Quote Originally Posted by WarKitty View Post
In any case, a practical question:

I've been working on setting more boundaries with my mother, before the holidays get even more out of control. The thing is, she just does not seem to understand them. I've gotten to the point where I have no idea what to do. If I say something like "don't use guilt-trips", she'll completely deny that she ever does that. If I say something more specific, like "What you did in situation X was inappropriate", she'll only refrain from situations that are exactly like X, and then when I point out similar situation Y will not understand the similarity. Or she'll come out with something like, when I'm trying to work on not criticizing everything I do, she'll say "I feel like I have to agree with everything you say and do or I'm not welcome." Which isn't true, but...my impression is that she genuinely has no idea what the difference is between what she's doing and normal, healthy interactions. All negative comments are "constructive criticism", all guilt-trips and manipulation are "expressing her feelings honestly."
Hmm, how does she interact with people outside of the family? Does she moderate her behaviour there? Because 'expressing her feelings honestly' all the time seems like it'd result in a bit of clashing with people. Maybe try and illustrate things using interactions with people that aren't kin?

Also for what it's worth, I'm scared of my mum as well. :/