Originally Posted by
Anarion
My 2 cents. First, I like your shorter description, I think it's okay that it leaves out details, but I do agree that the Luna thing comes out of nowhere. The issue is that we don't know what Luna sacrificed for because she was on the receiving end of the elements. It makes it sound like there's some other thing that Luna did specific to this fanfiction, but if that's the case, a rephrase to something that indicates specifically that Luna has a special plan or something worth sacrificing for would make it flow better.