LGBTAitP - Part 22: The Best There Is

[KenderWizard]

This group of people who define it in such a way keeps getting brought up almost every time the question comes up, but no one ever seems to own up to defining it that way when it does get discussed... It makes me wonder, has anyone here actually encountered someone who subscribes to that belief?

I think I've heard people claim to, but I'm not sure. Maybe more in a suggestion kind of way. "Well, if we're measuring by orgasms surely both (or all) partners would have to experience orgasm for it to count?"

Doesn't that also sorta spread the belief that sex is only worthwhile if orgasms are involved?

But then again, you could fill a library with the troublesome attitudes society has about sex.

I don't think any of my examples are the "right" way to define the virginity-losing moment, if such exists. But then, I don't think there is a "right" way to define it. I think it's for each person to decide.

Coming back to the original point about qualifies as "losing your virginity", it's a tricky one, especially for the LGB folks in this thread. I think trying to pin it down (oo-er) on things like orgasms and penetration and what not is the wrong way to look at it, because it's only a short step before people break out the rulers and tape measures and stop watches.

At the risk of sounding like an episode of Scrubs, I think I'd class losing your virginity as that exact moment when you're naked together in each others arms and all the barriers between you come down.

As a slight aside and I hope I'm not offending anyone by asking this but do trans folks get to lose their virginity twice?

By your definition, no? There can only be a first time that your barriers come down with another person for the first time (by definition), and that could happen pre-, mid- or post-transition.

... I have a question about virginity...

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If one were to... Well, with themselves... Would that person count as having lost their virginity?

Some people would say yes, other people would say no. I think the general consensus would be no, but then the general consensus is that it's PIV that counts and that doesn't work, so what does the general consensus really know?

TMI alert!

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I didn't consciously dot dot dot with myself until after I'd had dot dot dot with my partner (I'm actually still awful at it. I wouldn't have thought one could be awful at it!) So for me, certainly not. I think going by a Victorian-type loss-of-innocence idea of a "first time", or a hippy idea, it could count because it could be the sexual awakening of an individual, more dirty/special than a subsequent addition of a partner into the mix. All about how each person thinks about such things!

I think our cultural obsession with virginity and the "loss" of it is absurd, and quite harmful. Virginity is nothing but the lack of a particular experience - how can you "lose a lack"? The double negatives makes it a gain. You don't "lose your virginity", you "gain the experience of sex". I think ideally everyone should have an overall pleasant first time, preferably with someone you love and who loves you. But if you don't, it's not the end of the world. You'll have plenty of other opportunities to get it perfect (as if there were such a thing...). And lets face it, sex is (in my opinion) weird and awkward and ridiculous - the very first time, that gets ramped up to 11.
Being nervous about one's first time and romanticising about it before it happens is understandable, and I think people shouldn't make the decision to do it lightly, but let's not take it to extremes. Billions of people have done it before you, and billions of people will do it afterwards. If goats can do it, I don't think it's such a big deal.

I agree! And I think "If goats can do it, I don't think it's such a big deal" is a fantastic ground rule!

I think it's a cultural thing, but I think that your first movie is special, your first day of school is special, your first wedding is special, your first car is special, your first time having certain foods is special.


I recognize that it will not and cannot be perfect, but I do believe it will be enjoyable and honestly I'm pretty sure I can just cuddle with them, because I'm not ready, and I'm good at ignoring my erections.

But screw condom fumble, I'm asking for a mutual STD test. No chances. Also gay, so no pregnancy.

I like first times too. I think the best balance is feeling that the first time of something is special, but if it doesn't go perfectly, it's not the end of the world; there'll be other movies or schooldays or sexytimes.

Mutual STD test is a very good idea.