LGBTAitp 27: Of Shoes, and Ships, and Sealing Wax

[Arachu]

(Possibly triggering: dysphoria)

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Being aware of it basically opened up the floodgates for me I guess. Usually it's like a small nagging voice in the bag of my head, draining, but can be ignored. But the sudden moments that arrive without warning are awful; like I'm slowly sinking away in a pool of pure black with tendrils crawling up my skin giving me shivers and making me panicky and nervous and just wanting to run and hide forever.....

*Hugs!*

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I have this constant background itching that gets *way* worse if I don't shave regularly/properly... And occasionally it can get really really bad out of nowhere and everything gets really sore and claustrophobic. And then if it's night I usually get nightmares about being beaten to death by mutated versions of myself from high school... >.>

Oh, that sounds really familiar! Finally admitting that I have emotions really made them so much stronger... I used to pride myself on being completely detached, which I guess was my way of suppressing things. And it sucks sometimes, especially when my friends are sad, but it's also very nice sometimes. I'm incredibly happy and it's probably a bit silly but being able to cry when I read something sad or when I'm really happy is really nice. It's like the world suddenly got colours. I cry very easily these days (just when emotional, not only bad stuff.), one of my best friends actually jokes that when I'll be on HRT I'll have tears dripping down non-stop.


Hm hm. Those moments when I idly glance in the mirror and see a girl and can't make her go away a wave of happiness just washes over me.

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*hugs for everyone who wants / needs them*

*Hugs~*

Aww . I wish I could do that!

I once used it to hold my breath underwater for... I forget exactly how long, but I counted several minutes before someone poked me to make sure I was alive. I felt perfectly fine.

Thinking about it like that, it does look awesome!

*Juuump -grip, slide~* X3

Hey, there are the words I was looking for!

Yay~

I'm jealous . I'm not there yet, and I really, really want to be.

*Hugs*


~Bianca