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Hillariously Stupid Non-Monster Things from D&D
There've been a lot of "The Dumbest Monsters of D&D" comedy lists on the internet, so I fgiured, why don't we do a topic on the other comically ludicrous stuff from D&D's history, such as magic items, races, setting bits, spells/class abilities, you name it!
I'll start with a few ridiculous magic items I've encountered over the years:
Bagpipes of th Damned: From the Libris Mortis, why oh why did they choose that of all instruments to give the "Play this and your summoned undead get +4 Turn Resistance" power to? Couldn't they have given this to an instrument with more dignity, like a fiddle or a horn?
Vasharan Offal Bag: From The Book of Vile Darkness, it's essentially a giant bag of poop that summons a giant cockroach once a day. And it's made by this uber-evil race of humans who really, really should've at least been more creative than "Crap in a bag+make it magic = ROACHIE!". Though Sloth is a deadly sin...
THE NIPPLE CLAMP OF EXQUISITE PAIN!: Also from The Book of Vile Darkness. When I hear that item's name, I don't so much think "Evilly perverse sociopath" as "Insane wizard who really, really needs to get laid."
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Re: Hillariously Stupid Non-Monster Things from D&D
Favored by tem-et-nu, a feat from sandstorm, gives you the ability to rebuke, get this, hippopotami. That's right, you get the ability to rebuke freakin' hippo's.
Plus, if you lose Tem-et-nu's favor, you take damage as if bitten by a hippo. That's right, anger your god and the "spirit of the hippo" chomps your butt.
How stupid is that?
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Re: Hillariously Stupid Non-Monster Things from D&D
Quote:
Originally Posted by
Kelb_Panthera
Favored by tem-et-nu, a feat from sandstorm, gives you the ability to rebuke, get this, hippopotami. That's right, you get the ability to rebuke freakin' hippo's.
Plus, if you lose Tem-et-nu's favor, you take damage as if bitten by a hippo. That's right, anger your god and the "spirit of the hippo" chomps your butt.
How stupid Awesome is that?
I fixed it for you. :smallbiggrin:
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Re: Hillariously Stupid Non-Monster Things from D&D
Magic items in Eberron campaign setting. Caster level requirements compared to actual caster's level in Eberron is beyond stupid.
More on Eberron - a very experienced (several years of war) and powerful general is level five or lower...
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Re: Hillariously Stupid Non-Monster Things from D&D
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Originally Posted by
Kaww
Magic items in Eberron campaign setting. Caster level requirements compared to actual caster's level in Eberron is beyond stupid.
Are you sure you're not mistaking effective item caster level for minimum caster level required? It's a common mistake, but the caster level an item has is not (generally) the one its creator had.
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Re: Hillariously Stupid Non-Monster Things from D&D
For me its the simple things like the wise old scholar is the one with the best eye sight
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Re: Hillariously Stupid Non-Monster Things from D&D
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Originally Posted by
tuggyne
Are you sure you're not mistaking effective item caster level for minimum caster level required? It's a common mistake, but the caster level an item has is not (generally) the one its creator had.
I'm pretty sure that if CL is in the required xp/gp/CL/required spells to make an item it's the required CL of the item creator. I could be wrong...
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Re: Hillariously Stupid Non-Monster Things from D&D
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Originally Posted by
tbok1992
Bagpipes of the Damned: From the Libris Mortis, why oh why did they choose that of all instruments to give the "Play this and your summoned undead get +4 Turn Resistance" power to? Couldn't they have given this to an instrument with more dignity, like a fiddle or a horn?
Classic D&D had an NPC called Prince Brannart MacGregor, a Scottish lich who ruled a principality in a kingdom of magic. Those bagpipes were made for him.
Stupid class feature from Sandstorm is the sand shaper, who could make a ridiculously hard DC check that could take an hour or more, to shape sand for a matter of minutes.
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Re: Hillariously Stupid Non-Monster Things from D&D
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Originally Posted by
Ashtagon
Classic D&D had an NPC called Prince Brannart MacGregor, a Scottish lich who ruled a principality in a kingdom of magic. Those bagpipes were made for him.
Stupid class feature from Sandstorm is the sand shaper, who could make a ridiculously hard DC check that could take an hour or more, to shape sand for a matter of minutes.
By itself that one's not so hot, but combined with some shapesand and the gloves of sandshaping you can effectively make Gaara from Naruto.
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Re: Hillariously Stupid Non-Monster Things from D&D
Quote:
Originally Posted by
tbok1992
Bagpipes of th Damned: From the Libris Mortis, why oh why did they choose that of all instruments to give the "Play this and your summoned undead get +4 Turn Resistance" power to? Couldn't they have given this to an instrument with more dignity, like a fiddle or a horn?
Not accurately. Bagpipes are actually used in battle to keep the troops fighting. They're loud enough to be heard over the sound of battle. Scottish battle units always have a piper or two for that purpose.
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Re: Hillariously Stupid Non-Monster Things from D&D
Quote:
Originally Posted by
tbok1992
Bagpipes of th Damned: From the Libris Mortis, why oh why did they choose that of all instruments to give the "Play this and your summoned undead get +4 Turn Resistance" power to? Couldn't they have given this to an instrument with more dignity, like a fiddle or a horn?
What's undignified about bagpipes?
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Re: Hillariously Stupid Non-Monster Things from D&D
What's undignified is that they made it boost undead, instead of giving all your allies within hearing a free use of Rage along with Endurance, or Diehard if they already have endurance.
Fun little fact: Most uses of bardic music don't have a cap on allies affected, it's just "All allies who can hear the bard play". I picked Bagpipes for my Bard/Marshal/Legendary leader, because you can hear Bagpipes from forever and a day away. The Artillary can get bonus to hit while you're in melee halfway across the field.
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Re: Hillariously Stupid Non-Monster Things from D&D
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Originally Posted by
Acanous
What's undignified is that they made it boost undead, instead of giving all your allies within hearing a free use of Rage along with Endurance, or Diehard if they already have endurance.
Fun little fact: Most uses of bardic music don't have a cap on allies affected, it's just "All allies who can hear the bard play". I picked Bagpipes for my Bard/Marshal/Legendary leader, because you can hear Bagpipes from forever and a day away. The Artillary can get bonus to hit while you're in melee halfway across the field.
Actually, only inspire courage doesn't have a listed maximum range, but it's the best of the bunch anyway so I guess it doesn't really matter much that the others are capped.
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Re: Hillariously Stupid Non-Monster Things from D&D
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Originally Posted by
Kaww
Magic items in Eberron campaign setting. Caster level requirements compared to actual caster's level in Eberron is beyond stupid.
There are high level casters in Eberron. Most of them are just evil. Or dead. *cough*MordaintheFleshweaver*cough*
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More on Eberron - a very experienced (several years of war) and powerful general is level five or lower...
And the average soldier is a level 2 warrior. NPCs do not get to use the XP chart that PCs use. What's your point?
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Re: Hillariously Stupid Non-Monster Things from D&D
Duergar Beard Quills in 4e.
Edit: sorry, "non-monster" stupidity. My apologies.
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Re: Hillariously Stupid Non-Monster Things from D&D
Quote:
Originally Posted by
Kelb_Panthera
Favored by tem-et-nu, a feat from sandstorm, gives you the ability to rebuke, get this, hippopotami. That's right, you get the ability to rebuke freakin' hippo's.
Plus, if you lose Tem-et-nu's favor, you take damage as if bitten by a hippo. That's right, anger your god and the "spirit of the hippo" chomps your butt.
How stupid is that?
I'd have to disagree with you there. If there's anything one should know about hippos, it is that they will @$%# you up if you mess with them. They've got massively sharp teeth, body like a tank made of meat, and a brutal sense of territoriality. There's a reason they're the large mammal responsible for the most fatalities in Africa.
And also, on those bagpipes, I guess it's because when you think "Silly instruments," Bagpipes are the second thing that comes to mind, right after the accordion. Although, an accordion-based magic item would be good for making a "Weird Al As A Bard" PC, which would probably the bet character concept in the history of anything.
Plus, on the stupid magic item front, there's also that KKK level racist anti-drow bow from Weapons of Legacy, whose name I forget. In fact, I find the concept of specific weapons made to exterminate certain races (Like goblins or ogres) to be kind of disturbing. It'd be like if we had a +2 Shotgun of Killing Mexicans or a +5 Machete of Die Whitey Die in real life. Though that's less "comically stupid" than "disturbingly stupid".
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Re: Hillariously Stupid Non-Monster Things from D&D
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Originally Posted by
tbok1992
I'd have to disagree with you there. If there's anything one should know about hippos, it is that they will @$%# you up if you mess with them. They've got massively sharp teeth, body like a tank made of meat, and a brutal sense of territoriality. There's a reason they're the large mammal responsible for the most fatalities in Africa.
While it's true that hippos are amazingly badass and dangerous in real life Africa, they're not that dangerous in dnd. Also how many times have you ever seen a hippo when roleplaying? You're not likely to hear someone say "If we only could have turned one of those hippos our party wouldn't have been wiped out.".
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Re: Hillariously Stupid Non-Monster Things from D&D
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Originally Posted by
Kaww
I'm pretty sure that if CL is in the required xp/gp/CL/required spells to make an item it's the required CL of the item creator. I could be wrong...
You would be right, except that it's listed in a different section from the prerequisites, separated by a semicolon.
Also, the notational entry for Caster Level says this:
Quote:
Originally Posted by SRD Magic Item Basics
For potions, scrolls, and wands, the creator can set the caster level of an item at any number high enough to cast the stored spell and not higher than her own caster level. For other magic items, the caster level is determined by the creator. The minimum caster level is that which is needed to meet the prerequisites given.
Further, under Prerequisites,
Quote:
Originally Posted by SRD Magic Item Basics
Typically, a list of prerequisites includes one feat and one or more spells (or some other requirement in addition to the feat).
The rules are written rather confusingly at times, but I believe that's the most consistent way to interpret them.
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Re: Hillariously Stupid Non-Monster Things from D&D
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Originally Posted by
Poil
You're not likely to hear someone say "If we only could have turned one of those hippos our party wouldn't have been wiped out.".
Unless, of course, you're playing a Crazy Awesome campaign and are getting mobbed by hippo swarms.
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Re: Hillariously Stupid Non-Monster Things from D&D
Don't know much about supplement stuff, but Hand of the Mage always bothered me, even when I first learned about it as a kid.
Trying to imagine someone adventuring with a lobbed off, mummified hand around their neck so they can lift 5 pound objects with their mind just seems bizarre.
I picture some NPC kid running up to the wearer, going "Sir... why are you wearing a chopped off hand?", at which point the wearer launches the kid's hat 15 feet away and snarls, "DO YOU UNDERSTAND NOW? THIS IS TRUE POWER!"
Just seems ridiculous.
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Re: Hillariously Stupid Non-Monster Things from D&D
Quote:
Originally Posted by
tbok1992
I'd have to disagree with you there. If there's anything one should know about hippos, it is that they will @$%# you up if you mess with them. They've got massively sharp teeth, body like a tank made of meat, and a brutal sense of territoriality. There's a reason they're the large mammal responsible for the most fatalities in Africa.
While all this is true, IRL, in D&D hippo's are isolated to a single terain type and have to compete with magical beasts and dragons. Then there's the fact that the feat, unique in all of 3.5, gives you the ability to rebuke/command, not just animals; one of the weakest creature types; but one specific type of animal, making it one of the weakest feats in 3.5. Even in sandstorm it kind of jumps out as an odd duck and kind of random.
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And also, on those bagpipes, I guess it's because when you think "Silly instruments," Bagpipes are the second thing that comes to mind, right after the accordion. Although, an accordion-based magic item would be good for making a "Weird Al As A Bard" PC, which would probably the bet character concept in the history of anything.
I couldn't argue against this if I tried hard. :smallamused:
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Plus, on the stupid magic item front, there's also that KKK level racist anti-drow bow from Weapons of Legacy, whose name I forget. In fact, I find the concept of specific weapons made to exterminate certain races (Like goblins or ogres) to be kind of disturbing. It'd be like if we had a +2 Shotgun of Killing Mexicans or a +5 Machete of Die Whitey Die in real life. Though that's less "comically stupid" than "disturbingly stupid".
Racism IRL is born of ignorance of the fact that human beings are all basically the same.
Racism in fantasy is based in the knowledge that there are some "races" of people, though species would be more accurate, that are naturally inclined to try and kill you because it sounds like fun.
Fantasy racism has a little more validity than its RL counterpart, and is thus less disturbing, IMO.
To quote a webcomic, "If I was going to be racist, I'd pick the race that was most likely to tear out my spine, for the fun of it, too."
Btw, "machete of 'die whitey, die,'" made me snort with laughter. I'm caucasian and inclined toward dark humor. :smallamused:
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Re: Hillariously Stupid Non-Monster Things from D&D
Yo, dudezles, check this one oouuuuutttt /Skaterdude
It costs less to purchase a ten foot ladder than a ten foot pole.
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Re: Hillariously Stupid Non-Monster Things from D&D
Quote:
Originally Posted by
Rallicus
Don't know much about supplement stuff, but Hand of the Mage always bothered me, even when I first learned about it as a kid.
Trying to imagine someone adventuring with a lobbed off, mummified hand around their neck so they can lift 5 pound objects with their mind just seems bizarre.
I picture some NPC kid running up to the wearer, going "Sir... why are you wearing a chopped off hand?", at which point the wearer launches the kid's hat 15 feet away and snarls, "DO YOU UNDERSTAND NOW? THIS IS TRUE POWER!"
Just seems ridiculous.
That actually seems pretty hillarious!
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Re: Hillariously Stupid Non-Monster Things from D&D
Quote:
Originally Posted by
Rallicus
I picture some NPC kid running up to the wearer, going "Sir... why are you wearing a chopped off hand?", at which point the wearer launches the kid's hat 15 feet away and snarls, "DO YOU UNDERSTAND NOW? THIS IS TRUE POWER!"
Okay, I'll admit it. I completely lost it at this point.
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Re: Hillariously Stupid Non-Monster Things from D&D
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Originally Posted by
Tectonic Robot
Yo, dudezles, check this one oouuuuutttt /Skaterdude
It costs less to purchase a ten foot ladder than a ten foot pole.
Yeah, but cutting a ladder in half doesn't get you two ten foot poles, it gets you two halves of a broken ladder. Sure, you can still try and poke things with them, but if that's what you want, sturdy tree branches cost even less than ten foot ladders.
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Re: Hillariously Stupid Non-Monster Things from D&D
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Originally Posted by
The Glyphstone
Yeah, but cutting a ladder in half doesn't get you two ten foot poles, it gets you two halves of a broken ladder. Sure, you can still try and poke things with them, but if that's what you want, sturdy tree branches cost even less than ten foot ladders.
That just makes it more problematic. A ladder requires much more craftsmanship and time to make, whereas a ten foot pole is equivalent to a polished tree branch. It would be like an automobile that was cheaper than a wooden plank with wheels on it -- a low-end skateboard.
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Re: Hillariously Stupid Non-Monster Things from D&D
Quote:
Originally Posted by
Rallicus
I picture some NPC kid running up to the wearer, going "Sir... why are you wearing a chopped off hand?", at which point the wearer launches the kid's hat 15 feet away and snarls, "DO YOU UNDERSTAND NOW? THIS IS TRUE POWER!"
I want to play in this campaign.
It's also an Elf hand, specifically. So the next Dwarf I'm playing will wear a Hand of the Mage, which he personally chopped off an Elf and had mummified into a magic item. The Elf is probably still running around somewhere with only 1 hand.
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Re: Hillariously Stupid Non-Monster Things from D&D
Quote:
Originally Posted by
Slipperychicken
I want to play in this campaign.
It's also an Elf hand, specifically. So the next Dwarf I'm playing will wear a Hand of the Mage, which he personally chopped off an Elf and had mummified into a magic item. The Elf is probably still running around somewhere with only 1 hand.
Would be more hilarious if it's just a chopped off hand, not a magic item. "Oh, I see you got a Hand of the Mage?" "What now? Nah, the bugger was an archer. Chopped off his drawing hand and decided to keep it."
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Re: Hillariously Stupid Non-Monster Things from D&D
Quote:
Originally Posted by
Slipperychicken
So the next Dwarf I'm playing will wear a Hand of the Mage, which he personally chopped off an Elf and had mummified into a magic item. The Elf is probably still running around somewhere with only 1 hand.
The next Elf I'm playing will wear a Hand of the Mage, which he personally chopped off his wrist and had mummified into a magic item. He lost his other hand to a dwarf.
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Re: Hillariously Stupid Non-Monster Things from D&D
Quote:
Originally Posted by
Rallicus
Don't know much about supplement stuff, but Hand of the Mage always bothered me, even when I first learned about it as a kid.
Trying to imagine someone adventuring with a lobbed off, mummified hand around their neck so they can lift 5 pound objects with their mind just seems bizarre.
I picture some NPC kid running up to the wearer, going "Sir... why are you wearing a chopped off hand?", at which point the wearer launches the kid's hat 15 feet away and snarls, "DO YOU UNDERSTAND NOW? THIS IS TRUE POWER!"
Just seems ridiculous.
This actually made me giggle out loud. Were I the sort, I would quote it in my signature.
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Re: Hillariously Stupid Non-Monster Things from D&D
The one that comes most to mind is actually from 2nd edition.
Haste. Doubles your speed and attacks per round and -2 initative. Not bad for a tanker, not bad at all. However, it ages you a year. So lets say haste lasts 10 rounds (round=minute in 2nd). You experience 20 minutes of life, and age a year..... a whole year, for a few more minutes. And that's not the worst part. In the DMG, any time you rapidly age a year (or rapidly age at all I think), you have to make a system shock or die.
Yes, you can die from haste, you can die from a buff. No, I'm not lying.
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Re: Hillariously Stupid Non-Monster Things from D&D
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Originally Posted by
hiryuu
There are high level casters in Eberron. Most of them are just evil. Or dead. *cough*MordaintheFleshweaver*cough*
There certainly are, I just don't see them spending their days forging rings for the adventurers of the world. Forge Ring feat has a CL 12 requirement.
Quote:
Originally Posted by
hiryuu
And the average soldier is a level 2 warrior. NPCs do not get to use the XP chart that PCs use. What's your point?
I don't know what those mid level characters (such as some of the nobles lvl 7 - rogues, aristocrats etc. that never left their home) did at home if fighting a war gave three PC class levels to a general. IRK it was a lvl 4 paladin running a floating fortress somewhere.
Also evil NPCs (the PCs are supposed to fight) are still NPCs, do they get xp from the same chart? If so they probably had to kill entire civilizations by themselves to get to be lvl 10.
Quote:
Originally Posted by
tuggyne
You would be right, except that it's listed in a different section from the prerequisites, separated by a semicolon.
Open Eberron campaign setting for 3.5 there are no semicolons, it's right next to the price and required feats.
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Re: Hillariously Stupid Non-Monster Things from D&D
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Originally Posted by
Korivan
The one that comes most to mind is actually from 2nd edition.
...
Yes, you can die from haste, you can die from a buff. No, I'm not lying.
It's AD&D. Also the edition most of the stupid monsters came from. You candie from just about anything.
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Re: Hillariously Stupid Non-Monster Things from D&D
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Originally Posted by
Korivan
Yes, you can die from haste, you can die from a buff. No, I'm not lying.
You mean like amphetamines?
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Re: Hillariously Stupid Non-Monster Things from D&D
2E is the home of 90% of crazy stupid awesome ****. I mean what other edition has a wizard visit a strange land where if you put a silver coin into a red box with weird lettering apparently named "Cola", it'll hand you a can filled with a magical black fizzy delicious concoction? And then return to his world, create a simulacrum of said thing...and the simulacrum is evil? And will either poison you or give you acne depending on it's mood if you buy one of it's drinks?
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Re: Hillariously Stupid Non-Monster Things from D&D
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Originally Posted by
Kaww
Open Eberron campaign setting for 3.5 there are no semicolons, it's right next to the price and required feats.
Hmm, that's very strange, and seems non-standard.
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Re: Hillariously Stupid Non-Monster Things from D&D
Quote:
Originally Posted by hiryuu
There are high level casters in Eberron. Most of them are just evil. Or dead. *cough*MordaintheFleshweaver*cough*
Quote:
Originally Posted by
Kaww
There certainly are, I just don't see them spending their days forging rings for the adventurers of the world. Forge Ring feat has a CL 12 requirement.
Of course the evil high-level casters of the world spend all their time forging magical rings for adventurers. They're obviously planning to later create one all -powerful ring to turn all those luckless adventurers into wraith lieutenants for when they take over the world.
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Re: Hillariously Stupid Non-Monster Things from D&D
Quote:
Originally Posted by
Kelb_Panthera
Racism IRL is born of ignorance of the fact that human beings are all basically the same.
Racism in fantasy is based in the knowledge that there are some "races" of people, though species would be more accurate, that are naturally inclined to try and kill you because it sounds like fun.
Fantasy racism has a little more validity than its RL counterpart, and is thus less disturbing, IMO.
To quote a webcomic, "If I was going to be racist, I'd pick the race that was most likely to tear out my spine, for the fun of it, too."
Btw, "machete of 'die whitey, die,'" made me snort with laughter. I'm caucasian and inclined toward dark humor. :smallamused:
Actually, since a lot of the "evil" races, even including such vile savages as gnolls, have shown capacity for free will and even goodness, I'd attribute the racial "evil" of them to:
A) Being born into and growing up in broken and deranged societies that reward various degrees of cruelty, maliciousness and evil and attempt to squash anyone who doesn't fit that mold.
B) having very real and very malevolent patron gods who throw around their power and ensure the higher ups in said malevolent civilization have some of said power if they act according to the god's personal whims to ensure the broken society stays essentially the same.
C)Having the other civilized races hunt your kind down due to the atrocities committed due to A) and B) molding your race into a bunch of neurotic murderers, thus showing any who would stray from the "path" that it'd be safer to stay in the broken society rather than go "Out there" to a world that hates them.
Anybody else agree with that theory?
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Re: Hillariously Stupid Non-Monster Things from D&D
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Re: Hillariously Stupid Non-Monster Things from D&D
The entire racism / evil sub-thread here comes from the most hilariously stupid concept in D&D:
The alignment system.
The easiest way to see how ridiculous it is is to realize that it assumes some sentient beings are evil (or good), totally independent of their actions or thoughts.
No magic bagpipe or mummified hand can compete with that idea for stupidity.
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Re: Hillariously Stupid Non-Monster Things from D&D
On that line of thought, non-lawful Bards. Because only rebels can be free-thinkers with actual creative spirit, unthinking slaves to the oppressive hand of the Man can't.
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Re: Hillariously Stupid Non-Monster Things from D&D
I do believe that the king of 'hilariously stupid' would be Bear Bearington the Bearbearian, Lord of all Bears.
He's an anthropomorphic bear werebear bear totem barbarian bear lord bear warrior. He took Leadership to pick up a Sentinel of Brharri (Bear Mage) as a cohort, as well as some bear followers. So he's a bear that gets so angry that he turns into a bear that turns into a bear, commands bears, rides bears, and has a bear mage serving him who (I. Kid. You. Not.) has an ability named summon bear cavalry.
This. Will. Get. Grizzly.
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Re: Hillariously Stupid Non-Monster Things from D&D
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Originally Posted by
The Glyphstone
On that line of thought, non-lawful Bards. Because only rebels can be free-thinkers with actual creative spirit, unthinking slaves to the oppressive hand of the Man can't.
Speaking of stupid Bard related things, there's this board's own Pervirtuoso build, which uses the Perform [Sexual] skill from The Book of Erotic Fantasy combined with a Prestige Class that allows you to use any Perform skill for bardic abilities, combined with wanton abuse of a familiar to make the most wrong Bard build ever.
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Re: Hillariously Stupid Non-Monster Things from D&D
Okay. Stupid non-monster things from D&D.
As a fan of real heroes, I have to nominate the Paladin class, as written / confined by the rules of the game.
I think we all know the problems with the class. Class features that restrict the behavior of the other players. No allowances for innocent mistakes. Prevention of actual good behavior (like showing mercy - oops! You tied him up and tried to reform him; that means you just associated with an evil creature.)
The Paladin often winds up being played like some kind of xenophobic sociopath - exactly the opposite of the noble, self-sacrificing warrior that he's supposed to be.
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Re: Hillariously Stupid Non-Monster Things from D&D
The infamous Orb spells of 3E have an ancestor in 2E called Chromatic Orb from the Wizard's Handbook. It was a 1st level spell that created a colored orb doing some damage. As you gained levels the color would change and the damage would increase or even change in severity of harm. You could choose which ever color/effect you want you were able to cast. Eventually you would be able to cast a Black Chromatic Orb of Death. Save or die. In 2E a wizard could cast a 1st level save or die spell. Not save or suck, save or die.
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Re: Hillariously Stupid Non-Monster Things from D&D
Quote:
Originally Posted by
Kaww
There certainly are, I just don't see them spending their days forging rings for the adventurers of the world. Forge Ring feat has a CL 12 requirement.
Oh, that. You know the entire world was once an empire ruled by demons that enslaved dragons that lasted form millions of years, right? Or that the continent was once ruled by a magical kingdom of goblins? Little things like that. There's probably more rings lying in wait out there than there is gold to mine.
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I don't know what those mid level characters (such as some of the nobles lvl 7 - rogues, aristocrats etc. that never left their home) did at home if fighting a war gave three PC class levels to a general. IRK it was a lvl 4 paladin running a floating fortress somewhere.
Also evil NPCs (the PCs are supposed to fight) are still NPCs, do they get xp from the same chart? If so they probably had to kill entire civilizations by themselves to get to be lvl 10.
NPCs do not level the way PCs do. They have exactly the levels they need to do what they do. No more, no less. Yes, it's meta, but that way you don't run into, say, tippy.
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Re: Hillariously Stupid Non-Monster Things from D&D
There's an official, published source for water wings. Just imagine that half-orc barbarian doggie-paddling across a river in floaties.
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Re: Hillariously Stupid Non-Monster Things from D&D
Quote:
Originally Posted by
Slipperychicken
Unless, of course, you're playing a Crazy Awesome campaign and are getting mobbed by hippo swarms.
Considering how small creatures have to be to qualify as a Swarm, you'd have to be playing Colossal-sized creatures.
Which would be rather awesome.
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Re: Hillariously Stupid Non-Monster Things from D&D
Quote:
Originally Posted by
Nepenthe
There's an official, published source for water wings. Just imagine that half-orc barbarian doggie-paddling across a river in floaties.
the sad part is, they are some of the most useful magical item in the game, after all, most characters are going to have the inherent flaw "Water Soluability".
Asto Bagpipes: Of course it only gives a bonus to the dead, only those with Perform (Bagpipes) can survive the sound.
Asto Blessed by Tem-Et-Nu:
Yep, complete poop. Some Turn/Rebuke varients are Absurdly powerful because of how Extra Turning affects all turns you get simultaineously. This only adds slightly more options to turn undead without actually improving it (IE: more charges)
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Re: Hillariously Stupid Non-Monster Things from D&D
Quote:
Originally Posted by
The Glyphstone
On that line of thought, non-lawful Bards. Because only rebels can be free-thinkers with actual creative spirit, unthinking slaves to the oppressive hand of the Man can't.
It's because the government outlawed art and music. That's the most real excuse. Anyone caught singing, playing the violin, painting, drawing, or anything of the sort is to be cast into jail forever.
That's why all the Bards are non-lawful.
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Re: Hillariously Stupid Non-Monster Things from D&D
2E's Priest's Handbook offered specialty priests kits for clerics. They were based on various themes and used the spell spheres to determine which spells a priest had access in addition to a couple of class abilities. A priest would have major or minor access to a sphere. Major access meant the priest would eventually get all spells, capping at 7th level in 2E. Minor access meant you only get up to third level spells.
1) The Cure Wounds spells were in Healing sphere. Not every priest got access to Healing, so there exists clerics who did not heal. Not "stupid" per se, but for 2E that was a big deal of a disadvantage. I learned that from experience playing a cleric of Justice/Revenge. Even the DM saw how harmful it was in play and agreed to allow me Healing sphere.
2) The priest of Guardian only had minor access to the Guardian sphere.
3) I don't remember which priest kit, but I know there was one that had minor access to Summoning sphere. There were no spells in Summoning of less than 4th level. (2E's Tome of Magic had a few, but Priest's Handbook was published before it so it only took into account PHB spells of which no Summoning spell below 4th level existed.)
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Re: Hillariously Stupid Non-Monster Things from D&D
Quote:
Originally Posted by
Arbane
Considering how small creatures have to be to qualify as a Swarm, you'd have to be playing Colossal-sized creatures.
Which would be rather awesome.
...Gonna have to put that on on the backburner, along with the "Sky whaling" and "masters of the angry fist" ideas I have...
Quote:
Originally Posted by
tbok1992
Actually, since a lot of the "evil" races, even including such vile savages as gnolls, have shown capacity for free will and even goodness, I'd attribute the racial "evil" of them to:
A) Being born into and growing up in broken and deranged societies that reward various degrees of cruelty, maliciousness and evil and attempt to squash anyone who doesn't fit that mold.
B) having very real and very malevolent patron gods who throw around their power and ensure the higher ups in said malevolent civilization have some of said power if they act according to the god's personal whims to ensure the broken society stays essentially the same.
C)Having the other civilized races hunt your kind down due to the atrocities committed due to A) and B) molding your race into a bunch of neurotic murderers, thus showing any who would stray from the "path" that it'd be safer to stay in the broken society rather than go "Out there" to a world that hates them.
Anybody else agree with that theory?
Yes, Except in the case of evil outsiders. Then it's because they are literally made of evil/selfishness/crazy ect.
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Re: Hillariously Stupid Non-Monster Things from D&D
Quote:
Originally Posted by
Doorhandle
...Gonna have to put that on on the backburner, along with the "Sky whaling" and "masters of the angry fist" ideas I have...
For sky whaling there are the Soarwhales in the Arms and Equipment guide.
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Re: Hillariously Stupid Non-Monster Things from D&D
Quote:
Originally Posted by
Arbane
Considering how small creatures have to be to qualify as a Swarm, you'd have to be playing Colossal-sized creatures.
Which would be rather awesome.
By "swarm" I meant in the sense of "huge numbers". The DMGII Mob template would be far more appropriate for emulating a hippo stampede.
Hippopotamus Mobs ruin people in a Grapple. CR8, +41 grapple mod, automatically deals 5d6 to any creature whose space it occupies. Good luck breaking out of that at without magic.
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Re: Hillariously Stupid Non-Monster Things from D&D
The most ridiculous published addition was Elves in Space Spelljammer. And yes, it had mobs of (intelligent) hippos.
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Re: Hillariously Stupid Non-Monster Things from D&D
Quote:
Originally Posted by
Mahonri Violist
It's because the government outlawed art and music. That's the most real excuse. Anyone caught singing, playing the violin, painting, drawing, or anything of the sort is to be cast into jail forever.
That's why all the Bards are non-lawful.
So... all D&D campaigns take place in the town from Footloose?
Actually a Footloose-style subplot could be a fun way to screw with your players between real plot arcs.
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Re: Hillariously Stupid Non-Monster Things from D&D
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Originally Posted by
Jay R
The most ridiculous published addition was Elves in Space Spelljammer. And yes, it had mobs of (intelligent) hippos.
You shut your mouth about Spelljammer. I'm still angry about the fact that boring ol' Neverwinter was the last setting to come out for 4e instead of Spelljammer, which I will say to my grave was one of the most creative things D&D ever did. Though I am appreciative about the Epic Destiny in Heroes of the Elemental Chaos that allows you to become a Regiar.
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Re: Hillariously Stupid Non-Monster Things from D&D
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Originally Posted by
Rallicus
Trying to imagine someone adventuring with a lobbed off, mummified hand around their neck so they can lift 5 pound objects with their mind just seems bizarre.
This is the sort of magic item that I adore owning in my games. Especially if you're being sneaky and try to push the GM's definition of 'item' a little.
For example: The human brain weighs about 3 pounds.
*SCHLORP!!!* :smallbiggrin:
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Re: Hillariously Stupid Non-Monster Things from D&D
Quote:
Originally Posted by
tbok1992
You shut your mouth about Spelljammer. I'm still angry about the fact that boring ol' Neverwinter was the last setting to come out for 4e instead of Spelljammer, which I will say to my grave was one of the most creative things D&D ever did. Though I am appreciative about the Epic Destiny in Heroes of the Elemental Chaos that allows you to become a Regiar.
there is a Spelljammer sourcebook for 4th. there isnt one for 3.5
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Re: Hillariously Stupid Non-Monster Things from D&D
I thought that was (sort of) the opposite. While Spelljammers themselves got statted out in 4e's Manual of the Planes, and there were a few references here and there to the line (Including the Neogi in the Monster Manual 2 and the aforementioned Regiar Epic Destiny), they didn't actually give it the full setting treatment. Whereas in 3e at least it got an updated version in Dragon magazine.