Proof-readers and grammar nazis needed!

So I sent my story (The Nightmare Sonata) to EqD and got a mail back saying it had "a number of fundamental mistakes with grammar and formatting in the first few paragraphs alone, enough that I stopped keeping track after the tenth." They didn't specify, just told me to get someone else to review it ("but... I already did ")

I've been looking at those first ten paragraphs and can't see anything obvious. I suspect maybe the commas aren't perfect in a few places, but I really can't see commas being "fundamental mistakes with grammar" so that can't be all, right? Maybe it's just because "me not speake so good english"

On the positive side they did like the story and apparently just focus insanely on grammar and punctuation. I really want to see it on EqD (and so do they from what they said), so please, someone give it a good combing for grammar and punctuation and I'll be eternally grateful.