An attractive girl, with long blonde hair mixed with pure white streaks, large feathered wings, a lithe body, and pale blue eyes. This young girl lived a sheltered life. On a small island surrounded by monks that had long ago taken a vow of silence.
I feel like the character's physical description can be worked into the story instead of laying it out in th first line. If you wanted to start out with it right out of the gate, there isn't anything wrong with it, but when I try to write something and can't figure out where to start I usually get stuck with a description of the character instead of a good hook. You might be able to deal with this and flesh out her surroundings better if she were doing something like taking a walk and reflecting on relevant information. Have descriptions of her eyes, her hair, her wings etc as they interact with the world you've put her in.
They have but two purposes, two goals in life.
1. To protect the sacred plant, that only grows on this island, from the outside world. For it is the key ingredient for making Panacea.
2. To protect Jessica from the outside world, for reasons never fully explained to her.
This is more information that would be better shown than told. Have her interact with an overprotective monk as an obstacle or briefly describe something they won't let her do other than leave th island. Also, if the plant isn't relevent to Jessica herself, perhaps we don't need to know that it is an ingredient for panacea.
He fought his way into the Ninth Layer of Hell and slapped (with his long sword) Asmodeus right across the face, and returned to tell the tale.
I don't think slapped is a cool enough word to describe a paladin charging into hell and matching blows with freaking Asmodeus himself. Slapping isn't even something you do with a long sword. Perhaps slashing or something. This is a really cool image and it makes her dad look like a bad ass, but it needs to be at least 20% more epic.
Her father, over time, started to visit less and less, but she feels like he is always watching.
You've got a bit of a tense problem here and in other places, flip flopping where you don't need to. I think it is easy to fix, just decide whether the story is being told as it happens or looking back on it and work from there.
Cronc always has a smile on his face. A feature offset by the whole picture. He looms over everyone else around him, even with the fact that he stands hunched over. Tremendous muscles bulge from everywhere but his belly, which is girthed over from too much meat and booze. Scars cover his body.
I like Cronc
After sharing tales of adventures and fighting, he would ask, "Wat yu wunt do?" No matter what she answered, he would find some way to make it happen. Regardless of his limited skill set.
No really, I freaking love this guy.
He was blamed for the girl's death and chased out of town.
Kronk no!
I demand more gut wrenching details. His futile efforts to save his drowning friend, the rage of the townspeople when they learned what happened, descriptions of him being run off. Make me cry! I demand it!
On her sixteenth birthday, when her father came to visit, she asked him a simple question. A simple question that lead to lengthy debates, arguments, and even yelling.
"Can I leave the monastery?"
...she didn't think to ask if she could leave until she was sixteen? It seems a little rushed to me and I think the story would benefit from a more detailed confrontation. If for no other reason to explain to the reader the nature of this girl's relationship with her father. They seem distant, Cronc acts like more of an affectionate father figure than the paladin. If this is the case, this is an interesting dynamic and I want to know more. If it isn't, seeing the worried father fret over his daughter going out into the world alone would also benefit the characterization.
" ... if you ever need me, for any reason, I will always be there."
Is he a god? Because if he is a totally called it. How else would she feel like he was "always with her"? I'm all kinds of on to you.
Overall thoughts:
I really like the world you've set up around this character and I think her inquisitive and nurturing personality flows logically from her up bringing. You just need to switch your tenses right way around and it's pretty darn great. I enjoyed reading it and I'm really sorry if I seem too critical or things I suggested don't make any sense.
Re: D&D Snippets II: The Snippetting
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