Things I May No Longer Do While Playing II: Stop Making The DM Cry

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And the new thread is here. Go there!

Licking lampposts in winter.

2. Having a +1 Vorpal Sword of Speed at level 14 (I was a newb, OK?)
3.Jumping off the ship to fight a CR 24 Leviathin that was attacking the ship of our level 14 party, and 1 shoting it.
4. Keeping the head that was the size of a house as a trophey.

5. Refusing to search for traps until paid.

6. I may never play a cleric capable of casting Animate Dead. Ever.

7. I may never have my half-orc barbarian invent the "Saddle-pult", mount it on his back, and load the Halfling Druid. Nor may I then charge with said preparations at an enemy with the intention of flinging the Halfling for him to wildshape mid-flight into a tiger.

Quote:

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Originally Posted by Welknair

7. I may never have my half-orc barbarian invent the "Saddle-pult", mount it on his back, and load the Halfling Druid. Nor may I then charge with said preparations at an enemy with the intention of flinging the Halfling for him to wildshape mid-flight into a tiger.

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But...whyever not?

8. Refuge in Audacity does not grant Resistance bonuses.

9. Doomspeak does not require me to put a green cloak and steel mask on and randomly announce that DOOM is here to solve your pitiful moral quandary.

10. I may not bring puppets to the table.
11. Not even if they are really good puppets.
12. The giant serpent is not a cheese doodle.
13. The giant serpent is not made out of cheese doodles.
14. I may not win fights by eating the monster.
15. The monster is not the stand in for the miniature.
16. I should not expect NPC's to flirt back.
17. Attempting to seduce an NPC is right out.

18) No building characters that can build five-dot artifacts at character creation.

19. I may not help the party warblade optimize.
20. Especially if said optimization allows her to one-shot a hydra.
21. I may not have access to anything vorpal ever again.
22. I may not boost my Tumble to "I don't even have to roll, I win"
23. Ditto for Balance.
24. Ditto for Jump.
25. I may not introduce the party spellcaster to the concept of the Batman Wizard.

26. I may not stab an innocent shopkeeper in the face, because a sentient dagger told me to.
27. "A sentient dagger told me to" is not a valid excuse unless you failed your will save.
28. I may not turn my sentient ring into a god.
29. I may not have one of my teeth replaced with a gold tooth which has been enchanted to be a sentient magic item, with a high value in Wisdom and call it a Wisdom Tooth.
30. I may not have sentient magic items. Ever.

31. Charlie Sheen is not a natural 20. No matter how often he shouts "WINNING!"

32. I may not accidentally make an airship in a medieval setting.

32a. Even if it's Magitech.
33. I will not mislead the new guy by telling him that the Samurai is a great class

34. I may not, in any CoC-based game, make a character with ridiculously low sanity with the sole objective of making them go absolutely mad before the end of the campaign.
I need to at least pretend I intend to have said character do something else beside digging up all the corpses, reading all the occult books, and witnessing all the mind-breaking events.

35: "throw anything" doesn't cover small asteroids, no matter how much I wish it did

Quote:

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Originally Posted by Megaduck

14. I may not win fights by eating the monster.

17. Attempting to seduce an NPC is right out.

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I have to ask: Why not? These are GREAT solutions to some problems!

Quote:

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Originally Posted by Musashi

34. I may not, in any CoC-based game, make a character with ridiculously low sanity with the sole objective of making them go absolutely mad before the end of the campaign.
I need to at least pretend I intend to have said character do something else beside digging up all the corpses, reading all the occult books, and witnessing all the mind-breaking events.

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....Because that's just too easy a goal?

Quote:

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Originally Posted by byaku rai

22. I may not boost my Tumble to "I don't even have to roll, I win"
23. Ditto for Balance.
24. Ditto for Jump.

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Is this actually a problem? Barring ridiculousness like the Jumplomancer, is being able to not fall down really all that game-breaking?

36. I may not use Welsh's List as a bucket list for my character.

37. The solution to every problem, puzzle, and challenge in the game is not "murder."
38. Newly-Exalted Deathknights do not make good pets.
39. When the goal is to stop a series of ritual sacrifices, "murdering the victims first" is not Plan A.
40. If I choose to kill a group of Wyld Hunters, hide their bodies, and steal all their artifacts, I am not allowed to call the reaction of the party's Immaculate Monk "silly."

41. Not allowed to have a character cut himself with a sword of vampiric touch to set up a recursive loop.

42. No longer allowed to have a character that can change gender at will. Ever.

Quote:

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Originally Posted by Arbane

....Because that's just too easy a goal?

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Yes, and because like most acts of evil and cruelty, it's only really worth it if the GM inflicts madness on non-masochist PCs, and vice versa. :smallbiggrin:

Quote:

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Originally Posted by Megaduck

14. I may not win fights by eating the monster.

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Hey, I've done that. Polymorphed into a wyvern remorhaz, of course...good times.

Quote:

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Originally Posted by Flame of Anor

Hey, I've done that. Polymorphed into a wyvern, of course...good times.

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My players once ate a Red Dragon after slaying it. They ate it raw.

...


43. I may not make a female character who where's bikini mail and wields a broadsword.

44. I may not play a Dragonwrought Kobold. Ever.

45. I may not apply more than one template to my character. Okay, maybe two.

46: No matter how much I want the shiny thing at the bottom of the pit trap, I am not allowed to jump in a second time.

46a: Or a third time.

46b: Or a fourth, fifth, or sixth time, for that matter.

47. I may never have an intimacy towards shiny things

48. Nor may I have a flaw that requires me to pursue shiny things

49. "But he had a shiny thing!" is not a valid excuse for murder.

50. Just because something is shiny, that does not mean it's valuable. I may not use spoons in place of currency.

51. I may not suggest forcing the assassins that were hired to kill us by the enemy army to fight the enemy army for us.

52. I may not force indentured servitude upon the street urchins that are hired to toss rotten fruit at us.

53. I may not point out that it actually states in the rules that natural weapons have a crit range.

54. May not use Mirror Image, as we still can't figure that one out. x.x

Quote:

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Originally Posted by Welknair

My players once ate a Red Dragon after slaying it. They ate it raw.

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Did they at least have ketchup?

51. I may not cause a volcano to erupt, endangering the lives of over a hundred innocent people, without first informing the rest of the party.