Trying to let Roy know that the Linear Guild is back, Elan casts an illusion on Thog, making him look like Nale. Of course, Roy has been suppressing the urge to beat the crud out of somebody who looked exactly like him for a long, long time.

Chasing after Elan, Sabine realizes that she can't resist his edgy "good guy" charms, and casually kills Nale.

Belkar breaks out to find Mr. Scruffy, and is soon wearing a wolfskin coat. He also makes Yukyuk's skull into a cake platter. Being a gourmet cook, he properly decorates it.

Vaarsuvius says, "Is that a doily?" These four words, said for all the wrong reasons, lead him/her to understanding the doily as a source of ultimate cosmic power. With this power, she/he finds and destroys Xykon's phylactery.

Haley recovers, and makes out with Tsukiko, as recommended.

Roy meets Xykon once again, but this time, the Order is with him. Durkon provides the buffs, but is himself killed in the battle, having been blasted by Xykon into a tree. The Sexy Shoeless God of War and Roy combine to defeat Xykon. Roy dies at the same time, and in lieu of paradise, is given a picture of his father's face when Eugene first heard that Roy was going up but he wasn't.

With ultimate arcane power, Vaarsuvius flies to the Snarl, and reshapes it into a giant script, which reads, "Guess what spell I cast before re-shaping the Snarl, halfling?" Belkar looks up, reads the Snarl, and dies from the ensuing explosion, and the words themselves (and therefore the snarl) disappear forever. The explosion throws Durkon's body all the way to the dwarven homelands, posthumously.

Elan and Tarquin have a final epic battle, in which Elan finally defeats him in a properly story-driven way. The Empress of Blood tells Elan to strike down his father and take his place by her side, but Tarquin kills her, dying in the process. Elan begins singing a song about the epic battle between Elan and the Empress, in which Tarquin appears only once, in a single quick mention as one of the Empress's flunkies. In the pullback, we see Tarquin's long-lost sled Rosebud.

On his way home with Haley and Haley's dad, Elan complains that without his best buddy Roy, he didn't really get a happy ending. Haley tries to cheer him up, but Elan is inconsolable.

The final panel reveals that on the road in front of them, they are about to find a whistle.