[3.5] Liber Drakenis - The Book of Monster Classes!

[Hyudra]

Anaxim

• You don't list a source. Or if you do, I can't find it readily. I had to go looking for it in the epic section of the SRD.
• Flavor issue - Given that the Anaxim has the lawful subtype, I think that saying they would have "a lawful bent" is a bit mild. It's like saying a Balor has a "slight bent towards evil" I would say something like, "Anaxim are lawful by nature, in body, mind and soul - insofar as they have a soul. While the rare Anaxim may deviate from this, the vast majority are driven by codes of conduct, routines and orderliness that they have imposed on themselves, or that were imposed on them by their creators."
• "As a being stepping up to be a false form of divinity" - speaking as someone generally unfamiliar with the monster, I find this comes out of the blue. It's jarring.
• You use 'in fact' twice in a very brief span of words in the Religion subheading.
• The headings you use to detail the Anaxim as adventurers is kind of redundant and unclear. I would say:
  
  • Adventures - Give more details on how and why an Anaxim would start adventuring. What you say basically amounts to "because" or "because they have nothing better to do."
  • Alignment, I covered above. You can flesh out this section by suggesting how it might affect their day to day actions and behavior.
  • Religion - Covered in brief, above. Another note - if Anaxim desire to become powerful enough to tear the gods apart, you should state how an Anaxim might do this. This section should serve as a starting point for players to use when designing their Anaxim. As is, no offense, it kind of reads like you're giving the players the end result and expecting them to flesh out the start/middle.
  • Ecology/Background - You can always say more about the physiology, ecology and history of a given Anaxim. What are they made of? What fuels them? What keeps them going? What's their native environment like? How do they impact that environment when they do their thing? Who or what do they interact with, generally? Are they made as lone entities or does a god forge a dozen Anaxim at a time who might be a close knit family of sorts?
  • Races - You could flesh this out just a smidge. Anaxim as a race. State that the race and the monster class are closely intertwined, to make it clear for people who aren't familiar with the nature of the project.
  • Other Classes - Again, a bit vague. "They are not likely to have good relations with druids, rangers or barbarians" - why? "and are even less likely to boast good relationships with paladins or clerics.
    " - I can guess why, but it's worth stating for players with less reading comprehension and for stupid people.
• Worth stating the class HD.
• Minor flavor issue: You use, for class abilities, words like Cybernetic and electrical. These sort of imply the wrong things/flavor, especially when it's repeated so often. Though the etymological meaning of 'cybernetic' is pretty apt, the modern meaning isn't, since it refers to computers and technology. As for electrical, it doesn't necessarily match up to anything on the core creature, which kind of matters when it's a core class ability you're potentially using dozens upon dozens of times.
• The class feature 'apocalyptic engine' doesn't really match up with the name of the ability. 'Anaxim Body' for consistency?
• Slam and Spinning Blade don't really offer enough to warrant being individual abilities.
• Slam and spinning blade don't scale well.
• It gets far, far, far too much at first level. You're getting immunity to crits, poison, disease, charm, compulsion, phantasms, patterns, morale effects, sleep, paralysis, stunning, death effects, necromancy, crits, nonlethal damage, ability damage, ability drain, fatigue, exhaustion, energy drain, everything that requires a fort save, massive damage and electricity. You also overcome DR as though your weapons were lawful, you don't need to sleep/eat/breathe (giving you 8 hours of free time every day, to craft or the like) and a very decent array of class skills.
• Electrical Discharge doesn't scale well. If I multiclass out of Anaxim, it becomes more or less obsolete.
• Cybernetic Improvement: Why not just say it gains Cybernetic Improvement at every even numbered level in the class?
• Minor Divine Artifice: So at level 3, assuming 18 Charisma, you've got 10 points in the pool. That's a fair number. You're also referring to spells that I have no idea where they come from (Inflict/Repair light damage), which makes playability/viability of the class somewhat awkward.
• Bolter Guns don't scale well.
• As I read Improved Divine Construction, I can't help but feel that you're falling into a trap that many do when working on epic monster classes. Namely, you're thinking 'unstoppable' and you're biasing a large number of the class features towards such. In the doing, you're actually taking away from the monster's flavor.
• It's worth stating that Heliblades are mechanical and dependent on a part of the Anaxim's body.
• Lesser divine artifice: not sure where repair moderate damage comes from.
• Weapons of Mass Destruction is a bit underwhelming as an ability. The 'may be enchanted' comes late, since your allies already have +2 weapons.
• Divine Artifice: See other artifice abilities, above. Also, there's a questionable shift in the progression of your abilities. Why use repair serious damage when you could use repair moderate damage twice? Further, the abilities you're getting are fairly underwhelming for the level you're getting them at. Assume I'm pointing this out for every artifice ability from here on out.
• Pneumatic Pummeler: Rather powerful, but that's alright. Whirlwind attack should state it doesn't require the Anaxim meet its prerequisites.
• Lesser Sonic Blast scales with HD. Electrical discharge scales with levels. I can guess perhaps why, but I'm interested in hearing the rationale.
• Instruments of Deicide: You start a sentence with 'and'.
• Undivine Slaughter should probably state that it deals additional damage.
• Undivine Slaughter raises weird questions and interactions when you're making 3+ attacks in a round. If I hit an enemy with spinning blades 3 times, does it trigger once? Twice? I can understand the intent, but not everyone can. I can see this causing arguments at the gaming table.
• Undivine Spark is kind of lame. I mean, it's fairly solid, but it's rather unexciting as a capstone. Swap with apocalyptic drive?

Ratings:

• Originality - I felt like I was reading any one of a half dozen monster entries, ranging from other constructs/automatons (I'm thinking Maug? Half Golem? Dunno) to the Tarrasque (Epic creature with piles upon piles of resistances and immunities and the like). Can't remember if I've seen or commented on the Anaxim before, but it felt like I really had. All in all, it's sort of boring. Not a direct clone, but just a bit boring. 3/5.
• Balance - I have serious questions about the Anaxim's balance. Stuff that should scale doesn't, and it gets enough immunities and stuff at low levels to trivialize a sizable fraction of the encounters in the game. The spell-likes in particular kind of raise questions, since you're getting stuff like 3rd level spells at level 9. He doesn't bring a great deal to the table, since he only really does damage and he's not even very good at that. 1.5/5.
• Playability - I wouldn't let someone at my gaming table play this. Why? Balance issues, some vagueness in text, and it's really just a bit... boring. I think a player would lose interest in it long before hitting the higher levels, because 90% of the class is just a ton of passive, durability increasing abilities and making a choice between slams, spinning blades, electrical discharges and sonics, all of which do the same thing. Those things that are interesting or different generally come late and are very limited in how often you can use them. 2/5
• Elegance - Missing minor details. Inconsistent application of (Ex), (Su) and the like, which makes the entry messy. Table looks kind of messy with 'Cybernetic Improvement' repeated constantly. I question the naming convention of several abilities (Such as the flavor issues mentioned elsewhere and the use of Apocalyptic Body rather than something clearer that allows someone to spot what they're looking for when trying to find racial details). 2.5/5
• Flavor - As mentioned above, I take issue with some calls made on the flavor and the skimpiness of the class descriptions & details. The player is left to fill in a lot of the blanks. You sell it as a 'god killer', but even at 20th level, the Anaxim couldn't scratch a god. 2.5/5.

TLDR:

{table=head]Originality |Balance |Playability |Elegance |Flavor
3 |1.5 |2 |2.5 |2.5[/table]