Here's the first fanfic I've made. It's also the first fiction I've wrote since... a long time ago. It's just the introduction, but I'd like some commentary if it's not too much to ask.
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"You must have chaos within you to give birth to a dancing star."

A small filly struggled through Canterlot's sodden fields. Rain poured relentlessly out of the dark sky. While the rain would eventually give way for Canterlot's fabled gardens and many-coloured flowers, this was scarce comfort for a filly caught out in the storm.
She finally made her way into Canterlot, drenched to the core and shivering. The streets were deserted, nopony in their right mind would be outside in weather like this if they had a choice. Her mind slowly faded out and made its way back in time, back to half-remembered fires on the hearth and a snug blankets. It felt like so long ago, before... She dozed off, oblivious to the wind and the rain.
"Dear, you must come inside! You'll catch a cold like that, sweetheart!"
The filly opened her eyes and stared at the mare before her. She was a deep majestic purple, as beautiful and dark as the night above. The filly opened her mouth to reply, but only a cough came out.
"Here, follow me inside. I'll get you warmed up, you poor thing."
The mare led the little pony inside a nearby home. The windows were shut tight against the cold, and the house was lit by candles. The mare pulled a bowl of soup out from over the remnants of a small fire gestured towards the young filly.
"Here, drink up," she said as she dried the young pony off. "What happened to your parents? Do they know where you are?"
"No," the filly managed to squeak out through the bowl of soup.
"Well they need to know where you are dear. Where can I find them?"
"I wish I knew."
She let out a small sigh and fell asleep on the table. The mare took the rest of soup, dumped it on the fire's embers, and tossed the bowl to the side.
"She will do much better than I thought," said the mare before fading out of sight.

The filly woke up the next morning in a back alleyway. The sky above was light blue and there wasn’t a cloud in the sky. She stretched, blinking herself out of sleep.
“Where am I? Last night… what happened?” she thought aloud. She wandered out of the alley and into the street, just in time to nearly get ran over by a horse-drawn carriage. She scrambled out of the way in time to see the passenger, a purple unicorn, stare out the window, oblivious to the near-accident.
She backed out of the street, only to feel a hoof on her shoulder.
“Name and residence, please,” said the policepony behind her. “Are you aware of the trouble you could have caused? That carriage right there goes to Princess Celestia’s palace. If I were you, I wouldn’t be wantin’ to make trouble with her Highness now.”
She stammered. “Trixie, sir, and I’m new here. I don’t have a residence. I’m terribly sorry, I didn’t mean to make trouble with anypony.”
“New here? What brings you to Canterlot?”
Trixie sat quietly for a second, trying to put her mind in order. She didn’t rightly know why she had come. She had lost her home, her family, she had no place to go, and then she had a feeling. A feeling that if she went to Canterlot, things would work out. Life would be good. She hesitated, trying to think of a reply the policepony would accept.
“I heard there were jobs here, I was hoping to live here.”
The policepony grimaced, “Ya know, I’m under orders to kick out any immigrants. We don’t have housing nor jobs for nopony, and anypony coming here just adds to our trouble. I’m terribly sorry Miss Trixie, but you’ll have to leave here by nightfall.”
Trixie started to protest, then reconsidered. She didn’t know why, but she did feel better. She hadn’t expected to come all this way to turn back upon entry, but something made her feel as if things would be okay.
“I’ll be gone by then, sir. I’m sorry I took up so much of your time.”
“Okay then. Get a move on,” he said.
Trixie turned and began to walk away. She was just a little filly, so far away from anypony she knew, but she knew she would be fine. Her guardian angel would protect her.
Her reminiscing was cut short by the sound of shouting and wailing coming from behind her.
“But where will I go? This is my only home, I’ve lived here forever! Please, you can’t do this to me. Have you no kindness, sir, have you no kindness?”
“Ma’am, I’m sorry, but if you don’t have a home you’re going to have to leave the city. We can’t afford to have beggars and street urchins laying about anymore. I don’t care where you used to live, you just have to go,” the policepony said.
The voice toyed with Trixie’s memory. It sounded familiar, but from a distant past. Who was it? She turned around.
“Moondancer!” Trixie exclaimed. “I haven’t seen you in forever, how are you doing?”
Ignoring the policepony, Moondancer looked at Trixie with a face full of scorn. “How does it look like I’m doing, Trixie? I lost my family, my home, and now I’m losing my city.”
“Forgive me cousin, I didn’t know. Come with me. We may be able to get something sorted out for the both of us.”
Moondancer looked dubious, but she followed Trixie anyways.
“I need to leave the city as well. I don’t have any idea where I’m going, but we’ll do better together, won’t we?”
“I suppose so,” said Moondancer. She turned her head for one last look at her former home and neighbourhood, then set off.

The two spent the afternoon sharing their stories of woe. Moondancer had been a pony from a wealthy family. Her father had been a high ranking official in Celestia’s court, and the family had grown wealthy off Celestia’s benevolence. One day, however, disaster struck. Moondancer’s father was tending one of Celestia’s orchards when a bough fell, breaking his back and paralyzing him. He was unable to move, and his calls for help went unanswered. He slowly bled until he passed into unconscious and then to death. When Moondancer’s mother found out, she was devastated. Over the course of the next year she slowly wasted away, then she too passed on. Moondancer was left alone in the family estate. She tried to maintain it, but it was too much for one small pony to handle. Moondancer was kicked out of her own home and forced to live on the streets.
As the two ponies slowly walked to the edge of the city and discussed the past, the sun began to fall. Trixie and Moondancer crossed the city gate as the day melted into the twilight.
“Twilight was always my favourite part of the day. It ends the fires of the day, and brings in the cool, gentle caress of the night. The night makes all equal in her velvet cloak.”
Moondancer gave Trixie a funny look. “Really? I think I have something to show you then. Follow me.”
Moondancer tugged on Trixie’s leg, leading her down the slopes of the rolling hills. They traveled from the boundary of the city in silence. Moondancer stopped at the crest of the last hill before the great and powerful River Danter.
The ponies gazed at the land before them. “I used to come out here often, at night. I’d stare out at the sky and the stars. They shine so bright, I felt like I could hear them. They were whispering something I couldn’t understand. Trixie…” Moondancer nudged Trixie. “Look. Up in the sky. Look Trixie. I know can see it. Look.”
Trixie raised her head towards the heavens. There were so many lights, shining, sparkling, twinkling. Trixie’s eyes blurred. “They’re certainly beautiful, but I don’t see it.”
“I know you can. Focus Trixie. I need you to focus.”
Trixie wiped her blurry eyes and looked up at the sky again. Her vision blurred, but she held her gaze. The stars… the stars! They were moving! The stars in the night sky shifted and moved until they spelled out a message.
“What is that? What’s going on?” Trixie shouted.
Moondancer smiled. “I can’t see anything. Nopony can. You’re the only pony who can read the sky. Tell me Trixie. What does it say?”
The stars spoke to Trixie, “I am the Ruler of all the Nations of the World. Long have I dwelt in the heavens, but now I shall return to the Earth to right the wrongs of the World. I will restore Equestria to its fabled past. Trixie, prepare the way for me. I will fill you with my power and you will trod your enemies underhoof.”
A beam of moonlight shone down on Trixie. She could feel herself being lifted into the air, rising higher and higher. The moonlight moved with Trixie, and she could feel the power entering her body from the light. She flew over the land, accelerating faster and faster. Her eyes shut and she remembered no more.

Blues sat on a stool outside his house. He had played a gig that night, but it didn’t go so well for him. He was out of touch, true, but that shouldn’t have been enough for the audience to throw him out of the bar. Oh well, he thought. At least I got a few bits out of it.
Blues’ eyes were caught by a shooting star. It looked much closer than most shooting stars, and it was moving rapidly. In fact… it was heading for Phillydelphia. Blues watched as the star flew closer and closer, until it finally crashed into a park a block away from Blues’ house. He trotted over to the wreckage of the crash. To his astonishment, he saw a pale blue unicorn with a cutie mark of a starred wand and moon. Light shone from the unicorn, and she appeared to be unharmed despite the fall.
“Who are you?” he said in wonder.
“Who am I?” she repeated groggily. The world was blurry, and she was on the verge of collapse. Suddenly, her eyes slid into focus and she stood up straight.
“I am the Great and Powerful Trixie.”