How Lelk Found a God

Ok, here is how I remember this:

Lelk (elf rogue), Miley (elf ranger), Al (half-elf paladin) and who was the fourth this session? Papaun? ya Papaun (which from here on out was nicknamed "Paper") got back from the previous quest of killing the giant worm.
Papaun was some barbarian that wanted the rest of the party to get to some battle so that they could help by DM order, so yea we decided to go do that.

Problem is, we decided to make some stops along the way.....but first some info: Al since he was away last session, got some fireball wand cause the DM said so for some reason. don't know why.

First stop was Al's mothers house.
Al basically goes in, quickly goes past his mother followed by us. He basically then storms into his room and opens this thick chest with nothing inside, because in Al's backstory he already took everything from it. Because I thought we might make good use out of a good chest, I suggested that we make into a shield, and therefore Al basically got out his tools, took the chest apart and made it into a tower shield which he gave to Lelk.
Al then decides to I dunno, help around the house or something, get rid of pests or fix the roof I dunno, but basically he gets a ladder, climbs up it, removes a ceiling board to find a rat.
Not just a ordinary rat mind you, a Dire Rat.
What is the first thing Al decides to do to it?

A: Punch it/pull out his weapon and kill it?
B: scream and fall off the ladder?
C: ask one of the party members to help kill this rat?


D: Pull out his wand of fireball, point it at the Dire Rat, then blast the dang thing at point blank range, blasting it to smithereens along with half the house, injuring Lelk by putting him down to single digit hp, thus making Miley start throwing stuff at Al for being an idiot?

Go on, I'll give you four guesses, first three don't count.

After that, Lelk is lying on the ground from the explosion, singing about how Al is an idiot. Miley throws something at Lelk too, because apparently his singing his annoying.
Papaun just looks at all this and is speechless.

Soon we get going. Well most of us get going, me Papaun and Miley get going. Al stays behind to fix his mothers house.
So we trudge along for hours while Al fixes his house- he doesn't do a very good job of it- until we get attacked by Mites.
Y'know the things we faced last session but, not as much of them, just enough to be a speedbump for three PC easy right?
What'd you expect to happen:
The PCs defeat the monsters easily then Al shows up and we joke about how he missed a battle due to his stupidity.

What really happened:
Lelk soon got reduced down to 1 hp and hid in a bush, he unexpectedly finds a corpse in the bush which kinda freaks him out, but he can't loot it cause rustling the bush would alert the mites.
Miley soon gets reduced down to negatives.
Papaun soon becomes the last man standing against one or two Mites.
Lelk is basically frozen in fear, between going out and giving first aid to Miley to heal her, and staying in the bush where its safe.
Al still isn't here.
Thats the situation that it devolved into.

Luckily the Mites were soon defeated by Papaun, but Miley died and we had to go back to Lelk's town to get Miley resurrected. Along the way, we found people going the other way for some reason, we didn't really pay attention.
We rested up after resurrecting Miley

However, Al by now had gone somewhere completely different. I can't remember what exactly he did, but there was something involving some other town, and something about dried up something, or building some drafty thing....I dunno he was doing something completely unrelated and didn't do it well, he just sucked at it.

However we soon met up again going towards a place that will take us to the place where we needed to ambush barbarians or whatever......
turns out we arrive at the Field of Holes...where we came from....basically? we gone in a complete circle. or maybe it was a different field of holes I dunno.

So thinking on it, I reason that the holes must lead somewhere like, some sort of route under the mountains to the ambush place. this was mostly because there was a breeze coming from said hole.
Lelk jumps into the hole, the party follows and we start getting lost down there, I try putting an L beside forks in paths to show that I had been there before, but I end up going a circle- or triangle depending on your point of view- as I get to a fork with a L already on it. I carve an E beside it, then continue on my way down a different path.

The others decide to go up the hole then try a different hole, quickly finding a path that leads to these ruins.
the explore the ruins and then quickly find these....trap-whatever things they disarm to get something valuable or something I forgot. Then Miley got her sword stuck in something or other....then it was pulled out....

then was something about Al using his dang wand of fireballs to blast through a wall, it worked....

meanwhile I through a path, evading traps....until I come to a part where the cave collapses behind me, trapping me.
now here is where weird stuff starts happening.
The Dm describes a big door in front of me and a lever right beside it. I keep looking. He then describes a hole in some other wall. I look a third time and found that there was the corner.

First I like was scared, cause the last time there as "something" in the corner of someplace underground, it was a gorgon that petrified Lelk
eventually I decide to over to the hole in the wall and reach inside, but Al's player suggests that it might be an arm-trap so I poke my staff in there instead.
All I hear is a "click"
I then decide to go over to the door, and pull the lever.
The door falls away from me, thus revealing the next room of the ruins.

Now here is where the DM reveals that that room I just described? I wasn't supposed to survive, if I hadn't poked my staff into the hole, the door would've fallen inwards and squashed Lelk flat.
First I check the room beyond, then I decide to go back and check out the ....something.... in the corner by poking it with my staff. it gets caught in the something. it is soon revealed by further inspection that......

the something was a dust bunny. 0_o

I quickly pull out my staff and go to the next door.

Meanwhile the rest of the part is busy....doing something else. I think Papaun and Miley goes down one path, while Al starts going down another while throwing rocks in front of him to make sure something wasn't or something.
eventually one of those rocks clatters to the ground near me, which meant Al was getting near me. I go to investigate, say "hi" to Al, then go back to the door.

I start picking the lock of the next door and succeed. Then I try to pull it open and find it shut.
The DM explains to me that the second door was already unlocked and that I had locked it, cue me being frustrated and started unlocking it.

Meanwhile Papaun and Miley were busy fighting spiders for some reason.

Al decided to blow down some other door, which I think led to Papaun and Miley.

Then I finally open the door and a great big voice roared out
Lelk's reply:
"Lelk! Hi, whats your name?" :D
I make a Diplomacy roll
Natural 20.

The DM informs me that I had successfully, in one line, walked in on the God of Thievery after trashing all his traps to his secret base and was friendly enough not to instantly be lightning-bolted to death. if I had gotten anything lower, Lelk would be dead.
Guess what? Now that Lelk knows where the God of Thievery's secret base is, he can use it as blackmail material to get info on a path to get to the battle where they need to go.

and that is where the session ended.