D&D Snippets

[Lady Moreta]

my issue is the length of the paragraph.... it seems to intricate a description for someone in that amount of pain... and some of the descriptors are somewhat opposed.

Okay, that makes sense this is why I said it was hard to write, having never experienced that much pain before. The descriptors were deliberately opposed though, I was trying to make the point that she's feeling virtually every type of pain possible (whether or not she actually is isn't the point, the point is that she feels that way). I suspect, however, that it didn't work quite the way it was intended to.

all that said, it did a wonderful job of conveying a sense of rushed panic.

as if the speaker was tumbling over the words they were trying to say them so fast.

which I think is great.

The whole thing? or just that paragraph again?