*Hugs* for everyone.
EDIT: And congratulations, Mynxae!
@Astrelia/Absol- Everything you said I feel completely.
I had another therapy session today. The appointment itself was still great, but afterwards as I was walking home, thinking about all the obstacles that still remain to transition, all the things and people I could lose in the process, and how utterly wrong my body felt just hit me like a gargantuan wave. I got back to my apartment and spent an hour just cuddling my Rarity plushie and styling her mane while watching my roommate play video games to distract myself (once I'd calmed sown enough to not be on the verge of tears.) Thankfully, he didn't really question it.
dysphoria
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For me, the minor glimpses of dysphoria are like a kind of nausea that I get when I contemplate my male bits or look too closely in a mirror at my unconquerable scraggle. The sudden acute bouts feel like I'm turning into grotesque sludge and am falling slowly into an inescapable pit of blackness as my form slowly loses coherence. Paradoxically, my is more and more present and disgusting even as I imagine it slowly disintegrating into ooze.
emotional suppression
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Pretty ,much identical to Absol and Astrelia, except I managed to additionally persuade myself that emotion and empathy were weaknesses and that I was naturally superior to those who allowed such things. It feels like I've hidden behind a steel mask of callous indifference for so long that it melded with my face. It's so hard to remove, and when I do, it means horrible pain as some of my face comes with it. Things are slowly getting better, but it does feel like I haven't let myself freely feel for so long that when I do it's like a flood.
I tried tucking a few times today. Felt great, but without anything to hold things in place, it doesn't last long, and feels worse when it fails
Re: LGBTAitp 27: Of Shoes, and Ships, and Sealing Wax
