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Old 07-26-2008, 09:40 PM   #1
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Default L'Ordre du bâton - french translation.

Not accepting new translators at the moment, but feel free to comment.

Tome 1 : Les Idiots du pillage
1er Round : Blagues loufoques de Donj’
Spoiler


Couleurs :
Roy Greenhilt
Haley Starshine
Vaarsuvius
Belkar Bitterleaf
Elan
Durkon Thundershield
Redcloak
Xykon
CitD
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Old 07-26-2008, 10:34 PM   #2
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Default Re: L'Ordre du bâton - french translation.

No comment on the quality of your work (I don't speak French) but just so you know, it's only the altering of his artwork to include translated words that Rich objects to. What you're doing here, just writing transcripts, is A-OK and has even been endorsed by Rich has "the way to translate OOTS".
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Old 07-27-2008, 07:54 AM   #3
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Default Re: L'Ordre du bâton - french translation.

1er Round : Blagues loufoques de Donj’ (Suite)
Spoiler
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Old 07-27-2008, 09:11 AM   #4
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Default Re: L'Ordre du bâton - french translation.

Here is 11 - Différences d’alignement:

1a *BAILLE*
1b Coup de grâce ! Coup de grâce !
1c Oh-oh…
1d Maudits bienfaiteurs !
2a On dirait que quelqu’un a réussi son jet de Volonté…
2b Et c'est à votre tour d'essayer !
2c Mais je n’ai pas lancé de sort !
3 Ténèbres maudites !
4a Peux pas… penser…
4b Peux pas… bouger
4c Mal absolu… me submerge…
4d Hais les monstres…
4e avec des niveaux de classe…
4f Ah ! Imbéciles au cœur pur, vous n’êtes pas de taille contre la puissance du Mal !
4g Hé, qu’est-ce qu’il se passe ?
5 Ténèbres maudites !
6 Splotch !
7a Hé, pourquoi Belkar n’a pas été affe(cté ?)
7b Vaut mieux pas y penser.
7c Prems’ pour l’amulette.

Comments: Not much to say, except that I had to twist "overwhelmed by pure Evil" into "pure Evil overwhelming me" so that V doesn't state his/her gender (which would be the case if saying "overwhelmed").

I'm going to dry doing one of these a day for a bit, if I can. Is there anyone at all here who can speak French to read it? Otherwise I'll keep going anyway, but I'd like to know :P
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Old 07-27-2008, 10:09 AM   #5
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Default Re: L'Ordre du bâton - french translation.

One problem with your translations there MISTER!

Since Coup de Grace is ALREADY french, when you translate it into french, you should translate coup de grace BACK into english, something like "Killing Blow." would work

/sarcasm


Also, it's been a long time since I've taken French, but what ARE you going to do about V's gender? I understand that this time you were able to twist it so that he didn't state it, but given French's need to assign a Gender to things, I can't help but think it will become an issue later on. Again, my French is abismal, but I would suggest, in the rare occasions when you need to assign a gender, that you assign him whatever gender the actual noun 'elf' is. In my French class, we never covered fantasy creatures, but I'm betting the noun for elf is male. (Kinda like the noun 'human' is male.) Just a thought. It does look like you are making V as big of a windbag as he is in the English version, so props there.

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Old 07-27-2008, 12:02 PM   #6
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Default Re: L'Ordre du bâton - french translation.

Quote:
Originally Posted by Degausser View Post
One problem with your translations there MISTER!

Since Coup de Grace is ALREADY french, when you translate it into french, you should translate coup de grace BACK into english, something like "Killing Blow." would work

/sarcasm
Sarcasm aside, I did check the DnD term was the same in French :P Sometimes it isn't, you know... Like in video games and stuff.


Quote:
Also, it's been a long time since I've taken French, but what ARE you going to do about V's gender? I understand that this time you were able to twist it so that he didn't state it, but given French's need to assign a Gender to things, I can't help but think it will become an issue later on. Again, my French is abismal, but I would suggest, in the rare occasions when you need to assign a gender, that you assign him whatever gender the actual noun 'elf' is. In my French class, we never covered fantasy creatures, but I'm betting the noun for elf is male. (Kinda like the noun 'human' is male.) Just a thought. It does look like you are making V as big of a windbag as he is in the English version, so props there.
The problem with your idea is, "elfe" is masculine if it's a male elf, and feminine if it's a female one.
The good part, though, is they're spelled the same.

What I intent to do is turn V's sentences around so that it's always ambiguous. It will give V a way or talking that will seem weird and uselessly complicated, but in a way that I think fits with V's character.

As a translator, when reading anything in English I automatically try to find a translation, and I've been doing that with OotS since the first few strips. So I've already given it a lot of thought and I think it's possible. If Perrec could write a whole novel without the letter "e" (which I think exclude pretty much all feminine adjectives and nouns, as well as usefulwords like "I"), I can turn V's speech around in a way that won't reveal any gender. I'll try at least.

I translated more today, so here you go:

Strip #12 - Niveau inférieur, niveau supérieur:

1a Enfin, un escalier !
1b Ooh, ce prêtre gobelin valait 1000 PX !
2a Allez, on passe au niveau inférieur !
2b Allez, on passe au niveau supérieur !
3a Au niveau supérieur ? On l’a déjà fait.
3b Oui, et là on recommence.
3c Pourquoi, il y a quoi au niveau supérieur ?
3d Plus d’attaques sournoises !
4a Quoi ? On aura des attaques sournoises au niveau supérieur ?
4b Non, andouille, moi seulement.
4c Tu veux te prendre des attaques sournoises ?
4d Bien sûr.
5a Pas question. C’est trop dangereux. On passe au niveau inférieur.
5b Au niveau inférieur ? Il nous faudrait pas, genre, un vampire pour faire ça ?
5c Hein ?
6a D’ailleurs, on y gagne quoi si on passe au niveau INFÉRIEUR ?
6b Les monstres seront plus forts !
6c Tu veux descendre d’un niveau ET affronter des montres plus forts ?
6d Évidemment.
7a Ça serait pas plus logique d’affronter des monstres plus fort quand on sera au niveau SUPÉRIEUR ?
7b Non, on l’a déjà fini. On passe au niveau inférieur.
8a Supérieur !
8b Inférieur !
8c Supérieur !
8d Inférieur !
8e Aha ! Un nouveau niveau de sorts !
8f Non, on reste !
8g Hein ?
9a Personne ne sort.
9b Mais c’est que vous êtes un guerrier, vous n’apprenez pas ça.
10a Quoi ? C’est une blague, c’est ça ? Parce que je suis un guerrier, je fonce tout droit ? Ça suffit maintenant, on passe au niveau inférieur.
10b Supérieur !
10c Mais si je passe au niveau inférieur, je perdrai mon niveau de sorts.
10d Non, on reste !
10e Hein ??
11 On va en endurer combien, des conneries comme ça, simplement parce que personne chez TSR n’a pensé à utiliser un dico de synonymes ?

Comments: I turned the "spell" pun into an "exit" pun, as spell in French "sort" can mean "go out/exit". So basically, Roy thinks Haley wants to go back up and V wants to exit the dungeon. Then he thinks V's saying fighters are too stupid to do anything but fight ahead (and therefore wouldn't know how to exit the dungeon before completing it).

It's probably not perfect but I'm happy with it so far. Plus, in the original, it's not perfect either, especially the "spell level" parts.
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Old 07-27-2008, 04:21 PM   #7
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Default Re: L'Ordre du bâton - french translation.

I notice you're not attempting to render Durkon's accent. Won't that make Belkar's comment in the second panel of strip #130 a bit meaningless?
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Old 07-28-2008, 07:47 AM   #8
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I notice you're not attempting to render Durkon's accent. Won't that make Belkar's comment in the second panel of strip #130 a bit meaningless?
I've been thinking about that, and I still am.

Dwarves, like pirates, have an accent in English. It seems normal to an English-speaking person. I French, neither of the groups does. (Yeah, you heard me. No Yaarr! or any other piratese in French).

So, I could give him an accent and have everybody wonder why he has one, or I could decide not to give him an accent. In which case I should either make him speak in a weird way (but not accent-related) to (maybe) explain #130, or change the joke in #130

I'm not thrilled by any of the options, to be honest, but I'm sure I'll find something before I reach the strip in question. Then, I'll change all the others, which is okay as I'm perfecting them all the time anyways.

In the meantime, I've decided to read a few translations of stories involving dwarves and see if they have anything I could use.

(And keep in mind that if I did give him an accent, there is no guarantee that he would pronounce "stratosphère" normally while mispronouncing "le".)

So, suggestions are welcome. Also, keep in mind Durkon's character: I can't make him speak in a way that would seem less formal and polite, it's not really like him.

EDIT: Actually, I thought about other strips that require it, like his letter to his homeland, and some stuff in OoPCs.

But I think I came up with something. I think I'll have his speech spelled like the Norse in Astérix, considering his God is a Norse God, plus it seems to me, it fits with dwarves. We'll see how it works out... For now I'll change the previous strips that way, but it's still open for suggestions.
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Old 07-28-2008, 08:09 AM   #9
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Default Re: L'Ordre du bâton - french translation.

THERE ARE NO PIRATES IN FRANCE?! <;_;> I... but I wanted to see France someday... now I just don't know... <_ _> /weep

In seriousness, this is a cool idea <^_^> I dunno any French, but the more people who get to read OOTS, the better the entire world is for it!
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Old 07-28-2008, 08:28 AM   #10
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Default Re: L'Ordre du bâton - french translation.

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Originally Posted by mistformsquirrl View Post
THERE ARE NO PIRATES IN FRANCE?! <;_;> I... but I wanted to see France someday... now I just don't know... <_ _> /weep

In seriousness, this is a cool idea <^_^> I dunno any French, but the more people who get to read OOTS, the better the entire world is for it!
We have pirates, they just don't have an accent just because of their job :P
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Old 07-28-2008, 08:31 AM   #11
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Default Re: L'Ordre du bâton - french translation.

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Originally Posted by Lissou View Post
We have pirates, they just don't have an accent just because of their job :P
This makes it a lot easier for them to hide, too. You never know where they are.


I may be posting in this thread to answer a few questions from time to time, seeing as I'm Lissou's assistant/gofer/husband.
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Old 07-28-2008, 09:20 AM   #12
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Default Re: L'Ordre du bâton - french translation.

And here are some more strips... We're getting close to 20 and to the next batch to put in the first post :)

#13 - Intrigue en vue !
1a On descend les marches ! On approche encore du but.
1b Pourquoi tu n’as pas dit que tu voulais descendre ?
1c On a un but ?
2a Bien sûr. Pourquoi tu crois qu’on est ici ?
2b Bah, je me disais qu’on allait se balader, zigouiller des monstres parce qu’ils ont la peau verte et des crocs et nous pas, et leur piquer leurs affaires.
3 Quoi ?
4a Bien sûr qu’on a un but, Belkar. Laisse moi t’expliquer…
4b Oh non, nous y voilà…
5a Nous nous sommes aventurés dans le sombre Donjon de Dorukan, une antre sinistre pleine de monstres maléfiques.
5b Et de richesses !
6a Ils ont été créés par la liche Xykon, un mage mort-vivant assoiffé de pouvoir.
6b Ouh, méchante liche !
6c Et de richesses !
7a Mais nous allons détruire ce Xykon et rendre la région paisible à nouveau !
7b Snik snak !
7c Et de richesses ! Heu non, ça veux rien dire, ça…
8a Cette idée de « richesse » m’intrigue, et j’aimerais bien en savoir plus.
8b Cømment tu ås fåit ce truc åvec les imåges, møn gårs ?
8c C’est mon nouveau sort d’Invocation : Exposition d’intrigue !

Comments: not much to say... I used "richesses" for "treasure", which allowed to keep the same pattern the whole way. (And it also means "treasure", despite not being the more obvious "trésor".)
I also used "assoiffé de" for "mad with" which is a bit different, as it means someone really craving it, (usually someone who has lots of something but can't get enough of it) but it seemed fitting. I'm open to criticism on this one.

#14 - Pourquoi Roy est toujours fatigué

2a Sieur Greenhilt, j’ai le regret de vous informer qu’à une exception près, j’ai lancé tous mes sorts destructeurs.
2b Øui, je suis presque à sec åussi, møn gårs.
2c Hum, OK, on va camper ici.
3a V et Durkon vont dormir toute la nuit. Je prends la première garde. Haley, prends la deuxième.
3b Ça marche !
4 Hihi… C’est à moi ! Rien qu’à moi ! Hahahah !
5a Attends… réflexion faite, Belkar, prends la deuxième garde.
5b Et merde !
6 Bwaha ! J’ai des problèmes émotionnels profonds ! Meurs ! Meurs ! Meurs !
7 Non ! Heu… attendez, si vous vous reposiez tous les deux, et on va laisser Elan…
8a Salut, on vient pour tuer tout le monde ?
8b OK !
8c Âne
8d Boink ! Boink !
9 Pff… Encore une nuit blanche en perspective.

This one was pretty straightforward, really. Nothing especially hard or tricky to translate.

#15 - Soirée en famille
1a *BAILLE* Abrutis de compagnons même pas fiables…
1b Roy… Roy…
2 On m’appelle ?
3a Non, Roy, je crie juste « Roy ! Roy ! » pour le plaisir.
3b Aaaah !
4a Papa ?? Mais… Maman et toi, vous êtes morts…
4b Ouais… C’est le truc, pour être un fantôme, les conditions sont assez strictes.
5a Maintenant arrête avec ton incrédulité, et écoute :
5b « Le bouc fera volte-face / Mouche celle qui vole »
6a Quoi ? Je… Je comprends rien.
6b Bien sûr que tu ne comprends pas, c’est un présage.
6c Un présage ?
7 Seigneurs, mon garçon, c’est une technique littéraire utilisée couramment pour créer une mise en haleine en faisant référence à des événements encore à venir. Ils ne t’ont rien appris dans la fac de guerriers fantaisiste où je t’ai envoyé ?
8a Bien sûr, ta mère voulait que tu deviennes magicien, mais noooon. J’ai du payer 40 000 po par an pour que tu puisses apprendre à faire des moulinets avec une épée géante.
8b Ça s’appelle une épée à deux mains, papa.
9a Bah. Bref, j’ai une partie de canasta avec des archons ce soir, je te laisse.
9b Attends, Papa !
10 N’oublies pas, Roy : « Le bouc fera volte-face / Mouche celle qui vole »
12 Et puis quoi, il n’y a pas de prêtres là où tu vis ? Ça te tuerait de Communiquer avec les morts de temps en temps pour nous dire comment ça va à ta mère ou moi ?

Comments: Okay, the prophecy was a hard one. Fortunately, I started thinking about how I'd translate it from the first time I ever read the plotline (or more particularly after you realise what it actually meant).
I've decided not to explain my choice here, I'll do it when I reach the strip where it's explained. But I'm definitely happy with this, I used several double-entendre and it works.
Incidentally, the problem wasn't about the goatee... Considering goat and goatee are actually said exactly the same in French. The problem was twofold:
1) "turn" as a verb that would be used both by itself and in the expression "turn red". We don't have such a verb that wouldn't use prepositions or the like.
2) "red" referring to Haley in the end. She's got red hair, you say? Nay, she's got orange hair, it's just that you call it red in English for some weird reason. In French red hair would mean hair that is actually red, as in, died red.

I solved it by referring to Haley in a different way, without using the hair color, and having the ambiguity not in "turn/turn red" but on something else... I'll explain that when I reach these parts (when they defeat the chimera, then when Roy actually understands the prophecy).

Seems like a good place to stop right now. I'll post some more tonight.
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Old 07-28-2008, 11:03 AM   #13
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Default Re: L'Ordre du bâton - french translation.

Couldn't you just use "il" for V? If I remember correctly, it also applies to a person of unknown gender.
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Old 07-28-2008, 11:20 AM   #14
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Originally Posted by Flame Master Axel View Post
Couldn't you just use "il" for V? If I remember correctly, it also applies to a person of unknown gender.
Yes, and I will use "il" and "elle" both for V, depending on what the character who's talking thinks V is. The problem isn't when V's being talked about (or talked to) though, it's when V is talking.

Just saying "I'm *adj*" in French is gender-connotated. The adjective won't be the same word if you're a male or a female, and you definitely can't use male words for yourself if you're a female, or female words if you're a male.
Using male words when you don't know is a possibility, but not really when talking about yourself, for a very simple reason: you always do know your gender. So using male words means you're a male, female words mean you're female.
So the idea is to avoid these words altogether when V's talking. When other people are, though, I won't worry about it.
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Old 07-28-2008, 04:06 PM   #15
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Default Re: L'Ordre du bâton - french translation.

As promised, here is another batch:

#16 - Pesez vos mots

1a Tu te lèves de bonne heure
1b Techniquement, je ne dors point.
1c Bienvenue au club.
2a Hé, V, tu t’y connais en esprits ?
2b Mes connaissances sur les habitants de l’au-delà sont sans égal.
2c Je crois que je viens d’avoir la visite d’un fantôme.
3a Un fåntøme ?
3b RENVØI DES MØRTS-VIVÅNTS !
3c Aaah !
3d Mes yeux !
4a Durkon, on discute, c’est tout. Il n’y a aucun mort-vivant ici, rendors-toi.
4b Øh, pårdøn.
5a Vous avez donc reçu une visite posthume ? Pour vous remettre un message d’importance, sans doute ?
5b Je suppose…
5c Et pour m’accabler de reproches, aussi.
6 Mon expérience me dit qu’on devrait toujours tenir compte de ces messages d’outre-tombe. La façon dont les humains ont tendance à ignorer de tels augures me fait craindre le pire.
7a Un våmpire ?
7b RENVØI DES MØRTS-VIVÅNTS !
7c Argh ! Merde, Durkon !
7d Mes yeux !!!
7e Øh, pårdøn, pårdøn. C’est juste que je ne suppørte pås les mørts-vivånts. Çå ne se reprøduirå pås.
7f Bøøøn… Je me recøuche, ålørs.
8a BREF… Je crois que l’esprit, c’était mon père.
8b Vraiment ? Dans ce cas, j’accorderais d’autant plus d’importance à ses paroles, car de tels signes sont rares.
9 Je suppose que ça veut dire qu’ils veillent sur moi, Maman et lui, ce qui est plutôt cool.
10a Un trøupeåu de gøules ?
7b RENVØI DES MØRTS-VIVÅNTS !
10c Bon, là, ça suffit, tu exagères vraiment.
10d Pitié, pitié pour mes pauvres yeux inutiles !

I had to change the undead names, obviously... But I think it works.

#17 - Au fil de l’épée

1a Bon, je vais monter la garde pendant que V et Jojo-la-Gâchette préparent leurs sorts.
1b Eh. Désolé.
1c Vous, les trois sournois, allez explorer ou je ne sais quoi.
2a Pourquoi on se coltine Elan ? Il est complètement inutile.
2b Il est pas inutile, il est… à utilité réduite.
2c Merci, Haley !
2d Tu t’enfonces, tu sais.
3a Bah ! Est-ce que t’as une arme au moins ?
3b Bien sûr ! J’ai une rapière.
4a T’appelles ça une arme ? Avec un truc aussi fragile, parler trop fort compte comme une tentative de Destruction d’armes !
4b Mais tu peux faire ça, toi ?
5 griffe ! griffe ! griffe !
6a Ta-da !
6b L’Ordre du Bâton est passé par là !
6c Wahou, okay, c’est impressionnant.
6d Cool !
6e Et ça vous rend tellement plus faciles à trouver !
8a On a raté tous nos jets de Discrétion et de Détection, c’est ça ?
8b Oh oui.
8c Quelque chose de bien.
9a PUTAIN !
9b casse !

Sunder was hard, as it's called "weapon destruction" in French, which caused me to have to twist the sentence. If I were actually putting the lines into the balloons, I'd have to rework it to make it fit, I think.
For "Trigger Happy", the exact translation would be "Gâchette Facile", but a made-up name like "Jojo-la-Gâchette" seems more natural, especially since Jojo isn't only a first name but a general word for "guy" in slang.
"Use deficient" was probably some politically correct phrase, so I used something along these lines for the translation. It literally means "of reduced utility".

#18 - Double surprise

1a Qu’est-ce que c’est que ce truc ?
1b J’en sais rien… j’ai du rater mon jet de Savoir bardique.
2a Nous sommes la chimère Tricouak.
2b Xykon sait que c’est vous qui avez massacré ses gobelins.
2c Il nous a envoyés. Maintenant mourrez.
3a Je suis surpris.
3b Moi aussi.
3c Ah oui ? Hé bien laissez-moi vous proposer une contre-offre :
4a ATTAQUE SOURNOISE !
4b Shtak !
6a Psst… Haley, tu as l’initiative, c’est encore à toi.
6b Ah oui, c’est vrai…
7a ATTAQUE SOURNOISE !
7b Shtak !
8a Wahou, la première attaque m’a pris par surprise…
8b Mais je ne m’attendais VRAIMENT pas à la deuxième !
8c Attaques sournoises de merde.

Okay, questions to all gamers here... Is Bardic Lore the same as Bardic Knowledge? Because I used the translation for Bardic Knowledge. I've never played a bard so I'm not sure if I'm wrong doing so, so if Bardic Lore is something else, could someone tell me where it is mentionned in the Player's Handbook (in English)? If I know that, i'll have no trouble finding it in French.
Oh, and I changed Trigak into Tricouak to match the sound it's making in the strip where it died. (I know, I haven't posted it yet, but it doesn't mean I'm not thinking ahead).
Don't worry, it might look impossible to pronounce to you, but it's pretty easy to pronounce in French, really.
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Old 07-28-2008, 08:10 PM   #16
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Default Re: L'Ordre du bâton - french translation.

Okay, first : That's a great idea! I'd been thinking about that myself but I didn't have the time (and i'm not that good in english).

I really like what you've done so far, but here's a few minor remarks and advices.

1-
5a "Hmm..." or something like that would probably be better than "Heu..." as this one generally express hesitation and here it's more of a study of the object.

6b I think "impressionnant" isn't easily related to the skill intimidation for first time readers. "Intimidant" is much less used but would probably be better in this cas, I think.

2- Nothing so say here, I would probably have translated corridors litterally and said "explorer ces couloirs" but "de ce côté là" works well too.

3-
"un choix des plus cornéliens" would accentuate V's refined language but that's really minor.

4- No comment, works perfectly.

5 -
1b I don't think that putting the "Oui" at the beginning of the sentence is necessary here, "Si par "semé l'ogre" tu entends "attiré deux pote à lui", alors oui, on l'a semé" works better, I think. Otherwise it's fine.

6-
I don't think Elan wounds qualify for "hemorragie interne", looks quite external to me
"Arrête toi" is a bit too long to be musical, a shorter word like "Cesse" is better, I think.

7- I really like what you've done here, especially with the name of the spells. I'm just not that sure about the name "PrièreàThor" but i admit I couldn't come with anything better, I'll think about it. "Pour confirmer votre choix" would probably be used in this sort of situation instead of "Si c'est correct", but it works.

8- Nice. Maybe "wahou" at 10a is a bit too much, "Ouah..." is more sober.
(and that's certainly a typo but bluff doesn't take a "e", even in french )

9-
1c "V-man" would never be used by a French in my opinion. Just "V" or "Vaarsuvius" is far more likely to be used.

Vaarsuvius' text is very hard to translate but here's how I see it:

4a "Voilà, mes divinations sont achevées."
4b "Cet objet de pouvoir est une ceinture de Feminité/Masculinité",
5a "Elle contient un puissant enchantement qui transforme son porteur en membre du sexe opposé",
6a "Ce n'est pas le cas" (just "non" is too consise for V)

10 - Wow, tough one. "Sieur" is great, I would probably have used "messire" but it works well that way. The long speech is fine as it is, even if, as it is very litterate, there are a lot of possible translations.

Okay, it's getting late in France so that's enough for the moment. Overall I really like what you've done here.

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Old 07-28-2008, 08:11 PM   #17
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Bardic Knowledge would be, I believe a quite acceptable alternative to Bardic Lore. Bardic lore is simply the name to the repasatory of knowledge that a Bard has at his disposal after listing to untold numbers of stories.


EDIT:
One question: what are you going to do about the following comic? http://www.giantitp.com/comics/oots0354.html

The entire point is that Durkon refers to the elf as gender non-specific, and Julia's confused. How would you pull that one off in French?

Man, this would be easier to translate into Japanese, No gender . . . nothing. I only wish my Japanese was good enough.

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Old 07-29-2008, 05:49 AM   #18
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Originally Posted by Degausser View Post
One question: what are you going to do about the following comic? http://www.giantitp.com/comics/oots0354.html

The entire point is that Durkon refers to the elf as gender non-specific, and Julia's confused. How would you pull that one off in French?
As said before "l'elfe" isn't gender-specific. Well, technically it is but as the spelling is exactly the same it doesn't matter.

I think that the comics which will be the most difficult are this one and that one because they're both based on a pun that doesn't translate well in french.
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Old 07-29-2008, 06:32 AM   #19
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Lots of nifty advice
Thanks! It's great to have a second opinion, and to see you've been reading so carefully :)
I'll adapt my translations to your comments. A few more specific responses, though :

6 - I talked about internal bleeding because the swords were in his spleen, and because "hémorragie interne" sounded better (and more serious) than just "hémorragie". The fact that he's talking about his arteries helped too (if it was external, you'd have a ray of blood coming out of him) although I realise it's a webcomic, and therefore not anatomically correct :P
Let's just say my thinking was, the reader sees him bleeding externally, but if we also tell them he's bleeding internally, that's more serious.
I'll keep that part for now but might change it if I find better. I'll change "Arrête-toi" to "Cesse", though.

7 - Good call, "pour confirmer votre choix" is definitely more idiomatic. And I'm not very happy with PièreàThor either, to be honest. Do you know what the pun is from? It might help translate it better.

For the rest, if I have nothing to say, it means I generally agree :P

Oh, and yeah, these two strips will be hard.

As for the "elfe" one, it will be fine because "elfe" is spelled the same, and even though it can be masculine or feminine, when saying "the elf" you don't say "le elfe" or "la elfe": you say "l'elfe" in both cases, because it starts with a vowel. So no problem here.
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Old 07-29-2008, 11:09 AM   #20
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...
And I'm not very happy with PièreàThor either, to be honest. Do you know what the pun is from? It might help translate it better.
...
I don't believe that it's a specific pun on something. Instead the humor comes from the juxtaposition of prayer, which is supposed to be a close and highly personal occasion between a person and their god, with the automated machine answering system expected from a large, faceless, and impersonal corporation. Assuming that image exists in France, a good translation would be something a company would use as a name for its service. Probably short, since it's a telephone service and people don't want to wait, and either catchy or trying and failing to be catchy.

Also, this strip is referenced in strip number 40.
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Old 07-29-2008, 11:13 AM   #21
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Okay, I've translated some more. I've decided to post somewhat regularly even if I have a translated buffer (which I've had from the beginning to be honest).

Now, I'm starting to think it would help if there were French people reading this. People here who can speak English hardly need a translation, and if they did they couldn't read my posts anyways because I write all comments in English.

So when I reach a good number, say, maybe, the end of DCFs, I think I'll ask Rich if I'm allowed to put the transcripts (with links to the comic) on a seperate website, and if he says yes I'll create one. This way I'll be able to get readers.

In the meantime I guess I'll just direct them to this thread and tell them to ignore whatever is written in English.
Any German translator reading this thread? How are you doing it, personnally?

Anyway, now the comics:

19 - La Grande évasion

1a Il faut qu’on l’attaque !
1b Comment ? Tu as cassé ma rapière !
1c Attention ! La tête de dragon !
5a Esquive totale !
5b cligne !
6a À l’attaque !
6c Esquive, esquive, esquive la contre-attaque inévitable.
7a Il est trop fort pour nous… Fuyons !
7b Je vais créer une illusion astucieuse pour le distraire pendant qu’on s’enfuie.
8a Courrez !
8b C’est pas vrai, je rêve.
9a Désolés, nous sommes dans une relation stable.
9b C’est pas vous, c’est nous.
9c Poursuivons-les !
10a Ooooh, c’est trop mignon.
10b Super, ta diversion, andouille. Il est sur nos talons !
10c Hé, comment je pouvais deviner que c’était pas un coureur ?
10d … Ne dis plus jamais ça.

Comments: "playa" was hard to translate... I used a compromise, using "courer", which does mean "playa" but also means "runner"... And they're running right now. So, pun.

20 -Aprofanipse Now

1a T’as fini ?
1b En effet. Mon répertoire de sorts est régénéré.
2 Mon esprit est enflammé par le pouvoir profane qui menace d’exploser. Le jour se lève et l’aube, bien qu’invisible, salue le renouveau de mon pouvoir mystique.
3 Si seulement j’avais une cible sur laquelle déployer toute la puissance de ma magie…
4a Xykon vous envoie mille brasiers !
4b Au secours ! Roy ! V !
5 Il est tout à toi.
6a J’aime l’odeur des fientes de chauve-souris au petit matin.
6b C’est l’odeur de la victoire.
7a BOULE DE FEU !
7b Aaargh !
7c BOUM !
8a Éclair !
8b Aaargh !
8c BZZZ !
9a Tentacules hérissés d’intrusion forcée de Evan !
9b Hein, quoi ?
10a Ooh… Ça doit pas faire du bien…
10b Je veux pas voir ça.
10c À l’avenir, rappelez-moi t’attendre le soir avant d’insulter Vaarsuvius.
10d Non, pitié, non ! Aaaah !
10e Au plus tôt.

Comments: the title wasn't too hard, as the French for arcane ("profane") still allows for the same pun.
"Xykon sends you death", obviously playing on "Xykon sends you love", I turned into what seemed like the only way to keep the pun obvious: "Xykon sends a thousand fires" instead of "a thousand kisses" (brasier/baiser)

21 - C’est juste une question de tension dramatique.

1a Fuyons !
1b Je n’aime pas vraiment être agrippé à cet endroit-là !
1c Vous avez peut-être gagné ce round, Ordre du Bâton, mais nous nous vengeront ! Quand vous vous y attendrez le m…
2a COUAK !
2b COUAK !
2c COUAK !
3a BUNK !
3b SPLASH !
4a Oh yeah ! Qui c’est qui assure ? C’est moi !
4b Belkar ! Il était censé s’enfuir !
5a Qu’est-ce que tu racontes ?
5b Peuh ! De toute évidence, c’était un ennemi récurrent !
6 Je veux dire, il avait même un nom ! Et il était en train de jurer qu’il se vengerait ! Il allait revenir, c’est clair.
7a Humm… Une tête de bouc… Plus ou moins…
7b Pardon ?
7c Bah… comme ça il nous donne des PX.
7d Allôô ? On l’a vaincu, on aurait eu les PX de toute façon !
8a « Le bouc fera volte face. Mouche celle qui vole. » C’est ce que mon père m’a dit.
8b Hum… Le bouc a en effet tenté de s’enfuir… Et Belkar a bien « mouché » la chimère - « celle qui vole » - pour reprendre l’expression.
9a Pff, si c’était ça, c’est la prophétie la plus pourrie de l’histoire des prophéties.
9b Heu, il reviendra peut-être, vampirisé ou je ne sais quoi.
9c Non, non. Trop tard. On le reverra plus.
10a Vraiment ?
10b tin tin TIN !!!
11a Elan ! Arrête avec la musique théâtrale pour la chimère morte !
11b Désolé.

Comments: the French term fro "grapple" (lutte> contact fight) really didn't work with the joke, so I used "aggriper", which is also in the player's handbook as a description of what happens when you grapple someone. This way I keep the spirit of the sentence.

And, the prophecy. First interpretation.
Roy thinks his father said « Le bouc fera volte face. Mouche celle qui vole. » ("the goat will turn around. Give the flying one what they deserve"), which works with what happened.

But, that's not what his father said! He said "Le bouc fera volte face, mouche celle qui vole". What does that mean? You'll know in a certain amount of strips ! dun dun DUN!
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Old 07-29-2008, 11:16 AM   #22
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Default Re: L'Ordre du bâton - french translation.

For people old enough to remember it could be something like MiniTel: "Bienvenur sur MiniTelThor" ou "3615Thor" ou "MiniThor"...

The french used MiniTel instead of automated answering services from the beginning of the 1980s.

In your translation of 20 - Aprofanipse Now, you use the word "Profane" to translate Arcane. The problem is, that "profane" is the opposite of "sacré". In this sense would the use of "mystique" or "arcane" be more appropriate ?

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Old 07-29-2008, 11:35 AM   #23
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For people old enough to remember it could be something like MiniTel: "Bienvenur sur MiniTelThor" ou "3615Thor" ou "MiniThor"...

The french used MiniTel instead of automated answering services from the beginning of the 1980s.

In your translation of 20 - Aprofanipse Now, you use the word "Profane" to translate Arcane. The problem is, that "profane" is the opposite of "sacré". In this sense would the use of "mystique" or "arcane" be more appropriate ?
Thanks. We did have such automated machines for some purposes, like booking movies or getting game walkthroughs, but I'm not sure how they'd be called.

I used 3615Thor for the strip in question, I'll use MiniThor for the mention after Roy's poisoning. I think it works.

As for profane... In the French handbook, it's used in every instance of "arcane" being used in English.
So, just like "sorcier" would work better for Xykon, but I'll use "ensorceleur" because it's the DnD term, I can't help but use "profane" in most cases when translating "arcane".
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Old 07-29-2008, 12:53 PM   #24
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Default Re: L'Ordre du bâton - french translation.

I'm glad I could be of some help.

Now about 11-21 :

11-Nothing to say here, looks perfect to me.

12 - Can't find anything to say either, i really like how you adapted the spell level joke btw.

13 -
2b I think "monstres" doesn't fit here. It doesn't translate the idea that there should be a moral implication in killing sentient creatures but that in fact there isn't (which doesn't bother Belkar at all). "Créatures pensantes" of something like that is less idiomatic but at least it keep the joke.

6b You didn't translated "mad". That's not so bad but as you also got rid of the 2nd "mad" too, it might be good to keep at least one ('cause Xykon is REALLY mad ). Something like "la liche démente Xykon" should be enough.

14- Looks great to me

15-
5a"Arrête de me regarder avec ces yeux ronds" may be a way to translate "stop being shocked with disbelief"
I think I get what you have in mind for the prophecy, i should work.

16- Congratulation, the change of the undead names is done very smoothly.

17-

5 "scratch" is fine in french too for this type of noise.
9a"Putain!" is much more crude in french than "damn it" is in english imo. "Bordel!" is a bit less offensive.

18-

3c In the original version, Haley' adress (indirectly) to Xykon, not to the chimera. That's why I prefer "Veuillez transmettre à votre employeur ma contreproposition : ATTAQUE SOURNOISE!!!" or something like that.

8c I would have used "Saloperies d'attaques sournoises" but "de merde" works too (even if it's kinda crude too).

19-

Nothing to say here, the translation of the "playa" joke is well done.

20 -

4a Didn't get the "mille brasiers" joke until I saw the explication. Good one, tough. Maybe it would be more easily understandable with "tendres brasiers".

21-
Again, I doesn't have much to say so I'll take the slightest thing I can find :
1c "Quand vous vous y attendrez le m..." The "r" missing was probably a typo, and "m..." suggest "moins" which isn't THAT obvious (always take the dumbest readers into account ). Also "Quand nous nous vengerons"



About Thorprayer, 3615Thor is great. I thought of AlloThor too, which is easier to understand for young readers.

Profane is not that great a translation for arcane but in this case the only person you can blame is the translator from Asmodée.

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Old 07-29-2008, 01:00 PM   #25
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Default Re: L'Ordre du bâton - french translation.

I think I'm being replaced as assistant translator...

Not that I'm complaining, husband is still a pretty good gig.
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Old 07-29-2008, 01:24 PM   #26
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I think I'm being replaced as assistant translator...

Not that I'm complaining, husband is still a pretty good gig.
Well, it would probably be easier for you if you spoke French, too... >.>

@Alge'n: thanks, very good suggestions. I tried to follow them (not necessarily to the letter, though) feel free to tell me if you think what I changed doesn't work very well.

One thing I didn't change is the "mille brasiers"> "tendres brasiers", as I think "sends you death" isn't that obvious either at first read, and saying "Xykon vous envoie de tendres brasiers" would make some readers go "Hein ?". Because... Why tender?
I might change my mind and change it later but for now I kept it the other way.

I hope you keep reading and commenting. Ask you French gaming friends to come read the transcripts too, if they don't speak English :P Let's share the stick loving.
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Old 07-29-2008, 01:45 PM   #27
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Default Re: L'Ordre du bâton - french translation.

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One thing I didn't change is the "mille brasiers"> "tendres brasiers", as I think "sends you death" isn't that obvious either at first read, and saying "Xykon vous envoie de tendres brasiers" would make some readers go "Hein ?". Because... Why tender?
Yeah, I thought about that too, and Xykon isn't really tender by nature.


I certainly intend to tell my gaming friends about this, but it's cruel to tease them with 20 traductions or so when there are almost 600 strips out there ^^
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Old 07-29-2008, 01:55 PM   #28
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Yeah, I thought about that too, and Xykon isn't really tender by nature.


I certainly intend to tell my gaming friends about this, but it's cruel to tease them with 20 traductions or so when there are almost 600 strips out there ^^
True, but that's a good way to get them hooked :P
Plus if you wait until everything is translated, it will take a while... But yeah, if you want to wait until all the strips from book 1 are completed or something I can understand.
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Old 07-30-2008, 04:23 PM   #29
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Default Re: L'Ordre du bâton - french translation.

Okay, next batch :)

22 - Le Prestige à l’œuvre

1a Hé Belkar, Haley et moi on a réfléchi à notre stratégie, et on a une mission pour toi.
1b Ah bon ? OK.
2a La chimère a dit que Xykon l’avait envoyée parcourir le donjon à notre recherche.
2b Ouaip.
3 Mais voilà ! Si elle a été envoyée par Xykon, elle venait sans doute de sa salle du trône secrète.
4 Ce qui veut dire qu’on peut pister sa trace jusqu’à la salle du trône. Compris ?
5a On peut la pister.
5b Jusqu’à la salle du trône.
7a T’es un rôdeur.
7b Et alors ?
8a Écoute-moi bien. On veut pister la chimère.
8b Ouais.
8c Tu es un rôdeur.
8d Ouais.
9a C’est tout.
9b Je te suis pas.
10 *soupir*
11a La chimère t’a traité de nabot.
11b Argh ! Ça, c’est la goutte d’eau ! Je vais pister la famille de ce loser et les égorger, quelque chose de bien !
12 Hé, j’y peux rien, je fais avec ce que j’ai.

"Sue me" was the hardest part but I think I managed to render it in a natural way.

23 - Pendant ce temps…

1 Pff ! Cette abrutie de chimère n’en a même pas dévoré un seul !
2a Ça m’apprendra à engager des mercenaires au rabais.
2b Trois pour le prix d’un, mon cul d’os.
3a OK, qu’est-ce qui nous reste ?
3b D’autres mercenaires au rabais, Seigneur Xykon.
3c *soupir* Bon, envoie-les. On les a déjà payés.
4a Et rappelle-moi de dire deux mots aux ressources humaines.
4b Oui, votre méchanceté.
5a Et moi, maître ? Je peux le réduire en bouillie, ce satané Ordre du Bâton !
5b Non, ma créature, tu es mon arme secrète. Je ne te révèlerai pas avant le moment opportun.
6a Dans ce cas… Est-ce que je peux sortir de ces ténèbres qui m’occultent, au moins ?
6b Je viens de dire que je n’allais pas te révéler, non ??
7a Mais… Il n’y a personne ici à part nous !
7b HÉ ! C’est qui le grand méchant, ici ?
8a Je connais la marche à suivre, le méchant garde toujours son arme secrète masquée dans l’ombre jusqu’au paroxysme !
8b Ils pourraient couper vers nous à tout moment…
9a Mais… Il fait tout noir ici…
9b Oh, arrête de faire le bébé.
11 clic !
12a Éteins-moi ça !
12b Ooooh, zut !
12c clic !

Well, first appearance of Team Evil! I decided that Xykon and CitD say "tu" to everybody, while Redcloak, who's more polite, says "vous" to most people (he'll still say "tu" to CitD though).
But because the CitD's first appearance is supposed to be scary and all, having him say "tu" to Xykon would have been too weird... So I just twisted his first sentence so he's not saying "tu" or "vous". ("Let me smash" became "I can smash").
Also, I like how the Linear Guild is already on its way from this point, and yet you don't know it for so long. Strips like this ones show that even though it was still very episodal, the comic was starting to be carefully planned ahead. The fact that you can see Xykon sending them makes it clearer when they admit to having been hired by him... Anyway. Fir Redcloak appearance. Woo!

24 - T’entends ce que j’entends ?

1 clong ! clong ! clong ! clong !
2a clong ! clong ! clong ! clong !
2b Hé, camarade gobelin, entends-tu ce bruit ?
2c Tu veux dire ce « clong » bruyant ?
3a clong ! clong ! clong ! clong !
3b Oui, je parle de ce « clong » bruyant et répétitif. Je pense qu’il s’agit sans doute d’un groupe d’aventuriers en approche.
3c Dans ce cas, nous ferions mieux de nous enfuir, et par la même occasion de les priver des PX qu’ils auraient gagnés en nous battant.
4a clong ! clong ! clong ! clong !
4b Merveilleuse idée. N’oublions pas d’emporter notre précieux butin.
4c En effet, nous ne voudrions pas que ces aventuriers, que l’on entend clairement s’approcher, pussent couvrir les dépenses occasionnées par leur expédition.
5a clong ! clong !
5b Et que faire de cet objet magique si puissant, que nous serions incapables d’utiliser contre eux, mais qui s’avérerait très efficace entre leurs mains s’ils nous battaient ?
5c Il vaut mieux le détruire.
5d CRAC !
6a clong ! clong ! clong ! clong !
6b Et pourquoi ne pas armer ce piège mortel si bien dissimulé, ami gobelin ?
6c Voilà qui est fait ! À présent, fuyons !
6d Durkon, bordel !
7a C’est le troisième groupe de suite à faire ça !
7b Tu crois que tu pourrais prévenir plus de monstres de notre présence ? On devrait peut-être se trouver un néon géant qui dit « Voici les héros ! ». Pff !!
8a Voici les héros !
8b Tu vois ? Je t’avais bien dit que c’était une bonne idée !
8c clong ! clong ! clong ! clong !

Not a translation note, but... I love how the two goblins talk like English Noblemen or something. I tried to render it as much as possible in the translation. (Hence the subjonctif imparfait "pussent", although I'm worried it might look like a typo, because the commonly used incorrect form would be "puissent" in this case.)
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Last edited by Lissou : 07-30-2008 at 04:29 PM.
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Old 07-31-2008, 02:39 AM   #30
Borris
Dwarf in the Playground
 
 
Join Date: Oct 2006
Location: 
Montreal QC, Canada
Gender: Male
Default Re: L'Ordre du bâton - french translation.

I'd say you've done great work so far, and was wondering if you needed any assistance. I've done my share of D&D translation from English to French, too (being from Quebec really helps on this bilingual issue), and had been considering putting a translation for OotS strips, though I wasn't sure there was a demand for them. I don't own the French books, but the French SRD should suffice for game terms.

I'll understand if you thought the translation would be more coherent if done by a single translator, but if you just give me the go, I'll start working on whatever strips you'd like a helper to do first, even sending the translation over for review if you insist. And I'd say two heads would definitely be better than one for those hard-to-translate puns. (I'm still at a loss for the "great cleavage" one, though.)
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