Relationship Woes and Advice 22: In Which Two Problems Prevent Each Others' Solution

[dehro]

if there's a serious reason to suspect wrongdoing, discreetly checking up on things is legitimate, especially so if it turns out to confirm the wrongdoing.
if it makes you feel guilty should it turns out to be a misunderstanding, you can always treat him/her to a dinner and confess your suspicions and tell them they're all behind you and that you've been stupid.
if it turns out that the cellphone is full of nude piccies of someone else or equally clear violations of your trust in him/her, you're fully justified for having taken a look.
if he/she then starts raving about break of trust for having checked out his phone/messenger/what have you..well..that's just agressively defending their own misdeeds by trying to shift the blame on you.
if you did nothing to warrant being cheated on, the relatively minor violation of trust of intruding in their supposedly private space (they were sharing it with someone else allright!), pales into nothingness compared to the bigger issue of lies, cover-ups, cheating, hiding and..well.. the list goes on.
it's as if your average fighter pilot got mad with his enemies for not leaving a convenient light on for him to target them with more ease.

as for people knowingly breaking up a relationship because of long distance..I totally get that.
I was rather taken by a woman in England, when I lived there. I decided to put the cards on the table and make it clear that it could not go anywhere other than being together in some fashion, being friends, and having wonderful time together.. because I wasn't sure that I would stay in the country and could not promise that to her.
as it turned out, I lost her some time before it finally came to leaving the country.. (there were other issues as well). but if we had started a proper relationship and I had had to move away most likely for good.. the heartbreak would have been much worse.