Quote Originally Posted by Zorg View Post
No, don't apologise - I got snappy because I interpreted your post as saying people shouldn't be doing stuff and I'm very tetchy at the moment because everything I'm doing to transition feels like it either needs other people's permission to happen or that I have to hide away because of other people's issues.
Obviously some of this is necessary - but it shouldn't be.

To expand on that train of thought:
Want to do stuff at home - can't because it'll freak out my mum.
Want to do stuff outside of home - can't because of societal pressure / danger of discrimination & violence
Have to carefully plan things at work before I can be who I am there
Have to get approval from various professionals and whatnot to be who I am
Need to constantly lie and mis-truth to people so as to avoid problems

so with that mindset I 9mis)interpreted your comment to be saying "we need to remind all the trans people how to transition because, hey, everyone is telling them how to live every other aspect of their life already so why not one more?"

The only trigger is that under my usually dry and sarcastic (but genreally lighthearted) exterior I'm a smouldering volcano of grim rage and hate at the world (and under that is the real me, who just want to be able to live without asking for permission first).
I hate that this is so damn unfair. I was doing raelly well and then this comes up and compeltely ****s my life over. I'm stressed. I'm scared. I worry about getting attacked when I've transitioned. I feel like I'm losing the girl I love and my heart is breaking. My plans for my future are gone because all my savings are going out the window. Not that it matters because the plan to buy a house with my girl are over. Sometimes I'm so happy that I know what's been wrong with me for my whole life (my mum said she's nown I've had a sadness in me since I was 4or 5).
Sometimes I wish I'd never known so I wouldn't have lost what happiness I had.
Oh, Zorg. *hugs*

I lost someone I loved once. Though she didn't leave me, she was taken. I know what it is like to live with sadness everyday. Some days it gets worse. Some days it is only a dull ache. Then you see something and all the ache, all the hurt comes rushing back.

It hurts. It cuts you at your soul. But I would not trade all my long years of sorrow and sadness to replace those few years of utter happiness. I know the two stories of ours don't exactly parellel, but I have had to learn how to deal with sadness over the years. If you ever have a need, just let me know. From crying, to pining. From bliss to miss. I am always open to talk.