I'd say the biggest part of my problem is that, I really don't have very many friends left in this town. They've all pretty much moved away, or gotten married and had children. I have a few friends left in Lansing, but the problem there, is that it's thirty minutes away, and my vehicle can only run safely for abooouuuut ten minutes, tops.

I have a big plan for making changes in my life that I've thus far been sticking to pretty well... A was originally a large part of that plan, even though the plan was primarily for my own benefit as an adult and a person. Without her... the plan seems kind of pointless, but... I'm still going all engines ahead full. Down the line, the plan may get a bit of tweaking, but... for now, I'm sticking to it. I'm not letting losing her stop me.

Admittedly, A IS one of the reasons. I honestly don't know if, later on down the line in the plan, if I'll be able to come back into her life. Handling my emotions on that fact rationally has been... difficult. While I truthfully do not know if she'd ever let me come back, at the same time, I have a hard time believing she wouldn't. We were best friends for the last eight years of our lives, and shared some feelings to boot.

HOWEVER. That "handling my emotions on that fact rationally" has also managed to keep me on track for other reasons. Specifically, the plan involves several steps that I truly do need to take, for myself. Maybe even BY myself. Remains to be seen. Plus, if I give up on the plan now, I'll just continue to be what I am... and being brutally honest with myself (and you guys), that's not exactly a flattering thing. It's a pretty pathetic thing, really. So, giving up on myself just because I've lost A is not an option.