Things I May No Longer Do While Playing IV: The Decanter of Endless Bad Ideas

[Unbeknownst]

*I am no aloud to have a maxed out Decieve skill.
**I am especially not aloud to use said Decieve skill to convince rats that I am their queen, and they must obey my every word.
***Nor am I aloud to create an army of rats to besige a city.

[Amidus Drexel]

Originally Posted by Unbeknownst

*I am no aloud to have a maxed out Decieve skill.
**I am especially not aloud to use said Decieve skill to convince rats that I am their queen, and they must obey my every word.
***Nor am I aloud to create an army of rats to besige a city.

****I may, however, do these things without speaking

These are all from the same player:

*May not go to town specifically to get drunk
**May not, while drunk, use major creation in conjunction with stone shape to make crude statues of himself
***May not deny all such activity in the morning when the rest of the party wakes up

*May not insult everyone in the elven capitol, including the doorman to the mage's guild
**May not attack the door to the mage's guild
***May not attempt to flame strike the mage's guild upon being unable to open the door
****Be surprised when he is hit with five maximized lightning bolts when he refuses to leave after being asked to go away
*****May not complain when he dies, as he wanted to speak directly with his god anyway

[Zahhak]

* I may no longer make the DM realize he is a hipster. He will get depressed
* I may no longer use the phrase "Bag of Infinite Possible PCs"

[eulmanis12]

*may not set fire to self to prevent being grappled by enemies

*may not use this thread as a checklist

*May not have a bucket list
**It may not involve acutal buckets
***If I kill another PC with a bucket when he is 4 levels ahead of me, I will be beaten mercelessly with DMGs and Players Handbooks

[PaperMustache]

*The verbal component for Charm Person/ Suggestion / Dominate Person or any other mind-controlling spell is NOT "Would you Kindly?"

[toapat]

Originally Posted by PaperMustache

*The verbal component for Charm Person/ Suggestion / Dominate Person or any other mind-controlling spell is NOT "Would you Kindly?"

**Would you kindly redact that post.

[Wookieetank]

Originally Posted by PaperMustache

*The verbal component for Charm Person/ Suggestion / Dominate Person or any other mind-controlling spell is NOT "Would you Kindly?"

** "The power of [deity of choice] compells you" however is acceptable, particularly when playing as a cleric of the mentioned deity

[Ksheep]

Originally Posted by Wookieetank

** "The power of [deity of choice] compells you" however is acceptable, particularly when playing as a cleric of the mentioned deity

*** not so much when playing a Necromencer

[Gravitron5000]

Originally Posted by PaperMustache

*The verbal component for Charm Person/ Suggestion / Dominate Person or any other mind-controlling spell is NOT "Would you Kindly?"

** Nor is it "Mother May I"
*** It is also not "Simon Says"

[Adoendithas]

**** It DEFINITELY does not involve waving your hand in front of their face and saying "You WILL..."

[Erik Vale]

***** Never may suggestion include:

• These Are Not The Droids You Are Looking For
• *Monetary Unit* Will do just Fine

[Wraith]

* May not use 'Weapon Proficiency: Knife' in place of a Perform: Dance check.
* May not use 'Weapon Proficiency: Knife' in place of a Diplomacy check.
* May not use 'Weapon Proficiency: Knife' in place of a Survival check,
* May not use 'Weapon Proficiency: Knife' in place of a Haggle check.
** Okay, 'Weapon Proficiency: Knife' *might* work in place of an Intimidation check.
*** Using 'Weapon Proficiency: Knife' in place of a Seduction check is right out.
**** If I have to ask 'Why not?', the DM does not have to explain it to me.

* 'Weapon Proficiency: Knife' is not the only skill that I will ever need.

* Not allowed to build a character concept entirely around a section of the rules that the DM does not quite understand.
** Especially if I know exactly how they work, and work well. See also: Grappling in WFRP, or Grappling in Savage Worlds, or Grappling in SLA Industries, or Grappling in Dark Heresy, or Grappling in Ironclaw, or Grappling in V:tM, or Grappling in Feng Shui, or.....
** No grappling, ever.

[Doorhandle]

Originally Posted by Wraith

* May not use 'Weapon Proficiency: Knife' in place of a Perform: Dance check.
* May not use 'Weapon Proficiency: Knife' in place of a Diplomacy check.
* May not use 'Weapon Proficiency: Knife' in place of a Survival check,
* May not use 'Weapon Proficiency: Knife' in place of a Haggle check.
** Okay, 'Weapon Proficiency: Knife' *might* work in place of an Intimidation check.
*** Using 'Weapon Proficiency: Knife' in place of a Seduction check is right out.
**** If I have to ask 'Why not?', the DM does not have to explain it to me.

* 'Weapon Proficiency: Knife' is not the only skill that I will ever need.

* Not allowed to build a character concept entirely around a section of the rules that the DM does not quite understand.
** Especially if I know exactly how they work, and work well. See also: Grappling in WFRP, or Grappling in Savage Worlds, or Grappling in SLA Industries, or Grappling in Dark Heresy, or Grappling in Ironclaw, or Grappling in V:tM, or Grappling in Feng Shui, or.....
** No grappling, ever.

*Maybe in Legend, but that's it.

[Man on Fire]

* If a player asks me constantly about the bust size of every female NPC he meets I cannot say "for sure they're bigger than yours" without checking if he doesn't hide massive man-boobs under that shirt.

I cannot find any other explanation why that guy was so happy when I said that.

* My characters are no longer allowed to take hostages, ordering enemies to durrender or trying to provide a distraction.
** I'm no longer allowed to do anythign with the enemies aside from outright attacking them.

3 different games. In one I take leader of evil cult hostage and he orders his people to shoto anyway. In another I kill one enemy and tell the one to drop the weapon if he doesn't want to die too and the guy immiediatelly shoots me. In third I enter the robbed bank and started doing Ryback entrance and got shoot at.

Now, in the first game my character managed to patch himself together but that was a close one. And really - it worked for one ound, it was in the second that I tried that when guy ordered to shoot me, probably GM's punishment for trying to stick to one trick. In third it was Mutants & Masterminds and I was powerhouse so guy with Uzi couldn't do anything to me and I provided the distraction for Speedster to run in and punch other guy, who was holding gun to the hostage's head.

Second guy however died and rest of the group ran away, abbandonnig the mission.

* Cannot let two other players, who made it clearly they don't want to follow my orders because I, as the only civilian in the party, have no authority over them, to go on undercover recon mission while saying I'll gather some information, then purposely forget to tell them rande vouz point and take other two players for a dinner, and refuse to tell them where we are, so they have to run through entire district, while we're switching restaurants.
** When they finally find us and clearly want to beat the living **** out of e, I cannot shoot one of them.
*** When he later wants to beat me even more and is preparing a knife in case I would try to shoot him again, I cannot call the police to arrest him.

I was on recivering end of those, belive me, it wasn't really that much fun. it was funny but it was also pretty humilation. And that player who did that simply told me I should just shoot his character and move on.

[scurv]

I am no longer permitted to play evil in every DM's campaigns that i know

[vasharanpaladin]

*May no longer justify playing evil with "the devs wouldn't know it if it bit them on the nose."
**May not, when pressed on this matter, play a TN character as a selfish, amoral prick instead.
***Naming my alignment "blue" when everyone else is LG is right out.

[Xerinous]

*My cavalier's horse cannot be named Epona.

*Elder Evils are not to be taunted.

*No more knocking the plot-central NPCs out with a sap.
**No more knocking out the plot-central NPCs with some spilled alcohol and some truly awful luck.
***Just stop knocking out the NPCs.

*Saps no longer exist.
**Saps will never exist again.

[Unbeknownst]

*Parley does not mean "Let them Come aboard and then take their stuff."

[Rockphed]

* I am not to run an illegal tavern.
** If the authorities shut it down, I am not to sue them for damages to my alcohol suffered during the process.
* If I am in the midst of a contest with another player, I am not to lobby for an extension if I am ahead.
** Rats are worth 1 XP each. At level 1. At higher levels they aren't worth any, and might be worth negative XP.
*** Rats are not a delicacy to my people.
** If the contest gets extended and I lose, I am not to lobby that I really won because I was ahead when the original deadline passed.
*** If we are refused public office because we refuse to honor the terms of the contest, we are to humbly accept it, not go on a bloody rampage through town.
**** No, bloody rampages do not endear the populace to us.
* Caravans across the wilderness are not races.
** There is not a race of magic turtles with blue shells.
*** Slaughtering turtles in search of the blue shell will not endear you to your fellow travelers if you do not bring the meat back with you.
**** Yes, he cut you off. In an ox cart. Sit back and consider that before you go on a bloody rampage.
***** If the local priest has to drag you off eachother by the ear one more time, there will be consequences.
****** Blue turtles now exist.

[DigoDragon]

Originally Posted by eulmanis12

*may not set fire to self to prevent being grappled by enemies

Darn, there goes my cleric's shtick.

• You are not allowed to throw a fireball at the enemy that catches three party members in the blast, with the justification "They have evasion".
• Especially when one of them is the Samurai who doesn't. And he fails his save. And takes full damage. And drops to -3 HP. Unconscious.
• Don't be surprised when the Paladin revives the Samurai and they are both noticably miffed at you.
  
• You may not complain when the DM has enemy spellcaster use counterspell as a viable tactic against your Sorcerer. It's perfectly legal.
• In return, as DM I'm not allowed to have counterspelling mages shout "Neener-Neener!" as their verbal component.
  
• As DM, I'm forbidden to create any BBEGs based on My Little Pony's "Cutie Mark Crusaders".
• I'm also forbidden to choose the party theme song (Who knew they wouldn't like PeeWee's Playhouse?)

[Morrolan]

* I am not allowed to snigger while calculating the total ammount of HD of undead I can control.
** And I may not have a couchemar nightmare skeleton as my mount.
***In fact, I am not allowed to be necromancer.
**** Nor may I be undead, for that matter.

* I am not allowed to manifest death urge on the final boss
** Especially if he has a large vorpal brilliant energy scythe

[tuggyne]

Originally Posted by Morrolan

* I am not allowed to manifest death urge on the final boss
** Especially if he has a large vorpal brilliant energy scythe

Hmm. Vorpal wouldn't do anything here (unless you're still using 3.0), and I have to say that a final boss that's not immune to mind-affecting compulsions is pretty weak anyway *cough*hold person*cough*.

Still, points for chutzpah?

[Razanir]

Originally Posted by Unbeknownst

*Parley does not mean "Let them Come aboard and then take their stuff."

**It is also not French for "everyone else is flat-footed and bare handed" This

[Zahhak]

* Belkar is not a good character concept.
** Neither is Elan
*** Or Haley Starshine.
**** Or V.
***** Or really anyone from OOTS. I'll get it. The DM will get it. No one else will understand until it's already too late.

* I am not allowed to preface anything with "I'm going to pull a Belkar and..."
** I am not allowed to do anything I could preface with "I'm going to pull a Belkar and..."

[Kelb_Panthera]

Originally Posted by Zahhak

* Belkar is not a good character concept.
** Neither is Elan
*** Or Haley Starshine.
**** Or V.
***** Or really anyone from OOTS. I'll get it. The DM will get it. No one else will understand until it's already too late.

* I am not allowed to preface anything with "I'm going to pull a Belkar and..."
** I am not allowed to do anything I could preface with "I'm going to pull a Belkar and..."

I wholey disagree with the idea that Belkar isn't an awesome character in the right game.

Roy could work as a concept in any game, though being a straight fighter may not always be the best idea.

*I, too, am not allowed to play Belkar in a game.

*Using ranks in Know (architecture) to collapse part of the building on the enemy is frowned upon in the emperor's castle.

[Socratov]

Originally Posted by Elimu Marimech

**It is also not French for "everyone else is flat-footed and bare handed" This

*I may not call my weapons and ammunition walking sticks
**Not even when I'm a wizard
***Especially when I'm a wizard

[Doxkid]

*It is typically frowned upon when I erect a castle overnight, fitted with armed guards and monster patrols, within a city controlled by someone else.
**It is especially impolite to do it next to a king's castle, making sure that mine is larger and possesses more ornate structures.
***I am not to wink at the queen, while gesturing my castle.
****I am not to wink at the queen, while gesturing at my 'castle'.
*****Castle is not a euphemism and I should be ashamed that I actually spent time and money just for that pun.
******My halfling may not make an intimidate check in the form of a growl.
*******This is NEVER to be done in front of the queen.
********Halflings don't hump legs while sober.
*********I may not use an amassed fortune of animal behavior knowledge to subvert normal politics.
**********Licking, growling, preening, urinating upon and all other forms of animals exerting power over others has no place in a noble court.
***********Correction: No place in a noble court...while others watch.

*My Halflings are all going to be spayed from now on.
**No. Not neutered. Spayed. When I can be trusted again, I can work my way up to being neutered like a normal man.

[Notreallyhere77]

Originally Posted by Rockphed

**** No, bloody rampages do not endear the populace to us.

Somehow, I don't think my players will ever understand this. Even after I've explained it to them, "kill the guys who don't approve of our wanton slaughter" is the immediate response.

They seem to understand it well enough when they DM, though. But as a player, I'm the only one who thinks logically when the townsfolk turn against us for killing their politicians and preists.

[Sith_Happens]

* I may not make a campaign setting that uses the TVTropes Pantheon.

[Socratov]

**if I as DM or PC at any time in my documentation refer to TVTropes.org or it's derivatives, I have exactly 7 seconds ro rethink my concept before I may have to dodge pieces of dead tree media...