Diplomacy PBPM - Concert of Europe

[Raveler1]

Funny, we turks have always said:

In Mother Russia, the country disbelieves YOU!

[Moody the Wise]

Since I've been getting some rules questions lately - nothing that looked like disastrous misconceptions, but still - I'm going to try to head off that sort of thing by reposting this thread. That's the recruitment thread for Grey Bishop's Youngstown game, and we discussed the rules of the variant a lot there. I will not be responsible if someone has a horrible mishap as a result of not knowing the rules. If you're confused about anything you read there, after having read the whole thing, ask me - you're better safe than sorry.

[Moody the Wise]

24 Hour Warning - Spring 1901 orders due by 22:00 EST (GMT -5) tomorrow: Tuesday, February 27th

[Moody the Wise]

No retreats.

France:
F Bre-Mao
A Par-Bur
A Mar-Spa
F Sai-Sch

England:
F joh-tha(ec)
F edi-nrg
F liv-iri
F lon-nth

Japan:
F kyo - soj
F tok - spo
F osa - ecs

Turkey:
A Bag - Jor
A Con - Bul
A Smy - Syr
F Ank - Con

China:
A pek-->man
A han-->kan
F can-->got

India:
A del - afg
A cal - brm
F mad - eio

Germany:
A ber - kie
F kie - den
A mun - ruh
A pos - sax

Austria:
A Klug-Rumania
A Budapest-Serbia
F Tri-Adr
A Vie-Tyr (Bounce 1:1 with Italian A Ven-Tyr)

Italy:

F Nap - Ion
A Ven - Tyr (Bounce 1:1 with Austrian A Vie-Tyr)
A Rom - Ven (Fail - A Ven failed to move)
F Mag - Goa

Russia:

A mos -> ukr
F sev -> bla
A oms -> sib
F stp -> gob
F vla -> kor
A war hold



Notice: Starting this Friday, and lasting until March 18th, I will be on spring break. My family computer at home blocks the forum, but I'll figure out ways to get the next two weeks' turns up. I'll either use friends' computers or invite a guest GM if I have to - Makleveh, who is running the Intrigue game, has agreed to help me out if I need it. Some updates might be a little late, but they'll all get up.

[thewamp]

Various Newspapers Report:

The Kaiser Report
The Kaiser today noted with interest how... fascinating the Turkish army movements. "It's like reverse psychology," he said. "They're trying to trick us by not protecting their territory or moving to grab new territory.

Germany Daily
Heinrich Licht reports, "We've got many years of peacefulness ahead of us, it seems. I'm so glad that the nations of this world have decided to be mature and act peacefully. No silly warmongering.

Our Great Nation
Germany needs you to join the army! Think of the fun places you can go! The people you can meet! And think of the cool guns you can wield! Haven't you always wanted one! A fair and unbiased report of the News Situation suggests that joining the army may be just what you've always dreamed of.

{{I got too lazy for headlines...}}

[viggo]

Russian Third Army Exiled to Siberia

In a surprising turn of events, the Russian Third Army's general, Vladimir Namolov, punished his entire army for insubordination. "I ordered them into their new uniforms, but they refused." The General met with reporters in his orange Adidas jumpsuit. "Something about total lack of camouflage."

Massive pileup on the Italian Peninsula

"We haven't seen a trainwreck this bad since the Pope owned half our country!"

[melchizedek]

British Navy Takes To the Seas
Earlier this Spring, the British Navy left port heading in a variety of directions. While rumors abound, the British government claimed that the fleets didn't exist. "We do not acknowledge the existence of a British navy. Anyone who claims that the British navy does exist is either a liar or insane." Even when shown sources who claimed to have recently seen the fleet depart from port, the officials refused to believe it. When pressed, they covered their ears with their hands, and made random noises. When asked what their plans were for the newly occupied Thailand, the denied that Thailand existed, and denied that, even if it did exist, they would have occupied it.

[Illuminaughty]

Imperial Japanese Fleets launched

The Imperial Japanese Fleets have been sent out to the neighboring islands to search for new breeds of fish. Prime Minister Gurei Bishoppu had this to say, "The most honorable Emperor Meiji, in all his wisdom, is an avid Go... ur... met... what? No... it's French? Gourmet... oh. Ahem. We look forward to the new inventions the Imperial Diet will sample. Thank you." A pause. "I really don't like this French. Frenchmen? I don't think I like them either. The Emperor thinks they plan to steal his fish. What? It's still on? Oh."

[Gygaxphobia]

Royal Favourite
In exciting fashion news, the Crown Prinz Stefan Habsburg of Austro-Hungary has declared Orange to be his favourite color!
Henceforth the Navy will be called the Sunblush and all official buildings will be repainted to show the new Royal trend.
The Orange Paint Factory in Vienna is said to be exceptionally happy.

Crown Prinz approves of Serbia
Crown Prinz Stefan Habsburg is reportedly delighted with the shopping district of Serbia, and his shopping trip is said to be exceptionally well received by the Serbian public.
Sources quote the Prinz as exclaiming "What a marvellous country! Uncle Franz simply must visit, he would love it."

[Moody the Wise]

The Thai Thaimes

Sale of 'Imaginary English Sailor' Insurance Skyrockets!

Staff Prepares to Relocate!

[Moody the Wise]

Kuh has asked me to let you all know that he's on vacation, he's not ignoring your messages, and he'll be back in plenty of time to submit orders for Tuesday.

[J_Muller]

Chinese Empire Reclaims Homeland
Righteous troops from the mighty Qing Empire have reclaimed our Emperor's Manchurian Homeland from the nefarious Neutralians.

[viggo]

"I do hope that army you moved east isn't headed for Outer Mongolia. I would hate to start off this new century with a war."

We had a DEAL, you SNIVELING WEASEL. Our armies WILL move in to Outer Mongolia next season. DO NOT attempt to stop them. And how dare you claim territory on my border!

YOUR ARMIES ARE WEAK, EMPEROR. In fact, I have been joking privately about your silly cloth boots. Do you think you can honestly survive a war on the Russian border without protective gear? You're a joke. And with the way you're mismanaging your peasants, you'll probably have a revolution on your hands inside the decade!

SUN YAT-SEN! SUN YAT-SEN! SUN YAT-SEN! SUN YAT-SEN! SUN YAT-SEN! SUN YAT-SEN! SUN YAT-SEN! SUN YAT-SEN!

[J_Muller]

Originally Posted by viggo

"I do hope that army you moved east isn't headed for Outer Mongolia. I would hate to start off this new century with a war."

We had a DEAL, you SNIVELING WEASEL. Our armies WILL move in to Outer Mongolia next season. DO NOT attempt to stop them. And how dare you claim territory on my border!

YOUR ARMIES ARE WEAK, EMPEROR. In fact, I have been joking privately about your silly cloth boots. Do you think you can honestly survive a war on the Russian border without protective gear? You're a joke. And with the way you're mismanaging your peasants, you'll probably have a revolution on your hands inside the decade!

SUN YAT-SEN! SUN YAT-SEN! SUN YAT-SEN! SUN YAT-SEN! SUN YAT-SEN! SUN YAT-SEN! SUN YAT-SEN! SUN YAT-SEN!

...I do hope you realize you posted this instead of replying to my PM. Just pointing that out.

Also, I quote from our relevant PM exchanges:

Originally Posted by viggo

The brutal warlord of outer mongolia subjugates my slavic brothers and i seek their liberation. The Han rarely fare well in colder climes. And I'm sure your Thai cousins would welcome liberation from the French.

Originally Posted by J Muller

Russia need not worry about Outer Mongolia. Surely you have more pressing concerns in Europe? The Middle Kingdom intends to bring Mongolia into its borders soon enough. A Russian occupation of Outer Mongolia would only cause tension between our nations.

Originally Posted by viggo

Fair enough. Our european business is far more of a concern for us. May the Middle Kingdom prosper in its endeavors.

And, for completeness, the PM I sent that you quoted above:

Originally Posted by J Muller

I do hope that army you moved east isn't headed for Outer Mongolia. I would hate to start off this new century with a war.

If there was any "deal", it was that China occupies Outer Mongolia.

[viggo]

Wonders never cease. First threatening to seize territory that is rightfully mine, threatening to declare war if I didn't allow you to, and now attempting to sour my relations with the French?


If the validity of your claim is to be taken seriously, then so must this message
Quote:
Originally Posted by J Muller
Every nation in the world is led by a pack of mongrel dogs and I would like to drink the blood of their children!




and this

Quote:
Originally Posted by J Muller
I'm a silly Emperor that wears my underwear on my head!

[J_Muller]

...allow me to forward you your own messages back.

EDIT: There. I did. You accepted Chinese occupation of Outer Mongolia. Don't say you didn't.

Moody, if you want me to forward you the relevant PMs, I can. And, since Russia seems so intent on this, an IC response from the Emperor himself.

You have doomed yourself.
The armies of China march.
Prepare to die, fool.

[viggo]

I fear no Middle Kingdom!

[J_Muller]

Originally Posted by viggo

dude that was all in character

((I went OOC the moment I reminded you that you posted in the thread instead of PMing me... sorry. Actually, now that I think about it, it would explain a lot if you've been IC the entire time. EDIT: he changed his above post, incidentally.))


((SECOND EDIT: If everyone could just ignore all the above posts, that would be great. I kind of assumed he was just being a dumbass and, in responding, kind of made a dumbass out of myself. I vote that we just pretend this never happened or something.))

If you desire war,
You have found it in Asia.
China shall crush you.

[Gygaxphobia]

OOC: Unfortunately I have this brain block thing called 'memory' I really can't retro-avoid anything like this. If you don't want it read, don't post it, and especially don't go public with it.

[J_Muller]

Originally Posted by Gygaxphobia

OOC: Unfortunately I have this brain block thing called 'memory' I really can't retro-avoid anything like this. If you don't want it read, don't post it, and especially don't go public with it.

((Is that directed at me or him? Because I only posted it here because he posted here--I just assumed he was being stupid, which I probably shouldn't have.))

[thewamp]

Originally Posted by J_Muller

((Is that directed at me or him? Because I only posted it here because he posted here--I just assumed he was being stupid, which I probably shouldn't have.))

Don't worry about it. The best way to make it all go away is to stop talking about it.

[KuH]

French Troops Shopping for Wine

President Ku's ascension to leadership of the republic was celebrated with massive amounts of red Burgundian wines, thanks to the actions of French troops who went wine shopping in this province. Meanwhile the troops in Marseilles decided to get some more red wine of their own - in this case some good Spanish Riojas. 'We are looking forward to some good drinking this winter' stated the French president ... although I would like to try a little red from the Duoro valley, just for comparison purposes.

Oriental Threats Against the French?

After vaguely worded warning comments were issued against the French forces in Asia from nameless Asian powers, the French president noted that all troops in Asia were made up of the famous French Foreign Legion.

'As you know, we have the finest mercenary troops in the world. Our fleets in Asia have no ambitions beyond survival ... and as such will happily make themselves available to support the highest bidder.'

'Of course, reasons of state could always overrule these bids - if a major Asian power were willing to offer a strong and binding friendship guarantee that leaves us three intact colonies, then the Legion could be persuaded to curtail their mercenary activities.'

The French consulate in Saigon is rumoured to be importing large quantities of noodles, including buckwheat, wheat and rice varieties, to entertain the expected ambassadors and bidders.

[J_Muller]

China is no threat to French
In an interview with the Peking Times today, Chief Councilor Jhong Mingyu of the Grand Council dispelled any rumors of Chinese threats against the Asian interests of France or any other country, excluding of course the belligerent Russians. "China has no ambitions of extending the empire southwards towards Saigon or Thailand." said the Chief Councilor. "Chinese citizens should rejoice, however, that before 1903 is up we expect to have extended the empire north into the possessions of the unworthy Russians. While they may talk big now, they will find their words no help when the countless soldiers of a Chinese army evict them from their eastern cities."

[KuH]

French Receive Submissions from Belgium

The French president received a delegation of Belgians today, who requested 'protection' from the Germany army. 'You call yourself a French people?', he snorted? 'Tell me, what do you drink? BEER!! My troops are only interested in lands which produce drinkable wines.'

Desperate patriotic Belgians are rumored to be attempting to produce a drinkable wine by the end of the year. The French are watching 'les ridicules attentats des belges' with a superior sneer on their lips.

[Illuminaughty]

Ninjas are better than pirates? A report from the Isles of Japan.

News circulates that the Imperial Japanese Navy has begun stockpiling large quantities of fish against rumored French piracy in the Pacific. When questioned, the Prime Minister had this to say, "What? Look, the Emperor likes his sushi. The French clearly intend to deprive the most honorable Emperor Meiji of several varieties, most notably the fabled Borneon Puffy Eel. I believe the Emperor had finally come to terms with this tragic culinary loss when he heard rumors the French are honorless ronin... mercenaries. Now the Emperor believes, in all his wisdom, that the French plan to engage in piracy against the Japanese Navy as they gather new varieties of fish for the Imperial Diet. Clearly we won't stand for this and the Imperial Navy stands ready to repel any piratical incursions. We are currently training detachments of Ninja to act as a marine force. Everyone knows ninjas are better than pirates after all."

[viggo]

Trial of Russian Third Army Ends in Acquittal, General Vladimir Namolov Institutionalized

After an unsurprising edict by the military high court, the Russian Third Army was acquitted of insubordination. Their commanding officer has been exiled to Argentina. "Let the savages deal with him," said Colonel Stanovich.

Minister of Foreign Affairs, Viktor Davidovich, has been given personal control of the Third Army. "Our first act will be to solidify our rule over Outer Mongolia. Given the unprovoked declaration of war by China, we have no choice but to defend our borders from the maniacal Manchu."

[J_Muller]

Declaration of war was totally provoked
Chief Councilor Jhong Mingyu refuted Russian claims that the impending war was unprovoked in another interview with the Peking Times. "The treacherous Russians clearly betrayed China by ignoring our agreement for Chinese rule in Outer Mongolia. Their armies march towards territory which rightfully belongs to China. The fools will soon learn that they have made a grave mistake. The armies of China are without number, and they will easily crush these invaders."

[thewamp]

The Kaiser Report: "Funny, I count Three"
After hearing the Chinese announcement that their armies were without number, the Kaiser quickly hurried to his advisors, who showed him a tactical layout of the world. There, he carefully counted the chinese armies, but to his frustration, he kept coming up with a number. "I never get without number when I count. It's funny, I always seem to count three."

[Gygaxphobia]

Habsburgs Go One Better

Not to be outdone by the Krauts, the highly competitive Prinz Stefan of Austro-Hungary has declared that he has counted four Chinese armies. Sources quote him as saying "The Kaiser missed one! Let him stick that on his spiked helmet! Ahahaha!"

Critics have asked whether the Emperor needs some New Clothes and if there is a reward from the Prinz for finding a fifth Chinese army.

[viggo]

Fifth Chinese army found in hell, others to quickly join

"It's getting boring down here," said Seargent Hu Shin-Shek. "Thankfully, our brothers-in-arms will be joining us soon. I hope one of them dies with some mahjongg tiles, it's more boring than 'rousing' Imperial speeches."