Ponythread LV:55 Ponythread learns Agility!

[Forum Explorer]

Quick! I need opinions

I decided to take one last shot at getting my story featured on EqD. I've been scouring every chapter for punctuation errors for the past two days, and I'm going to submit it in a few hours so that hopefully it can get featured before season 3 airs.

I decided to also rewrite the description, because frankly it was rather weird. So, whether you've read my story or not, what do you think of this description?



Compared to the old one:



Does it make you interested or curious? Does it draw you in? If you've read the story so far, do you think it's fitting? Any improvements I can make?

The story is about Dash and written from her perspective so it seemed really silly that the old description mostly talks about Twilight.

So what if I reduce my description to just this (with optional bits in brackets)?



It leaves out a lot compared to the original, but it's short and sort of to the point, while also very vague and mysterious.

Hmm, good point. So maybe:



Also kinda unsure what "5 words" to use in my submission. EqD asks for that. In my previous submissions I used "Can a heartless pony live?" but with these changes I'm leaning towards something like "Can a pony fight destiny?"

I do like this latest one best. I haven't read any of your story however so I can't comment on how accurate it is. "Can a pony fight destiny?" is a much better 5 words then "Can a heartless pony live?"

Though I will say that the description makes the story seem very grimdark. Perhaps even more grimdark then Fillystrata was. And if I remember correctly you didn't want this story to be any more dark then Lord of the Rings.