Relationship Woes and Advice 22: In Which Two Problems Prevent Each Others' Solution

[Coidzor]

Quick question for y'all, a curiosity thing rather than all the friendzone stuff that's bashing its head against the wall:

How do you tell the difference between crushing, love, and infatuation?

Time, mostly.

Though I know that if I feel like it'll make me violently ill, that's generally some serious infatuation, because my body gets all torn up over such inappropriate feelings. Granted, sometimes love makes my insides churn like there's a serpent crushing my kidneys and liver in its coils.

If I feel intense existential dread then it's usually love or a crush.

Whether I find myself building up the other person as more awesome than they are is also a fairly good indication of something fishy going on.

People are only in the "friend zone" if they want to be. If being "stuck" in a platonic relationship with someone who refuses to be romantically involved with you if too painful, then there is an easy solution: stop being friends with them. Sometimes, a total break-off is best.

Further, only make friends with people if you want to make friends with them. If you want to date someone, then ask them out on a date. Don't try to be their friend first and then try to change things up.

Sometimes you don't know exactly what to make of someone and are doing the dance of just getting to know them from Adam for a bit before one decides.

The only people I know of who advocate becoming friends first are the people who feel that they have to be friends with someone first before they can become attracted to someone else in a meaningful way and people who think that being a "nice guy" can work out for them.

Can the uninterested friend change his/her mind? Yes. But, if the uninterested friend implies that he/she may change his/her mind in order to squeeze out a few more favors from the interested friend (this has happened to me from by a few manipulative women) then the uninterested friend is just as in the wrong as the interested friend.

Eh, I'd argue that deliberately conning someone out of money and time because one knows they have a thing for one's self is more intrinsically immoral than just having a thing for a friend who doesn't feel the same way about them.

Besides, once a woman is doing that kind of thing to someone, it's clear that she does not view that person as a friend, or even a person worthy of the most basic levels of respect or fair treatment.