I know we're not supposed to give advice on this kind of stuff, but you might want to get the checked out. Sounds pretty serious.
The Thing on the Doorstep is my favorite story by him. It's a beautiful story about friendship and loyalty pushed to its farthest limit, set in a world filled with horrible misogyny that stinks up the air like a rotting, squamous corpse baking in the June sun. The ending makes me teary eyed just thinking about it.