Quote Originally Posted by Velaryon View Post

1) I want to continue to spend time with her and reinforce the feelings we have for each other, but I don't want to seem needy or pushy. I feel like if I ask to see her too often she'll push me away, and I don't want that. How much is too much, or better yet how can I tell (like what signals should I look for) when to back off?

2) Should I initiate anything physically as far as hand-holding, kissing, and so on, or should I hold back and let her totally take the lead on that kind of thing for now? She knows by now that I'm very attracted to her, but I'm unsure whether I would do more harm than good if I try to keep up the kissing and so on.

3) Finally, how long should I wait for her to make a decision? I want to be supportive, but it tears me up inside every day to know that I could be on the verge of losing the best thing that's ever happened to me. I'm capable of enduring it for as long as I have to, and it doesn't seem like a good idea to let on just how much I'm hurting while she is going through this decision. But I don't see much point in prolonging my pain if she becomes unable or unwilling to make a choice, so how long should I wait for her to decide before I decide enough is enough and walk away?

4) In the event she does choose me, should I insist on her breaking contact with him?
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Thanks in advance for any help. Simply putting this out there helps somewhat, though I'm badly in need of advice.
been there..or at least, in a very similar situation.

1) no idea.. there isn't a real way to tell what's right there.. you know her better than any of us ever will. I'd say look for disappointment, steps back, when she puts a bit of a barrier between the two of you.. physically. what the actual signs are is different for each individual.
2)a try or two can't hurt. if anything it can help you with point 1.. and tell you whether she HAS "taken a step back from you"..even though it won't tell you if she's done so out of consideration for yourself or out of attraction for the other guy. all in all I'd say go for it within the boundaries of how confident you are about it and how quickly you'll catch signs of her disapproving.
3)you should talk to her. Maybe without letting on the exact full extent of your involvement..but still try and put forth the message that she's important and being in a limbo sucks for you. I took a step back and let everything in her hands..the net result was that she went with the other guy.
my situation was very different though..
What with me most likely not staying in the country (which indeed happened). you have more to offer in that respect..and you're in a better position to fight for her, so to speak.
4)again, talk it out with her. the fact she hasn't seen him in several years means there's no social involvement unless looked for. Ideally she won't be looking for him once she's chosen you.. an you can ask her to tell him to stay away and respect her choice, at least for a while.. if she goes looking for him, you know however that the problem isn't 100% solved.

all in all I would suggest that talking is the best way to sort these things out and to let her know your feelings may sway her decision (in a non guilt ridden way, that is)...but it IS a fine balancing act.
As long as you remember she isn't "destined" to be with him nor with you.. because destiny is what you make..through action or inaction.

good luck