Poetics: a try

[Mattaeu]

I found writing this piece incredible fun.

and I think it turned out well(forgive the periods, i have to have it setup this way as an intro to the next reading{also, [center] sucks :P}):

.........................in discreet words

..........and an apple is lost
......................to a bi-folding
.....................page

.around the edges of the
.......................skin red
.................the taut and thin when

......................with exactness
...............everyone becomes
.......................the dust

.......................and
.............................-in our
..........................in discreetest-
........................our words
......................'melt
.....................away'

........................the
.....................earth with us
...................passes


Enjoyed it? Well, now read it like this: the left lines of the stanza and then the right lines; as in read each stanza, one at a time, but in the stated manner:
.........................in | discreet words

..........and an apple | is lost
......................to a | bi-folding
.....................page |

.around the edges of | the
.......................skin | red
.................the taut | and thin when

......................with | exactness
...............everyone | becomes
.......................the | dust

.......................and |
.............................| -in our
..........................in | discreetest-
........................our | words
......................'melt |
....................away' |

........................the |
.....................earth | with us
...................passes |

:O Enjoyed it twice?
comments if you wish, but thank you for reading overall.
(sidenote: try to imagine it as appearing down the center of the page, typed on typewriter. it's just harder than nails to get this thing done right with {center])

[ZombieRockStar]

I loved it, once and twice. I wish I had your kind of cleverness with my poems, or your talent for imagery.

[Mattaeu]

Well thank you very much.

Do you, or anyone reading, have suggestions for tightening up any loose ends? ie. do you get any message or theme, if that, coherently?