Quote Originally Posted by erikun View Post
Perhaps it's just me, but it feels like the word foal is repeated too frequently here. Perhaps change the first one to tyke, child, or even the second to the simple word "foolish"? Or just ignore it, as I tend to pick out odd things that others never seem to care about.
It's a fair point, so I changed it to 'newborn'. I also changed something else akin to that later in the fic that didn't sit well with me.