On the other hand, therein too would be a bottle of 2001 Spanish Tempranillo, and even you who has not tasted wine would, after your first sip, finish the bottle in a sitting: and you would wind up out on the tundra dancing with the Aurora. You would meet your spirit guide the Arctic Fox missing the tip of an ear and become self-empowered.
But no, you are right. It wouldn't work. I won't bother.