon or other angelic creature helping you form above by sending you visions. You are not that special a snowflake.

[Techwarrior]

As DM, my puzzles may not involve haiku, particularly if the answer is the only three lines that aren't actually a haiku.
My answers to divinations may not involve limericks.
Just because the spell description says I can give a 'cryptic response' doesn't mean I should.
Particularly if the response is a poem.
I am to ask someone else to write my poems answers to divinations and puzzles. Mine are "too hard."

[Razanir]

Originally Posted by Techwarrior

My answers to divinations may not involve limericks.

Limericks are bad/Although haiku is just fine/Even when cryptic

[Ksheep]

* I may not make a character that speaks solely in iambic pentameter
** He is not allowed to soliloquize more than once a session
*** Said soliloquies must be shorter than one minute in length
**** You know what, no soliloquies at all

[toapat]

Originally Posted by Socratov

*No moving vehicles will be used as a place of introduction.
**Except for carts towards the chopping block

***Expecially carts moving towards chopping blocks
****you will not be saved by a dragon attempting to kill you
*****you do not have Forceful hand as a once/1d4 rounds SLA

[Adoendithas]

* I am not allowed to filibuster a session.

[Wookieetank]

Originally Posted by Adoendithas

* I am not allowed to filibuster a session.

**Reading the phone book to filibuster a session is right out.
***And will result in any/all objects in the near vicinity being given momentum in my general direction.

[alanek2002]

Originally Posted by Wookieetank

**Reading the phone book to filibuster a session is right out.
***And will result in any/all objects in the near vicinity being given momentum in my general direction.

**** This does not mean I gain telekinesis.

[Balmas]

Originally Posted by Wookieetank

**Reading the phone book to filibuster a session is right out.
***And will result in any/all objects in the near vicinity being given momentum in my general direction.

****Me, not my character.

[Black Mage]

* When playing a Gunslinger, all of my attacks cannot be called-shots to the enemies knees.
** I may not name my character "The Kneecapper"
*** I may not play a Tauric creature Spellweaver/riding dog
**** I may not play a Quickling with the Quickling template.
***** My character cannot hijack someones Wish from a genie to wish for a mountain of cocaine.
****** While playing 4th Edition, characters cannot snort Residium and call it magic dust.

[Nyes the Dark]

*I may not play Neo from The Matrix
**Smith is right out
***No Oracle either
****No Matrix characters

*My character's Verbal components for spells may not include any of the following:
-Spoilers from popular fiction
--Ice Cream Koans
---Feigned accents, good or bad
----Poetry or music (only applies when not a Bard)
*----Bardic songs may not include references to the latest pop songs
**----Nor may they include references to any pop songs
***----No Bards

[Rockphed]

Originally Posted by Black Mage

* While playing 4th Edition, characters cannot snort Residium and call it magic dust.

This gives me evil ideas for divination rituals. Lots and lots of evil ideas.

[Black Mage]

* I may not base characters off of any movie I have seen.
** Especially if the character is based solely on a single line of dialog.
*** ESPECIALLY if that line of dialog is about shoving a mans head up another mans ass.
**** I may no longer run games using Immortals Handbook. This is for my own sanity.
***** Throw Anything does not give me proficiency in Halfings.
****** Especially if I'm a gnome.

[Geigan]

*A building with a sign on it that says STAY OUT in big red letters should not be the party's first point of interest in a populated area.
**Make that any area.
***Not even if the party needs a place to live.
****Not even if it has a fish tank for our pet eel.
*****Checking the secret hidden basement is especially not recommended.
******Claiming a place by right of conquest does not make you any less of a squatter if you don't own the place.

[Doorhandle]

Originally Posted by Geigan

*A building with a sign on it that says STAY OUT in big red letters should not be the party's first point of interest in a populated area.
**Make that any area.
***Not even if the party needs a place to live.
****Not even if it has a fish tank for our pet eel.
*****Checking the secret hidden basement is especially not recommended.
******Claiming a place by right of conquest does not make you any less of a squatter if you don't own the place.

... You do realise that is adventure code for "Please kick our door in and take all our delectable lootable stuff", right?

[Amidus Drexel]

Originally Posted by Doorhandle

... You do realise that is adventure code for "Please kick our door in and take all our delectable lootable stuff", right?

*I may not make a sign with "Please kick our door in and take all our delectable lootable stuff"
**Not even if it is meant as a trap.
***Especially if it is not meant as a trap.

[rockdeworld]

* I cannot convince the DM that I have "Heavy Armor Optimization" on the basis "that's what I'm doing!"
Edit: ** Neither do I have "Extraordinary Spell Aim" on the basis "I have Dexterity 20; I'm just that good!"

[Kelb_Panthera]

Originally Posted by Doorhandle

... You do realise that is adventure code for "Please kick our door in and take all our delectable lootable stuff", right?

You realize that if enough of the doors so captioned are vigorously trapped and lead to very bad things (which may or may not include little-to-no loot) that the pavlov effect will eventually take hold.

It can be tricky to breed just the right ammount of paranoia in players, but if you can manage not to go overboard it's well worth the effort

[Black Mage]

Originally Posted by Kelb_Panthera

You realize that if enough of the doors so captioned are vigorously trapped and lead to very bad things (which may or may not include little-to-no loot) that the pavlov effect will eventually take hold.

It can be tricky to breed just the right ammount of paranoia in players, but if you can manage not to go overboard it's well worth the effort

Truth. My players have an unnatural fear of pillars and all things pillar-y.

[Black Mage]

* I should not urinate on a statue of a chaotic evil god that is crackling with red lightning.
** Even if I swear the DM said there was red LIGHTING, not lightning. It's still a bad idea.
*** I deserve everything I get if I manage to blow up the BBEG just before he starts his monologue.

This is for one of my players.
* Not allowed to own a sap.
** Not allowed to take the Sap Mastery feats in Pathfinder.
*** Not allowed to craft a throwing/returning human bane sap from a humans nether regions.
**** Not allowed to run around throwing said sap at people while laughing maniacly.

[A Tad Insane]

* I may not use 'charm' 'dominate' or the likes to control the BBEG's entire fort's garrison
** I should not be surprised when the DM gives him an ability that kills them all
*** I'm not allowed to use this as justification to have a plan to kill the entire party
**** Even if it fits with my Lawful Evil douche of a character

[Adoendithas]

Originally Posted by Wookieetank

**Reading the phone book to filibuster a session is right out.
***And will result in any/all objects in the near vicinity being given momentum in my general direction.

****Despite its apparent appropriateness, the same goes for the Player's Handbook, Dungeon Master's Guide, Monster Manual, or Rules Compendium.

[Wookieetank]

Originally Posted by Adoendithas

****Despite its apparent appropriateness, the same goes for the Player's Handbook, Dungeon Master's Guide, Monster Manual, or Rules Compendium.

*****This is not the accepted way to introduce new players to the rules.
******However I can take full credit for everyone's improved understanding of the rules after said reading.

[Dire Moose]

Arctic Elves do not get a +4 bonus on Craft (Toymaking) checks.

[Wookieetank]

Originally Posted by Dire Moose

Arctic Elves do not get a +4 bonus on Craft (Toymaking) checks.

** There is not an Island of Misfit toys, and defective Warforged are not sent there.
***Convincing the party's Warforge of the above though is bloody hilarious.

[Doxkid]

*Singing a cheery song in/out of character in various characters and party roles is slightly odd.
**Singing them in foreign languages is even odder.
***I will quietly leave when my group finds out I have been chanting oaths of bloodshed and ruin to the tune of "Tomorrow" for the past year, and I will not expect to be invited back.
****There is nothing 'conversational' about the Egyptian I know.
*****Stop picking up girls with "sweet phrases about their eyes".
******If everyone glances at me when a IRL crime is shown on the news, I may not pretend to be indignant.

[eulmanis12]

For those of you who know 40k

*I may not strap a lasgun to my bolter for use as a "laser sight"
**I may not claim that it is still underpowered even for that role

*I may not hit on the Sisters of Battle
**If I do they will probably hit me, through a wall

*I may not deploy my guardsmen in a defensive position complete with fortifications and interlocking fields of fire then complain when the deamons just decide to possess all of them

*I may not lose on turn one without rolling any dice
**this happening may not cause me to seek a new gaming system

*I may not do terminator impressions for the necron

*I may not keep a pet carnifex "cause he's sooo cute!"

*I may not debate the fine points of body armor with the dark eldar

*I may not utter the words "Boom, Headshot" when the vindicare takes down yet another helmetless space marine

*I may not memorize several imperial prayers and repeat them during the game
**I may not recite the Litany of Hate. its just creepy

[Adoendithas]

Originally Posted by Doxkid

*Singing a cheery song in/out of character in various characters and party roles is slightly odd.
**Singing them in foreign languages is even odder.
***I will quietly leave when my group finds out I have been chanting oaths of bloodshed and ruin to the tune of "Tomorrow" for the past year, and I will not expect to be invited back.
****There is nothing 'conversational' about the Egyptian I know.
*****Stop picking up girls with "sweet phrases about their eyes".
******If everyone glances at me when a IRL crime is shown on the news, I may not pretend to be indignant.

******* Conversely, if the evil wizard's ritual involves chanting "Mica, Mica, Parva Stella! Miror Quaenam Sis Tam Bella! Splendens Eminus In Illo! Alba Velut Gamma Caelo! (etc.)" the players have the right to throw books.

Spoiler

For those who don't speak Latin, this translates roughly to "Twinkle, twinkle little star! How I wonder what you are! Up above the world so high! Like a diamond in the sky!