Relationship Woes and Advice 22: In Which Two Problems Prevent Each Others' Solution

[Reluctance]

If you want to date someone, then ask them out on a date. Don't try to be their friend first and then try to change things up.

The problem is, there are several narratives - and several people heavily invested in said narratives - selling exactly that message. Which gives you a lot of people doing things that flatly don't work because they keep being told that they will.

Of course, going down that line of thinking also raises the question of just what does work. Which is something that can easily ignite flame wars.